Every Little Thing: MC Romance (Bayou Devils MC Book 7)

by A. M. Myers

  Shit.

  “I’m fine.”

  “No,” he whispers, taking another step into the room. “You’re not.”

  Biting the inside of my cheek, I rip my eyes from him. “Stop acting like you still know me, Wyatt. It’s been ten years.”

  “And whose fault is that?” he growls and I shake my head as my heart sinks. I look up at him and hope he can see how truly sorry I am for the state of our relationship. Not that it really matters at this point, I suppose. We are where we are and we can’t go back.

  “I wasn’t trying to pass off any blame. We’re not together now because of me, I know that.”

  “Yeah, about that…” He steps further into the room and shoves his hands in his pockets. “You ready to talk?”

  “No.”

  He shrugs. “Do it anyway.”

  “Stop telling me what to do,” I snap, ripping the covers up my body as I cross my arms over my chest and scowl at him. He shakes his head.

  “No.”

  “You’re so fucking stubborn.”

  He barks out a laugh. “Me? Are you serious?”

  “Yes, you.” I narrow my eyes and he laughs again. The sound sends heat radiating through my chest and I fight back a smile. Wyatt’s laugh was always one of my favorite sounds and I used to do the silliest things just to hear it or see him smile at me.

  “Did you just tell me to come up here so you could fight with me?”

  I’m about to tell him that is exactly why I let him come in but I stop myself as I let out a sigh, Eden’s words from dinner run through my mind and I bite my lip as I go over my options. As much as I hate it, it is time to decide for good. Am I going to continue pushing him away and spend the rest of my life with my secrets or can I really let him in again? Finally, I shake my head. “No. That’s not why.”

  “Then why?”

  “I don’t know…” I admit, my voice weak as tears sting my eyes again. It’s a total fucking lie and we both know it. I let him come in because staying away from him, missing him is torture. I’ve lived with it for ten years and I just don’t have the strength to keep going. His gaze softens and he walks around the side of the bed before sitting next to me.

  “What happened back then, Pip? Just tell me. Whatever it is, I can handle it.” His voice is kind, full of empathy, and I avoid his gaze as tears well up in my eyes. As soon as I tell him the truth, that kind, caring voice will be gone. I just know it. Shaking my head, I pull my hand back.

  “I can’t.”

  He rakes his hand through his hair. “You can. I’m telling you, baby, I’m here for you. Whatever it is.”

  “You won’t see me the same way,” I whisper as a tear streaks down my cheek and I meet his gaze. He reaches forward and cups my cheek, the desperation and love in his eyes is too much to bear. He brushes his thumb over my cheek, wiping away the tear.

  “I promise you that I will. You’re my Pip, you always have been, and you always will be. Just tell me the truth.”

  I shake my head again. “No.”

  “Goddamn it,” he snaps, releasing me and jumping up from the bed as he starts pacing across my bedroom floor and running his hand through his hair again. I’m not trying to cause him any pain but I can see that this is killing him and it’s not fair to keep dragging this on. But neither one of us know what the truth will do to him and I’m terrified once he learns everything that he will wish I had kept my mouth shut. He turns to me, fire and determination dancing in his eyes, and his lips set into a firm line.

  “Why did you leave me?”

  I shake my head and drop my gaze to the bed. He growls.

  “Why did you leave me?” he yells and another tear slips down my cheek as I shake my head again.

  I can’t tell him.

  I can’t…

  “Why did you leave me?!”

  A sob tears through me as his roar echoes around the room and I meet his eyes as I scream, “I don’t know!”

  Silence descends on us and time seems to stand still as we stare at each other. Both of us stunned by my sudden admission. I didn’t intend to say anything but hearing the hurt in his voice as he demanded the truth again pulled it out of me. More questions fill his eyes and he shakes his head as he takes a step toward me, his brows knitting together.

  “What do you mean you don’t know?”

  Sucking in a breath, I play with a loose thread on my blanket.

  Fuck.

  I guess we’re doing this now…

  “It’s complicated, Wyatt.”

  “So explain it,” he demands and I look up, my heart pounding in my chest as the words I need to say roll around in my brain. I open my mouth to speak before snapping it shut again.

  God, I don’t even know where to start.

  “I…”

  I snap my mouth closed again as the words stick in my throat. He closes the distance between us and grabs both of my hands between his. “Just start somewhere, babe. I don’t even care if it makes sense at first. Just start talking.”

  “I…” I whisper, my mind screaming the words that I can’t seem to force through my lips. I suck in a breath and squeeze my eyes shut. “I had an episode…”

  “What does that mean, Pip? What kind of episode?” The worry and pain in his voice breaks my heart all over again and I blow out a breath, trying to find a piece of my soul that might still have a little bit of the bravery I need to tell him everything.

  “Technically, it was called a psychotic break…”

  Silence.

  Just like the night my parents were killed, the silence steals the air from my lungs, choking me as I wait for his reply and more tears fall down my cheeks.

  I can’t open my eyes.

  I can’t see the disgust on his face.

  The one time he needed me to be strong for him, I couldn’t and living with the shame of that for the past ten years is just as bad as the pain of missing him. He went to war for God’s sake and I couldn’t even handle being without him for a year. It’s pitiful and I don’t blame him one bit for being appalled by my weakness.

  “Piper,” he whispers and my lip trembles.

  Please don’t hate me…

  “Piper, look at me,” he says, his voice soft and my eyes snap open immediately, meeting his gaze as my heart beats so hard I think it might explode. His eyes are filled with love and sympathy instead of the disgust and anger I expected and a sob bubbles out of my mouth. “Tell me what happened, baby.”

  Oh, God…

  Nodding, I grip his hands and give them a squeeze as a newfound strength rolls through me but it’s always been that way for us. Wyatt is my support system and he makes me feel strong enough to take on the world around me which was exactly the problem that led to the end of our marriage.

  “After you deployed, I felt pretty good, at first. I thought I could handle the stress of everything and I knew that you would be back with me soon enough…”

  He nods.

  “But then there was this news story about a troop that was killed over where you were and I remember sitting on the couch for an entire day with my eyes glued to the screen as I waited to hear from you.”

  His brows draw together. “But I was okay, baby.”

  “I know,” I whisper, nodding. “But after that, my mind was consumed with thoughts of you never making it home to me. I was still able to deal with it, though. I mean, I wasn’t taking good care of myself but I hadn’t completely lost it yet and then four months into your tour, I was bringing in some groceries and I saw one of those black town cars pulling down our street.”

  Closing my eyes, I still remember that day like it was yesterday and the fear that I was about to lose everything, again, as the Casualty Assistance Officers rolled up to our house and then the pure relief that flooded my body when they kept going.

  “After that, I was paralyzed by the fear that you weren’t going to come back to me. I stopped eating. I stopped sleeping and I didn’t leave the house for two months. Anytime
someone rang the doorbell, I would cower in the corner of the living room and wait for them to leave. Some days, I didn’t even get out of bed, too scared to face the possibility and things just devolved from there. By the time I left, I can’t even tell you what was real and what wasn’t. I was seeing the man that killed my parents and I was seeing you… dead with bullet holes all over your body… lying in our bed… sitting on our couch. No where was safe anymore.”

  “My God, baby,” he breathes, releasing my hands and pulling me into his arms. Another sob tears through me as he crushes me to his body and buries his nose in my hair before pressing his lips to the top of my head. It’s even better than I remember and for the first time in ten years, I feel safe enough to let myself fall apart because Wyatt has always loved me enough to put me back together. Pulling away, he shakes his head. “But why didn’t you come back?”

  I meet his eyes. “My next clear memory was waking up in the psychiatric wing of the hospital a year later.”

  “What?” He blinks, confusion all over his face as he waits for an explanation.

  “My doctor said that the psychotic episode was compounded by PTSD from the night my parents were murdered and I spent a year living in my car and running from the demons that had become very real for me. When I didn’t think the man who killed my parents was after me again, I thought you were dead and I was completely alone in the world.”

  He stumbles off the bed and backs up a few steps before slowly shaking his head and running both hands through his hair, gripping it and tugging. “Why wasn’t I contacted? I’m your goddamn husband! I should have been notified that you were in the hospital.”

  “I asked them not to,” I whisper, shaking my head as my stomach rolls. I don’t want to hurt him but if I’m going to tell him this, I have to tell him all of it. “I was so ashamed of what had happened while you were gone and I didn’t want you to know how weak I had been. Plus, Dr. Brewer thought I used you as a crutch instead of dealing with my issues and that I needed to learn how to cope on my own.”

  “That’s bullshit.”

  “No, Wyatt. It isn’t… I’ve learned a lot in the years we’ve been apart and Dr. Brewer was right. I leaned on you to right my world after my parents were killed so when you were gone, I didn’t know how to stand up on my own two feet.”

  I can see him working through everything I’ve told him before he sighs and nods, turning back to me. “And now?”

  “Now, I have better ways to cope with the trauma I went through and when I struggle, I call Dr. Brewer or I go to my support group.”

  “Why didn’t you just tell me all that? Why did you feel like you couldn’t trust me?” he asks, pain etches across his face as he closes the distance between us and sits down on the bed. I drop my gaze to the blanket as a tingling sensation rushes up the back of my neck and my cheeks heat. I shake my head as my chest tightens.

  “I’m not proud of what happened back then, Wyatt. I was so incredibly weak and I didn’t want you to…”

  He cups my cheek and slams his lips to mine, silencing my fears with a kiss hot enough to burn the room down around us. It consumes us, wrapping us up in its flames and transporting us to my favorite place in the world - the one where only Wyatt and I exist. His kiss still holds the intimate details of our love and with his lips pressed against mine, it’s like the past ten years didn’t happen. It’s like we were never apart. Whimpering, I climb in his lap and wrap my arms around his neck. He kisses me hard, commanding my body with an expert touch and when he pulls away, we’re both gasping for breath.

  “Whatever you were going to say, I don’t want to hear it, Pip. You are not weak and what happened wasn’t your fault. I’m so fucking sorry I wasn’t there for you when you needed me but this right here…” He pulls me closer, molding my body to his. “This is where you belong.”

  “I don’t want to hear you apologize either, then. You didn’t do anything wrong and as painful as it was… I think I needed to be away from you or I never would have learned how to handle my issues on my own.”

  He blows out a breath. “I should have come looking for you when I got back… I just let my damn pride get in the way and it cost us everything.”

  “It’s not…”

  He silences me with another kiss and I melt into him, my entire body rejoicing as his hand slips under my t-shirt and presses against my back. My skin tingles with need and I slip my fingers into his hair and grip a chunk of it just like I’ve been dying to do since he got here. Growling, he trails kisses down my neck and I drop my head back, releasing a moan. I can’t believe I ever thought this feeling, this connection between us was gone and dead.

  “Fuck,” he rumbles, his hands all over my body and he pulls me into him, clinging to me like he can’t get me close enough. “I missed you so much, baby.”

  I nod as a few tears slip down my cheeks. “I missed you, too, Wyatt. So, so much.”

  “I’m never letting you go again. We’ll do whatever we have to do to fix this but I refuse to live another second without my wife,” he vows and a few more tears slip from my eyes as I nod. I don’t want to lose him either. I’m scared as hell to try again and I know we’ve both changed over the past ten years but I’m ready to give this relationship a real shot. I just hope it doesn’t break me.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Wyatt

  An alarm pierces the silence followed by a groan and a slapping sound that I can only assume is Piper smashing the offending object into a thousand pieces as the noise cuts off and I reluctantly peel open my eyes. A mass of red hair fills my vision and I smile as my gaze trails down the curve of her naked body as it calls to me, tempting me from the other side of the bed. Images of the hours we spent wrapped up in each other last night, making up for lost time, fill my mind and I bite back another groan. Scooting across the mattress, I pull her closer and press the front of my body against her back. She wiggles, rubbing her ass against my cock before she finds a comfortable spot and lets out a contented sigh. It’s the most glorious fucking sound in the world and I want to hear it again.

  Immediately.

  As I’m sinking into her…

  Shaking my head, I blow out a breath and push the thoughts from my mind. As much as I would like that, I also can’t bring myself to wake her up just yet. She looks so damn peaceful like this, something I don’t think I’m used to yet. In a lot of ways, my woman is the same that she has always been - fun, sexy, sweet, and a whole lot of sassy - but in the past, there were always ghosts in her eyes and a struggle on her face like surviving each day was a challenge. When she looks at me now, I see this newfound strength shining in her eyes and not only do I find it sexy as hell but it also makes me so damn proud of her. She lived through hell but she came out stronger on the other side.

  She’s a goddamn phoenix.

  It still kills me to think about how hard it must have been for her when I deployed, though and I shake my head as guilt crashes down on me. I close my eyes as I press my lips to her shoulder, breathing in her scent. War is brutal - a kind of ugly that I can’t even begin to describe but Piper was at home, fighting a war of her own and I hate that it never even occurred to me. I knew about her issues but I was a stupid kid and too wrapped up in my own fears for our time apart to realize what she would be dealing with. I can picture her in that little house on base, seeing the man who killed her parents and seeing me dead, scared out of her ever-lovin’ mind and all alone. My chest aches and I shake my head again like I can somehow deny the pain. From the moment we met, I was her protector. When she was with me, she never had to be scared of anything because I always had her back and I hate myself for just walking away from her.

  The morning after we got married, I woke up before she did and I laid in bed with her in my arms as the realization crashed down on me that I had to find a way to take care of her. Not only that but I knew Piper deserved the moon and stars so I had to find a way to give it to her. I didn’t have the money for college so when I saw
an ad for the military, it seemed perfect. It guaranteed me a regular paycheck, health insurance, and a house for the two of us. I thought it was perfect but if I had known what it would do to her and everything it would cost me, I never would have enlisted. Piper was and always will be the most important thing in my life.

  Opening my eyes, I prop myself up on one arm and stare down at her face, thinking over everything she told me last night and the pain in my chest grows. Over the past week, I’ve gone through a hundred scenarios of what happened back then to make her leave but I never considered that I was the one at fault. The last time I walked away from her, most would consider what I did noble and brave but it was just a means to an end. It was about Piper and giving her the whole world which is what she deserves but now, I can’t help but think that maybe I don’t deserve her. How could I when I just abandoned her without considering that it might be too hard for her to handle?

  I imagine her living in her car - dirty, hungry, scared, and I grit my teeth as I fall back to the bed and roll to my back. Fisting my hair, I close my eyes and drag a breath into my lungs. Why the fuck did I leave her? It was such a dumb shit move and it doesn’t matter what my motives were because I almost lost her forever. Hell, I don’t even know that we’re really back together but like I told her last night, I’ll do whatever it takes. There was always one thing I was sure about in my life and that was Piper so I can’t let her walk away from me again.

  Releasing my hair, I ball both of my fists and pound them into the mattress at my sides, wishing I could put one of them through a wall. Maybe then I would feel better. A knot forms in my throat and I try to swallow it down but it refuses to budge as my mind wanders to what happened the night Piper’s parents died. Years ago, she told me the basics - a man broke into her house, looking to rob them and instead he killed her parents but she has never revealed any of the details to me. It didn’t matter how many times she woke up screaming in the middle of the night or how often I caught her stroking the scar down the side of her neck, she still wouldn’t tell me. Thinking over everything she shared last night, I can’t help but wonder if that led to her breakdown when I left. She mentioned that she never learned how to deal with the trauma of that night and as I roll my head to look at her, I wonder if she’s able to talk about it now. Hell, I wonder if I would be able to handle the details of that night. Seeing the scar on her neck is enough to send me into a rage if I think about that man hurting her.