by Nikki Ashton
“Sarah found me, Mummy,” Lori said and gave Sarah a teary smile.
“Thank you,” Mum replied. “I appreciate you taking care of her.”
“It really wasn’t Adam’s fault,” Sarah offered with a quick glance in my direction. “There are two exits from the toilets on this floor, I got lost myself only last week when I was here with my mum.”
Mum took a deep breath. “I appreciate what you’re saying, but she’s eight years of age. Adam should have taken more care.”
“Elouise,” Roger said in a warning tone.
Mum glared at him and then lowered her head to kiss Lori’s cheek before storming out of the information centre, past Mike, the security guard and the police officer who were talking quietly.
Roger turned to me and sighed. “Do you need a lift, Adam?”
His sympathy caused a fire to start within me and I couldn’t bring myself to be thankful that he’d been on my side. It was all part of his plan to bring me around, to get me to fucking like him, so I wouldn’t see the pain coming that he was bound to bring upon me once he had my trust.
“I have my car, how the hell else did you think we got here.”
Roger’s shoulder’s fell in defeat as he let out a long breath. “You know, Adam,” he said in a low tone. “I’m not your damn enemy and one day you’ll realise that hating me and everyone else wastes far too much energy and creates so much negativity in your life you’ll drown in it one day.”
“Whatever you say, Roge,” I replied and curled my lip.
“We’ll see you at home later then.” He turned to leave and stopped in front of Sarah. “Thanks again for taking care of her and realising this was where Adam would be. You both handled it well.” He glanced at me one last time and without waiting for a response from Sarah left to follow my mum who I could see was waiting by the lifts with Lori still in her arms.
“Are you okay?” Sarah asked as I watched my sister reach out to Roger.
I whipped my head around to face her and the first thing I noticed was that her hands were shaking at her sides. She must have realised that I’d seen them because she thrust them into the pockets of the huge cardigan she wore over the top of a long blouse with llamas printed on it.
“I’m just fucking fine,” I snarled. “I almost lost my little sister. My mum thinks I’m a waste of space and my stepdad wants for us to be best mates and go camping and sing kumby-fuking-a around a fire. What do you think, Sarah?”
My nostrils flared as I stared at her and flexed my itching fingers in and out of a fist. Her just being there, and being the one to find Lori, made my blood boil with anger and fury, yet I yearned to fucking touch her. Put my hands on her. Kiss her.
She didn’t move but kept her eyes on me and I felt sure she was waiting for me to erupt like an unstable volcano. She was waiting but was too scared to move, I could see the fear in every part of her body.
“Was there something?” I asked, pulling out my phone and stabbing at the screen.
Sarah shook her head, but still didn’t move, even when I took a step closer to her with my phone at my ear. When I was almost toe to toe with her, she took a sharp breath and held it. I could practically feel her muscles tense.
“Mackenna,” I said when my call was answered. “I’m horny. Meet me at the old BMX park in twenty minutes.”
Sarah’s eyes went wide and her body reared back as I grinned at Mackenna’s argument that she was home alone, and we could have sex in her bed.
“I said meet me at the park,” I replied and licked my lips as my dick went hard.
Sarah momentarily closed her eyes and then with a defiant lift of her chin turned and left. As I watched her go, and ended my call, I felt my skin heat at the realisation that it wasn’t that I knew that I would be fucking Mackenna that made me hard, but the idea of fucking Sarah Danes until she cried out that she was all mine.
As I reached the lifts, I felt a hand on my shoulder. It was the toilet attendant and she was holding up the bag with the swan in it.
“You left this on the seat,” she said thrusting it at me.
I looked at it and shook my head. “Keep it,” I replied. “I don’t want it.”
The woman looked in the bag and as she did, I stepped onto the lift and left.
13
Sarah
I lay on my bed and looked up at the bare ceiling. Tears began to creep from the corners of my eyes and down the side of my face. In my old room, at our old house, Dad had stuck luminous stars up there when I was six years old and they’d still been there when we left. I remembered Mum laughing because they kept falling off, but Dad was determined until they finally stayed put. I thought he was so clever to get them to stick, but then Mum found an empty tube of super glue and it was obvious how he’d managed it. Looking up now, I really missed those stars; stars that some other little girl would be looking at every night. I could have really done with them to tell my secrets and fears to. To whisper how a certain boy had begun to make me feel as though I were losing my mind.
I couldn’t deny that my run in with Adam at the shopping centre had unsettled me. I couldn’t believe it when I’d spotted cute little Lori from Clarice’s dance class wandering around sobbing and looking scared. I’d immediately rushed over to her and as soon as she saw me, someone she recognised, her face had crumpled with relief. When she told me she’d lost her brother, Adam, not for one minute had I thought it would be him, so when we walked in and I saw Adam Hudson, I’d been floored. He’d looked so worried and scared, unlike the mean, vitriolic boy I’d met in my first week at my new school. Then when his Mum blamed him, well that was when I saw something else. I saw him broken and pained, like her words were a knife slicing into his skin and everything in me wanted to hug him and tell him it was okay, I had his back.
I’d wanted to make him see it wasn’t his fault. It was something that could have happened to anyone, but he hadn’t cared what I had to say. All Adam could do, all he ever did as far as I could see, was fight back. Actually, no he didn’t fight back, he always struck the first blow. He was constantly on the defensive, desperate to strike before he could be hurt, and I’d laid myself wide open for his attack.
Seeing him like that though, had made me realise he wasn’t black inside like he wanted everyone to believe. He’d been soft and gentle with Lori, nothing like the hardened bully that he was at school. At least it showed he did have a heart – somewhere.
He had to have something redeeming about him, otherwise why would he have filled my every thought since I’d seen his face crumple with pain at his Mum’s words. It made me think he wasn’t as bad as he wanted everyone to believe.
As soon as I’d got home, Mum had wanted to see the clothes I’d bought. I didn’t tell her that finding Lori had distracted me because then she’d ask too many questions, so I lied and said I hadn’t found anything I liked. I gave her back the cash she’d given to me and then disappeared to my room to try not to think about Adam hooking up with Mackenna. As soon as I’d heard them on the phone, a conversation he’d wanted me to overhear, I’d felt an uneasy sickness in my stomach. It unsettled me and had done ever since.
To avoid any more thoughts of Adam, I thought about what to do for the rest of the day, and whether I should maybe start my conditioning regime in readiness for my dance classes. When my phone vibrated on the bed next to me, I picked it up and saw Alannah’s name across the screen. I hadn’t seen her since the incident in the cafe, and I still wasn’t sure how I felt about her and how she’d let Adam manipulate her.
On one hand I wanted to tell her she was being stupid and needed to be stronger, but on the other, I was beginning to see why girls were so fascinated by him; wasn’t I falling under his hypnotic spell too? I’d begun to walk the same rocky path others had.
“Hey, Alannah.” I sighed.
“Sarah, I’m so sorry,” she blurted out. “I should have stood up to him and come with you, but I…”
I waited for her to end t
he pause, but there was dead air on the line, so I answered her.
“It’s fine. Let’s forget about it.” I screwed up my eyes with the guilt I felt at my lie, it really wasn’t fine. Adam had controlled her, which was wrong on every level, but I didn’t know how to tell her it was wrong because I totally understood how she might let it happen. His was a light I could feel myself wanting to bask in, even though I knew that light was dangerous.
“You have to understand, Adam is—”
“Alannah, I really want to talk about him.” I cut her off. “Just tell me how you’ve been?” I asked changing the subject. “Are you feeling better?”
She hesitated slightly and I guessed I’d been right in that she hadn’t actually been sick.
“Much better thanks, it was a stomach bug.”
“Yeah, so Miss Daniels said.” I stared up at my starless ceiling and chewed on my thumbnail, searching for something to say. “So, do you want some help to catch up, ready for tomorrow?”
“N-no, Miss Daniels dropped some work off with my mum, thank you, but I do need your help on something else though.”
I shuffled up my bed and rested my back against the silver padded headboard. “Okay, what is it?”
“I tried to remember the moves that you suggested but couldn’t. I’d like to put them into the choreography at practice tomorrow, so I was wondering, would you come over this afternoon and go through them with me? I know it’s asking a lot, but we have practice tomorrow and it’s the last chance to get it right before Tuesday.”
“Why what happens on Tuesday?”
“I’m not sure you’ll want to know,” Alannah sighed.
“Why not?” I asked, unsure of why she’d think that.
“Well, because we have to show the team on Tuesday,” she said hesitantly. “It’s kind of a rule that they watch any new choreography and have to agree on it before we can perform it at a game.”
“Oh my God,” I cried and sat up straighter. “And who thought up that archaic and misogynistic tradition?”
“I think it was the PTA and Mr Jameson,” Alannah replied with a quiet laugh. “To be sure we don’t surprise them with any stripper numbers at half time. Like the team would say no to that.”
“So, you’re telling me, Adam fucking shithead Hudson, and his fucking dickhead teammates, get the final say on what your squad are allowed to dance. Shit, Alannah that’s crap. You’re the one who persuaded the school to let you have a cheer squad.” I knew I was shouting, but I was so mad that they had so much control on something that really wasn’t any of their business.
“Well, yeah.”
“They should just concentrate on what they do on the bloody pitch, not what happens on the side lines.” As my voice rose even higher, my mum’s head popped around my door.
“Everything okay, love?”
“No Mum, it isn’t.” I held the phone away from my ear. “We’ve moved to a town that supports the prehistoric idea that men need to make all the decisions in life and I, for one, am appalled.”
“Okay then,” she said and grimaced. “I’ll, well I’ll leave you to it.” She disappeared as quickly as she’d appeared, evidently deciding this was one battle I could fight for myself.
“Alannah,” I growled. “I’ll be at practice and at the meeting on Tuesday.”
“Sarah, I don’t know,” she groaned. “I really don’t want any trouble. You know Adam is the captain, right?”
“Of course, he is. That’s why he acts entitled in everything he does.” I rolled my eyes even though Alannah couldn’t see me. “And you’re okay with the fact that he gets to say how you dance?” I let out a long, agitated sigh.
Alannah cleared her throat and I could sense she was irritated by me, the new girl, questioning the idea of some stupid rule that she didn’t have an issue with.
“Sarah, it wasn’t his idea, you know,” she sighed. “That’s not to say he doesn’t think it is a good one, but I don’t want you at practice if you’re going to cause friction. Quite honestly, I really don’t need any more trouble from Adam Hudson and his little gang of idiots.” She finally took a breath. “Is that okay?”
I couldn’t help but smile at her sass. It was quite a relief if I was honest, because I was beginning to think she was a pushover, especially where Adam was concerned.
“Yes,” I replied quietly. “I won’t cause you any trouble, but I’d still like to come if that’s okay.”
She was quiet for a short time. “Okay but promise me.”
“I promise.” I didn’t want to, but she was right, it wasn’t her fault and I was new to the school, so it really was none of my business
“Good,” Alannah replied sounding relieved. “But are you still able to come over?”
I moved over to where my backpack was sitting on my desk chair and opened it up. “Yes sure. Is 3 p.m. okay?”
“Perfect. Oh, Mum said you can stay for dinner if you’d like?”
I considered saying yes, but Mum was home and had been making a real effort for us to eat dinner together every night. She’d learned from her past mistake of losing herself in her work as an accountant, and now made sure she stuck to normal office hours and was here for me. I’d feel bad about leaving her alone when she’d told me she was making roast chicken for dinner.
“I can’t, I’m sorry. Maybe another night, if that’s okay?”
I wanted to be friends with Alannah. She’d made an effort with me and it didn’t matter what I thought about her relationship or whatever she had going on with Adam. She and Amber were the closest thing I had to friends here. The thought of which reminded me of those I’d left behind at my old school; Grace, Lily and Harley They’d all believed I was a whore.
“No problem,” Alannah replied, causing me to push the sadness and bitterness from my mind. “See you at three.”
I said goodbye and feeling excited at the prospect of dancing later, I searched through my backpack for my notebook. It wasn’t in the inside pocket where I usually kept it, so I pulled everything else out to check, but it wasn’t amongst it all.
“Shit,” I muttered and dragged my fingers through my hair. “Where the hell is it?”
I thought back to when I’d last had it and the realisation it was at the cafe made my stomach roll. I must have left it there, or what if someone had picked it up? Or worse still what if Adam or one of the other boys had picked it up? There wasn’t anything incriminating in it, except for my poetry and would they really understand what I was trying to say with it?
Most people probably wouldn’t, but someone with a black soul might recognise themselves in the hostile words and phrases and figure out that I had pain dragging me down.
Someone like Adam Hudson.
14
Sarah
As the girls got ready to show the new routine to the team, I could see how nervous Alannah was. I wasn’t sure whether it was about the new moves she’d introduced with my help, or the thought that I might have an epic tantrum over the team having the final say so on it.
I really hoped they said yes, because at practice the night before, the girls had been amazing and had embraced everything that Alannah had added from what I’d shown her. By the end of the night they had it nailed, and it looked fantastic; it was fresh and new.
As the team filed in and took up their places around the room, I looked over at Alannah who had her eyes firmly on her squad. I was glad she didn’t look at Adam, because the smug smirk he had on his face as he walked in with an arm around the neck of his friend Tyler, may well have put her off her game.
I quietly moved to the side of the hall and sat on the floor near to a pile of gym mats. I could see everything from there, but no one would see me, particularly not Adam. I’d managed to avoid him since the incident at the shopping centre. On Monday he’d been on a Geography field trip and today he’d missed History due to some interview he’d had to do for the Maddison Edge Guardian about the Maddison High Eagles chances of winning the next r
ound of the Under 18’s Schools Trophy. Here in the sports hall was the first time I’d seen him, and I couldn’t help but think how hot he looked. His hair was sexy and messy, and he was wearing his usual attire of jeans ripped at the knee and a long-sleeved t-shirt. The shirt was a cornflower blue and the colour matched his eyes and highlighted his olive skin.
It had been a long time since I’d been attracted to anyone, Jason Jones had asked me to the end of year disco, the year before my dad had been killed. We’d gone out for about three months, but when I wouldn’t have sex with him, he dumped me for a girl the year above us. After that I decided I was done with boys for a while until someone could prove to me that I actually meant something to them – then Mr Mills happened, and everything changed.
Yet here I was, finding myself staring at Adam and trying to quell the weird feeling in my stomach whenever he smiled. His laughter was loud, and I found it hard to believe that this was the same boy at shopping centre; the boy who’d looked like the bottom had fallen out of his world. When his mum had said those hurtful words, his eyes had filled with pain. Now though, he was back to being king of the hill, sitting in the middle of all the team, wearing a cocky grin as he talked and joked with them all.
After a few minutes of speaking quietly to the squad, Alannah moved to stand in front of the boys and cleared her throat, surprisingly they all went quiet.
“If you’re ready,” she addressed them. “We’ll show you the new routine.”
“Off you go, Alannah,” Mr Jameson replied and gave her a quick chin lift.
Alannah turned quickly, causing her short cheer skirt to flick up and show the maroon coloured shorts that all the girls wore under their gold and maroon uniforms. A couple of the boys jeered until Adam threw them a glare.
From my spot, I saw Alannah take a deep breath and then start off the booming voice of Eminem singing that he was not afraid. As the girls started their moves, my breath caught, and my heart pounded at how good they looked. The choreography had so much power now Alannah had changed to the song I’d suggested.
