“I…” He stopped, seemingly unable to breathe for a moment.
“You stole that from me, Luca,” I cried, and it felt like the pain was tearing me apart inside. “You gave away everything that was supposed to be mine. And you just expect me to be okay with that? I’ve waited my entire life to give you my firsts, but you have none to give me. And now you drop this on me and expect, what?”
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, his voice shaking.
“Sorry? You’re sorry?” I repeated, a humorless laugh bursting from me. He flinched, but I felt no thrill of happiness at the sight of his pain. “Yeah. So am I.”
“What does that mean?” he demanded, his eyes flaring with emotion. I knew every shade of brown his eyes could turn. Knew what each color meant he was feeling. He was like a human mood ring. And right then, I saw fear and pain in those dark depths.
I looked out at the ocean, at the huge waves headed toward us, and I wished they would pull me out with them. Slowly, I lifted my eyes and met his gaze. “It means I’m done. You tossed away your firsts like they meant nothing. So, mine? They are no longer yours.”
“Violet, please.”
“Please what?” I screamed, unable to hold on to my control a moment more. “Please what, Luca?”
“Please don’t leave me. Give me another chance. I’ll fix this.” He fell to his knees in front of me, right there on the beach with the waves pushing against him punishingly. “Baby, I’m so sorry. I know there’s nothing I can say to make this better, but please give me the chance to try.”
“You can’t fucking make this better. You cheated on me! You had sex with someone else—and not just any someone. Megan Hawthorn. Of all the people on the planet, you had to go and screw her.” Tears spilled unchecked down my face, freezing my cheeks in the chilly early evening air. “And now you tell me you’re going to be a father with that slut?”
“I’m not. I swear I’m not!” He reached out blindly, having lost his own fight with his tears. But if he touched me, I knew I would do something stupid. I would hit him or find a jagged seashell and slit his fucking throat.
I loved him so much, but at that moment, I hated him more.
“You don’t even know that for sure,” I shouted. “You don’t know if you’re going to be a father. But there’s a chance, and you can’t deny it. You stole this from me too, Luca. I was supposed to come to you one day with a pregnancy test and tell you that you were going to be a daddy. I was the one who was supposed to give you a houseful of babies. Me. Not her. And you…stole…that…from me!” A broken sob ripped from me, tearing my heart from my chest.
It fell between us, and the furious ocean water washed it away.
It was gone.
My heart had never really belonged to me anyway. It had always been Luca’s. But now, it was no one’s.
Not even mine.
Chapter 25
Luca
I was fooling myself when I thought confessing to my parents about Megan would be the hardest thing I ever did. I’d done some stupid shit in the past nineteen years, but nothing compared this fuckup.
I’d texted Aunt Emmie, asking her to go to my parents’ house for a conference call so I could tell all three of them at the same time, knowing I was too much of a chickenshit to be able to retell the same story three different times. I’d sweat bullets when I’d made the call.
The silence on their end after I told them everything had made me want to vomit. I didn’t know what to say or do to make it end, but after a few drawn-out moments, Aunt Emmie was the one to break the silence.
“What do you want me to do, Luca?” she asked calmly. I could hear the resignation in her voice, along with the banked anger and disappointment in me. But she was in cleanup mode, which was why I’d needed her there to begin with. That, and I was sure Mom would be too pissed to keep Dad from literally exploding. My aunt was the only other person who could deal with him when he was like that, other than my sister, and there was no way I wanted to tell Lucy until I absolutely had to.
“If she’s pregnant, I don’t think it’s my baby,” I told her. “I wore protection, and it didn’t break. There was nothing wrong with the condom, I swear.”
“That doesn’t mean shit,” Dad snapped. “You could still be the father.”
“We don’t even know if this girl is pregnant or not,” Mom tried to cut in. “I remember this Megan girl. She’s a leech. I knew she was going to be trouble the minute I saw her.”
“Who the mother is doesn’t matter right now,” Dad growled. “The boy had sex with her. He can’t turn his back on his responsibility to this kid if it is his.”
“I won’t,” I promised him. “If she is pregnant, and by some chance it is mine, I’ll do my part. I won’t abandon my kid.”
“Good,” Mom said, her voice soothing. “And if she is and you are, then we will do all we can to gain custody of the baby.”
“We’ll cross that bridge if we come to it,” Aunt Emmie told her. “For now, I need all the information you have on this girl, Luca. The more I know about her, the better.”
“I don’t know anything about her,” I said with frustration. “I don’t even like this chick. I was drunk and pissed and hurt, and I did something stupid and I lost—” I broke off, needing a moment to collect myself before I burst out crying. “I lost the only good thing in the world because of it.”
“Violet knows?” All three of them exclaimed at the same time.
“Not about the baby thing, but yeah,” I admitted.
“And Shane hasn’t killed you yet?” Dad laughed dryly. “That girl is unbelievable. Violet loves your dumb ass so much—even though you must have torn her apart with this shit, she’s still protecting you.”
He didn’t have to tell me that. She didn’t have to protect me. She could have told her dad and mine the instant she got back to California after finding out about Megan. I would have had a price on my head the second the words left her mouth. But she hadn’t.
Her protecting me had given me hope. A hope that burned to ashes the moment Megan showed up outside my dorm, telling me she was pregnant.
Now, as I looked up at Violet from where I was on my knees on the wet sand while the cold waves pushed against me unrelentingly, I knew I’d been deluding myself. Telling Mom and Dad had not been the hardest thing I’d ever had to do.
This was.
Watching the love I’d always seen in Violet’s beautiful purple eyes turn to hate as the sun began to fade over the ocean. Seeing her pain, her disgust and loathing of me. It made it hard to breathe. I’d ruined everything, but worse than that, I had broken the only girl in the world who would ever own my soul.
“I love you,” I choked out, needing her to know that my heart still belonged to her.
“Liar.” She shoved at my shoulders, but I was frozen in place, unable to move. “If you loved me, you never would have touched Megan. If you loved me, you would have listened to me when I tried to tell you about Cannon. If you loved me, you never would have hurt me like this.” She shoved me again. “You are nothing but a selfish little boy living in a man’s body. I don’t know how I never saw it before or how I could overlook it. At this point, I can’t even remember what I ever loved about you, Luca.”
Each word that left her lips lashed across my flesh like a steel-tipped whip, ripping away my flesh.
“I would have given you everything. Every fucking part of myself. And I never once asked for anything in return except that you love me just as much as I loved you. But you couldn’t even do that.” She pushed at me a third time, and when I was still unmovable, she clenched her hands into fists and started pounding them against my chest. I welcomed the blows. They didn’t hurt. No physical pain could ever hurt as badly as it did to hear the words leaving her mouth. “You are fucking pathetic.”
“I’m sorry,” I sobbed, catching her around the hips and burying my face against her waist. “Baby, I’m so sorry.”
“Your sorry is worthles
s to me. I hate you!” She punched me again, trying to get me to release her as she struggled and screamed at me. “I hate you and I hate myself, because I still love you.”
“Baby, please.” I would beg her a million times if she would only give me one more chance. I wouldn’t hurt her ever again. I would spend the rest of my life making up for all the shit I’d put her through. If she wanted, I would give up everything, including football. I’d find another way to support the life she deserved without having to touch either of our trust funds. The only thing that mattered to me was her.
Without her, I was less than nothing. Just an empty shell walking around as I had been for the past few months.
“Let me go, Luca,” she commanded, but my arms only tightened around her, knowing if I released her, I was never going to get her back. “I said, let me go!” she screamed.
“Luca!”
I pressed my face against her harder, trying to drown out my brother’s voice. “I love you. I’ll give you anything you want. Give up anything you ask me to. Please, baby.”
She was fighting against me, her nails scratching over the sides of my face, my neck, my shoulders, and arms. Any skin she could reach, she sliced with her nails in an attempt to get me to release her. “Let me go,” she sobbed. “You’re no better than Cannon. Let me go!”
Being compared to the guy who physically harmed her had me jerking back, but I still held on to her, unable to relinquish the chance to touch her. “I would never hurt you like he did,” I vowed.
“You’ve hurt me worse than Cannon ever could,” she spat at me. “Now, let me go.”
“I can’t,” I whispered.
“You don’t have a choice. I’m no longer yours to touch whenever you want. You’ll never kiss me again. Never hold me. Never lie beside me in bed. Never hear me say how much I love you.” She might as well have stabbed me in the heart with each word out of that beautiful mouth. “For the rest of your life, you’ll never have me, Luca.”
“Luca, let her go!” Lyric’s voice boomed closer, but still, I couldn’t release her.
“Baby, you’re killing me. You’re giving me a life sentence of nothing but pain and desolation. Have mercy on me, Violet. I only need one more chance. Please.”
She stood there with tears still flowing down her pale face, but her eyes were devoid of all emotion. “Goodbye, Luca,” she said softly.
“No!” I bellowed and jumped to my feet while my hands still grasped tightly to her tiny waist. “Please. I’m so fucking sorry. I’ll never hurt you again, Vi. I—”
Lyric tackled me, sending both him and me into the water. The waves crashed over us just as he punched me in the face, knocking my head back against the sand. Sputtering, we both rushed to get up, but another wave tried to pull us deeper into the ocean.
My brother was finally able to stand, and he offered me his hand. As I got to my feet, I looked and saw Violet was already almost back to her house. Shaw stood on the veranda, waiting while several of the parents stood at the French doors, watching with their mouths hanging open.
“Violet!” I shouted her name, but she didn’t even hesitate to take the next step. “Violet, please!”
Lyric grabbed the back of my shirt when I started after her and jerked me around to face him. “Let her go, brother. It’s over.”
“No.” I was gasping for breath now, unable to draw in enough oxygen. “No, it can’t be over. I love her. I’ll do better. I’ll—”
“It’s too late. You fucked up too bad this time.” He slapped me on the back and then clenched his fingers on my shoulder. “Let’s just go home. Or to the airport.”
“No, I have to do something. Anything. This can’t be the end.” I thrust my fingers into my dripping hair. Looking at Lyric, I pleaded. “Tell me what to do to get her back. Please, Ric. Help me get my life back. If I lose her—”
“If?” he barked, not even an ounce of sympathy in his brown eyes. “If you lose her, dumbass? No, bro. You have already lost. Get that through your head. You cheated on the most amazing girl in the universe. A girl who would have happily given you every part of herself and never asked for anything in return the entire time. You had everything at your fingertips. All you had to do was cherish her. Treat her like she deserves, and she would have always been happy. But you broke her instead. You destroyed one of the most beautiful creatures in the world. You. No one else. And now you have to accept that.”
“I can’t,” I rasped.
“Too fucking bad. Because she no longer wants you.” He grabbed my arm and started pulling me toward the house, but when we got to the path that split toward the house or around to the driveway, he guided me toward the latter.
“No,” I groaned. “I can’t.”
Jerking away from him, I ran to the French doors and pushed my way into the house. But inside, all hell had broken loose. I heard someone crying and vaguely realized it was my mom. The living room was overflowing with family, but it only took me a few seconds to realize there were people missing. Lucy was rushing Hayat and Evan out of the room behind Mia, who was carrying Emerson. Braxton picked up Nevaeh and carried her out when she seemed to be refusing to go anywhere.
Aunt Natalie and Aunt Lana were trying to herd the younger kids out of the room, but they seemed entranced by the scene unfolding before them. Uncle Shane and Dad were yelling at each other, with Barrick, Harris, and Uncle Devlin trying to hold Uncle Shane back, while Uncle Drake, Uncle Axton, and Uncle Nik kept Dad back.
“You knew about this and didn’t tell me?” Violet’s dad roared. “You knew my little girl was going to have to go through this, and you didn’t warn me? How could you do that to her?”
“Shane…” Aunt Emmie tried to reason, while Cole Steel and Eddie Jameson attempted to put themselves between her and Uncle Shane. “She didn’t want you to know yet.”
“All because she was trying to protect that little shit!” he yelled at her.
I barely took in the scene because I was trying to find Violet in the chaos. With everyone rushing around, it took me a little longer to realize Aunt Harper wasn’t there. Neither were Aunt Dallas or Shaw. But more importantly, Violet was missing.
I was still soaking wet. Water dripped from my clothes, and my shoes soaked into the carpet as I ran through the house and up to Violet’s room. Her door was closed and locked, but I wasn’t going to let that stop me.
Slamming my shoulder into the door, I broke it open, causing it to splinter and hang off its hinges, while everyone on the other side screamed except for Violet.
“For fuck’s sake!” Aunt Dallas shouted, while she and Aunt Harper put themselves between Violet and me. “Luca, you need to go. You’re only going to cause yourself more problems.”
“Vi,” I choked out her name and tried to get to her. “Baby, please.”
Her wide eyes went from me to her splintered door. “Are you insane?”
Running footsteps sounded on the stairs. “Harper?” Uncle Shane called out just as he, Barrick, and Harris stopped outside the broken door.
“It’s okay,” she said, holding up her hand to keep them back while not taking her eyes off me.
“Holy fuck.” I heard my dad say, and I realized he was with the other three. “Luca, what the hell did you do?”
I ignored them all. “Violet, please.”
“Is that all you can say?” she demanded, walking around the others in the room. But before she could pass Shaw, her best friend pulled her behind her.
“He’s lost his mind,” Shaw told her. “Don’t get too close to him. He might hurt you.”
“Oh please,” she muttered with a roll of her eyes. “He’d never physically hurt me.”
“Honey, he’s unstable right now,” Aunt Harper tried to tell her.
Shrugging off Shaw’s hold, Violet got into my space. “Well? Is that all you can say?” she repeated. “You think telling me you love me and begging me to forgive you will make everything okay? Do you honestly imagine I have it within me t
o just overlook any of this and start over again? You broke my heart, my trust in you, my faith in your love, and my soul!”
“I’m sorry.” It was inadequate, but it was the only thing I could say.
“Yeah. You’ve said that so many times, I’ve lost count.” She tilted her head back, her eyes sparkling with a raging anger I’d never seen from her before. “I’m sorry too, actually.”
“The fuck you are,” her dad growled. “You’ve done nothing to be sorry for.”
Ignoring him, she went on as if he hadn’t even spoken. But part of me suddenly wished she wasn’t sorry when she blasted me with her hate-filled words. “I’m sorry I ever gave you my heart. I’m sorry you ever touched my soul. And I’m fucking sorry I ever loved you.”
Chapter 26
Violet
I knew the second my words made the direct hit to Luca’s heart. Pain swirled in his eyes, and the beast-like manchild before me deflated. Only seconds before, he’d been vibrating with energy, but now he seemed completely devoid of life.
For all of two seconds, I felt guilty and wanted to wrap my arms around him, tell him I was sorry and I didn’t mean it. Hurting him only hurt me.
But then I remembered Megan and everything she and Luca had stolen from me. The pain that came with those memories was crippling, and the only emotion I could feel was pure hate. I wanted him to hurt, to bleed from the inside out, to never know another moment of happiness because he had killed mine.
“I want you to know that today is the last day I ever allow you to hold on to even a small part of my heart,” I told him, surprising even myself at how cold my voice was. “Tomorrow, I won’t even allow myself to think about how much I once loved you. I won’t let myself remember how good it felt to just sit beside you and savor the love I thought you felt for me. I refuse to think ever again about the life we could have had. The life we should have had but you were too much of a juvenile little boy to deserve.”
Loving Violet (Rockers' Legacy Book 4) Page 17
