by Golland, KM
‘Because there are people everywhere,’ he answered, clearly undressing me with his eyes. ‘It’s hot.’
His salacious appraisal of my features stirred the hunger between my legs and, uncontrollably, I shifted in my seat and crossed them.
Derek, in turn, adjusted his pants, letting his hand linger over his cock. ‘You’re getting wet thinking about it, aren’t you?’ he asked, amused.
I turned my head away and swallowed dryly. ‘No. Don’t flatter yourself.’
‘Baby, you lie like a bucket of shit,’ he said with a low, devious chuckle.
I watched from the corner of my eye as he slowly rubbed against the denim covering his groin, his rubbing actions creating an obvious bulge underneath his hand.
Powerless in the face of his seduction, I turned to meet his blazing eyes. ‘Play with it all you like, because I won’t be.’
‘This is not something you play with,’ he said pointing to his now cylindrical-shaped front.
At that moment the curtain was pulled aside and a young, pretty, brunette nurse entered the cubicle. ‘Mr Ki—’ she stuttered, as her eyes fell on Derek’s evident erection.
I bit my lip to refrain from laughing.
‘Yes,’ he said with a flirtatious smile, choosing to boldly display his wood for her rather than concealing it.
She blushed and moved her stare to his face. ‘How are you feeling?’ she asked, emphasising the feeling part.
Her equally bold flirtatious manner removed my amused smile, replacing it with a scowl.
Derek noticed my transition and smiled smugly before using it to his advantage. ‘I’m feeling a little stiff,’ he explained.
She picked up his file and raised an eyebrow, glancing at his package one more time. ‘I can see that.’ Um ... hello, ex-girlfriend here in the room with you.
His eyes met mine and the challenge in them was profound. ‘Can you give me something for it?’ he asked, without removing his stare from me.
‘Oh, I’d love to. But unfortunately, right now, I can’t,’ she responded.
There was silence in the cubicle for what seemed liked moments on end as Derek and I killed each other slowly with accusatory glares. I unleashed my anger-fuelled, jealousy-ridden, telepathic war on him and he seemed to revel in it.
‘Right,’ the slutsky nurse interrupted. ‘Dr Wang will be here shortly to relieve that stiffness. Hopefully you will not have to endure it for much longer.’ She opened the curtain and exited the cubicle and, the moment it swished shut behind her, I shot up from my seated position. Derek, too, straightened.
My heart was pounding like a jackhammer within my chest. I was so angry, furious, jealous and feeling wanton. I wanted nothing more than to claw at him, cause him grave pain, then wrap my arms around him and his around me. I wanted to get lost in him and never be found. I wanted to love him.
Fury surfacing in my pores, I strode toward him and smashed my lips to his, viciously delving my tongue into his mouth. My hand fell to his crotch where I clutched his hard cock, feeling its solidity in my grasp. He groaned harshly, thrust his pelvis toward me and pushed, making me stumble back just slightly and separate my lips from his.
He went to grab me and lead me back into his embrace, but I stepped away and covered my mouth with my hand before speaking. ‘What we have isn’t love, Derek. And that display with Nurse Slapper just proved it. I’ll wait outside,’ I said with disappointment, and turned to leave.
He grabbed my hand and pulled me to him, wincing when I slammed into his hard frame. ‘Clearly, throwing myself in front of a car to save Sasha wasn’t verification enough for you, huh?’
I closed my eyes, breathed in and then lowered my head to his chest, hugging him gently. ‘Thank you. What you did was heroic and I will be forever grateful, but ...’ I said raising my head and releasing myself from his hold, ‘... an act of kindness is not necessarily an act of love.’
Turning to leave for the final time, I stopped when he murmured my name. ‘Carly, you want proof. You’ll get it.’
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Derek’s shoulder was reset and, as far as I knew, was healing nicely. He had been relentless with his quest to give me proof and had even sent me a recording of him singing ‘Someday’ by Nickelback. Hearing his voice, and the lyrics he chose to sing to me, spurred the emotion I had buried to rear its ugly head again. I wasn’t sure I wanted him to ‘make it all right’ and I wasn’t sure I wanted him to be relentless in his actions to win me back. The notion, of course, sounded nice. But winning me back meant that he could once again break my heart at some future point, and I couldn’t let that happen. So despite the ache he kindled in my body, I refused to encourage him. And as much as that hurt, I ignored his attempts at contact.
I must admit that some attempts he made were a lot harder to ignore than others, like when I nearly tripped over a bottle of mint sauce that sat upon my front doorstep. I’d picked it up in my confusion and aggravation and found a note attached to it: I’m ready when you are. Derek
I had to give credit where credit was due — the mint sauce whet my appetite. But I had to remain strong, I had to remain smart and I had to remain free. I’d opted to place the bottle on the outdoor window ledge just in case he had plans to come back. It was my way of saying that mint sauce was off the menu for good. Well, off the cock-tasting menu anyway. Pity.
Oh, and he’d even sent a picture of the cock-moulding kit sitting on his bedside table with a message, again saying: I’m ready when you are. Derek
Seeing that pic had made me laugh, but then again, he’d always been able to make me laugh. When all was said and done, his actions, albeit cute and endearing, were far from ‘proving’ his claim that what we had was more than attraction.
It was now nearly a week since the accident. I’d taken annual leave from work to look after Sasha. My golden pup had fractured her ulna and it was tightly secured in a cast. Layla had given strict instructions for Sasha to rest, and for the first couple of days this request seemed easy enough to comply with. But Sasha — being an eight-month-old puppy — did not take kindly to being restricted and was getting her second wind and wanting to move more freely.
‘Stay!’ I warned, as I stood up from the couch to answer the door. She went to get up and perform her ritual over-enthusiastic greeting, but I cautioned her otherwise. ‘Sasha, sit. Stay.’
Quickly opening the door in order to get rid my visitor so that I could get back to where Sasha was curled up on her bed in our lounge room, I found myself face to face with Derek. Even after what we’d been through, his presence still had the ability to steal my breath.
‘Hey,’ he said nervously as he stood there with his arm in a sling and presenting me with yet another bottle of mint sauce.
‘Hey,’ I answered, just as nervously, accepting the bottle from him. I leaned out the door and placed it on the window ledge next to the other bottle.
He let out a long, disappointed breath. ‘You mind if I come in?’
Knowing I would regret my decision either way, I stood back and let him enter. He walked straight into my lounge room and dropped to his knees before a very happy Sasha.
‘Hello, gorgeous girl,’ he said adoringly as he stroked her golden fur. ‘How’s the patient?’
She rolled to her side, bared her belly and wagged her tail excitedly. The sight of his attentiveness toward Sasha was simply beautiful. If it weren’t for him, there was a strong possibility Sasha would not be alive.
Sitting down on the sofa, I smiled at the two of them. ‘She’s doing well. Your sister-in-law is an angel.’
He tutted. ‘Yeah, sometimes.’
Silence encircled us as he stroked Sasha, the invisible barrier both awkward and soothing.
‘Carly, I’m sorry,’ he said quietly, still patting Sasha. ‘I fucked up. I know that.’
‘Well, according to Lucy, it wasn’t your secret to tell,’ I said without so much as a hint of emotion, although my facade was hard to achie
ve.
He looked up at me. ‘It doesn’t matter what Lucy said. I should’ve told you. I owed you that much.’
I could see his remorse — it blanketed his expression, but as much as I wanted to give in and continue our relationship where we’d left off, I couldn’t bring myself to concede. ‘Yeah, well, it’s too late for that now.’
Derek shuffled forward, until he was kneeling before me and could therefore grip my leg with his unrestricted hand. ‘Don’t say that,’ he pleaded.
‘Derek, I told you that if you broke my heart it would stay that way, and I meant it.’
‘Baby, let —’
‘Stop calling me baby,’ I interrupted.
Rebellion flashed across his face. ‘Baby, let me fix it. I’ll fucking fix it.’
‘You can’t,’ I explained, closing my eyes and shaking my head.
‘Why?’
‘Because I don’t trust you.’
‘You never fucking trusted me,’ he said angrily, as he got to his feet.
His sudden change of mood took me by surprise. ‘And rightly so, it seems,’ I replied defensively.
Frustration clearly radiated from him as he began to pace back and forth while he ran his hand along his head. ‘I offered my sperm to Luce and Nic so they could start a family. That’s it!’
‘How did the sperm find its way into Lucy’s egg?’ I asked, with a calm and almost emotionless composure.
He stopped pacing and stared at me in disbelief. I stared back and summoned all the strength I could, knowing that whatever he said next was going to hurt. If he denied it, or chose not to answer, it would just reinforce my inability to trust him. But if he confirmed my suspicion and admitted to sleeping with Lucy, then the knowledge would sting just as much.
‘I fucked her,’ he said coldly. ‘I fucked her until she was pregnant.’
‘Well, there you have it,’ I choked, swallowing the lump that had formed in my throat.
‘Why does it matter?’ he asked beseechingly. ‘You weren’t in my life back then.’
‘No, I wasn’t. I get that. But tell me, why do I feel betrayed and deceived if it doesn’t matter? Why does the admission of your and Lucy’s relationship hurt so fucking much?’
He stepped up to me, leaned down and wiped the tear that had found its way onto my cheek. ‘Isn’t it obvious? Because you love me.’
‘Loved, Derek,’ I corrected him, wiping the tear for myself.
He shook his head and smiled sadly. ‘Love, Carly.’
‘No. Maybe it was back then for a split second, but not anymore.’
‘Fuck,’ he growled and started pacing again. ‘What do I have to do to fucking prove it to you?’
‘You can’t,’ I yelled back. ‘You can’t prove something that is nonexistent.’
‘Tell me what you want, Carly,’ he said, gritting his teeth as he sat on the sofa next to me. ‘What do you want me to do?’
I shuffled sideways until I was pressed against the arm of the chair and creating some distance between us. The last thing I wanted was to be physically close to him, for my body would betray my head. ‘Nothing,’ I said definitively. ‘I don’t want anything from you anymore.’
Grabbing me with his free hand, he wrenched me to him. ‘Nothing?’ he queried with a bitter sneer as his hand gripped the skin of my arm. ‘Do you just want to fuck? Is that it? Be fuck buddies.’
I tried to get free of his grip. ‘Derek, stop it.’
‘Do you want to feel nothing?’ he asked before slamming his lips to mine, forcefully plunging his tongue into my mouth and pinning me to the couch.
The suffocating pressure of his weight, together with the shock of his desperation and aggressiveness, took a moment to wear off, but when it did I pushed against him and scrambled free, throwing myself onto the floor and scooting backward to get away from him. ‘Get out!’ I screamed.
He stared at me in disbelief. ‘Shit, baby, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to frighten you. I —’
‘Now! Just go,’ I cried, unable to look at him any longer.
‘Carly, I can’t. I can’t leave you like this. You’re asking me to do the impossible. Baby, please don’t push me away,’ he pleaded sadly.
I got to my feet and wiped my nose with the back of my hand. ‘If you don’t leave, then I will.’
Derek stood up and moved tentatively toward me. ‘Okay,’ he said softly, gently grasping my chin and tilting my head so that I would look him in the eyes. ‘I’m not giving up on us.’ He placed a chaste kiss on my lips, causing a surge of emotions to envelop me completely. ‘I love you and I know you love me. We “are” and we always will be.’ He then placed his hand over his heart and stepped backward until he’d left my house.
When I heard the sound of the front door shutting behind him, I dropped to my knees and cried, sobs wracking my chest like never before. Love leads to immeasurable pain.
***
The following week I returned to work, and Derek — in true Derek form — followed through on his vow and continued his pursuit. The man never gave up. He sent texts every day, telling me how sorry he was for the way he acted and for frightening me as a result. He said the look on my face the last time we were together pierced his heart with a blunt knife. He vowed to never see that look again.
Honestly, it wasn’t his aggression that had me fearful that day. It was the desperation he so clearly displayed, his anguish as he tried to break down my walls. That’s what scared me the most, for I knew in that moment he would eventually succeed.
On the Monday that I returned to work, I’d found another bottle of mint sauce on the bonnet of my car, again displaying a message: Ready and waiting. Derek
Just like the times before, I placed it on the window ledge, adding it to my collection which now reminded me of the song ‘99 Bottles of Beer’.
On the Tuesday afternoon, upon returning from work, I found yet another bottle in my letterbox, this time the note saying: When you are ready, so am I. Derek
His persistence confounded me. It was both cute and delusional, and I wondered how long he would keep it up; there was only so much room on my window ledge.
On Wednesday, during my lunch hour, a courier delivered a box addressed to me. I didn’t open it straight away, thinking it may have been stationery supplies. So when I eventually found the time to unseal the package after the final school bell sounded and all the children had gone home for the day, the ten bottles of mint sauce neatly packed inside had me falling down on my chair in resounding defeat. You fucking tenacious tool.
‘What’s that?’ Libby asked as she peered into the box. ‘You seriously have a problem, an obsession with that stuff. It’s disgusting.’
‘I didn’t buy this,’ I deadpanned.
She picked up the note which was poking out from underneath one of the bottles. ‘Then who did?’ she asked as she unfolded it. ‘Oh!’
Snatching it from her, I bit the inside of my cheek as I read it to myself: I couldn’t wait any longer and tried it for myself. Baby, you are missing out. It glides on nicely. Derek
‘Is he suggesting what I think he is suggesting?’ Libby asked, as she picked up a bottle and unscrewed the lid.
‘If you’re thinking that he wants me to suck it off his cock, then yes,’ I answered.
‘Are you going to?’ she asked with a curious smile, dabbing some sauce onto her finger.
Grabbing the bottle from her, I dabbed some on my finger too and sucked at the tangy taste. ‘Mm ... no.’
‘You want to though,’ she implied, grabbing the bottle back.
‘I did. I don’t anymore.’
Lib smiled, this time greedily dabbing two fingers. ‘When are you going to learn not to lie?’
I snatched it back and packed it away. ‘I’m not. Are you ready? I want to get home to Sasha. Her boredom levels are increasing.’
***
As we pulled into the driveway, my eyes widened with shock.
‘What the hell?’ Libby sh
rieked. ‘Are they —’
‘Oh no! He didn’t,’ I exclaimed.
Libby laughed. ‘Oh yes, he did.’
I turned the ignition off, climbed out of Suzi and stormed up the path, stopping and spinning 360°. Placed around the front of our house were easily one hundred bottles of mint sauce, with notes attached. They were on the front step, in the garden bed, lining the path. They were EVERYWHERE.
Snatching one up, I read the note: I’m waiting. Derek
‘Grrr,’ I growled and picked up another one: Come and get it, baby. Derek
Libby giggled and read out another. ‘ “Two, four, six, eight, hurry up, I can’t wait”.’
Placing my hands on my hips, I tried not to smile. Proof of his determination was encircling me and decorating my front garden. I huffed and growled again when my phone beeped from within my pocket.
You look a little flustered ~ Derek
My head shot up and I surveyed my surroundings. Unsuccessful in my attempts to spot him, I quickly typed a response.
Where are you? This is not funny. Come and get all these bottles ~ Carly
A response came back instantly.
If I do, are you going to lick it off my cock? ~ Derek
‘You arrogant arsehole,’ I shouted to the street. ‘No!’
Another message sounded from my phone.
You’ll change your mind. And when you do, I’ll be waiting ~ Derek
‘Fuck you, Dik,’ I shouted again and stormed up the path to my front door.
My phone beeped yet again, and I was almost of the mind to launch it into the garden. But I didn’t, instead reading it because I just couldn’t help myself.
I love you too ~ Derek
Pausing on the threshold to my house, I slumped against the wall and slid down it until I was sitting on my arse. ‘I’m not giving in,’ I said to myself.
Libby stepped over me and opened the front door. ‘Yeah, good luck with that.’
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
The following week started, as it did every week, with a school assembly. Our school co-captains, Katie Stahl and Matthew Banks — both aged ten — were delivering the announcements for the week while I stood and watched over the students who sat cross-legged on the floor. It was only 9.30 in the morning and already thirty degrees. Today was set to be a scorcher.
