“See,” Ethan said. “Look at that smile.”
She waved back halfheartedly. Adam turned away and rode off again. She looked at the worn leather of her saddle horn. At her horse’s mane. At the reins in her hand, the smell of them both comforting and familiar, and took a deep breath. “What if one day I have to let him go forever?”
Clearly, her memories of Marcus were closer to the surface than she thought.
“You won’t.”
“You don’t know that.”
“And you don’t, either.”
She shook her head, reminded yet again of the differences between them. He’d been marred by tragedy once, and look what it’d done to him. She’d been marred by tragedy her whole life and he had no idea what it’d done to her. No idea at all.
“How did your dad ruin riding for you?”
She wasn’t going to tell him, but something about the look in his eyes, something about his words made her straighten in the saddle. “He used to beat the crap out of me if I didn’t do it right.”
She’d shocked him. That was good. She needed to keep him at a distance, not to feel twinges of desire whenever she looked into his eyes, because she did, damn it. He did something for her. What, she didn’t know, but she didn’t like it. She’d already let herself slip once. Not again.
“Seriously?”
She nodded. “My brothers and me. Colt got the worst of it. He ran off to the Army to get away from it all. Chance used the military to get away, too. They both tried to shield me from it, but my dad kept pushing and pushing and so one day I did what he asked. I fell off in front of him. From that day forward I refused to ride. He tried to shame me into getting back on and when that didn’t work, he hit me, hard. Colt stepped in and then Chance. They’re older and they both protected me and I think my dad knew in that moment that he was outmanned and outnumbered. He never asked me to ride again. It wasn’t until Colt came back that I did it again. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be, but I still don’t really like it. Crazy when you think about it, given our family’s ties to the rodeo industry.”
Too many memories.
“Is that why you’re so overprotective? Because of your dad?”
She pulled her horse to a stop. “I am not overprotective.”
“I don’t mean to offend.” He pulled up on Frosty’s reins, too, the horse tossing his head. “I just noticed you really keep Adam under your thumb.”
“Wouldn’t you? The kid has cancer.”
“Had.”
“What?”
“Colt told me he’s in remission, that they think they have the cancer licked.”
“They don’t know that for sure.”
“Nobody knows anything for sure, Claire.”
He fixed his eyes on her. It was an unblinking stare. Serious. And she wanted to argue, she really did, but she couldn’t think of a single thing to say, because Adam’s doctor had said exactly those words last month, and so she looked away. Their big concern was getting his immune system up to par, but even that looked promising. He’d gotten over that flu all on his own, and without a trip to the hospital.
Adam had reached the top of a small hill. He crested it, disappearing down the other side. She was about to call him back when she felt a hand on her thigh. It surprised her so much she turned to face him.
“I think we both need to focus on the here and now.”
She opened her mouth to comment but he leaned forward and kissed her. Just a soft brush of his lips, because they were on horseback and his horse shifted, and suddenly he had to pull up on the reins, but even that gentle touch had the ability to rob her of breath. When he straightened in the saddle again and she looked into his eyes she knew he felt it, too. There was a connection between them, something almost otherworldly and inexplicable. This man knew her in a way that made no sense, given the short time they’d spent together. It frightened her. It was why she reacted to his touch the way she had the other day. Why, God help her, she didn’t want their kiss to end.
“Where did Adam go?” she mumbled to cover her confusion and the fear that suddenly blossomed in her heart.
“Claire.”
She kicked Blue into a gallop.
“Claire,” he called out again.
But just because she didn’t like to ride didn’t mean she didn’t know how. She was a hell of a rider and she knew it, and so she didn’t listen. Blue made it easy with his smooth gaits. So she galloped, faster and faster, running up the small hill, relieved to find Adam on the other side, waiting, green eyes wide.
“Wow, Mom,” he said as she pulled to a stop next to him. “You actually do know how to ride.”
No. She knew how to escape. How to run away from something that scared the crap out of her.
Chapter Eleven
He’d frightened her off.
She hadn’t said a word for the rest of the ride, had somehow managed to keep Adam between the two of them as they traveled toward the line of trees and the base of the foothills. He shouldn’t have kissed her, damn it, but he hadn’t been able to resist the way she’d looked sitting there, black hair coiled over her shoulder in a ponytail, green eyes haunted by the ghosts of her past. She had been through so much, way more than he had, and she’d somehow held on to her sanity. She had him beat in that department.
They headed back after she took him to what she called the stock pond, but was really a small lake, Adam begging her to go swimming.
“Not today,” she told him.
Adam’s face fell.
“But we can come back next week.”
The kid jerked his head up so quickly Ethan almost laughed. “Seriously?”
“If you want.”
“Woo-hoo!”
He rode off, a fist pumping in the air, the other holding the reins. Ethan smiled. He tried to move his horse up next to Claire’s to tell her he approved, but she rode off, not that she probably cared for his opinion. Still, he considered it a minor victory. Maybe some of what he’d said earlier had sunk in.
They arrived back at the ranch an hour after they’d left, and he had to admit, Adam looked pretty tuckered out. He helped the boy unsaddle his horse, and by the time he’d finished, Claire was there, observing. She smiled her goodbyes, and Ethan watched her go, wondering why her silence bothered him so much. Their kiss might have been brief, but he’d felt something. She’d felt it, too.
And that’s what bothers you.
She refused to acknowledge it.
He didn’t see her for the rest of the week, not even when working with Thor. He’d been half-tempted to check in on her, but he gave her space instead. He needed to do some thinking of his own, not just about Claire and where their relationship was headed, but about his own life and how he’d let Trevor’s death affect him. Claire had lost so much more than he had over the years: her childhood, her husband, very nearly her son—and yet she still stood strong. Damn, he admired her.
Colt and Natalie kept him busy that week. In addition to moving forward with turning Misfit Farms into a stallion station, he’d held an impromptu vaccination clinic for all the horses in their care. It’d been a huge success, so much so that he’d gotten a call from Natalie’s friend, Mariah Johnson, a local vet. She wanted to know if he’d be interested in covering for her while she went out on maternity leave. He hadn’t known what to say. He still wanted to train dogs—his work with Thor had emphasized how much he still wanted to do that—but he also liked working at the farm. And right now, the pickings were pretty slim. He’d posted his résumé on a site for veterinarians, but the only places he’d heard back from were big city animal clinics, places he didn’t want to go. Being in the country had taught him that much.
His cell phone rang, Ethan so deep in thought he picked it up without even thinking.
&
nbsp; “Ethan?” The voice on the other end of the line sounded vaguely familiar, but it took him a moment to bring his thoughts back to Earth, or back to where he sat in his loft above the barn.
“Yes,” he answered tentatively.
“It’s me,” said a soft, Southern drawl.
Recognition dawned, and he sat up in his chair.
“Red?” It had been Trevor’s nickname for his wife, and just the sound of it had the ability to kick him in the gut all over again. For the first time in nearly a week his hands started to shake.
“You sound surprised to hear from me.”
“Yes. I mean, no, no, of course not. I told you to call me anytime.”
“Well, I guess it was time, then.”
He heard the smile in her voice, probably forced, because he doubted she could be any more over her husband’s death than he was. Despite his words to Claire the other day, it was still hard for him to put one foot in front of the other. The only thing that seemed to help was working with Colt and Natalie’s horses. He thanked God for them every day because without them he doubted he would have made it this long without help of the psychological kind. In fact it’d given him an idea, one he wanted to explore at some point in the future when his future was settled.
“How are you?” he asked.
“Hanging in there. You?”
“Same.”
He looked out the window of his apartment above the barn, trying to lose himself in the view. It was one of those days, the kind when the sky looked burned to a crisp after being scorched by the sun. Out beyond the big red barn the horses grazed contentedly. Way out where he and Claire had kissed, a lone deer stood, ears flicking, nose sniffing the air.
“It’s good to hear your voice,” she said softly.
He almost asked how the kids were. Hell, he was godfather to one of them, but he knew they couldn’t be good. They’d been as grief-stricken over their father’s death as he had. He could only imagine what it was like for Naomi. Of course, she’d coped without Trevor before his death. The onerous life of a military wife. They had to be some of the most resilient women on God’s green Earth.
She’d grown quiet and he wondered if she thought about the last time they’d spoken to each other. They’d been at Trevor’s grave site. It’d been a cloudy day. More than a few members of their unit had already left but the two of them had still been standing there, wind blowing, rain threatening, both of them staring down at the casket at the bottom of a rectangle-shaped hole.
“You sleeping?” he asked, as inane and stupid a question as he’d ever asked.
No response, not right away at first. “Not very well. It’s T.J. He has nightmares.”
“Yeah, but he doesn’t know—” About the explosion. The way Trevor died. He didn’t want to say the words out loud, but she picked up on them nonetheless.
“No. Of course not.” She paused as if she shook her head. “He just wants his daddy back.”
Ethan’s stomach flipped. He couldn’t even imagine, but as the silence stretched on once again, he began to sense there was more to her call than he thought.
“Is there something I can do for you?”
She paused and he knew she gathered her thoughts. “Well.” She took a deep breath, and he could imagine her standing there in the small kitchen he’d visited once before, back when he and Trevor had been on leave, the children, Samantha and T.J., watching TV in the background, the smell of home-cooked food hovering in the air. “I was wondering if you might know where Janus is?”
And there it was. The question he’d been half expecting. He’d known it might happen, had half hoped it would. It’d been part of the reason why he’d followed Claire to her hometown. He’d wanted to keep tabs on the dog. To be there just in case Red called.
“As a matter of fact I do.”
He heard her sigh, knew of her relief based on the way she paused for a moment trying to gather her words the way a child did before asking for a special treat. “I’ve been thinking about him a lot lately,” she finally admitted. “Thinking about what Trevor would want me to do.”
He would have wanted the dog to be with his family. Ethan had tried to tell her that after it’d all happened. He’d tried to convince her Janus would be a great family dog. Trev would have been horrified to know his faithful companion would be sent to strangers. That, too, was why he’d gone to Claire. He’d wanted to reassure himself somehow that the dog would be taken care of. He’d also wanted to reassure Janus, because despite what people might think, canines were as smart as their human counterparts. Janus knew. He’d been next to his master when he’d died. Had tried to crawl over to him even as injured as he’d been. Had licked his hand. The dog knew. He would stake his life on it.
“I think I should take him.” He heard her take a deep breath. “I mean, I don’t know how I’m going to manage it. Two kids, no husband and a military dog, but it’s what he would want.”
Ethan felt such relief in that moment that his knuckles hurt from clutching the cell phone so hard. “Do you have a pen?”
“Yeah.”
“I’m going to give you directions.”
“To where?”
“To Canine Pet Rescue, where Janus is.”
“You have the address of the rescue memorized?”
“Of course I do.” He smiled. “I live there.”
* * *
SHE WAS NOT a coward.
Claire just felt like one as she rushed around the house like a crazy woman before Ethan came over.
With a woman.
She hadn’t heard from him all week and then suddenly he’d called and told her he was bringing someone over. Someone he wanted her to meet and that she wanted to adopt Janus. A female friend. He hadn’t even given her time to explain that things didn’t work that way. He couldn’t just handpick someone to adopt one of her dogs. She had a waiting list. Besides, Janus wasn’t ready to be adopted. He still hadn’t recovered from his wounds.
You just don’t like that he’s bringing over a woman.
That didn’t matter, she firmly told herself. She just didn’t like his high-handedness. It didn’t help that her brother and Natalie sang his praises up to heaven and back. He was a huge help, they said. They were trying to convince him to stick around. Natalie claimed half of her clients were in love with him. She’d wanted to bury her head in her hands when she and Adam had gone over for dinner a few days ago.
“They’re here.”
Adam came tearing out of his back room. She almost told him to slow down, but she didn’t.
Let him have more fun.
And she couldn’t argue the point because Ethan was right. Adam needed to laugh and smile and be more like other boys. She did keep too close a watch on him. It’d weighed on her to the point that she’d agreed to let Adam ride one of Colt’s trick horses, something her son had been dying to do, and not just around the ranch, but at an upcoming rodeo. They would all be attending the rodeo and Adam would be a star attraction. Adam had been in hog heaven all week. He’d probably be at his uncle’s ranch right now except he clearly wanted to meet Ethan’s friend. He blew by Claire so fast he just about knocked her off her feet. He opened the door just as fast. A gorgeous redhead stood outside.
Wow.
No wonder he wanted to pull some strings. He probably wanted to pull more than that.
She tried to smack the little green monster that reared its ugly head out of her mind, but that she couldn’t do. In her light pink shirt and tight jeans the woman was the picture of elegance and chic. Standing next to Ethan in his black T-shirt and jeans, she looked like his perfect match. He wore no cowboy hat today. The wounds on his arms had healed and the T-shirt exposed them. He was the picture of health and fitness, and so was the woman. Claire felt like a homeless person by comparison in h
er old black capris and long white T-shirt.
“Where have you been?” Adam asked.
She almost groaned. He’d asked about his new friend insistently. Her son had no idea that Ethan walked over at the crack of dawn every morning. She watched him from behind the lace curtains of her bedroom even though she told herself to close the drapes. She just couldn’t seem to stop, and it’d taken her until yesterday to admit the bitter truth. He fascinated her. She watched him work with Thor and sometimes Janus, and she knew he had to be a good man. Kind. Thoughtful. Soft with his hands. That much she knew from experience, and it made her cheeks turn so red she hoped like hell Ethan and his “friend” didn’t notice.
“What do you mean, where have I been?” He walked inside when Adam stepped aside. His friend followed behind, glancing around the house curiously. “I’m here every morning.”
Not much to see, she silently told her.
Their gazes met and Claire expected to see disapproval at the meagerness of her surroundings. Instead she saw kindness and a small, friendly smile, one that lit the woman’s blue eyes.
“In the morning,” her son repeated. “My mom said you come by during the day, when we’re out, because you don’t want to bother us.”
She did not say that. Well, maybe she’d implied it, but her son’s words made her face flame even more. “I just meant you’re busy,” she quickly amended.
Did he know she watched him in the mornings? Did he feel her stare? Wasn’t it weird and slightly stalker-like that she even did that?
She refused to answer her own question. Instead she took a deep breath and prepared herself for looking into his jade-green eyes. When she finally did everything froze inside her because she saw amusement there.
He did know.
She wanted the Earth to open up and swallow her whole.
“Naomi, this is Claire, the woman I was telling you about.”
His Rodeo Sweetheart Page 10
