by Golland, KM
Lib glanced around, visibly cringing at my mess. ‘So what are you making?’
‘Lemon-lime meringue cake, Lexi’s favourite. It’s that one food item that always makes her feel better.’
‘Sounds yum,’ Lib said with a smile, before indicating I hand over my well-licked beater. I obliged and passed it to her so that she could place them both in the sink. She then picked up the sponge and began to wipe the benchtop. Whaa? Does she not realise she is doing what she said she wouldn’t — cleaning up? I decided not to make her aware of this particular fault in her genetic make-up.
‘Lib,’ I questioned hesitantly, but wanting the conversation to remain flowing in the hope that it would continue to distract her from thinking about her cleaning efforts, ‘when was the last time you and I went out for drinks somewhere?’
She stopped her circular wiping motion and looked up at me. Damn it. Don’t stop cleaning. ‘Um ... I don’t know. Why?’
‘Because it’s been a while,’ I said quickly, hoping she would return to her wiping unawares. ‘And, anyway, I think both you and I need to scope out some local talent.’
Libby turned around and rested her arse against the kitchen counter. ‘You know what? I think you are right. I think I need to get out, get in amongst the crowd again.’
Okay, who is this person and what has she done with Lib?
Putting my hands into the oven gloves, I proceeded to pull the cake out from the oven.
‘Mm ... smells good,’ Lib purred.
It did smell good — thank fuck — but it didn’t look good. Shit! It has a dip. It’s not supposed to have a fucking dip.
Placing it down on the wire rack which sat atop the bench, I sighed with frustration. ‘Why the change of heart? I thought you didn’t like fishing for men.’
Libby looked down at her hands which were fiddling in front of her. ‘Because I’m sick of waiting for Prince Charming to come find me. He’s not doing a very good job of it.’
I tilted my head to the side and gave her a pouty sympathetic smile. ‘Maybe he just needs a GPS.’
‘Pfft, maybe, but either way, I’m sick of waiting. I’m going to be my own Prince Charm—’
‘You’re what? Are you turning lezzie?’ I asked with amused playfulness.
‘No! I’m going to find my own man. Where does it say that he has to find me? Oh, I know where ... in those stupid fairytale books I’ve been reading all my life. That’s where.’
Libby was one of those girls. You know, the ones who love Disney princesses and the whole concept of being swept off your feet by a knight in shining armour and blah, blah, blah-bibbity blah. That notion always made me gag and shake my head with annoyance.
‘Okay, tell me what’s happened and where my room-mate formerly known as The Libby Mermaid is?’
‘She’s gone,’ she said resolutely as she rinsed the sponge in the sink ready to use for another wipe down.
‘This has something to do with that self-help book you’re reading, doesn’t it?’ I asked as I closely inspected my dippy cake.
Quickly turning her back to me, she opened the dishwasher door. ‘It’s not the book, Carls. I’ve just come to realise that life is not a fairytale, and that the man of my dreams is not out there searching for me.’
‘Hmm ...’ I contemplated, having known this concept all along. But hearing it from Lib was a little unnerving. I couldn’t help but feel saddened for her, as though she had lost faith in the magic of life’s possibilities, yet I didn’t have that faith to begin with. God, I’m such a hypocrite.
‘Hmm ... what?’ she asked, as she started packing my dirty dishes away.
Feeling guilty, I just couldn’t let her clean up any longer. She was clearly having one of those my-head-is-so-fucked-up days. ‘Lib, sweetie, you’re cleaning up my mess. Here, I’ll do that,’ I said with a smile as I took the dirty mixing bowl from her hands.
She snatched it back and smiled in return as if she was aware she had been cleaning up all along. ‘I always clean your mess, Carly. What are friends for?’
Shaking my head at her, I reached into the drawer, found the spatula and began to spread the meringue mixture onto my depressed cake. ‘We are going to find our men, Lib,’ I told her with as much assurance as possible. ‘And when we do, we will be in control.’ I stood upright, as if to prepare for the speech of a lifetime and continued. ‘Do you want to know why?’
She shrugged her shoulders and held back an unsure grin.
Pointing the spatula at her, I enlightened Lib with the most valuable piece of information a woman could be privy to. ‘Because vaginas rule the world.’
***
Bryce had arranged for Danny — his chauffeur — to collect me and the other girls and drive us to the apartment in his limousine. All six of us were armed with a cheer-the-fuck-up item for Lexi: Tash, a copy of Dirty Dancing on DVD; Lil, a big bunch of brightly coloured roses; Jade, the board game Celebrity Head; Steph, her pedicure set; Jen, her Michael Jackson Thriller CD; and me with the best-disguised cake in the world.
‘Oh no,’ Steph gasped right before I pushed the buzzer to the apartment.
Jade touched her shoulder. ‘What?’
‘We forgot balloons.’
‘Thank Christ for that,’ Tash pointed out, a disgusted look upon her face.
Steph glared at her. ‘We should have bought balloons. Every party needs balloons.’
‘No, it fucking doesn’t,’ Tash reaffirmed as I pressed the button and stood back.
Moments later, Bryce opened the door, smiled and ushered us in. ‘Ladies.’
‘Nobody puts Alexis in the corner,’ Tash dramatically stated as she presented Lex with the DVD and kissed her on the cheek.
‘Wha—’ Lexi stuttered, her mouth agape and eyes open wide.
Giggling, I approached my best friend of thirty-plus years, the look upon her face a beautiful sight. I loved moments like these when she was stunned stupid.
Wanting to quickly offload my cake-atastrophe, I plonked it in her hands and kissed her forehead before heading straight for Bryce, this little action now being one of my new favourite moves.
‘Mr Clark, as always, it is a pleasure to see you,’ I said before giving him a tight squeeze. My forwardness never seemed to bother him, or Lexi, for that matter.
As I squeezed Brycealicious, the rest of the girls filtered into the apartment and greeted Lex with their gifts.
‘This is your official cheer-the-fuck-up-party, luv,’ Lil announced to Alexis while handing her the bunch of roses. ‘You didn’t want to go out dancing, so we have come to you.’
Jen giggled and waved her Michael Jackson Thriller CD in the air.
‘What? When? Who?’ Alexis finally spoke, her three words clear and concise.
All of us pointed to Bryce who then strode toward Lexi and grabbed her face with his hands, directing his lips to hers. She fell into the kiss, heavily, greedily and completely mesmerised, so much so that her walking stick fell to the floor.
Holding out the hand which held my cake, she indicated that someone ought to take it from her. I did, which was when she put her newly-freed hand around Bryce’s neck and threaded her fingers through his hair.
‘Get a room,’ Tash groaned.
‘No, this is hot,’ Steph replied.
‘Where’s the fucking popcorn?’ Jade asked.
‘I’m getting a drink,’ Lil declared.
‘I miss my husband,’ Jen sighed.
‘Fuck, I want to join in,’ I added.
Both of them ignored us, totally engrossed in one another’s arms. ‘I love you so much,’ Alexis whispered against Bryce’s lips.
‘The feeling is mutual, my love. Now have a great night. Relax, drink, drool over Patrick Swayze. Just this once though,’ he smirked.
‘Don’t you worry, he’s got nothing on you. I’ve seen you dance ... in next to nothing, remember?’ Lexi playfully added, raising her eyebrow seductively at him. Dance, in next to nothing? Why have I not
been informed of this until now?
‘What. The. Fuck!’ Steph screeched. ‘He dances ... too? Alexis, I officially hate you. H.A.T.E. you.’
‘I’ll see you later,’ Bryce said, giving her one last kiss before making his way to the door. ‘Have fun, ladies.’
As I watched their interaction and then him leaving, I became aware of the many different emotions I was feeling. The pit of my stomach was churning with a strange sensation of grief and yet admiration. Quite frankly, my emotions were all over the place.
Jen encouragingly threaded her arm through Lexi’s and led her to the lounge. ‘Come on you. It’s party time.’
We sat down and, not long afterward, dove straight into watching Dirty Dancing while eating the delicious tapas that Bryce had arranged from one of the restaurants at City Towers.
After the movie finished, Jade excitedly pulled out Celebrity Head. I, however, took the opportunity to prettify my toe digits with Steph’s pedicure set. They needed a new coat of love.
‘Alexis Elizabeth Summers, get your head out of cloud-Clark and pay attention,’ Tash snapped.
‘What? Sorry,’ she apologised while adjusting her Celebrity Head headband and taking a swig of her gin. ‘Is it my turn?’
‘Yes!’ we barked at her.
‘Okay, geez! Um, am I male?’
‘Sometimes I think you are,’ Tash added sarcastically. I tried not to laugh.
Lexi retaliated by launching a cushion at her.
‘Yes, Lex, you are a male,’ Lil clarified.
‘Am I fucking hot?’
‘Yes,’ Steph said resolutely.
Lil’s jaw dropped and her eyes widened. ‘Are you serious? No, Lex, he is not.’
I agreed with Lil, but didn’t say anything, opting to return to concentrating on my nail polish skills. It was a fine art and deserved my complete attention.
‘Yes, he is,’ Steph corrected her. ‘Don’t tell me you wouldn’t want that between your legs.’
‘No, I wouldn’t,’ Lil responded flatly.
‘You’re a lesbian, aren’t you? Admit it, I’m totally fine with it, Lil. I love lesbians.’
Alexis and I both laughed at Steph’s ability to deliberately bait Lil, but Lil ignored the stab and picked up her beer bottle, wrapping her lips around it suggestively and taking a drink. ‘So am I fucking hot or not?’ Lex shouted over the top of the two of them.
Jade blew at her toes, which she’d just painted with polish. ‘Debatable. Ask another question.’
‘Am I an actor?’
‘Yes. A very fucking good actor, in more ways than one,’ Jen said, as a hint of anger crept across her face.
‘Do I have a big cock?’ Lex asked as she appeared to try and swallow her gin around a pending laugh.
‘Yes,’ Steph said, appearing to be daydreaming of his big cock.
Lil gagged. ‘Bet you it’s tiny.’
‘His hands are huge. Enough said,’ Steph scowled.
‘That’s a fucking myth,’ Lil bit back.
‘Alexis! Stop thinking about wrapping your lips around Bryce’s man-rod,’ Tash chastised, her hands dramatically placed on her hips.
‘Why? It’s a pretty good man-rod,’ she giggled.
‘How good is it?’ Steph asked eagerly.
‘Oh ... real good.’
I looked up to see Lex raise her eyebrows and open her mouth suggestively.
‘I knew it. I knew you swallowed,’ I piped up, pointing my nail polish brush at her.
‘So do you. And again, for the record, you can stop telling me all about it,’ she stated, trying to pretend she was offended. But I knew better.
‘Well, yeah, of course I do. It’s full of protein, you know,’ I smiled devilishly.
Jen shivered, ‘Na, yuck. I’d rather eat a friggin’ egg.’
We all looked at Jen and burst into laughter.
‘What?’ she said defensively. ‘I would. Hang on a minute, do you all swallow?’
What a stupid question. Doesn’t everybody? The girls searched each other’s eyes with sly smiles on their faces, no one giving anything away, except for Tash, her lips beginning to purse.
Lex pointed at her. ‘Tash, you little whoreasaurus, you swallow too.’
Tash rolled her eyes. ‘Alexis, how old are you?’
‘About as old as you,’ she drunk-giggled.
‘Lexi, can you please pull yourself together and ask another fucking question or I’m quitting this stupid game,’ Lil threatened.
‘All right, all right. Have I been in a lot of blockbusters?’
‘Yep,’ we all answered.
‘Well, if they are blockbusters, I’m guessing they are action movies.’
‘Yep,’ we all answered again.
Lexi seemed to ponder for a while before the light bulb in her head switched on. ‘Will he “be back”?’ she said in the most pathetic Austrian accent I had ever heard.
Steph rolled her eyes. ‘Yes,’ she groaned.
‘Does he say, “It’s not a tumour” really well?’ Lex asked, again in her horrible Austrian accent.
Jen cracked up laughing. ‘You suck.’
Happy-dancing and bum-wiggling in her seat, Lexi beamed as she revealed her answer. ‘Am I Arnold Swarzaschnitzel?’
Tash laughed and gave Lex a knowing smile while the rest of the girls sat with a dumbfounded expression.
‘Don’t you mean Schwarzenegger?’ Jade asked.
Tash giggled. ‘She can’t say Schwarzenegger, so she says Swarzaschnitzel.’
‘She can’t say parallelogram, either,’ I chimed in, now finished with my sexy toes.
‘Say it,’ Steph prompted.
‘No!’ Lexi stubbornly replied.
‘Say it!’ we all begged.
‘Urgh! Fine,’ she sighed frustratingly. ‘Pall ... arello ... agram,’ she mumbled.
We burst into hysterics, it really did sound funny.
‘That’s gold, Lex. Say it again, please,’ Jade pleaded.
‘Fuck off,’ she giggled.
Jumping up with enthusiasm, Tash bounced on the spot. ‘Okay, this game sucks. Let’s dance.’ She grabbed Jen’s Michael Jackson CD and turned in a 360° spin. ‘Where’s the CD player?’
‘Ooh, in here, follow me,’ Lexi answered like a naughty kid as she excitedly pushed herself up from the chair and limped to the man-cave.
Before opening the door, she turned around. ‘This room is known as the man-cave,’ she slurred, and sniggered. ‘It’s where men do manly things.’
I knew all too well what was behind those doors. It was the place where I showed Derek a part of the real me the night of Lexi’s party. It was also where we flirted considerably with each other.
Alexis opened the door and we all filed in. ‘Don’t touch the instruments,’ she ordered.
Steph pouted. ‘Aw, you’re no fun.’
‘Awesome, a pool table! Rack ’em up, bitches,’ Tash hollered as she frisbee’d the CD to Jen.
I glanced at the pool table, not wanting to go near it. My emotions were already festering within me and I couldn’t explain why. What the fuck is wrong with me tonight? I’m all over the place; happy, sad, hot and cold. Oh, my, god! Am I menopausal? Shit! Can you go through menopause at age thirty-five? Does this mean I won’t be horny anymore? The howl of a wolf sounded through the speakers around the room, snapping me out of my climacteric terror. The beats of Thriller ensued, together with a whistle from Lil. Tash and Lex instantly started jerking their shoulders as if they had an involuntary twitch, both of them taking slow steps toward each other. And I must say that Alexis’ limp actually complemented her zombie impersonation. It made me laugh.
One minute we were casually standing around the man-cave, the next we were possessed by Michael Jackson’s zombies. It was crazy, but I loved it. This was the stupid kind of fun us girls had together. It didn’t matter how old we were, or what we did for a living. We were just completely comfortable with one another and, as a result, our inhibitions we
nt out the window.
Jen let out an MJ holler and threw her hands up in the air, dangling them like claws, and Jade and Lil then proceeded to stomp around the room with me and Tash joining in.
I was happily twitching my shoulder, rocking the shit out of the song and putting a zombie to shame, when I turned around and locked eyes with Derek. Well, fuck me stupid.
Absolutely fucking mortified did not even begin to describe what I felt at that moment and, having no other choice than to initially smile sheepishly like an idiot, I turned back around and pretended he was not in the room and had not just caught me dancing like a freak.
Please don’t come over here. Please don’t come over he—
‘Will you twitch like that when my cock is inside you?’ he asked, his voice low, his warm breath cascading over my ear and neck.
I didn’t turn around, instead continuing to slowly move to the music while he stood behind me.
‘Hello, Derek. Long time no see or hear,’ I said bitterly.
Why I was bitter was beyond me. I was the one who didn’t call him. Plus we’d barely gotten to know each other before whatever it was we’d established had ended. One thing was for sure ... he made me so fucking confused, which was probably why I was angry with him. God I hated drama kings. I was more of a what-you-see-is-what-you-get kind of girl, and I wanted that in the man I screwed ... minus the girl part.
‘Carly, we need to talk,’ he said quietly, as he gently moved a piece of hair away from my neck.
The second I felt his finger on my skin, I jumped and spun around. ‘No, we don’t. Six weeks is a long time to get over whatever it was that happened back then. It’s all good, Derek. We don’t owe each other anything,’ I explained, then smiled contemptuously before stepping aside and making my way to the bathroom.
I needed air — or a vibrator — or perhaps just a moment to calm my raging fiery hole. Apparently it never got the memo that firefighter Derek was a topsy-turvy arsehole.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
My plans to hastily go to the second floor guest bathroom were halted when Derek slid his hand in between the closing doors of the elevator cart.
‘What are you doing?’ I asked angrily.
He stepped inside, stopping just shy of where I was standing with my back pressed against the far wall of the elevator. The doors closed slowly behind him, thwarting my escape.
