by Kahlen Aymes
"Maybe, but true, anyway, see?" I ran and hopped on his back, but his hands clamped around my thighs, keeping me there.
"Yeah, you were saying?" His hands squeezed around my knees. It tickled, so I laughed.
"David, stop! No fair."
Click, click, click...
I heard the faint sound of the cameras in the distance, and instantly jumped off David's back trying to quickly move to his side.
Shit! Shit! Shit! Stupid move on my part. Those damn paps were always around at the worst possible time.
"Thanks for being my friend again, David, really. It will make Nate and my parents happy. They miss you."
"Yeah, it feels good. So, since you're free this evening, will you have dinner with me? Maybe we can watch movies, order pizza and just hang out? Then we won't have to worry about the press."
His face seemed sincere and he was more and more like the David I knew, but he was careful not to mention Cade.
"Um...," I hesitated. Cade, and his reaction, was first in my mind. He was expecting photos, but not to hear I'd been with David all evening alone in a hotel room. Pizza and company did sound better than spending the night alone, and Cade was seeing Ethan and Dawson in L.A., so we wouldn’t be available to talk much. Maybe he'd be too busy to even call at all.
"Come on. Just friends, I promise," David coaxed. “
"Okay, but not too late. I want to be in by ten or eleven." I cocked my head to the side as I tried to read his face. I wish I could be certain he was sincere about being friends.
"Sure. Where do you want to do it? My hotel is sort of secluded. I didn't see any press when I checked in."
"No fair again. You told me on the phone that you’d been seen." My expression twisted wryly.
"Yeah, but I didn't say it was at my hotel, did I?"
I shrugged. "No, I guess not. Don't take this wrong, David, but I can't go to your hotel with you..." Even though I'd decided to relax and treat him like the friend he'd always been, I knew that would be tempting fate and definitely set Cade off.
"Brook, is this how it's always gonna be? You have to ask Carlisle’s permission for everything you do? What happened to you? Doesn't he trust you?"
Wow. Direct hit.
My face flushed with heat and I shoved my sunglasses back down over my eyes. We got into the waiting black SUV that the studio provided to pick us up.
"Yes, but you've taunted him recently, within the month, David. He's only human and he had a lot to deal with last year. Don't be unreasonable. I'm not willing to do something that I know will upset him. I'm sorry."
Obviously my answer wasn't what David wanted to hear, but it was the truth.
"I'm trying to turn over a new leaf, but you won't invite me to your room, so where else can we go? Do you want to go out?" David was beginning to get exasperated. “The press are like vultures.”
I bit my lip in uncertainty. Going out would be worse and more confirmation of my relationship with David would not be what Cade would want.
So far, David hadn’t done anything to lead me to believe he’d act out of line, but I knew deep down that he still cared more for me, and that was the problem. I didn't want to go back to my empty hotel room with little prospect of talking with Cade, so what choices did I have?
Maybe it was wrong, but right at this moment Cade was reading with, and probably kissing, multiple women to audition them for his new movie. Hanging out with David kept me from thinking about it.
I'd been more than clear with David that I was in love with Cade, and since we'd have the two-month separation coming up soon, Cade and I needed to learn how to trust each other. I battled internally. It irritated me that David pointed out that I was asking Cade's permission... Is that what I'm doing?
"David, why don't we order a pizza and drinks and just have the driver take us around Vancouver? That way, we have dinner, but we don't go back to either of our hotels. It sort of solves the problem, doesn't it?" Even to my own ears it sounded totally weird, but it was either that or be alone all night.
He shook his head at the suggestion, and his mouth quirked sardonically. "Seriously? You want to eat in the back of the Suburban?"
I shrugged. "I appreciate how great you've been, but I just can't go back to either of the hotels with you. Please understand." My eyes were apologetic, and his softened as he looked at me.
"Brook..." David reached out and took my hand, and I withdrew it a little more quickly than I intended.
"I'm trying to be your friend, but this hurt me a lot." His eyes glazed over with tears.
David was someone I cared about for a long time. It hurt to see his pain and know I caused it, yet I stiffened because I wondered if the entire day had been a lie. Was it all an act?
"David. We've been through this so much and I just can't keep doing this. I hope you believe I never wanted to hurt you. The whole thing was confusing and overwhelming for me. I fought it for a long time, but all I did was end up hurting all of us in the end."
"Please don't tell me how hurt Cade has been, Brook. He won, after all." David dropped his gaze to our hands and shrugged.
"Cade has always been very respectful, David. He was never anything but a gentleman, we just..." I felt emotion rise in my chest, love for Cade and hurt for David.
"Stop talking about him," he begged. "I'm trying to be your friend, Brook. I want to be, but I can't help wanting more."
He reached into his pocket and fumbled around. "I realize that it's my fault because I didn't give you what you needed, but I'm ready to do that now."
He pulled out a ring box and opened it.
I was so stunned, all I could do was gasp; completely frozen as I stared at him.
This couldn’t be happening.
"I didn't want to do this here. I have this beautiful hotel suite with an ocean view, and I wanted to take you there, have dinner and..." his words fell off and he waited a few seconds before he continued, "but since you won't go, you leave me no choice. I love you, Brook. Will you marry me?"
I watched the pain in his face as he waited for my answer and any anger I felt slipped away. My heart broke for him, but I didn't love him; not the way he wanted me to.
I felt claustrophobic and scared, like a caged animal that was running from a hunter with no escape in sight. My heart sped up and my mind raced as I ran my hand through my hair nervously.
How in the hell did I let this happen? Why did I let myself get sucked in again? I let my guard down and that was a mistake; my punishment was to be in this same damned situation again.
"David, don't. I should never put you through trying to be my friend. I love you, but it's just not romantic love. It hasn't been that way between us for a long time. You deserve more." I began, but he cut me off.
"Please don't patronize me by telling me what you think I deserve." His eyes were wild, tears falling onto his cheeks as his voice rose in volume. "What I fucking deserve is not to have my life destroyed because of a damn movie, a slick talking asshole, and a weak girlfriend. Did he seduce you the moment you met?" David's voice softened again, "How could you let him come between us?"
My heart hardened slightly as instinct to defend Cade grew. "Cade never took advantage of the situation, or of me, David. I know you know that. We were never involved until after you and I split up."
"Not involved? I saw the way his eyes followed you and the way you always hesitated to let me touch you whenever he was around. Of course you were fucking involved! From day one!"
I felt sorry for his pain as his face crumpled and fell. I put my arms around him, and for a short moment he let himself fall into me and hug me back as he cried into my shoulder. "Please Brook. Please marry me; say you're mine again."
My heart seized inside my chest. "David, I can't. I can't. I'm sorry. If I could take your pain away, I would. Please try to move on. I want you to be happy and spending time around me only hurts you, so we can't do that anymore. At least, not for now."
I pulled back from
him and touched his face with my hand for a moment then sat back in the seat.
"Driver will you please take me back to my hotel?"
David grabbed my hand, "No, Brook, I'm sorry. Let's get that pizza now."
"David, I can't. It's not a good idea. We've both handled this badly, so can we just part hoping that someday we can be friends again? Please? I don’t want to hurt you, but I will never leave Cade. He is my heart, and I can't be without him."
I was going to say ‘I can't live without him' but there was no reason to make David feel worse. I knew I never wanted to have this conversation again; we’d had it too many times, and this time David was broken. Not something I wanted for him, but I knew in my heart that as harsh as this was, it would finally be the end.
We pulled up in front of my hotel and I detangled myself from David's arms.
"I wish you everything wonderful in your life and hope someday you can forgive me. If you can't, I'll understand." I touched his face one more time, then turned and quickly exited the car.
Incredibly, there were no photographers or fans hanging out at the entrance, so I flew through the doors and into the waiting elevator. Finally a chapter in my life had closed and it was sad, but it was time to embrace the future; a future I knew lay with Cade, but I was sad for David and that I'd lost his friendship.
Hot tears ran down my cheeks as I grieved the loss. I ached for the only person who could comfort me; whose strong arms kept me safe, and whose heart loved me beyond all others.
I opened the door and threw myself down on the bed, staring out the window at the moon.
Cade, I need you.
I DIDN'T CALL Brook last night. After the first round of readings, I'd gone back to my hotel, fired up the laptop and searched for the new pictures of her with David. What I saw didn't sit well. She looked so happy and maybe it was selfish, but I was angry and jealous. I didn’t give a shit if it was for show.
Okay, I was pissed off. Pissed off enough not to call her. She'd texted once and I didn't respond. I knew in my gut she’d realize that I was upset and maybe that’s what I wanted. I was down in L.A. fighting for our right to be together, and she was up piggy backing it around Vancouver with that little fucker. I was supposed to stay in L.A. until tomorrow, but I wasn't having it after those pictures. I rushed to the airport after the second round of readings this morning.
Bloody hell. I hated the sick feeling I still got at the thought of the two of them together.
Top that all off with another round of screaming fans chasing me, and my bodyguards, through LAX; it’d been a rough couple of days. I ran my hand through my hair as I sat down in first class after stowing my guitar case in the overhead compartment.
I leaned my head back on the seat and closed my eyes behind my sunglasses. Maybe I could sleep during the flight. I sure as hell didn't sleep much during the night, even though I'd gone out drinking with Ethan and Dawson. I took a deep breath to help me relax, but my lungs resisted.
How was I going to survive being in New York for two and a half months while Brook was in L.A. with David? Fuck!
I tried to shake off the jealousy, telling myself that this was all a Pinnacle set-up, and it would be the last of them. But then, I’d seen those damn photos...
The flight attendant came by and asked if I wanted breakfast.
"Just some orange juice, thank you," I answered as I took off my glasses and glanced around the cabin. Screw sleeping. It wasn't happening.
The first class cabin was relatively empty, but I did notice a young actress who’d played a small role in one of my movies last year. She was sitting across from me and when I caught her gaze, she smiled. After a moment of trying to remember, I recalled her name was Susan Westmore.
"I really loved The Future of Our Past. You were great in it." She leaned toward me so I could hear her. “I saw it five times.”
"Oh, thank you." I wasn't really aware of much she had done, other than some girly series on one of the cable networks that I didn't watch. I felt awkward. What should I say?
"Can I come over to talk to you?" Her eyes fell to the empty seat next to me. I always had Denise book two seats so I could maintain some degree of privacy when flying commercial airlines.
I nodded, "Oh, sure."
We chatted about basic Hollywood bullshit during the flight, about upcoming films and such. Mostly, she was interested in the series and where it was going, what it was like working with Martin and Brook. Thankfully, she didn’t flirt and seemed genuine.
"I know you're probably sick of everyone asking about your chemistry with her, right? Everyone seems so interested in that," she said absently, as she munched on some fruit.
"Oh, yeah. All the time, but um... well, it's right on the screen for all to see." I shrugged. "I'm not sure why they keep after it like they do."
"You’re kidding, right? I've seen some of the interviews and photos. You two look like you're really into each other. I bet that's hard for her boyfriend to watch."
I bristled in my seat. “I suppose."
"Well, I just read online this morning that he proposed to her this weekend when he went up to see her. Maybe now, he'll feel less threatened."
What the fuck? I almost choked on my orange juice as my heart exploded. What did she just say? I swallowed and tried to hide my reaction.
"Brook is a close friend, but I'd no idea that they were talking about marriage. Where did you read it?" I tried to keep my demeanor calm and my voice level even though my heart was pumping in my chest. It was probably just the rag mags spouting off again, but my body reacted none-the-less.
"Well, I don't remember the site, but he got some fancy hotel on the ocean and supposedly they spent the night there and he proposed. I guess you can just ask her when you see her on set. It's exciting for her."
I swallowed the pain in my throat, and tried to speak, "Were there pictures of them at the hotel?"
"I didn't see any pictures from the hotel, but there were some of them out together. They were so cute. She looked so happy."
I put my sunglasses back on so that Susan wouldn't be able to read my eyes. I struggled to control my emotions and told myself it was nothing. My stomach hurt and my skin was on fire.
Wouldn't she have called or texted me about it if it were nothing? Did his proposal make her feel things for him again? Fuck, I was driving myself insane.
"Listen, I'm going to be in Vancouver for a couple of days. Maybe we can all get together. What's your number? I'd love to meet Brook and the rest of the cast, and maybe you can tell me the good clubs in the city?"
"Huh? Oh, sure." I proceeded to give her my number and program hers into my phone, for appearances. The last thing on my mind was socializing.
When the plane landed I couldn't get through the bloody airport fast enough. Would Brook be at her hotel, or his? I decided not to call her, but instead go straight to her hotel. Susan followed behind me in the airport and the paparazzi snapped several pictures.
"I'll have my driver give you a lift if you don't mind waiting for photos and autographs. It's constant, and sometimes it's a bother, but I try to be nice about it."
"Sure, thanks." Susan smiled as she tried to keep up with me. Her shorter legs and high heels made it difficult, but it didn’t slow me down.
Once inside the limo, I told Peter to drop Susan off first. I didn't want any witnesses to my sneaking into Brook’s hotel from the garage, but I was going to get to the bloody bottom of things and fast.
When we finally arrived at Brook's hotel, my heart was pumping madly inside my chest and I couldn't catch my breath. When Peter pulled in and I bolted up the stairs two at a time.
WHEN CADE DIDN'T answer my text the previous night, and I still hadn't heard from him yet today, it meant he was upset. While I was anxious about him, I was also pissed.
So what? He just wasn't going to talk to me now?
He knew David was in town and that there would be photos. I made sure to text him the minute I
knew, so what the hell?
I wasn't going to call or text him again, damn it! In fact, I was going to ask Jennifer to go shopping later. Cade wasn't scheduled to be back until tonight, and I wasn't going to sit my ass in this hotel room waiting for him to throw me a communication crumb all day long. In fact, maybe I'd be the one avoiding the calls when he finally came to his senses.
I'd spent the evening last night reading A Love Like This, feeling sorry for David, and also getting more and more uptight about Cade not returning my messages. Frankly, it sucked ass. I felt bad about David; sorry to lose a close friend and sad to say goodbye to such a big part of my life.
Yesterday with him had been nice, relaxing and even comforting; until he pulled out the ring. Jesus, I didn't see that one coming. Our relationship was always so carefree and casual. I mean, he’d never even been jealous before Cade; not once. Come to think of it, I wasn’t either. Not of David.
That should’ve been a clue, but I was too young to realize. He was the first guy who paid me any sort of attention and he was two years older. In the five years since I'd met him, he'd been my friend more than anything else, and I’d miss him.
Maybe that would be hard for Cade to accept, but I had a life before him. Just because he became everything the day we met, didn't mean everything before him was erased.
I threw the book down on the bed, giving up on the morning's attempt as well. I just couldn't get into it, and I didn't like that there was even the hint that Ryan would cave to that bitch, Jane. I felt like Julia; indignant that he would fail me.
I'd read it several times and I always found myself left with this feeling of emptiness and sadness when Julia took off for France. Each time, I found myself wishing for an alternate plot line; like if I read it enough I could somehow will it to be different.
Couldn't Ryan see how Jane manipulated him through guilt? And not just once; but several times? After everything Julia sacrifices for him, too. Ughhhh! My chest tightened just thinking about it. No wonder Julia leaves.
If I’d have written the series, my Ryan would have been different; no momentary lapses toward Jane, no sticking up for her or making excuses for her behavior when it was so freaking obvious that she was trying to take him from Julia. There would be no question in Ryan's mind... ever. Thank God Ryan redeems himself at the end of the series.
