by Nikki Ashton
I swallowed and nodded, unable to say anything.
“Okay,” she said as she pulled her shoulders back and gave a quick nod of her head. “You go and do your homework and I’ll make us a cup of tea. That sound good?”
I nodded and started to make my way out of the kitchen when Mum’s phone started to ring. I looked down at where it laid on the table and saw a name I hadn’t see for a while.
“Mum,” I gasped. “It’s Miriam.”
Mum rushed to me and snatched up the phone, as if she didn’t believe what I’d said. Her eyes were wide as she stared at the screen, and her breathing grew heavy as the call continued to ring out from one of the detectives of the Police station in our old hometown.
“You should answer it.”
She looked at me, almost blankly, nodded and then punched at the screen.
“H-hi, Miriam, how are you?”
I tuned out the one-sided conversation and concentrated only on my mum’s face, watching carefully and waiting. Finally, she pulled the phone from her ear and let her hand fall to her side. She’d gone pale and there was moisture in her eyes as she looked up at me.
“Mum, what is it?” I instinctively reached for the raised skin on my wrist. “Tell me.”
She took a huge breath and pressed a hand against her chest.
“Joshua Mills has moved back into town.”
I inhaled sharply, desperate to try and drag some air into my too tight lungs. My skin prickled like a thousand needles were being stabbed into me, even my scalp pulsated with the pain.
“When?” I whispered.
“Last week, it’s the first time Miriam has had chance to call us. He moved back into his old house when the lady who was renting it moved out.”
She stepped closer. This time without any hesitancy. She pulled me against her chest and held me tight as she made soothing noises and gently rocked us backward and forward. She knew how much any mention of him upset me.
“Miriam just thought we should know.”
“I know and I’m glad he’s there. At least he’s nowhere near me.”
The need to feel the skin of my wrist was desperate within me. I felt like I’d stop breathing if I didn’t touch the raised scar; it was an addiction that I had to quell. My fingers twitched, but Mum had my arms trapped within hers. A pained groan escaped my lips as I fought against her until she finally set me free. Welcoming the space, I withdrew from her and backed up against the wall, sliding down it until my bum landed on the cool tiles. Mum immediately dropped to her knees and placed her hands against my cheeks.
“Sarah, sweetheart, look at me. He’s hundreds of miles away and he’ll never hurt you again. I won’t let him, I swear.”
“But you did, Mum,” I whispered as the pain filled me with distaste and venom. “You weren’t there. You left me alone and he hurt me.”
Mum’s face crumpled, and she drew in a shuddering breath, but her hands never left my face and her eyes never left mine as she shook her head.
“No, never again, sweetheart. I’d kill him first, I swear to you.”
“I don’t want to ever see him again, Mum.” My voice cracked and I had to swallow hard to push back the vomit threatening to rise. “But I don’t want anyone else to go through what I did either.”
My gut twisted. Sweat started to roll down my spine, just like the cold trickle of fear had when I was trapped in that room; the room with the heavy, hot air that smelled of paint and brush cleaner.
I was there again and my chest began to heave with the effort of breathing. I was trapped with nowhere to go.
“Miriam said she’d keep an eye on him,” Mum continued, gently caressing my hair with her shaking hand. “But she has to be careful because he’s reported her for harassment once before. The point is though, she knows what he did and will do what she ca-.”
“No.” I shook my head and pushed my mum away from me. “She has to make sure, not do what she can. He can’t do that to anyone else.”
Mum’s hands dropped to my shoulders and she gripped them tight. “Then I’ll tell her that. We will make sure no one else suffers like you did.”
There was a steel to her voice that I’d never heard before and a flicker of empathy for her filled my senses. She’d lost her husband, the man she’d loved since her second year at university, the man who was the father of her child and I’d made her feel guilty for grieving. It didn’t change the facts though; she’d checked out on me and left me vulnerable to a monster.
Joshua Mills had been my art teacher and he’d seen the lost and grieving little girl who’d been neglected by her one remaining parent.
Joshua Mills had taken advantage of that.
Joshua Mills had raped me and now he was back in town living in his home when I’d had to leave mine.
Joshua Mills was the reason I had wanted to die.
6
Adam
I pulled open the fridge door and snatched the plastic bottle of milk and lifted it to my mouth.
“Adam, really.”
I turned to see my mum arching a haughty brow and holding out her hand. She fucking hated when I drank from the bottle.
“I promise no backwash.” I replied and tilted my head back to drink a mouthful.
I expected her to snatch it from me and put it back. I kind of wanted her to. She just breezed past me, only pausing to give my back a rub of affection, a touch that irritated me.
“No one wants your germs, love,” she said and then poked her head into the fridge and came back out holding a plate of raw pork chops. “How was your day?”
I put the milk down and reached for an apple and took a huge bite. As I chewed, I watched as she started to prepare dinner.
“Well?” she asked with her back to me.
“Just like any other day,” I lied.
Except this day a new girl had started at Maddison High School, a girl who fascinated me, a girl who I had decided I was going to ruin. The girl I had to ruin before she ruined me.
“I thought you had football training tonight,” she said and looked at me over her shoulder.
“Mr Jameson changed it to tomorrow instead. His youngest kid has a school play or something.” I shrugged and took another bite of my apple. “Where’s Lori?”
“Gymnastics, Roger is picking her up on his way home from work.”
My little sister, Lori, was a typical eight-year-old and was a member of any club that she could be. If it wasn’t gymnastics, it was drama club or dance classes. We were pretty sure she’d end up on the West End someday, not because she was talented but because she was a real drama queen.
“Oh, and he called to say he picked up those football boots that you ordered last week.” She flashed me a smile and I knew I was expected to smile back and say, ‘wow that’s really nice of him’, but I just nodded and muttered an unappreciative, “Great.”
“I have homework,” I said, louder. “Call me when dinner is ready.”
She dropped the potato she was peeling into the sink and placed the peeler on the drainer. “They’ll be home soon, why don’t you stay down here and do that jigsaw with Lori that she’s struggling with before dinner?”
Why? Because I knew Roger, stepdad number four, was helping Lori too, and it would mean me sitting down at the dining table with him and acting like we were one big happy family. The thing was, he loved my mum, was a great stepdad to my sister, and would be to me too if I let him. But I hated the fact that he tried too fucking hard with me, like buying me a second-hand car for my seventeenth birthday. Yeah it was my pride and joy, but he was a dick for thinking it would bribe me into being nice to him. If that wasn’t enough reason to hate him then him bollocking me for shit that really didn’t matter was. All teenage boys had untidy rooms, or were late home, or drank underage, or were caught shagging a girl in their parents’ bed. Yeah, maybe that one not so much, but they left me home alone for the weekend while they visited Roger’s parents in the Lakes, so what did they expect? What I
hated more though was that he was the fourth ‘stepdad’ I’d had in the last nine years since my dad left. He was wasting his time though, because I never let anyone get close to me, not Roger, not girls and especially not Sarah fucking Danes.
“I have two essays to do, Mum.” I sighed, even though of them I could do with my eyes closed – I was a history buff and it was the one subject that I actually enjoyed.
She picked up the potato and the peeler again and nodded. “Okay, love, but please make sure you don’t fall asleep over your books and actually come down for dinner.”
I wanted to argue that I wouldn’t, but it wouldn’t be the first time I’d feigned being asleep over my homework to avoid having to sit with her and Roger for dinner.
“I promise.”
She seemed happy at that because as I walked toward the stairs, I heard her singing.
Once I was in my room, I sat down at my desk and turned on my computer, intending to start my homework, but like I did most nights I just stared at the creased photo pinned to my wall next to it.
“Why didn’t you call me, Dad?” I whispered as I stared at the man in jeans, a black t-shirt and wearing heavy biker boots.
It was the only picture I had of him. Apparently, we hadn’t been into taking photographs as a family because Mum only had a handful of me when I was a baby and she had even less of her and Dad. Probably because she burned them when he moved out – or should I say she kicked him out. I only managed to rescue the one I had because she dropped it on her way out to the garden.
I stared at the picture and it struck me, as it did every day, that the only similarity between us was the colour of our hair, the rest of me was all my mum and that pissed me off. I wanted to look like him; Glen Hudson, my dad who I barely remembered; except for the fact he taught me how to kick a football with both feet and that he loved me.
He could have been dead, for all I knew, I had no clue. Mum told me he had often talked about going to live in Scotland, so maybe that was where he was, the only thing I knew was that my mum really had done a job on making sure we never had contact with each other ever again.
When I heard a car on the drive, I stood and went to my window and pulled down the slats of the blind to see Roger and Lori were home. Lori jumped out of the car first; she was wearing pale blue tracksuit bottoms and top and had her blond hair in a tight bun on top of her head. She bounced at the side of the car as she waited for Roger to get out. As soon as he did and had his door closed, she jumped into his arms and wrapped her own around his neck and gave him a kiss on the end of his nose. When Roger kissed her back, my chest constricted with a dull ache. I envied the love that they had for each other and the fact that it was pretty much immediate the minute Mum had introduced us to her new boyfriend. Lori had a big heart and was sweet, she had no problem in seeing the goodness in the man she now called Daddy. I hated it and loved it all at the same time because I hadn’t had that sort of fatherly love for a fucking long time.
When their bodies disappeared around the side of the house, I let the blind slap back into place and threw myself onto my bed and toed off my trainers.
My hand went to my pocket and reached inside for my phone and pressed the code to open it up. I went to messages and scrolled until I found my last one from Mackenna just ten minutes after school had ended for the day.
Mackenna: Want me to come over after dinner? I’m feeling horny.
I was about to type out my response of yes, when my door swung open and a blonde pocket rocket rushed in and jumped onto my bed and bounced down onto her knees.
“Guess what,” she cried, giving me the widest smile.
I did an ab roll and reached for her slim arms and gently pulled her next to me, so she had her head on my stomach and her knees tucked up close to my chest.
“I guess you found a pot of gold at lunch today,” I said, draping my arm over her.
“Nope,” she replied with a giggle. “Guess again.”
“I guess you saw Daenerys riding her dragon?”
“The lady you like from that show?”
I nodded.
“No, but that would be really cool.” She shifted and kneed me in the ribs, causing me to groan. “Oops sorry.”
“You comfy now, Munchkin?” I asked and lifted a questioning brow.
She wiggled a little more and then sighed. “Yep. Okay want me to tell you?”
I pretended to think about it and then nodded slowly. “Yeah I think you’re going to have to.”
She grinned again, even wider than before. “I did a jump on the balance beam.” Her eyes went wide and her tiny little fist did a pump.
“No way,” I gasped. “I don’t believe you.”
“Truth,” she replied, her tone serious. “Maddie my gymnastic coach gave me a clap.”
Wow, a clap for a jump on a balance beam – Maddie was generous.
“That’s fantastic. I’m so proud of you.” I held my hand up for her to high five me.
“Are you really proud, Adam?” she asked, her palm hitting mine.
“Truth.”
I pulled her body a little higher and kissed her forehead. When her arms gripped my neck like I’d seen her to do Roger, a chink of happiness broke through into my heart.
“Hey guys.”
Roger was in my bedroom doorway and I couldn’t help but stiffen at the glimpse I got of him over the top of my little sister’s head.
Lori squirmed from my arms and turned to face him. “Daddy, I told Adam about my jump and he said he’s proud of me.”
Roger smiled broadly, but I noticed the wariness in his eyes. I couldn’t blame him. Lori was his everything, her and my mum, and he knew what a fucking dickhead I could be at times — I was like that with him all the time, so I wasn’t surprised that he would worry that I would be like that with his beloved step-daughter. I wouldn’t though, could never be, because I loved the little Munchkin more than anything else in the world. She was pretty much the only light in my life.
“Yes, sweetie, you did great.” He cleared his throat and held up a bag. “Your football boots.”
I gave him a single nod and rubbed a flat palm over Lori’s back as she scrambled to get up. Roger sighed, almost imperceptibly and placed the bag next to the door.
“Anyway,” he said as Lori jumped off the bed. “Mum says dinner is ready.”
“C’mon, Adam,” Lori chirped. “It’s pork chops and mashed potato, your favourite.”
She flashed me a grin and then pushed past Roger who still had his eyes on me.
“I got you some new shin pads too.” He paused but when I didn’t say anything he turned to leave. “They were on special offer so…”
As he walked away, I could have easily thanked him. It wouldn’t take much, but I didn’t. I gave him time to get down the stairs into the kitchen and then went to join them all for dinner.
“Hey.”
I answered my phone and reached into the shower cubicle to turn the water on.
“I can’t find anything about the new girl,” Kirk said, straight to the point but sounding a little distracted. “Her files just have her old school and home address in them, and some other shit.”
“Like what?” I asked as I wedged my phone between my chin and shoulder and unzipped my jeans.
“Like she…fuck…she’s allergic to banana, makes her throat itch and swell apparently.” He groaned on the other end and then hissed. “If she eats it, she has some pen or something on her at all times, someone is supposed to stab her with it…shit.”
“Please tell me you’re not getting your dick sucked while you speak to me.”
“Nope,” he ground out. “I’m not getting my dick sucked while I speak to you.”
“Shit, Kirk, you fucking are, aren’t you?”
I laughed and dropped my jeans and boxers to the floor and stepped out of them as steam began to fill my small bathroom.
“Maybe. Point is, Adam, I have no shit to spill on her. She doesn’t even have
any social media accounts, not a… single one.” He gave a quiet groan and I knew it was time I went. “My skills at hacking the school computer system are second to none, so if I can’t find it, it’s… woah fucking hell, Amy… not there.”
The dirty fucking bastard.
“See you in the morning and don’t get too pissed tonight, we have practice tomorrow.”
“Okay cap-.”
I didn’t let him finish and cut him off. My need to shower was more immediate than my need to listen to him blowing his load into some girl’s mouth.
I had considered texting Mackenna and getting her to come over, but for some reason, once I’d eaten dinner, I wasn’t feeling it. The thought of fucking her was nice, but the idea of the banal shit I’d have to listen to her going on about after the act, not so much. Now the idea of a certain blonde’s lips around my dick, and the way they pouted as she tried to act fearless around me, made my balls feel heavy and my dick spring to life. I could easily imagine myself holding that slight body of hers and slipping into her pussy. I knew it would be nirvana.
Under the hot water I sighed with relief. My neck and back muscles constantly ached, but today it wasn’t from a hard practice session or a competitive game, today was from being tensed up like a fucking soldier on sentry duty all damn day. Truth was every day was pretty much the same. I woke up feeling angry and edgy and went to sleep feeling angry and edgy. The days I played football were the only ones where I felt some release from the blackness running through my veins.
I’d been that way since my dad left, since my mum kicked him out. She told me he was leaving; he kissed my head, said he loved me and would call me soon, and I never saw him again. He had had been everything to me and she’d made him leave over some stupid argument about him staying late at work too many times.
My head dropped back on my shoulders and as I let the water thunder down on me. I squeezed some shower gel into my hand and with thoughts of Sarah in my head, I reached down for my hard as steel dick. I wrapped my fingers around my length and gave it a long, slow tug. The pleasure was instant. It blazed around my body setting light to all my nerve endings like an out of control brush fire, easing my tension with every pulse. As I tugged harder, lathering my dick with the soap suds, a tingle started in my spine and crept around to the pit of my stomach. I closed my eyes against the beating water and opened my mouth on a groan as the waves of pleasure continued to build. The next pull I gave my dick was harder and as cum shot over my stomach a face appeared behind my eyelids.
