by Sara Shepard
She dropped off the girls at the parking lot where they’d left their cars. They made a plan to meet the next morning at the police station. Then Caitlin pulled away, her head humming. Even though she knew she should go home and get some rest, she knew she’d be too wired to sleep. She needed to talk to someone.
And suddenly, she realized who that someone was.
Ten minutes later, she pulled up to the Fridays’ curb. Most of the windows were dark, but a single one shone in the basement. Caitlin’s heart thudded as she slipped out of the car. Mercifully, Josh’s car wasn’t in the driveway. He had texted her earlier this evening, asking if she wanted to go out with his buddies to celebrate winning the big game on Wednesday—something she’d barely thought about since it happened. But he hadn’t seemed particularly bummed when she declined. Besides, it wasn’t Josh she wanted to see tonight. It was Jeremy.
Caitlin tiptoed around to the back of the house where the basement windows were and peered inside. Her heart lifted. There was Jeremy, sitting on the couch, watching Cartoon Network, looking adorable.
She tapped once on the window. His head immediately snapped up, and his face brightened when he saw it was her. He leaped to his feet and unlocked the basement door. “What are you doing here?” he asked in a bewildered voice, his cheeks flushed.
“I—I wanted to see you,” Caitlin said, suddenly feeling embarrassed.
“I thought you were out with Josh,” Jeremy said. Then he looked at her carefully. “You seem . . . frazzled. Is everything okay?”
Caitlin looked away. Of course she wasn’t okay, but there was no way she was going to drag him into the Granger nightmare. “I’ve just had a confusing and weird couple of days.”
Jeremy cocked his head. “I thought you’d be on cloud nine. You know, after the soccer victory.”
Caitlin shut her eyes. She should be on cloud nine. She’d scored three goals in that game. The UDub recruiter had spoken to her personally afterward, saying there was a spot for her on the university team. Her teammates and her moms had swarmed her, giving her huge hugs, and she’d wanted to feel elated and victorious, like she used to when the team had a win. But she felt as if there were a hole in the part of her that used to love soccer. Or maybe everything else she was worried about—thinking about—was taking up all the available space.
“There’s more to life than soccer,” she said simply, looking at Jeremy.
“Gotcha,” Jeremy said, nodding. His throat bobbed as he swallowed. “Um, do you want to come in?”
“Yes,” Caitlin said, surprised at her forwardness. She was even more surprised when she took Jeremy’s hand and let him lead her through the door. The basement smelled like popcorn, and the family’s dog, Scruffy, lay on his bed in the corner. He noticed Caitlin and wagged his tail, then put his head back down.
“Hey, Scruffs,” she said.
Caitlin and Jeremy sat down on the couch together, their knees touching. Jeremy turned down the sound and stared into her eyes.
“I missed you,” Caitlin blurted.
“I’ve been thinking so much about you,” Jeremy said at the same time.
They both sat back and awkwardly laughed. Then Caitlin reached out and touched his smooth cheek. Jeremy shuddered. He lifted his gaze to her again and leaned forward. Their lips touched, and tingles shot up Caitlin’s spine. Oh, how she wanted this, needed this. It immediately washed all her bad feelings away.
She wasn’t sure how long they kissed, the light from the anime film flashing against their faces. Finally, Jeremy pulled back, out of breath.
He grabbed her hands. “Caitlin,” he said softly, “I want to be with you.”
She pressed her lips together. “I know.”
He took a deep breath. “But I get that it’s . . . complicated.”
Caitlin bit her lip. It was obvious what he meant. It was weird, too—here she was, in Josh’s house, Josh’s basement, on a couch where she and Josh had made out hundreds of times. It was so familiar, and yet it was also totally . . . new.
“I mean, you and Josh are still together,” Jeremy said carefully. “But you don’t want to be with him, right?”
Caitlin cleared her throat. “No,” she admitted. “I don’t think so.”
Jeremy’s eyes gleamed. “Are you ready to be with me? To, like, really be with me? Not to hide under bleachers. Not to sneak around in my basement. Because I’m ready to be with you.”
It was such a simple question, but it gave Caitlin pause. She thought about what would happen if she broke up with Josh. What the team would think. The parties she probably wouldn’t be invited to anymore. How uncomfortable it would be next year at UDub.
But all that she could get past. It was the part about their families that tripped her up. Her parents, Josh’s parents—they were so into them being together. Would her moms be disappointed in her?
Then Jeremy leaned forward and kissed her again. Suddenly, all of Caitlin’s doubts faded away. She slid her hands up his tight abs, breathing in his scent.
“Yes,” she whispered. “Jeremy, yes. I’m ready.”
His lips moved tenderly across her neck and jawbone, and she closed her eyes, tilting her head back. That was when she saw the slice of yellow light from the door up the stairs. And that was when she saw a figure standing in the doorway, staring at them.
Caitlin shot back as Josh walked down the stairs, but it was too late. His gaze moved from Caitlin and then to his brother. His lip curled, and his nose wrinkled. His hands became tight fists.
“Josh,” Caitlin blurted worriedly, afraid Josh might punch his younger brother. “It’s not his fault.”
Josh stared at her again. “So it’s yours?” His nostrils flared. “He’s had a crush on you for years, Caitlin. I just never thought you’d fall for it.”
Then the basement door swung open wider. Caitlin turned. Josh and Jeremy’s parents appeared down the stairs. Both of them were in bathrobes and socks.
“What’s going on here?” Mr. Friday said sleepily. Then he noticed Caitlin. “Caitlin?” His voice grew stern. “I didn’t realize you were over.”
“Oh, Caitlin wanted a little alone time with Jeremy.” Josh’s voice was bitter. “Isn’t that right, Caitlin?”
All eyes turned to her. There were all sorts of words jammed in Caitlin’s throat, but she couldn’t quite get them out. She felt Jeremy sitting next to her, waiting for her to tell the truth. To say, It’s right. I’ve chosen Jeremy.
But somehow, even though it was true, she just couldn’t do it.
Instead, she felt herself jump up from the couch and back toward the basement door. “Um, I have to go,” she blurted, fumbling for the knob. “I’m sorry.”
The knob turned in her hands, and she fell through the door and into the garage. Just before she shut the door, she turned back and gave everyone a final look. The fury was clear on Josh’s face. Mr. and Mrs. Friday looked tired and confused. And then there was Jeremy. His mouth hung open. His eyes turned down at the corners. He looked like Caitlin had just slapped him.
But all she could do was stab the button to open the garage door. It growled to life, and she didn’t even wait until it was fully up before slipping outside. No one ran after her as she sprinted to her car. Maybe because no one knew what to make of what had happened.
Or maybe because they did.
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
VERY LATE THAT NIGHT, PARKER reunited with Julie at Jaime’s Big Bite, the only twenty-four-hour restaurant in Kirkland, a town twenty minutes away from Beacon Heights. On the wood-paneled walls, which dated back to the early eighties, were faded photographs of breakfast food. According to Beacon Heights High lore, an order of Jaime’s chicken and waffles with a side of maple bacon would magically soak up all the alcohol from your blood and leave you hangover-free the next morning. Back before everything bad happened, Parker and Julie used to stop there on their way home from a party, Parker stoned or drunk and Julie usually sober, since she was the one drivin
g. They would split a massive order of fries and an Oreo shake and giggle over everything crazy that had happened that night. Looking around the restaurant, Parker saw versions of their younger selves doing that exact thing, girls with wilted hair and smudged makeup laughing at stupid drunk jokes. She felt a familiar pang in the pit of her stomach for what could have been . . . if only.
A waitress sat them under a portrait of French toast, and Julie ordered chili fries for both of them. She and Julie sat on the same side of the table, a habit they’d instituted early on, mostly a tongue-in-cheek parody of all the lovey-dovey high school couples who couldn’t bear to even spend a single meal not holding hands. Tonight, though, they held hands, too. Parker didn’t know about Julie, but gripping someone else’s palm kept her hand from wildly trembling.
“Thanks for getting me out of there,” Parker mumbled as the waitress placed the fries on the table mere seconds after they ordered.
“Of course,” Julie said, grabbing the ketchup bottle. “There was no way I was risking you getting caught. I don’t think you could have handled it.”
Parker nodded. “You’re probably right.”
They didn’t say much else while they ate. Parker’s hands continued to tremble as she swiped a cheese-and-chili-powder-covered fry in ketchup. She felt as if she hadn’t eaten in days. She’d had no appetite lately, with everything going on. But maybe, finally, the nightmare was almost over.
She looked up, getting an idea. “Next year, let’s go as far away from this shithole as we can,” she suddenly blurted.
Julie blinked, then picked up another fry. “Where do you want to go?”
Parker shrugged. “Your Spanish is good. Let’s go live in Mexico. Cabo, Cozumel, Cancún. Somewhere on a beach. I bet it’s cheap.”
“What about college?”
Parker snorted. “No one’s going to take me with my grades. And besides, there’s no way my mom will pay for it.”
Julie looked down at the plate. “Yeah, I don’t know how I’m going to pay for it, either. I think I’m going to be stuck here—UDub’s resident tuition isn’t cheap, but if I work, I should be able to manage it.” She saw Parker’s face and frowned. “Wait, are you serious?”
“Yeah,” said Parker challengingly. “I am.”
They looked at each other for a long moment. Parker’s head gave an ominous throb. She suddenly realized that, soon, she and Julie might be apart. She’d always assumed that, no matter what, she and Julie would be together somewhere. If Julie decided to move to Seattle, what would she do? She couldn’t stay here any longer. The place held too many bad memories.
Then Julie’s gaze focused on a point to the right. Her cheeks paled, and her mouth fell open. “Oh my god.”
“What?” Parker asked, looking up from the plate of fries. She followed Julie’s gaze . . . and her jaw dropped, too. Elliot Fielder was standing at the to-go counter, handing the cashier his credit card. He picked up a Styrofoam box and turned to go.
Then his eyes met Parker’s, and he froze. Her heart started to pound. She felt herself shrink into the booth. Then, to her horror, Elliot started walking toward them.
“Stay calm,” Julie whispered, grabbing her hand. “I’m here with you.”
There was a strange expression on Elliot’s face as he approached. Parker wanted to jump up and run, but she felt pinned like an insect to a tray.
Julie sat up straighter as he stopped at their table. “What are you doing here?” she demanded. “Did you follow us?”
Elliot didn’t even look at her; he kept his gaze on Parker. Suddenly, a strange smile flashed across his face. “You’re out together.”
“Uh, duh,” Julie said defiantly. “But I asked you a question. Did you follow us?”
“No.” He held up his take-out container. “I just came to get a burger. I promise. I’m not following you.”
“Good. Then go.” Julie made a shooing motion with her hands.
But Elliot still didn’t look in her direction. His gaze bored into Parker, as though waiting for her to say something. Parker stared at the table. The sight of him filled her with a hollow, wrenching feeling of despair. Not long ago, he’d made her feel like there was hope for her—that someday, with appropriate help, with work, she could even find some peace. That made his betrayal sting all the worse.
Julie shook her head, her eyes wide. “I’m not going to let you get away with stalking Parker. You’d better lay off.”
Elliot’s dark eyes seemed fathomless. “I’m not stalking anyone,” he said calmly.
“Oh yeah?” Julie said loudly. A passing waitress gave them a questioning look. “Then what were all those photos on your computer?”
“Parker shouldn’t have found those,” Elliot said. “Look, I was just trying to find out more about Parker’s condition. I think I can help her. I might even be able to help you, Julie. If I can help one of you, I can probably help both of you.”
Julie scoffed. “I don’t think I need your help, but thanks.”
Parker felt his eyes on her again. “Parker, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I was watching you. But I did it for important reasons.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a business card. “If you ever want to talk, I’m here for you.” His voice became urgent. “Please give me a chance. You can trust me.”
His words hung in the air for a long time. Parker could sense that both Elliot and Julie were waiting for her to finally speak up. She took a deep breath, looking up and meeting Elliot’s eyes.
“You know who got chance upon chance upon chance?” she whispered. “My dad. Lesson learned.”
Elliot’s face went pink. He took a step toward her, but Julie stood up and stepped between them, her eyes blazing. When she spoke, her voice was low and controlled, but there was no mistaking the fury underneath.
“Arizona or not, if we catch you following Parker again, we’ll report you to the medical board. We’ll tell them you seduced her. You’ll lose your license. You’ll lose everything.”
The therapist’s expression changed, the carefully neutral mask slipping to reveal a cold and arrogant smirk. He raised an eyebrow, looking directly at Julie for the first time since he’d come to their table. “Even if that were true, no one would believe her.”
“Then I’ll say it was me.”
He and Julie stared at each other for what felt like forever. Then, slowly, Elliot smiled. “Fine. You win. I’ll never contact either of you again.”
He took a few steps toward the door, then turned back and smiled at them, this time almost gently. “You know, I’m glad you girls have each other,” he said. “You help each other survive.” Then he held his hand in a good-bye wave. The bells on the door jingled in his wake.
Parker stared down at the cold fries lying under a blanket of congealed cheese. “Well,” she muttered. “That was weird.” Then she grabbed Julie’s hand. “Thanks. For, you know. Everything.”
“No problem,” Julie said softly, hugging Parker tight. “Thank god he’s leaving.”
After that encounter, Parker felt exhausted, drained. But Elliot had been right about one thing: She really did need Julie. The very idea of going away from Julie, after all they’d been through together, filled her with panic. Julie was the only person who still loved her. The only person who knew her, who knew what she’d been through and still cared about her.
She looked up and realized Julie was staring at her, too. And, in that way the two of them often had, Parker had a sense Julie was thinking the exact same thing.
“I don’t want to leave you,” Julie whispered.
“I know,” Parker said. “If you want to stay here and go to school, I’ll stay, too.”
“Deal,” Julie said. Then she grinned. “But we’ve got to get our own place. Those cats are cramping our style.”
“We’ll get a place up on Capitol Hill,” Parker said wistfully. “We can decorate it ourselves.”
“I’ll get a job at the university pool, and you’ll get a job i
n the bookstore insulting customers’ book choices,” Julie daydreamed.
“No one will be able to bother us. We’ll be all right on our own.”
Julie took Parker’s hand and squeezed it tight. “All this crap with Nolan will be behind us forever.”
Parker smiled, all at once believing it wholeheartedly. To hell with Elliot Fielder and his bullshit attempts to help. She was with Julie, and that was all that mattered.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
AFTER A SLEEPLESS NIGHT, MACKENZIE sat up in bed and rubbed her eyes. Even though it was early, she could hear the sounds of breakfast downstairs. Swallowing hard, she threw on her slippers and padded to the kitchen. Her mom and dad were at the counter, both wearing their bathrobes. Sierra was there, too, sipping hot chocolate from a mug that had a treble clef printed on it.
“You guys are up early,” she said blearily.
Her mother jumped off her stool and hurried over to her, hugging her close. “Well, we were trying to wait up for you last night—but you came home too late.”
Mac frowned. Her mom had texted asking where she was, and Mac had lied and said she was at her new friend Julie Redding’s house and would be home soon. Was she in trouble? Her heart sped up. Did they somehow know that they’d broken into Granger’s?
But then she looked at her dad. He was beaming brightly. Even Sierra looked kind of excited. Mac settled onto a bar stool at the counter. “What’s going on?”
“There’s a message on the voice mail,” Mrs. Wright said excitedly. “You got in!”
Mac blinked. “In?”
“Into Juilliard!” Mrs. Wright leaped across the room to the cordless phone console. “My friend Darlene called! She hears everything that goes on with Juilliard admissions, and . . .”
She pressed play. After a beep, a woman’s voice blared through the room. “Hey, Elise, it’s Darlene! So listen, it’s not official yet, but the judge was thrilled by Mackenzie’s performance,” she said excitedly. “Anticipate a letter in the next week! And tell your girl a big congratulations! She’s following in your footsteps and going to Juilliard!”
