Bear's Heart

by Corie Weaver

  After I was dressed, she handed me some of the green papers. “Put this in your pocket. It’s money.”

  I reviewed the marks on the papers, what she said they would mean. Folded them carefully and put them into the pocket of the pants.

  Jack spoke up. “Maggie, where did you get that?”

  She flushed. “It’s my birthday money, some that I’ve saved.”

  I paused. “So, this money is hard to come by?”

  “Umm . . . yeah. Most people spend their lives figuring out how to get more money, so yeah, I guess so.”

  How very strange. The more I learned of Maggie’s world, the less comfortable I felt with our plan, but I could see no way to turn back now.

  Finally, she said I was ready. Jack stood and the three of us made our way to the outskirts of the village.

  “Maggie, why do you not wait here for Ash? I am sure he will be back shortly.”

  “Shouldn’t I go with you?”

  “If you don’t mind, I’d rather you waited for him, then you can tell me tonight the news from my parents.”

  She nodded, then turned to the silent boy beside me. “Jack, aren’t you going to change back before you go?”

  He shrugged. “I'll change when we get to the tree. This way I can answer any more questions Bear Girl might have.”

  I smiled at him, grateful for his thoughtfulness.

  Maggie stepped forward in a rush and hugged him. “Please be careful. Please. I know you’re mad at me now——”

  He interrupted. “I’m not mad and I promise, I’ll be okay.” He bent his head down and rested his forehead on hers. I envied them their closeness.

  He broke away and started down the trail, grabbing the bag from me as he passed. “Come on, I can at least carry this for now. Who knows how much she’s packed for you.”

  I went to Maggie and embraced her. “Thank you for all your help. And I will make sure to bring him back safely. We will see you tonight.”

  A weak grin crossed her face. “I know it will be all right, I’ll see you soon. Good luck.”

  And then I turned and ran after Jack, stumbling only a little in the tight pants and awkward shoes.

  I caught up with him quickly and we walked in silence, surrounded by the noise of the wind.

  “Does the wind bother you?” I asked, more to have something to say than anything else.

  Jack shrugged. “I hear someone crying, but after a while I can block it. I don’t know if I hear it differently from the others or not.”

  “Jack, when you are a boy, you are a boy. Like me.”

  He stopped, looked at me with his eyebrows raised.

  “No, not that I am a boy.” I got flustered, trying to find the right words. “When I am a bear, I am a bear. Not like a normal bear, probably, but still, that is what I am. But when I wear this shape,” and I ran my hands down my sides, “I am a girl, no different than anyone else in the village.”

  He didn’t answer.

  “What I am saying is that you are just as much a human boy as anyone else. You are different because you have another shape you can wear, but that is an advantage, right?”

  He grinned at me. “I guess. It’s hard sometimes; the only other person I can talk to about this is Coyote and he’s not always the most . . . forthcoming with answers.”

  I laughed, even as I wrapped my arms around me to shield myself from the wind, missing my coat already. “Oh, I’m sure he’s happy to answer questions. Just not with answers that make any sense.”

  We walked on, watched for the trail to bend towards the river. The closer we came, the more nervous I felt. I watched Jack, to distract myself, trying to identity the difference about him.

  He spoke again and I lost my train of thought. “Are you worried about crossing?”

  “What?”

  “When Maggie asked what you were, I think she was worried about what might happen when you cross over. I mean,” and he frowned, “is it possible, that if you’re really a bear and it’s just pinang that lets you wear a girl shape, will you be a bear on the other side, even without your coat?

  I stopped, felt cold hands on my spine. “I . . . I do not know.” I had feared to cross over, but had been only worried about fulfilling my task. Now I feared I would not even be able to leave. If I wore a human shape only by the grace of magic, could I wear it in a place where magic did not work?

  Much too soon Jack stopped in front of a large cottonwood tree that had grown into multiple trunks, bowing away from each other, to form an upside down archway.

  “Here we are.”

  I put the backpack on and we stood before the opening. “How are we going to do this?”

  Jack grinned at me. “You need to go through first. Just wait for me after you step through. I’ll be right there.”

  I stood before the tree, gathering my courage.

  “Bear Girl, it’ll be all right. I’ll be right behind you.”

  I looked over my shoulder at him and he grinned, crazy and familiar, like a young version of Coyote—the least reassuring thing I could think of. I took a deep breath, painfully aware this would be the last breath I took of the air of my world, of my home, for a very long time.

  And I stepped through the door in the tree.

  The first things I noticed were the sounds. The wind did not sob and howl here, but I found no silence in its place. Low rumbles and roars came from every direction. The air smelled odd, like a fire had been left burning for too long and old smoke saturated the trees. And I still wore a human shape. One question at least had been settled and some of the tightness left my chest.

  I stood in place and turned to look all around me. By the heat of the air, the position of the sun and the sound of the birds I guessed it to be late afternoon. Good. We could still get much done before I needed to return with Jack to Maggie's home.

  Thinking of him I turned back to the tree, impatient. Surely it could not take so long for him to rid himself of his clothing change and come through. Had something happened? Once Jack and Maggie had been trapped in my land, unable to cross back to their own. Could such a thing have happened again?

  I moved towards the tree to cross back to see if he had been hurt, when out from the tree jumped . . . Jack.

  Chapter Eight

  But not the sleek black-and-white dog I had expected. Jack stepped through as a tall boy, wearing a grin that threatened to split his face.

  He picked me up and spun me around and laughed into the faded blue sky. “It worked, it worked!”

  I beat at his shoulders. “Jack, put me down!”

  He twirled me twice more first.

  I stared. “Jack, how did you . . . Did you know you could do that?”

  His grin faded, but only slightly. “I’ve never tried it before. Coyote said it should work, that even if I can't change at home I should be able to change in your world and come back here in the other shape, but there was never time to try it and . . .” His smile faltered. “I was scared. I didn’t know what would happen.”

  I nodded. “I understand. After your comment about what my true shape was, I didn’t want to cross either.” A thought struck me. “Does Maggie know you can do this? Or that it’s even a possibility?”

  He shook his head, all traces of humor gone now. “No, I never found a good time to talk to her about it.” He fell silent and looked at the trees that lined the trickling irrigation ditch we stood beside.

  I looked carefully at him. Away from the wind my mind felt clearer, my exhaustion lessened. I suddenly knew what had nagged me each time I had looked at Jack during this trip.

  His face, formerly cubbish and plump, had grown lean. He was nearly my height. No, he was taller than I, but carried himself slouched over so as to disguise the growth.

  “Jack. I have to ask you . . .” I thought of how to phrase this best. “How much time has passed in Maggie’s world since you first came to our Land?”

  He looked startled. “Almost a year, why?”


  I studied his face, his form. “I do not think you are only a year older. You look to be close to my own age now. Before, when you first changed, you were younger than Maggie; now I think you are her age, or older.”

  Jack reared back as if I had attacked him. “Can we talk about this later? I don’t think it’s going to help us any.”

  I agreed reluctantly. Once I had solved the mystery of the wind and felt secure that my parents and the rest of our people were safe, I would turn my attention to what troubled Jack.

  “Jack, what are we going to do about your clothing?”

  He looked down at the buckskins which had been so appropriate in the village, but I was sure would be out of place here.

  He frowned briefly, then took the backpack from me. “Knowing Maggie she packed you extra, right? I’ll just borrow those.” He fished out another pair of the blue pants and a long-sleeved overshirt.

  “I’ll just go change, be right back.” He walked back through the cottonwood and I shuddered. What if something happened this time? I stopped myself. It was luckier than I could imagine that Jack would be able to help me in his boy form. I should stop worrying over every detail.

  Jack came back, still wearing the buckskin pants but with the new shirt. “Jeans don’t fit at all. Shirt’s a little tight, but it’ll do. And I’m not sure what we’ll do about shoes. Maybe no one will notice?”

  I looked at his feet. “I will give you these. I do not know how anyone can stay in these.”

  He looked down. “Um, no. Those are girl shoes.”

  I looked again. They were pink with red trim and tied loosely to my feet. I shrugged. “As you prefer. So, how does this change our plans?”

  “It’s a million times better! First off, we can take the bus to the University. That’ll save a ton of time and be cheaper than the taxi, too.”

  Something moved behind me and Jack rushed forward. “Ducks!”

  Jack stood on the edge of the bank, nose twitching, leaning forward at a steep incline.

  “Jack, be careful!”

  “It’s all different. Doesn’t smell the same, but it’s still home.” He ran back and forth up the path, pointing out trees and fences and other dogs.

  “Hi, Bouncer! Hi, Duchess! It’s me, it’s me!”

  A large tan dog with a whip-like tail stood before the fence, her head cocked to the side. Jack stood before the fence separating them and she advanced and sniffed the air.

  Just as I began to worry that his friends would no longer recognize him her tail wagged furiously. She leapt and spun in circles.

  “I know, isn’t it great?” He looked over his shoulder at me. “I wonder if I can teach the others how to change too!”

  I laughed, then caught myself. What if he could? And then what would that do? Would it create a whole city of dogs who were tired and bored with their lives? Would they all leave, demand to go to the school that occupied Maggie’s time?

  “I am sure you can teach them all. But later, please!” I took a hold of his arm and continued walking down the trail. “It is this way, yes?”

  “You’re right.” But he looked over his shoulder at Duchess and paused for brief hellos when he saw his other friends as we passed. I did not stop him.

  We left the trail after a while and descended a short hill down to a hard black surface lined with buildings that stood one or two stories high, with doors and large windows on the lower floors as well as the upper ones. Little pieces of land surrounded each, but not nearly enough for a garden. I looked at Jack, confused.

  “Most houses are stand-alone buildings here,” he explained. “Sort of like your parents’, but, well, not in the side of a cliff.”

  I nodded and made a decision; I would treat all of this world as a dream, an illusion, in which anything was possible and do my best to look to Jack for clues. If he acted like all was normal, like nothing was out of the ordinary, I would do the same.

  Jack kept looking at one of the strange houses in particular.

  “Jack, what is wrong? Is there a problem with that house?”

  He shrugged. “That’s my house. Mine and Maggie’s house. Mom and Dad aren’t there right now, but I feel like I should go home, go inside and wait. It’s stranger than anything I could imagine, that I could walk in, fix myself a sandwich, actually say hello to our parents.” He looked sad. “I wonder what they would say.”

  I put my arm around his waist and hugged him while we walked past the long adobe building with the curved wall in the front, the gesture made awkward by the backpack Jack wore.

  “I’m sure they would love you, no matter what shape you wore. You and Maggie love them very much and I am sure you could not if they were not good people, true?”

  He nodded, but I could see in his eyes he was not convinced.

  “Come on, show me this thing called a bus.”

  We stopped by a low gray bench. “This should take us there. This is the stop I’ve seen when we’re walking.” He pointed to a metal square on a pole by the bench. “And that number is the same Maggie told you about, the same on the bus map. All right, you’ll need to get the money ready.”

  I reached back into my pocket and pulled out the slips of green paper.

  “Bear Girl, do you want me to hold those? I see Maggie use them all the time.”

  I nodded, happy to have one less thing to worry about.

  He stared at them intently, then pulled one of the papers out of the stack. “This should work.”

  We waited until the bus came, a thing like a house that moved, rumbling and bouncing down the road. It stopped before us and a section of the wall slid open.

  We both stared at it. I did not know what to do and I think being in this shape here, doing all the things that were forbidden, still overwhelmed Jack.

  A short run of stairs led up to a woman with short frizzy hair.

  “Get on if you’re coming, kids! I have a schedule to keep.”

  I put my hand on the silver rail and mounted the stairs with Jack pressed behind me.

  The seat directly behind the woman was empty and I sank into it, staring out the window.

  Bus Woman spoke to Jack. “No, kid. You need exact change.”

  He stood at the front of the bus, holding out the slip of paper to her.

  “That’s a five, you need to put in two ones.” She pointed to a tall box that stood next to her. Jack looked confused and flustered.

  I hurried back over to him and took the pile of other papers out of his hand and shuffled through them. I found two with the markings Maggie had shown me as “ones” and handed them to the woman.

  She made an exasperated noise and slid them into a slot on the tall box. “If you’re exchange students, you should have someone with you. Don’t know why you don’t.”

  I grabbed Jack’s arm and sat down behind the woman again.

  “I am sorry. I am new here. This will take us to the,” I fought for the strange words, “The University area, yes?”

  She laughed. “Don’t worry about it, hon, this won’t be the worst thing that happens to me today.” She did something with her hands and the door closed and the large box moved down the street. “And yeah,” she continued. “This will get you to the campus.”

  I blinked and Jack whispered. “Campus is the University. Same thing.”

  Why could she not have said that?

  Before long, I had more than enough things to push the behavior of Bus Woman out of my mind. The bus moved through many trails, stopped at intervals to let people on and off, then kept traveling. I tried to estimate how far we had gone and could not. Everywhere I looked, more people, more buildings, more cars swarmed around us. I felt woozy.

  “Hey, are you getting car sick?” Jack whispered.

  “I do not know what that is, but I do not feel well.”

  He took my hand. “We’re almost there, it’ll be okay. Um, one of Maggie’s friends gets carsick and she always says that looking out at something far away that doesn’t move
helps. Look at the mountains and I’ll watch for where we get off.”

  At the edge of the city, mountains rose to the sky; their tops covered with snow. In my overwhelmed state I had not noticed them and now I clung to their image. “Jack, what direction is that?” It did not matter, but I wanted to have at least one thing that made sense to me in this strange place.

  “The mountains are to the east of the city. Maggie uses them as reference when we’re out exploring.”

  East. Knowing that was a start.

  Shortly Jack squeezed my hand. “We’re almost there, time to get off.”

  The bus rolled to a stop and many of the riders stood. We waited in line, pressed far too close to people I had never met.

  I waited while Jack turned in place slowly.

  “I need to see where we are. Usually when we come down, Mom or Dad drives us and we park somewhere else. But I’m sure I’ll figure out a landmark soon.”

  He took my hand and pulled me along behind him.

  “Come on, let’s get onto campus. I’ll see something I recognize.”

  “Or we can ask someone,” I said. But I did not think he heard me.

  We walked up a set of broad steps with large buildings to either side that stood almost as large as my home cliff. I wondered about what sort of people could build such a thing.

  In a moment we stood by a large, brightly colored statue of a man and a woman.

  Jack looked at it and nodded. “Okay, I know where we are!” We headed to the left away from the statue, then down a narrow passageway formed by two buildings pressed closely to each other.

  Before us stood a strange gray shape. Jack laughed. “The Center of the Universe! You’ve got to see this.” And he pulled me after him.

  We walked around the thing. Large, made of smooth slabs of gray stone, as if someone had taken four rooms and arranged them so they stuck out to each of the directions and then another block on the top.

  “Come on, it makes more sense inside.”

  We walked inside the thing. Each of the sides stood open, forming tunnels that allowed you to see through the odd building in each of the four directions.