“Yes, but not yet,” Jack said. “After all, we’re still just getting to know each other, right? And I won’t run away. I absolutely promise you that I will never leave him.”
After Natalie had put the phone down a few minutes later, she sat for a long time and thought about everything that Jack had said. He was never going to leave Freddie, he’d said—he’d promised. And she believed him, a belief that made her rejoice for her son, but frightened her, too. What if, without the benefit of distance and absence, she never got over Jack? What if she spent the rest of her life seeing him and missing him all at once?
Now, though, the morning of the baby group had arrived and Natalie had to focus on the present. She had to prepare, to get ready for this literal moment of truth.
There had been talk about postponing it, as Jacob had come home from the hospital only two days earlier. But Jess said she wanted to come, even if Jacob would be staying at home with Lee on this occasion. She said an hour or two out with her friends was just what she needed.
Natalie had rehearsed on several occasions, usually in front of the mirror, the speech that would reveal her deep, dark, and murky secrets to the baby group. When she detailed the truth about her fake husband, and about exactly how Freddie was conceived (well, not exactly how), and even about her son’s fledgling relationship with his still strange and worryingly wonderful father, she had to admit that her secret sounded, well, less shocking and rather more silly than she had hoped.
Still, she was looking forward to unburdening herself just the same. There was the slight risk that they might all turn on her and she’d end up with no friends at all. But Natalie had decided that there was no point in having close friends—best friends—if you couldn’t be truthful with them.
Sandy helped her prepare for her friends’ arrival by going to the shop to buy the cake.
“Do you want me to go to that lovely patisserie?” she asked Natalie. “Get lots and lots of lovely pastries and things?”
“Thanks, but that would be far too sophisticated,” Natalie said. “We do cake, preferably shop-bought.”
“Shop-bought cake it is,” Sandy said with a shrug, winking at Freddie as she headed out. Natalie looked at the space where her mother had been standing a moment before and found herself smiling.
Recently, Sandy had been quite nice to be around. She hadn’t driven her to instant apocalyptic fury for almost a week, and Natalie was discovering that if she didn’t jump down her mother’s throat at the slightest provocation, sometimes Sandy would have something quite sensible or interesting to say.
Occasionally, Natalie found herself missing their old sparring sessions, but she was fairly sure that once she and Sandy had moved out of this intermediary stage they’d be able to fight happily once again, only this time without the great dark fear that they really did hate each other overshadowing everything. Like any relationship, the one between Natalie and Sandy would require work, effort, and many small adjustments before they got it exactly right.
Similar rules applied in her attempts to manage whatever weird sort of relationship she had with Jack. He was due for his second visit the following day, and Natalie didn’t doubt that it would be just as emotionally challenging as the last one. But if she could stay tranquil on the outside, then she was making some progress, no matter what storm might rage inside.
Natalie was surprised when the doorbell rang a few minutes later, and supposed it must be her mother with plenty of cake but no key.
“It must be the Alzheimer’s again,” she said as she swung the door open, but it wasn’t her mother who stood before her. It was Gary.
“Gary!” Natalie said with an air of pleasant surprise, as if she had just remembered that he existed. He smiled at her, looking very handsome in his tight khaki T-shirt and jeans, and she wondered at the fact that she had let him slip so easily from her thoughts with that torso. How on earth had it come to pass that a skinny, lanky man had captured her heart so firmly when this one hadn’t?
“I was in the area,” Gary said. “Thought I’d drop in, see how you are and”—he looked down at his feet a little coyly—“I, er, needed to talk to you about something.”
Natalie stood aside and let him in rather hesitantly, hoping that he wasn’t going to ask her out again or declare his undying love for her, because she had no idea what she would say to him if he did.
“How’s the wiring?” he asked her, not quite able to look her in the eye.
“Well, everything is working,” Natalie said with a shrug.
“I’m glad to hear it,” Gary said.
They stood looking at each other for a few seconds, both remembering the night they had spent together.
“You look well,” Gary said eventually.
“Thank you,” Natalie said, smiling at his non-compliment. “So do you.”
Gary nodded, his hand on his hip. He bit his lip and looked like what he was about to say to her would be embarrassing and difficult. Natalie braced herself.
“Look, Natalie…”
“Gary, don’t,” Natalie interrupted him, placing her fingers lightly on his lips. “Don’t say what you’re about to say.” She moved a step closer and rested her hand on his forearm. “That night we had together, it was great and it meant so much to me, it really did, but don’t say you want more from me because I just don’t have it to give, Gary. I’m stupidly in love with Freddie’s dad, remember? I don’t even think I could have sex with you again, even if you are a very good lover. Because I can only think about him, and I know it’s stupid. And besides, you are a lovely man. A really fabulous, kind man with a really amazing body and you deserve more than to be just used for sex…”
Gary’s face was stricken.
“Oh, don’t be upset, Gary,” Natalie pleaded. “There are a lot of nicer women than me, really…”
“I’m not upset,” Gary said, taking a step back from her touch. “I’m embarrassed. Natalie, I came about the bill. You haven’t paid it.”
“Oh.” Natalie suddenly felt very hot. “Oh God.” She clapped her hand over her mouth and stared at him. And then she laughed.
“Oh my God. Oh my God! Come down to the kitchen with me and I’ll find the bill and write you a check. Oh my God, Gary,” Natalie repeated as she led him down to the kitchen. “I can’t believe what I’ve just done, what I said to you! Of course you didn’t come round here to declare your love for me. You came for a check.”
“Well, from what you said, it sounds as if I’d have been unlucky anyway,” Gary told her, finding a wry smile as Natalie handed him the check. He laughed. “Sorry, but it was pretty funny.”
“Glad to brighten your day,” Natalie replied, still able to feel the heat in her cheeks.
“Look,” Gary went on, “the only reason I haven’t tried to ask you out again is because I know how you feel about this guy Jack. And I’m not an idiot. If you were really free, I would.” His mouth curled into a delicious smile. “You’re pretty hot for a parent.”
Natalie and Gary smiled warmly at each other, and for one moment longer Natalie thought of that happy, easy life she might have had with him.
It was the last restful moment she would experience for some time.
“So this is Gary!” Meg’s voice interrupted her thoughts. “Oh my God, Gary, how lovely to meet you at last! When Natalie’s mom said you were down here, I couldn’t believe it!”
Natalie whirled round and watched as her friend waltzed into the kitchen.
“How did you get in?” Natalie squeaked quite rudely.
“I let her in,” Sandy said, following Meg into the room. “Found her on the doorstep.” She grinned at Gary. “Hello, love, nice to see you again. I’ll leave your cakes here and go back upstairs, leave you and your friends to it. If the doorbell rings, I’ll get it.”
Horrified, Natalie watched Sandy disappear, wondering if she had any inkling about what chaos she had just unleashed upon her unsuspecting daughter.
“Er, hello,�
� Gary said. Taken aback by this woman’s greeting, he held out his hand for Meg to shake, but instead she grabbed it and kissed him on both cheeks. The poor man looked like he wanted to drop through the floor again.
“We’ve been dying to meet you for ages,” Meg gushed, giving him a little squeeze. “I had no idea you would be here! Was it a surprise visit, Natalie?”
Natalie opened her mouth and shut it again. This was not going according to plan. This was, as her mother would have told her in the not so distant past, all her chickens coming home to roost at once.
“Natalie’s obviously given me a great reference,” Gary said slowly.
“Glowing,” Meg assured him with a little laugh that confused him even further, as she still held on to his hand. “We’ve heard all about how wonderful you are, Gary. Every detail.”
Gary looked at Natalie in horror and Natalie looked anywhere else but at Gary. Maybe if she closed her eyes and counted to ten very quickly it would all go away.
But it didn’t work, of course it didn’t. If Natalie had learned one thing during recent weeks, it was that wishful thinking never worked.
Meg let go of Gary’s hand at last and kissed Natalie. “Natalie, how lovely for you to have your husband home.”
At last the penny dropped with Gary. He looked at Natalie, his eyebrows soaring skyward, his skin blanching underneath his tan.
Natalie looked back at him. “Um…Well, Meg, you see the thing is…Gary here is…”
Suddenly the kitchen was filled with women, Steve, and babies.
“Gary?” Jess exclaimed, going immediately over to him and kissing him. “Well, how lovely to meet you, what a treat. When did you fly in, was it last night?”
“I…er, no,” Gary said. “Not exactly.”
“Dubai, hey,” Steve said, pumping Gary’s hand vigorously, with Lucy tucked under one arm. “Some amazing design out there, incredible architecture. I’m in design myself. I find engineering fascinating. We should have a beer sometime. It must be meet-the-spouse morning—this is my wife, Jill, it’s her first meeting today too.”
Gary smiled weakly at Jill, who looked as flustered and out of place amid the chatter as he did.
“A beer?” Gary said wistfully.
“Wouldn’t say no,” Jill replied.
“Are you staying this time?” Frances asked him frankly as she appraised him with naked curiosity. “Natalie does miss you, you know. I must say, Natalie, he’s not how I pictured him all. I pictured him as more cerebral. When actually he’s very…very…corporeal.”
“Ah…um, well.” Gary fixed his gaze on his phantom spouse. “Anything you want to say, Natalie?”
But before she could speak, Sandy appeared again in the doorway.
“There’s someone else here to see you,” she told Natalie with a quite outrageously obvious wink.
“What? Who?” Natalie groaned. “Is it Tiff? I need Tiff to save my life.”
“Sorry, I haven’t been called Tiff for years,” Jack Newhouse said.
“Shit,” Natalie said with a heavy sigh, and then, “No offense.”
“None taken…I think,” Jack said. “You’ve got guests. Look, Natalie, I’m sorry to interrupt you, but I really need to speak with you. I couldn’t wait until tomorrow.”
Natalie looked around her at her chirping and chatting friends, and at poor Gary, who kept backing slowly toward the garden doors looking helplessly at her all the time, silently pleading to be rescued.
She looked at Jack. “I need to say something first. Right!” she called out. “Quiet, please.”
One by one the baby group members fell silent, looking at each other curiously.
“I have an announcement. This is not how I planned to make it. I planned to ply you all with cake first and get you a bit drunk, maybe slip some cooking sherry in your tea if my mother hadn’t drunk it all…but, anyway, needs must.” Natalie took a breath and pointed at Gary. “This man, although he is called Gary, is not Gary my husband.”
“Husband?” Jack asked sharply. “Did you say husband?”
Natalie thought it best to ignore him for now.
“This is Gary my electrician, who came over to remind me I haven’t paid the bill.” Natalie smiled a little sheepishly at Gary, who had his hand hopefully on the door handle.
“Oh! Oh no!” Meg clasped both her hands over her mouth. “How embarrassing!”
“I do apologize,” Frances said.
“Oh God, you must have thought we were mad,” Jess chipped in with a giggle.
“There’s more,” Natalie said. “There’s a lot more and I’m going to tell you all about it but first I have to…” She stopped talking. The sight of Jack standing in the doorway took her breath away for a second.
“Jack,” she said. “I need to sort out a few things here. Did you want to go and see Freddie and we can talk in a bit?”
“What’s he got to do with Freddie?” Frances asked, with her special brand of tact-free curiosity.
“Hello.” Jack smiled at Frances with automatic good manners. “I’m Jack Newhouse—Freddie’s dad.”
There was total silence in the kitchen. You could have heard a mute mouse dropping a tiny pin.
“I told you there was more,” Natalie said with a shrug.
“What have I said?” Jack asked.
“A bit too much just now,” she told him.
“Look, I need to know—have you got a husband?” Jack persisted, and Natalie realized that he really believed this was possible.
“Okay, well, you might as well be here for this, too, why not? Mother?” Natalie looked at Sandy. “Anyone else coming?”
“Only me,” Tiffany said as she walked into the kitchen. “What’s going on?”
“You may well ask,” Frances said.
“Right.” Natalie took a breath. “Hello, everybody, I am Natalie Curzon. I am thirty-six and a single mother. I am not married, I have never been married. I made up a husband and named him after my electrician Gary because, oh, I don’t know, it’s as good a name as any. At the time it seemed easier to tell you I had a husband somewhere than to explain to what was then a bunch of total strangers that I had conceived my son on a weekend fling with this man”—she pointed at Jack—“Jack Newhouse. A man who I barely knew at the time of conception and who I don’t know that much better now.” Natalie paused and looked at Jack; she didn’t know him well enough to be able to read his expression.
“So, you haven’t got a husband,” he confirmed. She shook her head. He nodded as if the news had helped him to come to some decision. Natalie just prayed it wasn’t the decision to have her arrested under the Mental Health Act. She turned back to her friends.
“The thing is, I didn’t know you then, it didn’t seem important. But over the last few weeks I’ve got to know and love you all. I really mean that, I love you and care about you all. You have become important to me as friends, and I didn’t know how to tell you what a fool I’d been. It just got harder and more stupid as time went on—every time I decided to tell you, something would happen to someone else and I’d feel like even more of an idiot. Then, when Jack came back, I got even more confused and muddled and it wasn’t until we were all at Tiffany’s, just after Tiff got Jacob breathing again, that I realized just how sad and poor I’d be without you. And if you can still bear to be my friends after all this nonsense, I promise never to lie to you again, except about my age and weight, which I think is more or less a given with most women over the age of thirty-five, don’t you? Not that I am over the age of thirty-five…Anyway, you can stone me now, if you like. There are some rocks in the garden.”
Nobody said anything until eventually Meg asked, “Is that all?”
“Um, well…yes,” Natalie said. “What more do you want?”
“I thought you were going to tell us you were in a ménage with the electrician, your husband, and this guy,” Steve said, sounding a little disappointed and “oomphing” as Jill elbowed him firmly in the ribs.
“Does that mean you don’t all hate me?” Natalie asked them.
“We think you are really rather foolish,” Frances said. “But that was already apparent.”
“How could I hate you when you’ve been such a dear, good friend to me?” Meg smiled at Natalie. “No, it was just a silly fib that didn’t hurt anyone. I can’t believe you didn’t say something before, you silly thing. I bet you’ve been fretting about it all this time.”
“I have, a bit,” Natalie said. She was feeling rather foolish but extremely relieved.
“Well, at last,” Tiffany said, rather maternally, and when the others looked at her she added rather proudly, “I knew ages ago.”
Gary, who had been frozen by the back door, was gradually relaxing. He looked at Jack and nodded. It was a gesture of solidarity, Natalie realized. A signal that they were both men who had survived the madness of Natalie Curzon in one way or another.
“I’ll be off then,” he said, sliding open the back door. “See you later, Tiff. Take care, Natalie, and good luck!” Natalie gave him a little wave as he closed the door, but he didn’t wave back.
“Shall I make the tea?” Sandy said. “And then all of you ladies and Steve can go upstairs to the sitting room. Natalie will just have a quick word with Jack here and she’ll be up in a minute, is that okay?” Natalie had never been so glad to have her mother take control of a situation. She had never been glad of it before, in fact, and hadn’t had the compulsion to hide behind her mother’s skirts for at least thirty years.
“Hold on,” Jack said, as everyone began to file out. They stopped and looked at him.
“I don’t know any of you, actually.” He looked both scared and slightly manic. “But I have a declaration, too. Why not?”
Natalie froze. She didn’t know what he was going to say but she was sure she didn’t want him to say it in front of everybody.
Mommy By Mistake Page 35
