by Kahlen Aymes
I got up and went to my laptop.
Dear Cade,
I'm sorry it's taken me so long to be in touch. I just had a lot of stuff to figure out, but the bottom line is I miss you. You're my best friend and I'm so sad without you. I’m miserable. I don't need or want to talk about what happened, but all I know right now is that I want you back in my life in some way.
I've hurt myself by shutting you out and nothing takes away the pain. Pushing you away is the most hurtful thing I can do to myself and I lose who I am because the agony of it consumes me. I need you to wrap me up... The way you always do.
Can we start over in Tokyo?
I love you.
Always
-Brook
I attached the song, Breathe Me, by Sia because it communicated how I felt, held my breath, and hit send.
I knew he'd get it on his blackberry and his email. I unblocked his number so his texts and calls would come through, and then I just had to wait. And hope.
The hardest part of reaching out is the waiting. I knew I'd have to forgive him because if I didn't, I'd never be free of the pain, and I'd never have him back in my life.
Within thirty minutes my phone vibrated.
The song is beautiful, perfect. I love you and missed you so much.
I need you to Breathe Me, too. I say yes to Tokyo.
I let out a sigh of relief and the ache in my heart began to ease just a bit, as the tears squeezed from my closed eyes.
We had a lot to overcome, but this was a start.
ONCE AGAIN, I was in town before Brook, and this time as nervous as hell. That was a fucking understatement if there ever was one. I’d been so anxious to get here; I went to LAX directly from the after parties from the Oscars’. The entire night, I was dodging this woman or that one. Millie Sinclair practically stalked me. She was trying to get me to work with her on a movie and I decided to tell Denise that would never happen, I didn’t care how many millions they offered me. That was one scary bitch. I sighed in exasperation. No doubt pictures of us together would circulate. Terrific, I thought. That was just what I needed.
I hated the fancy parties, the award shows, and appearances just for publicity… I bloody hated it all. More than once, I’d considered chucking it all and just writing music or buying a ranch in Montana and maybe raising horses. I didn’t need any more money. I had enough to last a lifetime and the propaganda perpetuating Wendy and I was the tipping point to push me to it. Obviously, that bitch had fed pictures to the press, but the studio wasn’t squashing the rumors. I was frustrated. I only wanted to be with Brook, but her career was just starting, so the odds were she wouldn’t want to give it up for several years at least.
I was finally going to be with her after two agonizing months without her. I’d been dreading this premiere until I'd gotten the email and the song from Brook a few days ago. I was so afraid of what she'd say that my hands were shaking when I opened it. I literally dropped to my knees and cried when I read it and listened to the song she sent. Maybe there was a God in heaven, after all.
I was still completely in the dark as to what the separation was all about, but it didn't matter as much as getting us back to where we were before this bloody mess started. I was hoping that I'd get her to open up and finally tell me on this trip.
Brook jetted in with Noah Westin and for once we were sans Martin, which meant maybe we'd get to have a little fun this time. I wasn't sure what was going to transpire between Brook and myself, but I was so grateful to have the chance to be with her, just to talk to her would be like balm to my soul. Maybe I'd be able to find out what happened in January. Her email said she missed “her best friend” and it wasn’t exactly what I'd hoped for, but I'd take what I could get.
At least she'd said she loved me, and that was like a glass of water in the desert that my life had become these past weeks. I ran my hands through my hair as I waited in the limousine for the two of them to come from the hotel and join me.
Jeanne and Denise were here to make sure we were where we needed to be and to make sure Brook had her wardrobe changes. It was raining and she probably wouldn't want to keep the same clothes on for the entire day of appearances. We had the red carpet, the movie, interviews with the press, and fan panels to do.
I was anxious. It was too much to get through before I'd get any real chance to talk to her.
I was sort of buzzed, and my hands were shaking. I was living on coffee and energy drinks, having stayed up throughout the many hours needed to get to Japan from Los Angeles. I was too nervous to try to sleep on the plane, and I wasn't sure if the shakes were from the caffeine, lack of sleep, or nerves. I leaned my head back on the seat and closed my eyes while I waited.
I heard the screams increase and I raised my head to see Brook and Noah coming out of the hotel with bodyguards in front and back of them. The incessant cameras began to flash, and as they stopped to sign some autographs I got my first real look at her. I hadn't seen her in almost two months, and hadn't talked to her either.
Jesus... she was so beautiful. Her blonde hair tumbling down around her bare shoulders and the brilliant aquamarine dress she wore was a perfect match for her eyes, clung like a second skin to her slender form, then flowed to the ground. The swells of her breasts and her hips were so beautiful, and brought up so many perfect memories of touching her and making love to her.
I felt the familiar tightening in my body as my pulse increased. Only a few more seconds and I'd be next to her. My heart rate increased and it pounded painfully in my chest.
Finally.
The driver opened the doors, and the fans all tried to get more pictures of me inside the car as well as Brook and Noah entering. When she came through the door to take the seat next to me, her blue eyes met mine and I was speechless. I wanted to take her in my arms and crush her to me as her familiar scent wafted all around me. Oh God, it'd been so fucking long.
She settled next to me as Noah moved to the seat opposite us and I couldn't help it, my left hand entwined with her right one. I took a deep breath and looked at the ceiling as I let it out in a rush. Her hand squeezed mine, and I finally let myself look straight at her.
Noah looked out the window as the car started to move away from the curb and make its way toward the theater and convention center where the premiere would be held.
Jesus Christ! Was this the first time I'd been able to breathe in all this time? I felt my lungs expand almost to the point of pain.
We didn't talk, but I brought her hand that I was still holding to my mouth to place a kiss on the top of it.
My heart thudded in my chest as Brook leaned into my arm and I felt her head come ever so lightly down on my shoulder. There was comfort in just touching her; this small bit. She glanced up at my face and I got lost in the blue depths of her eyes.
Dear God, I love you, Brook. I've missed you so much. I can't take my eyes off of you right now.
Her eyes welled with tears and she bit her lip. I could only hope she knew what I was thinking and trying to communicate.
"Hey Cade. How have you been?" Noah started the conversation that broke our little bubble.
"I've been... okay. Thank you, Noah. How about you?"
"Stressing out about the next flick. The new director talked about recasting me, though I’m not sure why," Noah's brown eyes were smiling and warm as he looked at us. He flexed in front of us and I wanted to roll my eyes. “Maybe I need to work out more.”
"Yeah, you should feel his muscles," Brook piped up.
"Hmmph," I snorted and Noah blushed.
"I saw you at the Oscars. You looked really, really good." Her hand tightened on mine as my head snapped toward her.
"You saw it?" I knew surprise showed on my face. “On the telly?”
Brook nodded. “I told you, I'd always be watching you. Of course," she said so softly it felt like a caress on my skin. I felt myself flush as we came up to the Red Carpet outside the theater and the fans began screaming in ea
rnest.
"You'd think the screaming would sound different, but they sound the same no matter what country we're in. Loud," Noah laughed.
Brook smiled. "Yes. You boys have your work cut out for you. All the girls will be clamoring for you both, and you guys are looking hot." She smirked at Noah, then at me. I loved seeing the smile on her face and a blush to her cheeks. She was gorgeous.
"You look beautiful, yourself. A sight for sore eyes," I breathed near her ear, just as the door opened and the screams increased. Noah made to get out first.
"Let the games begin." He laughed out loud as he disappeared through the door just as mine opened.
They held umbrella's for us as we walked up the stairs among the screams and took our time signing autographs. I glanced at Brook a few times and smiled softly at her as we played to the crowds. She had to be freezing in that dress and I could feel her shivering when we stood together for our photo calls. Noah and I both put our arms around her to try to keep her warm, but I pulled her closer to my side. It felt so good to have my arm around her, and it was all I could do not to crush her to me and never let go.
The viewing of the film gave me almost two hours to hold on to her, both of us clinging to each other's hands in the darkness. I was ultra-sensitive to each and every breath she took and each subtle movement she made. She smelled so delicious, it was all I could do not to lean over and kiss her sweet mouth. It was agony, but blissfully so.
The fan meeting was fun and casual. We joked around quite a bit and Brook flirted outrageously with me when she answered the usual questions about being in a film with me. She turned to me and wagged her eyebrows at me, pleasure ripped through my entire being, and I wanted to reach across and pull her close. The fans laughed and squealed at her actions. I smiled and raised my eyebrows at her as the fans continued to cheer. My cheeks flushed as I laughed with her. I feared love was shining out of my expression, but the whole thing was so much fun, I didn’t care that Denise and Jeanne would read us the bloody riot act for being so obvious. After that, I couldn't take my bloody eyes off of her.
We would have been taken to task in a big way if we'd acted like this in the States or in Europe. Maybe it was the fact that we'd not seen each other in so long, that made us more brazen, but whatever the reason, I loved it. It was brilliant.
Finally, it was the press panel, and Brook changed into a really sexy black dress. It was strapless but she wore a black jacket over it. She was so amazing and again, I wasn't able to keep my eyes off of her.
On our way out, I was able to finally pull her aside behind one of the sets and draw her to me. Her head settled into my chest and her arms wrapped firmly around my waist as mine closed tightly around her shoulders. I buried my face in the top of her head and breathed her in before kissing her temple.
"Jesus, Brook. I've missed you so bloody much."
Her only response was to tighten her arms around me even more and nod into my chest. I felt her hands splay out across my back to bring our bodies even closer together.
"I love you," the words tore out of my chest. I couldn't fucking help it. She just held on tighter, and it felt so good to be so close to her, I never wanted to let go.
They took us back to the hotel in separate cars to avoid suspicion. Brook went with Jeanne, and I went with Denise. I hated letting her leave without me, but I’d met Lawrence Parks, a well-known actor I’d met at the Oscars and we'd ended up on the same plane coming to Tokyo. He was here promoting his new film, and was traveling with the producer and director of the two of the musical numbers performed at the show, and he wanted to introduce me so I’d agreed to meet them for dinner.
Afterward, we arranged to meet up later at the piano bar not far from our hotel. Larry was aware of my affinity for music and thought it would be a good time after the hectic pace of the day. Deep down, I didn't really want to go, since I wanted to spend some time alone with Brook, but maybe it might be an ice breaker to invite her, Jeanne, Denise, and Noah to join. I’d been writing a new song for her and it might be a good opportunity to play it for her.
I changed out of my suit and texted her from my room.
Lawrence Parks and pals invited me to go out with them later. Want to grab everyone and join? I'd like to see you, Brook.
It didn't take long for her to answer.
Sure. I'll check to see who wants to come. Where is it?
I texted back the address and told her what time I'd be there, and headed out.
I was there for a couple of hours before Brook walked in with Noah. No sign of Denise or Jeanne. I'd told the blokes Brook and Noah would be joining us, and he motioned for them to join our table. She was smiling and I loved seeing the joy on her face. After listening to her sobs outside of her bedroom door in early January, her smiles were a balm to my heart.
Lawrence and I stood as Brook and Noah approached and she extended her hand to my new friend. "Hi, I'm Brook Halloway."
"Of course. I'd recognize your beautiful face anywhere. It's very nice to meet you," Lawrence greeted her as he took his seat and more introductions were made around the table.
She sat down and took off her jacket. She was still wearing the strapless black dress.
I pulled my chair closer to hers so I could speak to her privately. Her shoulder nudged mine in a silent plea for contact. We fell into our easy camaraderie, with our ever-present undercurrent of desire. I ordered some wine and settled in next to her. We laughed and teased each other, as well as had a great time making fun of Lawrence and the others as they sang an old Abba song in an overly exaggerated way. Brook and I joined in because everyone in the bar was singing along to the various tunes that were being played and this one was particularly fun. Noah refused to sing but after a couple of glasses of wine, I was able to convince Brook to sing with me.
Her hand came out to cover mine and my skin burned under her hand. Incredible as always, the electricity sparked between us and I felt my heart speed up. My hand wrapped around hers and we stared into each other's eyes. I felt like I was melting into her and everyone else in the bar disappeared. Suddenly, I couldn't wait to get out of there and have some time alone. I needed to talk to her about what happened in January.
After the song ended, I took her hand and led her back to the table. "Do you want to get out of here, sweetheart? I'd really like to spend some time alone with you."
Her fingers twined with mine, tightened on my hand and she nodded.
"Gentlemen, it's been a fun evening, but Brook is tired so we're going to call it a night. Thank you for everything. Larry, I look forward to seeing you again, perhaps in L.A., soon?"
I shook their hands and patted Noah on the shoulder.
"Noah, will you be okay or do you want to come with us?" Brook asked as we got ready to leave.
He shook his head. "I'm fine. It's only two blocks. I can find my way back." He knew what we were about and I was thankful he was giving us our privacy.
It was only two blocks and it was 3 AM Tokyo time, but for us it was hours earlier. I didn't let go of her hand as I led her out of the club. It felt so good to have her by my side.
"Do you feel like walking?" I missed walking but in the States or at home, I didn't get enough of it since my career blew up.
"Sure. That sounds nice," she murmured as we left the bar. It was cool, but not overly so, and the rain had stopped.
I felt her free hand wrap around my bicep of the arm that held her hand, and her head came down on my shoulder. She let out a deep sigh, as we walked the few blocks back to the hotel.
"Are you doing okay with this, Brook? Being with me like this?" I could hear the desire in my voice as I leaned closer to whisper in her ear.
"Uh huh. I've really missed you." She raised her eyes to mine and the need in the blue depths shone like a beacon. She drew a shaky breath and let it out.
"Brook," I almost groaned. "I've missed you too. You were so beautiful today, and I loved how you flirted with me.” I smiled softly as I look
ed down into her face as we walked. “It was all I could do not to sweep you up in my arms right there in front of everyone. These last months have been hell, love."
I felt heat radiate between us, despite the coolness of the night as we drew near the front entrance of the hotel. I glanced down at Brook's face and saw that her brow was knitted in a frown.
I didn't say anything as we walked through the hotel and took the elevator up to the 23rd floor. Both of our rooms were on this floor and I wondered if she'd want me to join her in hers. My heart thumped harder as we got closer to her room. I didn't want to be presumptuous after all that had happened, but I desperately wanted more time with her.
Exactly what had happened? I reminded myself that I still didn't know.
Outside her room, I took her shoulders and turned her toward me. I wanted to take her in my arms and kiss her breathless, but knew we needed to talk first. I raised my hand to her face and placed a whisper soft kiss on her luscious pink lips. When I drew away, her chin lifted toward my mouth for another kiss and I gave it to her. This one was longer, lingering, our lips playing with each other. My body sprung to life, but my heart still ached over the abyss we’d had between us. I needed it resolved before I could make love to her.
My God. She tastes so good, all wine and sweetness. I felt my breath leave my body and fan over her face. Her eyes were closed as she raised her mouth toward mine, again.
"Brook. I want more time with you. What do you want?" I felt her tremble in my arms and step up on tiptoe to press her mouth to mine again. I could feel desire flood through me. Jesus, it had been so long since I touched her.
"Cade.” She said my name and it did something to me deep inside my soul. “I want you to come in with me." Maybe it was my imagination but she sounded like she was begging and I wouldn’t be able to deny her, even if I didn’t want to do as she asked.
