Caleb’s fingers twitched as he imagined the weight of the gun in his palm, recalled the sharp, insistent sound of racking a bullet into the barrel. He dismissed it, though, tempting as it was. He was a lot of things, but he was not a coward. He wouldn’t take the coward’s way out. He turned and picked up his phone instead.
He still couldn’t call Shooter. He wasn’t quite ready for that. Instead he dialed another familiar number. He waited for the call to connect.
“I need you,” Caleb said into the phone. His voice was hoarse and barely recognizable to himself.
“For what?” Tex asked, rousing more fully. “What happened?”
For a long moment Caleb didn’t answer. He glanced over his shoulder at the closed bedroom door and then shut his eyes.
“Caleb,” Tex prompted. “What happened?”
Caleb swallowed hard and gripped the phone tightly in his hand. “I raped her. I raped Izzy.”
It felt as though it took Tex a long time and a short time to arrive at the house. Caleb could barely recall how long it’d been since he’d hung up the phone. Now the cowboy was looming in his kitchen, watching him carefully.
“Where is she?”
Caleb nodded to the bedroom door. “In there. Asleep.”
“Tell me exactly what happened.”
Caleb rubbed a hand over his face and shook his head. “I can’t. I don’t really know. I told her to back off. I told her that she had to get out of my face. But she wouldn’t listen. She just kept pushing me. I snapped,” he said quietly. “I pushed her on the bed. I held her down. This was never supposed to happen.”
“Did she fight you?”
Caleb glanced back to the door. It was never supposed to be this way. He was never supposed to lose control.
“Caleb.”
Caleb turned back to Tex.
“Did she fight you?”
Caleb shook his head. Izzy hadn’t struggled at all while he was going at her.
“Did she say no? Did she tell you to stop?”
Caleb closed his eyes again. Give me everything.
“She… she said she wanted it.” He glared at Tex. “But she didn’t know what she was asking for! She couldn’t have wanted that.”
He recalled the emotions that had overtaken him. He’d originally intended to scare her into leaving, but she hadn’t backed down. And he’d only meant to push her further away when he’d pinned her down and held his dick at the entrance of her pussy. He’d never intended to hurt her. But the desire to frighten her became dwarfed by the need to own her, possess her completely. It had been overwhelming. He had wanted to be everything to her in that moment, life and death, just as she was to him. He shook himself free of the thought. Izzy was not life and death to him. She could never be. No woman could ever be that important. The destruction that would follow would be too absolute. Feelings like that were a blaze that would consume everything.
“I wanted her to be mine,” Caleb whispered, looking at the door again. He realized now why he called Tex. Only Tex could relate, on some level, to a desire like that. But Tex didn’t have the same darkness in him that Caleb had. It would never be evil for Tex to own a woman.
“Is she?” Tex asked calmly.
Another surge of emotion rose up but Caleb fought it down. “She was in Prior’s bed.”
Tex’s eyebrows shot up. “Preacher Prior? How the fuck did that happen?”
Caleb shook his head. “She just ended up there. She says nothing happened with him.”
“Do you believe her?”
Caleb looked at Tex and nodded. “I do. But she was in his bed, and tonight he had a knife to her throat and…” He couldn’t finish the sentence.
“And you needed a reminder that she was yours.”
Caleb’s eyes flashed at his brother. “She’s not mine!” he hissed. “She can never be mine!”
“Does she want to be?”
Caleb gaped at him. “You know it can never happen! You know I can’t—”
Tex held up a hand. “I don’t know any such thing, Caleb. You’re the one who seems determined to be alone. I disagree. I always have.”
“Mark—”
“It’s normal to want to stake your claim on a woman you’re interested in, Caleb. It’s normal to get upset when she’s in trouble and want reassurance that she’s okay. It’s normal to feel jealous when you hear some other guy’s been sniffing around.”
“I held her down!” Caleb said a little too loudly and winced thinking he might have woken her up.
“Then she wanted to be held down.”
Caleb stared at him.
“I don’t know Izzy that well, but from what I’ve seen, if she wanted to fight you, she would have. And you’d be a lot worse for the wear right now if she had.”
Caleb snorted. “Like she could stop me.”
“Probably not,” Tex admitted. “Not unless she got a lucky shot in. But I can guarantee you if she was upset about what happened, she wouldn’t be sleeping in your bed right now. She’d be wide awake and thinking of ways to slice the skin off your dick.”
“Maybe,” Caleb replied, though he didn’t buy it. “Or maybe she’s scared. Or maybe she doesn’t want to involve the police. It doesn’t matter. I’m turning myself in,” he declared.
Tex shook his head. “Like hell you are.”
Caleb’s eyebrows shot up. “What the fuck, Mark? We can’t just ignore it!”
“I’m not suggesting that,” the man countered. “But you’re going to sit your ass down and let me get a lay of the land first.”
“Mark—”
“You’re not going to self-destruct on my watch, Caleb. Not unless there’s an actual reason. Trust me. I’m taking this very, very seriously and if Izzy feels the same way, that you violated her, then we’ll call Shooter and we’ll take you downtown.”
Caleb blew out a harsh breath. “What kind of shape would I be in?” he asked. He could imagine the damage that two ex-Army Rangers could dish out, and he deserved every bit of it.
“Believe me, if you were anyone else I’d kick your ass just for having a doubt that it wasn’t consensual.”
“So, I get a free pass for being your brother.” It was wrong, yet it still felt good to know he had their support.
Tex shook his head. “No. You get a free pass because it’s you, Caleb. You’ve never been able to see clearly when it comes to women in jeopardy. And this time the asshole might be you? Well, no offense, but I’m pretty sure all your circuits are fried right now. Let me talk to her. Let me see how she is before we do anything else.”
Tex pushed off the counter and headed out of the kitchen. He stopped at the table. “Do I need to take that with me?” he asked, indicating the gun.
Caleb shook his head. “No. I’ll stand up.”
Tex nodded and left.
Chapter 27
Izzy stirred. She remembered going to sleep in the dark, but the light was on now. She opened her eyes and saw a large man, not Caleb, standing by the closed bedroom door. She blinked and it took her a moment to place him. “Mark,” she said out loud, remembering. Her eyes flitted to the door. “Where’s Caleb?” she asked cautiously.
“In the next room.”
She sat up and tugged the sheet up over her.
“I need to talk to you,” Mark told her.
“Right now?”
He nodded once.
“Can I get dressed?” she asked. “Can I get a minute?”
He shook his head. “No.”
“What’s so pressing that it can’t wait?” Izzy asked.
Mark leveled his gaze at her. “Rape.”
Izzy let a moment of silence hang between them. He was watching her closely, gaging her reaction. She sighed and sat up straighter on the bed. “I might have pushed him a little hard last night,” she replied. “But I didn’t rape him.”
The large, blond biker wasn’t amused. “This isn’t a joke.”
“I didn’t say it was.”
/> “He’s upset, Izzy. He’s terrified he hurt you.”
“He didn’t.” She couldn’t tell if Mark believed her or not. “He didn’t,” she insisted. “He was just angry. I get the feeling he’s not used to having angry sex. In fact I get the distinct impression that Caleb doesn’t let himself have any emotions at all, certainly not with women.”
The man’s jaw twitched and his eyes darkened. “I won’t argue with that,” he said quietly.
“Caleb may be afraid of himself, but he doesn’t scare me.”
“Well, you’re right on that score. He’s scared of his own shadow. At least when it comes to women.”
“Why?” Izzy asked. A simple enough question, but it carried a lot of weight. Izzy didn’t know how much exactly, but it was enough to pull a man like Caleb down and keep him down. And Caleb didn’t strike her as overly sensitive. Whatever it was, she hoped she could handle it.
Mark sighed. “I should wait for him to tell you. It’s his story, after all, not mine. But you might wait your whole life for him to be ready to talk about it. And it seems only fair that you know what you’re up against.” He gazed across the room at her. “You deserve to walk away, if that’s what you decide to do.”
Izzy shook her head. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m all in,” she replied.
Mark studied her. “You barely know him.”
Izzy merely shrugged. I’m not explaining it. Plus, I wouldn’t know how.”
Mark smiled. “And it’s none of my business anyway.”
Izzy remained silent. There was no point in insulting the man. Even if she could articulate what drew her to the tortured man in the next room and what kept her with him, he was right, she’d never tell him.
Mark cleared his throat. “Caleb’s father beat his mother every day of Caleb’s life. Until one day he got drunk and beat her to death right in front of him, using his bare hands. Caleb was eight years old at the time.”
Izzy’s shoulders sank. On the one hand, it was good to finally know, but she hated that it was, in fact, as bad as she’d imagined. It made sense that he was afraid to show anger around women, even if she didn’t think he’d really do anything so vile.
“You don’t seem surprised.”
“I thought it was something like that.”
“You didn’t check his background?”
“I did. Just the basics, just to know who I was dealing with. I didn’t dig too deep, though. The man deserves some privacy.”
Mark was quiet a moment, then said, “That was decent of you, Izzy.”
“He’s decent,” she replied. “No matter what he thinks of himself.”
“He wants to turn himself in.”
Izzy shook her head. “There’s nothing to say. He didn’t do anything wrong. You’re not going to let him tank his career because he gets…confused…about relationships?”
Mark sighed. “Might not be a career to go back to after his suspension.”
“If there is, there’s no way a false confession would help. It wouldn’t do any good,” she told Mark. “It won’t make him feel better and I won’t give a statement. As far as I’m concerned, what happened between us is no one’s business but ours.”
“Caleb’s always been alone, for all the years I’ve known him. He thinks he’s not safe to be around.”
“That’s bullshit. I’m proof he can handle himself just fine. I get that it’s new, and anything new is always scary, but like I said, Caleb may be afraid of himself but he doesn’t scare me. He’s too concerned about me, even when he’s pissed as hell.”
Mark regarded her for a long minute. “Another woman would have run for the hills.”
“I’m not like most women.”
“I can see that. You’re good for him,” said Mark, surprising her.
“I’m trying to be. There aren’t a lot of decent men left, at least not that I’ve found.”
“Then again,” said Mark, “you’re in the business of catching lowlifes.”
She smiled. “True. But Caleb’s a good man. He has his own set of rules, but I can relate. What’s important is who he is, and from what I’ve seen, he’s a good man.”
“I’m grateful that you can see that about him.”
“That’s my job. That’s what I’m good at. Take you, for instance. You’re in here, I’m naked, but you’re not interested.”
The man smiled again. “I have a woman,” he assured her. “The perfect woman, perfect for me, anyway. And besides…” He leaned forward and Izzy detected a very slightly predatory look in his eyes. She resisted the urge to shiver under his gaze. “You’re not my type.” He leaned back and put his hands in his pockets. “Plus,” he said, “I’m not stupid enough to mess with Caleb’s woman.”
“Caleb’s woman?”
“Closest thing he’s got and the best chance he’ll ever have.”
Izzy considered his words. “What about Sioux Falls?”
Mark rocked back on his heels and his expression changed. Izzy could see she wasn’t going to get an answer.
“I think I’m done telling tales out of school,” Mark told her. “You’ll have to ask Caleb about her.”
Izzy nodded and threw back the sheets. “Yeah,” she agreed. “I think it’s time we both showed our hands.”
Chapter 28
Izzy climbed out of Caleb’s bed, crossed the room, and opened the closet door. She pulled one of his large T-shirts off a hanger and shrugged it on. There was no hope for her hair without a shower, so she gathered it at the back and secured it with a rubber band.
She left the bedroom and entered the living room. The quiet sound of Mark and Caleb talking told her they were in the kitchen. She walked past the scattered pile of her clothes on the floor. The disarray looked out of place in Caleb’s otherwise neatly organized home.
True enough, Izzy had come into Caleb’s life like a tornado. She’d disrupted his normally ordered—and sterile—existence. She hoped her presence, however chaotic, was a good thing.
She turned the corner and entered the kitchen. Caleb and Mark both turned toward her. They might have just been a pair of friends catching up on old times. Anyone would think that, before they caught the dour looks on both men’s faces.
“I’m heading home,” said Mark, pushing off the counter he was leaning against and heading toward the front door. “Call me if you need anything else,” he said over his shoulder. Izzy wasn’t sure whom he was talking to.
The door shut soundly behind him, almost echoing in the silence. Izzy turned to look at Caleb, who had large, dark circles under his eyes from lack of sleep. He also hadn’t shaved since the day before. Overall he had the wearied, disheveled appearance of an anxious yet exhausted man. It seemed as though Izzy’s presence had wrecked both the house and the man.
She moved toward him, reaching for him.
“Don’t,” he told her.
“Caleb—”
“Just don’t.”
“Look at me,” Izzy demanded. When he refused, she said it again. “You didn’t hurt me, Caleb. I’m fine.”
Caleb shook his head. “It’s not fine.”
Izzy crossed her arms in front of her. She’d rather be touching him but she didn’t want to force the issue right now. “I’m telling you it is. And I’m also telling you that trying to turn yourself in for a crime you haven’t committed is also bullshit. I won’t go along with it,” she told him. “I won’t say something that isn’t true.”
“I hurt you, Izzy!”
Izzy shook her head. “No, you didn’t.”
“I meant to!” he argued.
“No, you didn’t. You meant to scare me, but it didn’t work. I’m still here and I see exactly who you are, Caleb. And I’m not going anywhere.”
“That’s crazy. You’re crazy!” He jabbed a finger into his own chest, “I’m not safe to be around, Izzy!”
“That’s crap. You’re the safest person I’ve ever been with.”
He gaped at her. “That’s… t
hat’s…” He ran a hand through his uncombed hair and stared at her. “You don’t—”
“You don’t open doors for me,” she told him.
Caleb’s eyebrows furrowed and he stared at her. “What?”
“You don’t open doors for me. You go in ahead of me.”
“So… your argument that underneath it all I’m a nice guy is based on the fact that I’m an asshole? What? I go in first—”
Izzy shook her head. “Not first, primary. You are primary through the door, Caleb. Every time. No matter where we are. You always put yourself between me and potential danger. I don’t even think you know you’re doing it most of the time.”
“Izzy—”
Izzy moved closer and cupped his face in her hands. “Pop always said if you want to know someone, watch them when they don’t know you’re looking. The little things, the things they don’t even know they do, will tell you everything you need to know. It doesn’t matter what they say, or what they do for an audience, it’s what they do without having to think about it, that’s how you know what kind of person they are.”
“You’ve seen me at my worst, Izzy. You’ve seen the kind of damage I’m capable of. It’s inside me, Izzy. It’s always been there. It’s the only thing my piece-of-shit old man ever gave me.”
“I don’t believe that,” she said firmly. “People aren’t their parents, Caleb. What they do to us may shape who we are but we’re not them. We don’t have to be them.”
“Oh, that’s bullshit!” he snapped. “It’s absolutely who we are. It’s in our fucking DNA, Izzy! And you believe it. You know goddamn good and well that you believe it.”
“I do not—”
“Then why won’t you have kids, Izzy?” he challenged. “If you’re so sure that we’re not destined to be just like our parents, why won’t you have kids of your own?”
“Because I don’t want them!” she argued. “Because I don’t live the kind of life that has room for kids! My job is dirty and dangerous and I love it and it’s not a place for a kid. I don’t have kids because I don’t want kids, Caleb. Not because I’m afraid to have them! Is that what you think of me?” she demanded. “That I’d leave my kid alone, shitting themselves in a filthy fucking diaper, starving and terrified? You think for a second I’d ever do some shit like that?!”
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