You’re losing it, said that little voice.
No. She wasn’t losing it. She was just admitting the truth. It wasn’t that she didn’t love Ethan. It was that she did. Dear Lord. She loved him. And he was so disappointed in her. She could see it in his eyes. And he didn’t want anything more to do with her and it was all her fault. She’d pushed him away.
Because you’re a coward.
She tipped forward, resting her hands on her knees. No. She was afraid. A coward would jump in a car and drive away and never look back, never admit how much the thought of loving him scared her because it meant opening herself up to the risk of loss. Again. She didn’t think she’d survive another heartbreak.
You can’t think like that.
It was Ethan’s voice that she heard in her head, his words so soft and gentle that she squeezed her eyes shut.
“Claire?”
She stood quickly, the change in altitude causing her vision to blur and for her to sway. He stepped forward and caught her before she fell.
“Claire, what’s the matter? Was it the procedure? You looked ready to pass out in there.”
She stood there for a moment, her throat swollen, unsure what to say, a part of her wanting to push him away, another part of her wanting to collapse in his arms.
“Claire?” he said, and she saw it then. He didn’t hate her. He still loved her. A lot.
She had to take a deep breath, had to steel her heart as she looked into his eyes.
“I love you,” she whispered.
She felt him stiffen, but she rushed on. “I love you and I told you to go away and I’m such an idiot, because it took me until right now, right this very second, to recognize the truth.”
His eyes were steady as they searched hers, but he didn’t say anything, just held her gently.
“And I’m scared.”
Only then did he move, and it was so he could rest a palm against the side of her face, the gesture so familiar from their night of lovemaking and so dear that she felt tears come to her eyes.
“You don’t have to be scared,” he said softly.
“But what if I lose you?”
There it was. Her worst fear. The one that kept her from telling him to stay and from falling into his arms.
His other hand lifted. “You might.” He cupped her face. “And I might lose you, too.”
She shook her head.
“No. Don’t shake your head. I might lose you, Claire. Neither one of us knows how much time we have.”
“Ethan.”
“And so, in a way, I’m just as scared as you are.”
She blinked. “You are?”
He nodded, green eyes filled with tenderness and something else. “Terrified. But I’m tired of being afraid, Claire. When I came back from the Middle East my hands shook for weeks. I couldn’t sleep at night. I had nightmares.” He looked down. “I still have nightmares,” he confessed, but then his gaze connected with hers again. “But you helped me to see that no matter what happens, no matter how much we lose, it’s worth it to fight.”
She forced herself to breathe. “I did?”
He leaned his head down close to hers. “You’re the bravest woman I know, Claire.”
“No, I’m not.”
“Then let me be there for you,” he said. “Let me carry the weight of your worries.”
His words took her breath away.
“I love you,” he said, rocking her, holding her, trying to reassure her. “Leaving you was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life. It was like dying myself. Don’t make me live without you, Claire, because that’s something to fear. That’s a life I don’t want to lead.”
“Oh, Ethan.”
He leaned back again. “I love you, Claire Reynolds. I have no idea what tomorrow will bring—nobody does—but I know I don’t want to face it without you by my side.”
She started to cry. He wiped the tears away.
“I don’t want to, either,” she confessed.
He started to smile. “Good.”
She started to smile, too, because she was tired of fighting her feelings for him. She’d been fighting them since the first moment she’d seen him standing there on the tarmac, sadness stamped into his face. Fighting them when she’d watched him work with the dogs, so kind to them and gentle. Fighting them when he took care of her. Fighting them as she watched him work with her son.
“I love you,” he said again.
“I love you, too,” she said.
“Marry me?” he asked.
She closed her eyes, warm tears falling. She gave up then. She would give him her fears, just as he asked, and her heart. She reached up on tiptoe and kissed him, and it was funny, because it was as if his love poured into her soul. That love washed the fear and sorrow and sadness of the past away. A moment later, when she looked into his eyes, even more tears fell. It was her turn for happiness. Her turn for a marriage that lasted a lifetime—that was the promise in his eyes.
And for once, she believed.
Epilogue
“Mom! Mom! Mom! Wake up! It’s happening.”
Claire sat up so fast, she clocked her elbow against the lamp sitting on her nightstand. “Ouch,” she cried, blindly grasping for the thing before it crashed to the floor.
“Hurry,” Adam added, the crack of light that stretched from the bedroom door seeming to slice the room in half.
“I’m coming, I’m coming,” she murmured sleepily, glancing at the clock. Two o’clock in the morning. Of course it would have to be at 2 a.m. Wasn’t that when every pregnant mother gave birth? She glanced at the spot where Ethan had lain next to her earlier that evening. He’d been called out to a farm and actually he was the one that insisted babies—even the furry kind—always seemed to know when nobody was around.
“Who called?” she yelled to her son, but he was already gone, probably off to get dressed. How had she not heard the house phone?
You’re exhausted.
Planning a wedding. Organizing a baby shower. Traveling between her place and Ethan’s. They didn’t want to live together. Not until they were married. It’d surprised her how old-fashioned Ethan turned out to be when it came right down to it. He even refused to live at Colt and Natalie’s place, insisting he get a place of his own. So they sneaked around behind Adam’s back, keeping their visits short, although tonight’s visit had been preempted with Ethan leaving before Adam came home from spending time with his aunt and uncle. It was hell, but she’d set a date around Christmastime. Chance would be out of the Army by then. She’d have her whole family around her, including Natalie and Colt’s new baby.
Speaking of that...
She hurriedly pulled on her clothes. No time to doll herself up, at least not according to Adam, who practically bounced on his toes.
“Took you long enough.”
She ignored him, even though inside she smiled at his impatience. There was little doubt her son was on the mend. His blood tests continued to show no signs of cancer, so much so that they were told not to come back to the doctor for another six months. By the time she and Ethan were married she hoped to receive the gift of her son’s official remission. Adam’s doctor seemed to think that was more than probable. And one thing she’d learned during this whole ordeal—doctors didn’t say things like that unless they were pretty darn sure.
“Have you heard from Ethan?” She started her van, glancing over at the row of kennels. Thor’s was empty. The former combat dog had become Ethan’s constant companion. Ethan took him everywhere, even when he was called out at night.
“That’s who called.”
So he was already at the hospital. Good.
They arrived in record time, although not fast enough for Adam, who raced through the clinic
’s back door. She raced, too, if she were honest with herself, because now that the time was finally here she couldn’t wait to see what the stork would bring them.
“Is she okay?” Adam asked when he spotted Ethan standing by a room off to the side of the main examination area.
“It’s all looking good.” He caught her eyes and his smile did the same thing to her that it always did. It made her insides warm and her spirits lift in a way that always seemed to make her feel less troubled, less anxious—and loved. “I think she’s going to be okay.”
Claire moved up next to him, peering into the room that was lined with kennels, one at the end containing a female Belgian Malinois that panted as if she’d run a mile.
Thor’s babies were about to be born.
As if sensing his impending fatherhood, Thor stood in the middle of the room, a low-pitched whine barely audible above the drone of the electronic equipment in the exam room.
“So no C-section?”
Ethan wrapped an arm around her, drawing her close, a smile on his face as he stared down at her. “I don’t think so. I did an ultrasound when I noticed she was dilated and I actually think she’s going to be okay. All that worry for nothing, although I’m glad we kept her here just in case.”
They’d been worried that as a maiden bitch she might have trouble delivering. It was common to Belgian Malinois, being more slight of frame than their German shepherd cousins.
“Well, I’m glad you looked in on her before going home.”
He nodded. “Going to be a long night.”
“But you’re used to it.”
He was the hardest-working man she’d ever met. Once he’d made the choice to go back into veterinary work he’d thrown himself into it whole hog. Mariah couldn’t stop singing his praises. Together they’d increased their client base by 50 percent—in just a few months. They were already talking about bringing on another veterinarian. Ethan even had someone in mind, a friend of his from the Army.
“I’m used to it, but it’ll make for a long day tomorrow.”
She nodded in sympathy, only to jump when the back door burst open, a pregnant Natalie sailing through the door. Her sister-in-law was one of those women who didn’t look pregnant, not yet at least, unlike Mariah, who’d given birth to a healthy baby boy a few weeks ago. It was why Mariah had brought Ethan on board, although she’d long since asked to make it permanent. Ethan had accepted and so the Via Del Caballo Veterinary Hospital had a new partner.
“Well?”
“I can’t believe you came down here,” Claire said.
“Are you kidding? I wasn’t going to miss this. That’s my bitch in there.”
The words sounded so funny they all laughed. Natalie had purchased the female Belgian based on Ethan’s recommendation. She wanted a dog to help protect the ranch and the precious number of high-dollar horses they cared for, but she didn’t want to take a dog from Claire’s program, and since Ethan wanted a breed, a plan had been born. Four months later that plan was about to happen.
“Well?” Colt asked, bursting in next.
“Nothing yet,” Ethan said.
Her brother wore his usual denim shirt and black cowboy hat. He caught her gaze and shot his gaze heavenward before saying, “You’d have thought we were on the way to the birth of Jesus.”
“I can’t wait to see what my baby’s babies look like,” Natalie said.
“You say that now, but wait until you have to take care of them all,” Colt said.
“How could you not love taking care of puppies? Besides, they’ll be at Claire’s until they’re big enough to come home.”
She clearly had him there, and Claire had to smile. If she and Ethan shared half the love her brother shared with his wife, they’d be the luckiest people on Earth.
As if sensing her thoughts, Ethan’s gaze caught her own, his eyes softening, and there it was again, the feeling of peace and happiness and contentment.
“Something’s happening,” Adam said.
They’d talked about banning him from the birthing room, but it wasn’t as if her son hadn’t seen cows born in the pasture, and so her six-year-old stared transfixed as Lady went to work. Ethan moved in close. Natalie moved to the head of her dog, soothing her. She’d owned the dog for four months, but it was clear they were already bonded.
“It’s a boy!” Ethan announced.
“Whoo-hoo,” Adam said. “My own Thor.”
As if he could hear his name, the father of the puppies whined again. Claire smiled and patted his head. Soon Natalie would be giving birth. Then it would be their turn. With any luck, she and Ethan would have a child of their own next year.
As if sensing the direction of her thoughts, Ethan met her gaze again, a puppy cuddled in his arms. She didn’t know why, but the sight of her big handsome military hero holding that tiny bundle of fur made her heart flip over backward. He smiled. She did, too, her eyes misting up as she watched her family huddle around the dog, even Colt assisting at one point. Nine puppies later, Lady was all done, mom and puppies resting quietly while brother, sister, wife, fiancé and son looked on.
“That’ll be you soon,” Colt said to Natalie.
“Good Lord, I hope not. If I give birth to nine babies someone will need to shoot me.”
They all chuckled. Claire felt a hand on her back. She looked into Ethan’s eyes. She knew he was thinking the same thing she was. One day they would be pregnant. One day Adam would have a brother or a sister. One day their family would be complete. It might not happen next year. It might not happen for a while, but Claire was okay with that. They had their whole life ahead of them.
“I love you,” he silently mouthed.
She smiled, lifted her head, kissed him as a way of answering back.
Adam snuggled up next to them. Her hand fell on his shoulder and in that moment, that exact second, Claire knew the dark days were behind her. It was as if God gave her a glimpse into the future, a moment of clarity in which she somehow knew that it would all work out. Adam would be cured. Ethan would love her forever. And if there were bumps in the road, their love would carry them through.
And it always did.
* * * * *
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Pamela Britton’s COWBOYS IN UNIFORM series, available in June 2016 wherever Harlequin books and ebooks are sold!
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Home on the Ranch
by Trish Milburn
Chapter One
He couldn’t do it. As Austin Bryant stared at the front of the older house where he’d grown up, his breathing grew tight. It was as if what lay beyond the front door was already suffocating him as it had threatened to do during his childhood.
Somewhere in the distance, he heard the sound of an engine. The early May sun baked him like it could only in Texas, albeit not with the urban type of heat that came from that same sun beating down on metal and concrete. Even though sweat trickled from his neck toward the middle of his back, his feet refused to move.
He took a deliberate deep breath. It didn’t matter how long he stood in the front yard of his grandparents’ house, the monumental task he faced wasn’t going to magically disappear. With his grandfather’s passing, the time that he’d dreaded for years had come—cleaning out the house so he could sell it.
Austin inhaled another breath that felt as if it might scorch his lungs before he headed toward the front steps. He paused with the key in his hand, wondering if he could just walk away, sell the place as it was, let someone else deal with the cleaning and repairs. But that didn’t feel right. Despite everything, this had been his home when he was young. His earliest memories and dreams were formed here. No matter how hard it was, this was his task and his alone.
He shook his head, telling himself to just get on with things. The sooner he started, the sooner he could put it all behind him and stop thinking about what might have been.
The doorknob squeaked as he turned it, already making itself an item on his to-do list. He stepped across the threshold and into his past, the one he’d fled when he’d gone away to college. All around him, piled to the ceiling, was...stuff. Old magazines sat side by side with clothing that hadn’t been worn in decades. Shelves of ceramic dust-catchers—cats, cowboy boots, ladies in frilly dresses, bells and God only knew what else—competed for space with chairs draped in more quilts and afghans than anyone in Texas should own.
His Rodeo Sweetheart Page 18
