by Chase Connor
“Jeez.” I sighed, finally catching my breath. “You’ll be out-surfing me one day, man.”
“Doubtful.” Cooper chuckled, the water lapping around our boards. “But I’ll always be quicker.”
“You’re a sprinter.” I teased. “I’m running a marathon, baby!”
Cooper laughed.
Clouds had moved in from the time we had arrived until we had gotten out in the water with our surfboards, though rain didn’t seem likely. It was merely overcast and a little chilly. Not ideal surfing weather, but beggars can’t be choosers.
“Being out here makes me happy,” Cooper said.
“Hey, anytime I’m in the water with my board I’m happy. Having my best friend here is just a bonus.”
“Having a best friend along for the ride makes it even better.” Cooper nodded, his eyes still on the shore, though he wasn’t smiling.
I watched my friend for a moment, wondering what he was thinking, but I knew to ask Cooper to explain every little thought in his head was pointless. His mind was filled with an infinity of thoughts, asking him to pluck one out and explain it seemed to eventually exhaust him. One thing I have found with extremely intelligent people is that they think, consider, and understand things in a way that us mere mortals do not. When you ask them to explain what they feel or think in a way that you will understand it, they find the exercise utterly boring and exhausting. It’s usually best to let them tell you their thoughts in the way and at the time that works best for them.
“A.J. gave me head as soon as we got in our room.” I held my fist out towards my friend once more.
Cooper exploded with laughter and bumped my fist.
“I knew something was probably going on in there when you guys closed the door, man.” Cooper’s laughter tapered off. “Couple of whores is what you are. Just nasty.”
“Just for each other.” I grinned widely as a small wave made us rise and fall gently.
“You can’t complain about that.”
“Definitely not.” I grinned evilly. “Did Alex show you a little love?”
Cooper rolled his eyes but managed a smile.
“I mean,” I shrugged, “I don’t really know who likes to give and receive in your relationship, so—”
“Alex would kill me if I told you about our sex life.” Cooper waved me off. “But it’s pretty fifty-fifty. Just keep that under your toupee, friend-o.”
Pretending to zip and lock my mouth shut, I gave him a wink. Cooper and I settled in watching our boyfriends up on the shore while we rose and fell with each small wave that rolled in behind us. Another thing about super-intelligent people—they don’t mind quiet. So, if that’s your thing, they’re the perfect friend for you. They don’t feel the need to fill every moment with noise of some kind. They are perfectly fine with their thoughts and simple company. Noise does not make something more interesting to them.
“I was thinking about that poem.” I ventured once it became clear that we would be waiting a while for a decent wave.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.” I nodded. “A.J. still hasn’t said anything about what he plans to do when September comes. Anytime I ask him what he thinks he’ll do when fall comes, he kind of just shrugs and…well, I mean, not to be gross, but I think I’ve been getting a lot of head because he knows it makes me shut up.”
“You don’t even moan?”
Cooper grinned evilly, but his eyes stayed on the shore.
“Shut up.” I laughed. “I just mean, it keeps me from asking more questions or worrying.”
“I knew what you meant, broseph.”
“Do you think that means something?” I asked. “I mean, he doesn’t want to have a real discussion about the future. Is that because he doesn’t think we have a future…or what? Maybe I’m just wasting my time and setting myself up to be fucking heartbroken, ya’ know?”
“I don’t think that’s it.”
“What else could it be?” I groaned. “I mean, why else would he avoid talking to me? And, I mean, I know he likes sex—a lot—but even he is hornier than usual, man. It seems like it’s more of a distraction than actual, um…”
Cooper turned to look at me.
“Um, lovemaking.”
A grin split Cooper’s face.
“Oh, fuck off.” I laughed nervously.
“That’s sweet,” Cooper said, no hint of mocking in his voice. “I think it’s nice that that’s how you feel about it.”
It was my turn to shrug.
“Just tell me what to do, damnit. I don’t know what to do to make A.J. just talk to me. I mean, if he plans to break up with me, just tell me, ya’ know? I can handle it—”
“You’ll fall apart, don’t lie.”
“Well, yeah.” I agreed. “But at least I’ll be able to start preparing myself for that to eventually happen. If that’s not it, then why not tell me that?”
“Maybe he doesn’t know what the plan is yet either, man,” Cooper suggested as a larger wave made us bob in the water. “Maybe he’d rather be a nasty little freak than admit that he is as scared of the future as you are. Ever think of that?”
I hadn’t thought of that.
“Well,” I replied quickly, “how do I get him to just say he doesn’t know, then? I mean, that would be better than telling me nothing.”
Cooper’s head turned so that he could look at me again, a gentle smile forming on his face.
“You’re killing my vibe, bro.”
I laughed loudly at Cooper’s attempt at “surfer speak.”
“Seriously, man.” I couldn’t stop laughing. “You’re my Yoda—”
“Yogi.”
“Yoda,” I said. “He’s a Star Wars character, and—”
“I know who Yoda is ya’ shithead. Just like half of the other people on Earth.” Cooper laughed. “But I’m your Yogi because I’m telling you to just shut up and meditate on it. Maybe it’s best to just let A.J. tell you how he feels in his own good time?”
“Yoda would’ve said that, too,” I mumbled.
“Heard that.”
“I’m just frustrated.” I groaned. “Fall is coming, dude. Before you know it, it’s going to be time for you to go to UCLA and I’ll be asking A.J.—again—what his plan is, and he’ll be pushing me back on a bed to shut me up.”
“That’s not really a thing to complain about…”
“Cooper.”
He turned to me, no longer smiling.
“A.J. loves you.” He said simply. “Just as you are. For everything that you are. He’s not going to dump you. He’s A.J. He has no fucking clue what he’s doing or how he’s going to do it once he figures it out. But once he figures it out, you’ll be the first person he tells because he’ll want you along for the ride. He. Loves. You.”
My cheeks felt warm as I looked down at my board and smiled.
“So…can you shut the hell up about it for two seconds and tell me when we’re going to get a wave worth riding or what?” He laughed.
“Sorry,” I said. “I know this trip is supposed to be fun. I’m kind of ruining that, huh?”
“Nah.” Cooper waved me off. “I just…I’ve got a lot of things going on in my head.”
Cooper glanced at the shore, and then his eyes were back on his board. He probably hadn’t even been aware of the fact that he looked at the shore.
“Is Alex being a douche?”
“Isn’t he always? I mean, a little bit anyway.”
I chuckled. “Well, yeah. But, it’s usually just Alex being Alex, and it doesn’t faze you. You look a little…fazed.”
We both chuckled.
“Can I say something and you won’t get offended?”
“Of course.” I nodded furiously.
“Fucking white privilege, man.”
“What?”
He sighed. “Dad made a valid point the other day.”
“He hates Alex.”
“I know.” Cooper sighed. “He thinks—and maybe, just a little
bit, I do, too—that Alex will always be his father’s son. He’s…he doesn’t get that we’re about to step away from Vermont. From Dextrus. We won’t be in our little bubble anymore. Things will be different for us. Especially as gay guys in an interracial relationship. Even if people are kind of cool with that, he’s not going to know what to do when people treat me differently than they do him simply because of this.”
Cooper held his hand out, palm down. I looked down at his brown skin. Instead of saying anything, I reached out and grabbed my friend’s hand. He smiled and gripped my hand.
“I love him.” Cooper shrugged. “Truly. Like, with my whole fucking body. But I don’t know if he’s going to be able to handle being ‘other’ when it happens. And it’s going to happen. I don’t think he appreciates the privilege he has and he thinks life is going to be puppies and rainbows for the rest of his life—like it’s been so far. Ya’ know?”
I nodded, then realized something and shook my head.
“I don’t know,” I said. “I have no idea what life is going to be like for you. I have no idea how painful Dextrus probably was for you, Cooper. I’ve got the same privilege as Alex. I’ll probably never have to deal with that kind of bullshit.”
Cooper smiled, but there was a bitterness to it.
“I’m sorry you’ll have to deal with that,” I said. “More than you already have at Dextrus. Because Dextrus was probably a fucking cakewalk, right?”
He nodded.
“That’s what I want Alex to say,” Cooper responded. “Those exact words. Just to acknowledge that he understands. I want him to say that he gets why his dad’s a douche for getting upset about my commencement speech. I want him to take my fucking side, dude. Because, if we’re going to be together, make our own little family, he has to understand. I need him to understand. I’ve been able to ignore a lot of shit while living in Vermont, going to Dextrus, but life is going to get really real soon. What if he can’t handle it?”
I squeezed my best friend’s hand.
“I can,” I said gently. “I’ll always be here for you, Cooper. No matter what. I can’t promise that Alex will step up, but I will. I’ll always be your best friend.”
Cooper smiled warmly.
“Thank you.” He sighed. “Now, let go of my hand before A.J. and Alex think I’m planning to give you head.”
We both laughed loudly as we gripped each other’s hands one final time, then slowly let go. Finally, a big wave caused us to rise and fall, making me look over my shoulder out towards the horizon. With a smile, I turned to look at Cooper. He smiled widely and fell to his belly on his board. I mimicked his movements, and we both started paddling towards shore, ready to catch our first wave of the day.
“I’ll pay for dinner,” A.J. announced once the waitress had left our table out on the patio of the restaurant we had chosen. “Dad gave me a credit card, so I may as well use it, right?”
“Then I’m getting the most expensive thing.” Cooper quipped as he settled into the seat to my right.
I unfolded my napkin and put it in my lap as I glanced across the table at Alex as he picked up his menu. Alex and Cooper hadn’t spoken much to each other since we had walked back to the house from the beach. They had been perfectly pleasant to each other, but where A.J. and I had gone to shower and get ready for dinner together, they got ready separately. They had stayed in the living room when they weren’t getting ready so that they weren’t trapped in a bedroom, unsure of what to do.
Sitting down in the restaurant as a group made me want to laugh, or at least giggle a little. The four of us, two couples, going to a grown-up restaurant on a double date—it was all very “adult” of us. It almost felt as though we had finished high school and college, had careers, and were meeting on a typical Monday night for dinner and drinks. In my heart of hearts, I couldn’t help but hope that this was what our futures looked like. All of us, meeting up after the jobs we loved and were passionate about, catching up on our days, being friends forever. Of course, I knew that was probably at least partially unrealistic, but it made me feel hopeful and happy for at least a few moments there in the restaurant.
The restaurant had the appearance of a larger than normal seaside shanty with a gigantic patio surrounded by a waist-high wooden fence with latticework. I assume the height of the fence was to keep the view of the ocean—which was less than ten yards away—unobstructed. There’s really no point in visiting a restaurant so close to the ocean if you can’t actually see the ocean. Wooden slats rose every few feet from the fence, reaching several feet in the air and multi-colored Christmas lights were strung from slat to slat. To finish off the effect, the lights zig-zagged overhead, just a few feet above the tallest diner on the patio—which was probably me.
Sunset was coming to an end, so the lights were on, and smallish solar powered candles on each table were slowly coming to life. Each table was a four-top and looked like nothing more than sturdier card tables covered in blue and white checkered tablecloths. Luckily, the seats were sturdy and roomy, making things a little bit comfier for anyone who chose to dine at the restaurant. Sitting in my seat, I could feel gritty sand on top of the cement of the patio. Obviously, it was probably difficult to keep the patio swept free of sand with the beach so close. In fact, if the staff were smart, they had probably given up on even trying anymore.
“Same here.” Alex added tentatively, as though he had forgotten how to tease A.J. “Do they serve lobster and Prime Rib?”
A.J. laughed as he opened his own menu to peruse it. Fortunately for me, I had seen on the sandwich board outside of the restaurant that the Deal of the Day was All-You-Can-Eat Fried Shrimp. Obviously, I knew what I was going to get before we had even sat down at our table. Anxiously, I was awaiting the return of our waitress so that I could tell her to bring me the biggest Coke they had and to put my order in so the shrimp would start arriving. My desire to scarf down massive amounts of sea critters must have been apparent because I glanced over to find A.J. smiling evilly at me.
“Shrimp?” He asked.
“Shrimp.” I nodded.
Obviously, he had seen the sandwich board, too. We both laughed as he shut his menu and laid it back down in front of him. One thing that A.J. and I had in common was that our favorite food was a lot. Both of us were always down for an All-You-Can-Eat situation, so we were also fairly easy to please and really cheap dates. Sure, the fried shrimp was probably a day away from going bad, hence the deal, but I didn’t care. Lots of food for not much money is just too good to pass up. Watching Alex and Cooper look over their menus, I could tell that they were not taking the bait from the sandwich board.
“Um, I guess the chicken scampi linguine?” Cooper shrugged as he folded his menu and laid it on the table. “I mean, that’s probably the safest thing.”
“The safest thing?” A.J. leaned in to speak lowly. There were other diners on the patio. “Don’t be a pussy, Weissman.”
I laughed.
“When you’re praying to the porcelain goddess because you ate expired shrimp, talk to me then.” Cooper chuckled. “Not wanting diarrhea or the pukes doesn’t make me a pussy.”
Alex turned his nose up but continued looking at his menu.
“Expired shrimp is no match for this.” A.J. patted his stomach.
Cooper and I laughed.
“That gut could take on anything.” Alex quipped, still looking at his menu.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Cooper flash an irritated grin at his boyfriend. A.J. just shrugged and continued patting his stomach.
“As the person paying for this meal—”
“Your old man isn’t here, A.J.,” Alex replied.
“—nevertheless, I hold the card, asshole.” He snarled playfully. “You could at least pretend to be a nice person.”
Alex and A.J. laughed at their banter. I chuckled nervously as I watched Cooper stare thoughtfully at Alex. I didn’t know if Alex’s comment about A.J.’s “gut” was meant to be tru
ly hurtful, but Cooper hadn’t appreciated it. In fact, he hadn’t seemed to appreciate anything Alex said or did. The memory of sitting on our boards and talking out in the water in between waves flashed back to me. Was Cooper becoming suspicious that Alex wasn’t just unaware of his own privilege, but also kind of a dick? Because, honestly, Alex could be a major douche sometimes. However, I didn’t really feel that he meant anything harmful in the things he said. He just didn’t consider how his words might hurt other people’s feelings.
Surreptitiously, I leaned over and nudged Cooper in the elbow. He jumped slightly, as though he forgot there were other people at the table with him. As though he had suddenly thought that looking at Alex disdainfully was the only thing going on in the world for him. Quickly, he caught himself and glanced over at me with a weak smile. Smiling back, I gave him a wink, hoping he would understand what I was trying to convey.
“So,” I shrugged as Alex continued looking at the menu—though it was not extensive, “is your dad still freaking out about UCLA?”
I turned my head to Cooper. Suddenly, I remembered that talking about college would just remind me of A.J.’s refusal to discuss the future. My stomach felt like it was sinking again, but there was nothing I could do about it after I had opened my mouth.
Cooper rolled his eyes. “He bought me luggage. I guess that speaks for itself, right?”
A.J. laughed, and I smiled at my friend.
“I mean,” Cooper chuckled, “yeah, he’s kind of torn up about it. I think he’d want me to live with him and Jumper until…well, we both were dead, but he knows UCLA is a good thing. So…he’s getting better at handling it.”
