In the back of my mind, the guilt kept coming back. This wasn’t fair to him. You should either tell him the truth or let him go.
But I couldn’t do either.
He was the first good thing that ever happened to me. I didn’t want to lose him. I wanted him forever.
When I told Ash about my Scotty, he seemed thrilled. My brother was usually protective of me, but I think he was relieved I was actually getting out of the house and doing things. When I told him we went to the zoo, he noticeably relaxed. Even though my brother teased me, I knew he cared about me.
Which was why I could never tell him. It would break his heart and make him depressed. I could suffer the pain but I couldn’t imagine someone I loved suffering too. Which was another reason why I didn’t want to tell Scotty. It would hurt him, shred him into pieces. How could I hurt someone I cared so much about?
When I came home from school, I immediately began work on a new piece. I was inspired and I knew exactly what I wanted to create. My heart was guiding the brush.
The dark colors of my palate weren’t touched. Only pastel colors, bright hues touched my paintbrush. It usually took me weeks, sometimes months to finish a piece, but my hand was working vigorously, too excited to stop.
The doorbell shattered my concentration.
Who was it?
Irritated, I threw my brush down then marched to the door. When I looked through my peephole, I saw my mom.
The devil.
What did she want? I’m not even going to bother answering the door. All she did was cause me grief.
“Livia, open the door now.”
I gritted my teeth.
“I said open the door.”
I growled then pulled it open. I didn’t speak first because I knew I wouldn’t say anything nice.
“I talked to William.” The anger burned in her eyes.
“So?” Why would she be mad at me? He was the psychopath.
“And he tried to take you home, but some gangbanger showed up, slammed him into his Range Rover and dented it, and then stole you away.” Her hands were on her hips and her eyes were wider than I’d ever seen them. “What the hell is wrong with you, Livia? William is a nice boy and you treat him like that?”
I never thought I would slap my mom but I was extremely tempted. “He is not a nice boy.” My anger seeped through. He threatened me, and when I didn’t want to go home with him, he threatened to knock me out. He’s a psychopath disguised in a suit. I was lucky Scotty was there.”
“Scotty?” She said his name like it was disgusting. “The gangbanger?”
“He’s not a gangbanger! He’s a gentleman that rescued me.”
“He didn’t sound like a gentleman.”
“Well, he is. You shouldn’t have set me up on that date. I have a boyfriend and I’m very happy with him.”
“A boyfriend?” she asked incredulously. “A man that doesn’t know how to use words to resolve a dispute. Is he an ape?”
I steadied my hand before it smacked across her face. “Who I date is none of your business.”
“I think it is.” She stopped her foot. “All you are is a confused girl that can’t think for herself. Your life is nothing but a string of bad decisions. Every choice you make is the wrong one. You need your father and I to help you.”
I was fed up with this. “I pay my rent and my bills without your help. I paid for my car without your help. Now I pay my tuition without your help. If I can afford to be independent while I’m a full-time student, then I’m clearly doing something right. So step off.”
Now she looked like she might slap me. “Excuse me?”
“All you ever do is make me feel bad about myself. You have no idea what I’ve been through. You don’t know me at all. All you have is one son, not a daughter. If you can’t be nice to me or respect me, then I don’t want to see you anymore. Now get off my property.” I slammed the door in her face.
I can’t believe I just did that.
God, I’m a horrible person.
I just yelled at my mom and told her to step off.
Where did that come from?
I was just so mad that I couldn’t control my anger. Everything built up until I couldn’t hold it back any longer. I exploded.
But…it felt kinda good.
I really am a horrible person.
I sorted through my emotions while I sat on the couch. I felt liberated but I felt evil at the same time. I found it hard to believe that my parents wanted to make my life miserable. Deep down inside, they must have thought they were doing the right thing. Every villain believed what they were doing was right, and my parents thought the same thing.
I got back to work and finished my painting. What was done was done. And now I had to live with the consequences.
I need a ride.
It was midnight on a Wednesday. Why are you partying on a weekday?
Coming 2 get me or what?
My brother had a drinking problem. He got wasted at least three times a week. Have one of your whores come get you.
No. I don’t talk to them after we fuck.
TMI. Where are you?
The Sigma Pi frat house.
My body went cold. That was the last place I’d ever go. Chills ran up my spine, but not in a good way, not in the exciting way when Scotty touched me. My breathing became labored. I was practically hyperventilating. I can’t.
Why? You want me to drive drunk?
No. Just ask someone else.
There is no one else. I know you’re awake and doing nothing, so why won’t you get me?
I would do anything for my brother, but this…I didn’t want to do this.
Liv?
Fuck. Fine. I’m coming.
Hurry your ass up.
I sighed then ran my fingers through my hair. This wouldn’t be a big deal if I just pulled up in front of the house and Ash came out. I usually had to walk inside and pull him out. When he was drunk, he was easily distracted.
I couldn’t show my face in there. I didn’t want to be recognized. I didn’t want to feel the same fear I did then. I just…no.
What do I do?
I couldn’t leave my brother there. And if he got drunk enough, he would lose logical thought and just drive himself. I couldn’t have that hanging over my head. And my brother would never call my parents and ruin his golden boy image.
Scotty. I could ask him to come with me.
But would he ask why? And what would I say?
He didn’t usually ask questions. He accepted every flinch and every fear. When I asked for a closed container instead of an already opened bottle, he didn’t question it.
Besides, I had no one else to ask.
He was probably asleep. I hated to wake him up. I sent a text instead of calling him just in case he was asleep. Awake?
Miss me?
I smiled despite the anxiety fueling in my stomach. If only he knew how much I missed him every second of the day. Yeah. Do you miss me?
I always miss you.
We’d become more affectionate in the last week. Now our words were clingy and desperate. Scotty never kept his hands off of me. Are you busy right now?
I’m never busy when it comes to you.
He was the sweetest guy in the world. Sometimes I forgot he used to be the biggest playboy. Can you do something for me?
His reply was instant. Anything.
Can you come over? I need a ride somewhere.
He responded less than a second later. Leaving now.
He didn’t ask any questions, just like I expected.
When he came to my door, he was wearing jeans and a dark green t-shirt. The color brought out his eyes. His hair was messy, but it looked sexy in that way. I was stunned by his appearance and lost my words.
He crossed the threshold then moved his hands around my waist. I was pulled to his chest before I could even say hello. His hand moved up my back until it reached the area between my shoulders, and then he pulled me into
him, placing a kiss on my forehead.
In a trance, I stayed still and let the moment linger. I liked feeling his lips on me. The heat radiated through my skin, reaching every finger and toe. When I was with him, everything was okay. I didn’t have a past. I didn’t have problems.
He pulled away and looked down at me. “Where am I chauffeuring you to?”
I swallowed the lump in my throat. “The Sigma Pi frat house.”
His eyes searched mine but he didn’t question my destination. “Then let’s go.”
“Ash is drunk and needs a ride home.” I felt obligated to explain what I was doing.
“If you charged him a dollar every time you picked him up, you wouldn’t need to paint.” He winked at me then opened the door.
How did he do that? When I was rigid with stress, he relaxed me.
After we got inside the truck, he pulled me to the middle seat. “This is the girlfriend seat.” He put his arm over the back of my chair then left my driveway.
“What a special honor,” I teased.
“Only one woman has ever earned the title. But she’s the fairest of them all.”
He always made me feel good about myself. He seemed to cancel out all the venomous things my mom said to me.
When we got closer to the university, I started to feel sick. I didn’t want to go in there. My stomach was cramping and my heart accelerated. The fear took hold, lodging deep into my throat.
Scotty eyed me. “You okay, babe?”
“I’m fine,” I said a little too quickly.
He dropped the subject then approached the building. It was a three-story brick house with the fraternity symbol on the front. People were sitting in the grass, talking to their friends. I could feel the bass of the music from here.
Scotty pulled over and parked the car.
God, I couldn’t believe I was doing this. I hate my brother.
Scotty pulled out his phone and called my brother. He held it to his ear for a while then put it down. “He didn’t answer. Does he know you’re coming?”
Ugh. “He does this every time. He gets distracted and leaves his phone in his pocket, which is on vibrate.”
“So, he likes to make this as complicated as possible?” he teased.
I wasn’t in the mood for jokes. All I was thinking about was going into that hellhold.
“Babe, everything okay?” He was watching my face intently.
“Yeah…I’m just tired.” I took a deep breath then opened the door. “I’ll be right back.”
“I’ll come with you.”
He will? “It’s okay.”
“No. I’m coming with you.” He got out of the truck then came around to me. “Shall we?”
He had no idea how relieved I was he was escorting me. That took a lot of the pressure off. I immediately grabbed his hand, needing it for balance. He stayed close to me while he walked with me inside.
It was exactly how I remembered it. Kegs were on the tables in the corner, and the guys were wearing their fraternity t-shirts. The girls wore their own t-shirts, but also wore dangerously short pink skirts. The music was loud and people were laughing. No one seemed to notice Scotty and I, fortunately. We moved through the house as we searched for my brother. When we realized he wasn’t downstairs, we had to go upstairs.
Why is this happening to me?
I stopped before we reached the stairs.
Scotty eyed me but didn’t say anything.
I took a deep breath then took the first step. Then I completed the rest of them. If Scotty wasn’t there, I don’t think I would have been able to do it. When we reached the second landing, the party was still going strong.
We moved through the people, searching for my brother that I despised at the moment. We passed a group of people and I felt my stomach fall. It was a face I recognized, a face I was hoping not to see.
The panic set in and my heart slammed into my chest. Fear scorched my veins and I felt light-headed. The anxiety pooled in my stomach until I had the urge to vomit. I was feeling weaker by the second. My hold on Scotty’s hand was fading.
“Babe?”
“I…I have to go.”
“What?”
I darted out of the room then headed down the stairs. I was practically running. I was trying not to trip and cry at the same time. When I reached the bottom floor, Ash appeared.
“I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”
I didn’t have time for his bullshit right now. “Let’s go.”
Without looking behind me to see if he was following, I pushed through the front doors and cut across the grass. As the music started to fade, I felt a little better. His face was burned into my memory. I could never forget it. I tried to shake it but it wouldn’t disappear. It haunted my dreams and made them into nightmares. I tried to catch my breath but my lungs wouldn’t keep up.
“Livia?” Ash came after me.
“Give me a second with her.” Scotty put his hand on his chest then came to me.
Every time he looked at me, I turned my body so he couldn’t see my face. Eventually, he stopped trying to look, letting me have my space. I was about to break down and cry, and if I saw the concern in his eyes I would. He made me feel vulnerable and open, and I couldn’t do that right now. I concentrated on the sound of the crickets and the distant sound of conversations. My breathing was the loudest thing in my ears.
“Livia.” His voice was quiet, soothing.
I didn’t say anything. My tongue was stuck in my throat.
“Who did you see?” The need was in his voice. I could hear the desperation, like it was something he needed to live. “Livia, who did you see?”
What made him think I saw anyone? How did he know? “Nobody. I just felt light-headed…I’ve been under the weather lately.”
He didn’t press me. Silence stretched.
I kept staring at a tree, trying to focus my thoughts.
“Babe?”
“Hmm?”
“You never have to be scared when I’m next to you.”
How did he know I was scared? I couldn’t hide anything from this guy.
“I will protect you from anything—and anyone. Please tell me who you saw.” He was trying to steady his voice. It was controlled and the tone was low, but I knew he was struggling.
I crossed my arms over my chest. “It was nothing…”
He sighed in frustration.
I never heard him lose his patience with me before. I guess everyone had a limit.
His arms hooked around my waist and he pulled me to his chest. I let him hold me, resting my face against his solid frame. My face was hidden so I felt safe. His hands held me close, and I felt slight tremors moved through his body, like he was cold or angry. One hand moved to my neck and massaged me gently. “Please tell me. You can trust me, Livia.”
He knew I was hiding something. I was such a terrible actress. Why did Ash have to be here tonight? Anywhere else would have been fine. I felt horrible for lying to him. He’d been nothing but good to me. He was open and honest, telling me about his past with women even though he was ashamed of it. Why couldn’t I be like that with him? He deserved it. Hating myself, I said, “There’s nothing to tell.”
He sighed deeply, his chest rising and pressing against me. He was like a mountain. “If you ever change your mind, I’m here.” He dropped his hands, leaving me cold, and then walked to his truck.
I knew he was disappointed and upset. I knew he was hurt.
God, I hated myself.
Ash came over. “Am I watching an episode of the Young and the Restless?”
“Get in the truck,” Scotty snapped.
Whoa…I never heard him lose his temper.
“Damn, what’s his problem?” Ash asked.
“You want a ride home or what?” Scotty stared him down.
“Geez, I’m coming.” Ash got in the backseat and Scotty held the door open for me, waiting for me to get in. He wouldn’t look at me. His eyes were glued to
the fraternity house, watching something I couldn’t see.
When I came to the door, I looked at him. His jaw was tense and a fire burned in his eyes. It was the same look he had when he beat William into submission. His hand curled into a fist like he would punch a hole in the door of his truck. He looked like he would snap at any moment, coming undone.
“Scotty…?”
It was like he hadn’t heard me. He didn’t look at me, his thoughts somewhere else. Then he finally turned to me, the fire suddenly disappearing. All that was left was the aftermath of the blaze. Death shined bright. “Get in.”
After we dropped off Ash, we arrived at my house. He walked me to the door, eerily quiet. His hands were in his pockets, not around me like they usually were.
I unlocked the door then stepped inside.
He came behind me, uninvited. “Can I sleep here?”
It was a school night. We only had sleepovers on the weekends. But I wanted him here. Seeing the face of the devil made me sick to my stomach. I felt like the victim all over again, weak and afraid. Scotty was the only person I felt safe with. He knew when something was wrong without me saying a word. I could lie to Ash with a straight face, and he believed all my excuses. Scotty was different. He knew when I needed him even if I didn’t voice it. I didn’t have to admit I was weak; he knew. “Yeah.”
He checked all the locks like he lived here then headed into my bedroom. I followed behind him, glad to be safe in my home, with a soldier beside me. Scotty immediately pulled off his shirt. The cut muscles of his physique always caught my attention. Every line was chiseled like a Greek sculpture. He was perfect.
He pulled his jeans off then stood in his briefs. My eyes glanced below his waist then I averted my gaze, feeling ashamed. I wouldn’t want him to look at me in that way, so I shouldn’t do the same to him.
But that was hard.
I’d never seen a more attractive man in my life. When I initially met him, I didn’t really look at him. All I saw was a threat, a guy that needed to get away from me. But when I got to know him, realizing he was one of the few men I could trust, I saw his inner beauty as well as his obvious charms.
Unstoppable (Forehead Kisses #4) Page 15
