by Ella Fields
“Where’s Jackson?” I asked. “He’s not coming home?” What I really wanted to ask was why none of them had told me where Daphne had gone to school, but I didn’t. They were too caught up in their own new lives, and they probably figured I wouldn’t want to hear about it.
“Not that I know of,” Dash said. “Haven’t heard from him in a few months.”
I frowned. “For real?”
Raven checked his phone. “Last I spoke to him, he said he was coming home for Christmas, but given what happened, his fam isn’t big on get-togethers anymore.”
“Awkward,” Dash sang the word.
A knock sounded on the door. Mom was out grocery shopping, and judging by the number of bags she’d taken with her, not to mention the crowds, I wasn’t expecting her back until later this afternoon.
Dash surprised us by getting up and answering it, the sound of his, “Well, fucking hello,” making my head snap over my shoulder.
Daphne walked in, some bags with her, and kicked off her boots. Her cheeks were tinged pink from the cold, those lips naturally red, her eyes lined in black and her lashes so damn long, I could remember the way they’d felt fluttering over my chest.
Her legs looked a mile long in the gray tights she was wearing beneath a short navy-blue jumper dress, her smile real and bright as she saw Raven and dropped her bags to hug him when he rose from the couch.
My shoulders tensed as Raven squeezed her ass, and she pulled away to whack his chest.
She didn’t dare hug Dash. He wouldn’t hug anyone who wasn’t Peggy anyway.
“Well, I’m going to take that as my cue to get the fuck outta here.” Dash flipped me off. “Skate park before we head back. Bring the ball and chain if you have to.”
Raven slapped me on the back, then bent down to kiss Lily on the head.
A few moments later, Daphne looked at the now closed door, then back at me. “I didn’t mean to clear them out.”
“They’d been here a few hours anyway.”
“I spoke to your mom earlier this week and said I’d drop some books and things off. I thought you’d be at work.”
My brows cinched. “The garage is closed until next week.”
She nodded, then forced a smile. “Awesome.” Seeing Lily, her smile bloomed into something real and soul warming. “Hey, sweet girl.” She inched closer, but then paused, her eyes hesitant as they met mine.
I handed her over, unable to keep from smiling as Lily kicked her legs and laughed while Daphne showered her cheeks with kisses.
I wasn’t sure if I was just too arrogant to see it before, or if I knew it was there and ignored it. How the love Daphne had for my daughter, for my entire world, was strong enough to keep her coming back when I’d given her every reason under the sun to stay away.
I grabbed my phone, stalking to the kitchen to get the pizza coupons. “Mom’s probably going to be a while, and I’m enjoying this time off too much to prepare a meal. Pepperoni?”
Daphne, following slowly, blinked at me. “Oh, um, I was honestly just dropping those off.”
“If Mom was here, you’d have stayed for a cup of coffee.” I took a step closer, something stirring deep in my stomach as her eyes grew. “You’d have stayed to chat with her. So why not me?”
Those eyes ducked down to Lily, and she released a breath. “Because I don’t want to fight with you or make things awkward.”
“Is that why you’ve stopped coming by so much?” It’d killed me, the number of times I’d wanted to text or call her and ask her where she was, what she was doing, why she wasn’t here. “I’m not …” I sighed and licked my lips, running a hand through my hair. “I’m not angry anymore.” It was the best I had for now, and it was up to her if she was willing to accept that. I wouldn’t force her. I was done forcing this woman to do anything she might be hesitant to do because it always led to trouble. For both of us.
I wanted her. I wanted her so bad it singed my lungs to even breathe around her. But want wasn’t enough for something as broken as us.
I didn’t know what I was doing, only that I still wanted her in my life, and from the way she still came by, however infrequent, it was evident that she, at the very least, wanted the same thing. Even if that want had little to do with me and more to do with Mom and Lily.
So I ordered the pizza, and Daphne grabbed the bags, bringing them to the dining table and unpacking some of the items.
“What’s that?” I asked, not sure whether to laugh or be horrified.
Daphne put Lily down on the floor. Lily pouted, waving her hands up for Daphne to hold her again. Daphne bent down to show her what she had. “Isn’t it cute? It has turkeys on it.”
A blue dress with tiny turkey faces and a matching turkey headband were snatched from Daphne’s hands, and Lily brought them to her face, smiling as she tried to shove them into her mouth.
Daphne laughed. “See? She agrees. They’re cute.”
I raised a brow and tried to keep from grinning too big. “Uh-huh.” Being that the pizza would be at least twenty minutes, I ran Lily a bath, then grabbed her some pajamas to wear.
We used the closet in the spare room for her now. She was growing out of clothes every other month, and we were running out of room in my bedroom.
Heading back to the kitchen, I frowned when I saw the discarded clothes and diaper on the floor, and followed the sound of Lily’s squealing to the bathroom.
Daphne was leaning over the tub, holding Lily’s hand as the water rushed around Lily’s stomach, and she tried to catch the growing bubbles.
Daphne’s hair curtained her face, and her dress had risen up, exposing her ass in those tights. I stared my fill for a moment, and then silently berated my growing dick as Lily laughed some more, splashing at the bubbles.
Daphne scooped them up, blowing them into her face, which almost had Lily tipping over from squealing and laughing so hard. “Shit.” Daphne laughed, tugging her upright. “No slipping, silly Lily.”
I leaned against the door as Daphne turned off the faucet and dragged a washcloth over Lily, laughing some more when Lily tucked her chin in, ticklish, while Daphne tried to clean beneath it.
The sound caught me off guard and threw me into another dimension. One where she was this bold, stubborn girl with lust in her eyes, and I was the foolishly smitten boy with dreams too big for his future, following every move she made.
The late-night calls and snack trips, the drunk hookups, the school halls, the drawings, the cheap as hell dates, and the arguing that always turned into the best sex I’d ever had—all of it seemed inconsequential when I heard her laugh like that for the first time in almost a year. When I could remember the way her eyes would glow like twin pools of emerald, swimming with glimpses of her soul.
A soul I’d once thought was complicated and maybe kind of dark.
I’d been an idiot to think mere months spent with this girl were enough to assume I knew anything.
Forever. I could’ve spent forever with her and never known just how deep those layers delved.
A forever that was doomed to never unfold.
Daphne lifted Lily from the tub, setting her on the pink towel spread out over the floor, then bundled her up like a little burrito, holding her to her chest as she stood. She froze; her smile slipped, and then she frowned. “How long have you been standing there?”
“Long enough,” I said, extending my arms for Lily.
Daphne smirked down at her. “I don’t think so.” She skirted past me, uncaring that her ass grazed my fallen hand. “It’s been weeks since I’ve seen her, so she’s all mine.” She forced an evil laugh, and I heard Lily’s laughter once again as Daphne carried her down the hall.
I stared after them, harder than stone, then the pizza arrived, and I muttered a curse as I quickly pulled the plug in the bathtub and hung the bathmat.
Daphne
Peggy’s brow rose. “So you had pizza?”
I nodded, lifting my takeout cup to hide my smi
le.
She groaned. “And then?”
“And then I went home.”
Slouching back in her seat as though I’d let her down, Peggy wiped a hand over her face. “So what, there was no awkward goodbye? No long minutes of staring? No—”
“Peggy.” I placed my cup down, adjusting my sunglasses over the bridge of my nose. “I ate pizza and fed Lily, he ate pizza too, then he put her to bed, and I called out goodbye as I left.”
“That’s it?”
Again, I nodded. Technically, that wasn’t exactly it. He’d told me about some of the cars he’d been working on, and then asked me about the classes I was taking. It hadn’t been awkward, but it had been uncomfortable in other ways. Ways that liked to snake around the organ in my chest and squeeze.
Sighing, Peggy shoved a piece of banana bread into her mouth and spoke around it. “How’s your dad?”
“Good, actually.” At first, I’d wondered if it was all a front. The carefree smiles, the dinners we tried to have every weekend when he’d laugh and actually look relaxed for once. Yet as the weeks continued to pass, and I’d watched for any slip in his demeanor, nothing he said or did gave any sign he was upset, struggling, or anything but happy. “I don’t know whether to laugh or cry about it, if I’m being honest.”
Peggy brushed crumbs from her hands to the porcelain plate on the metal outdoor table, brows pulling with confusion. “That he’s doing well?”
“Well, yeah. It makes me wonder how long he might’ve wanted out of their marriage and question if he’d been miserable long before it ended.”
Peggy quieted for a minute, sipping her tea. “I think as long as he’s happy now, then that’s what matters.”
She was right, and I needed to stop trying to overanalyze and dissect it all. It’d been months. I hadn’t heard nor seen my mom in weeks, hadn’t lived with her hostile presence for months, and though it stung at times, I did feel better for it. For not having to wonder what mood she’d be in when she got home. Would she tolerate me or loathe the sight of me? No longer did I have to guess and feel my stomach drop when I received an answer. “How long are you and Dash here for?”
“We head back Monday,” she said. “So Willa and Jackson … ugh.” She bent over, shoving a hand behind her to pull her phone from her back pocket. “Hey.”
I watched her gray eyes bulge. “You what? Oh, my god.”
I finished my coffee as she muttered out something else, then hung up.
“What’s happened?”
“Dash,” she said. “Need I say any more?”
I pursed my lips. “You could humor a girl, sure.”
She started laughing, a wind chime sound that always turned a few heads, and stood. “He nicked himself while shaving.”
“Guys do that all the time, tell him to stick some tissue on it.”
Peggy bit her lips, then blew out a breath and lowered her voice to a loud whisper. “No, he was, um, manscaping … you know, down there.”
Blinking, I snorted. “Seriously?”
“That’s what I said the first time I caught him doing it, and do you know what he said?”
I could only imagine. “I don’t know if I want to.”
“He said they all do it, if they know what’s good for them, and what’s good for them is to get laid, which is easier if you don’t have a bush making your dick look smaller.”
I laughed. “You’re kidding.”
“Nope.” She tossed a twenty to the table. “And how he could ever fear that thing looks small is beyond me.” Rolling her eyes, she said, “He thinks he’s bleeding out, and he’s locked in his bathroom at his parents’ place. I’ll call you if he doesn’t die.”
I crinkled my nose but was still laughing as she waved and headed to her car down the street.
After paying, I walked to my own, which was parked at the other end of the street, and checked my phone. No messages or missed calls. Putting it away, I almost dropped it when a familiar laugh snuck into my ears, stilling my body near a parking meter.
Turning, I looked at the restaurant behind me. A little French place with a thousand plants and cabinets of pastries on display inside.
Right near the opened windows sat my mother and across from her was Ellis.
He was leaning over the table, his gaze locked with hers as he held her hand in both of his.
I couldn’t be sure how long I ended up standing there, but it was long enough to see him kiss the top of her hand and long enough for her to finally feel eyes on her delighted profile.
She excused herself, and Ellis followed her every move with that filthy satisfied curl to his mouth, and then it fell.
I waved when he saw me there, and he looked down at the table as though he was contemplating whether to stay or go.
“Are you following me?” Mom hissed.
I peered into her accusing eyes, tilting my head. “You would think that, wouldn’t you?”
She scoffed, shifting in her stilettos. “Well, here you are, just watching us.” A short gasp left her. “Wait.” She lowered her voice, her teeth gritting. “Are you stalking him?”
It was so tempting. The urge to tell her that no, I had little interest in following him anywhere, especially when his abandoned, now grown son, was far superior.
I licked my teeth instead, and smiled. “If you used your eyes for more than ogling married men, you’d see that my car is parked down the street, and you might remember that I live in this town too.”
Her expression flattened.
“Nothing to say?” I stepped back, still smiling. “I’ll just tell Dad you said hi then and keep it simple.”
“Daphne,” she called, but I ignored her, my heels clipping fast over the sidewalk until I’d reached my car. “Stop. Wait. Ellis told me you didn’t do anything. I guess I’m just stressed the hell out.” Her hand grabbed mine. “I didn’t know you’d never actually done anything with him. But what you two did …”
“What we did doesn’t matter. The moment a mother chooses a man over her daughter, especially one she shouldn’t be choosing, is the day said daughter kisses goodbye to any love she still had for that mother.” I tugged my hand free and opened the car door.
“I’m sorry,” she said, almost a whisper.
I didn’t care. “Goodbye, Olivia.” I slammed the door and left her on the sidewalk without an inkling of temptation to look back.
Lars opened the door, smiling. “Hi.”
“Hi.” I sniffed. “Can I see Lily?” I had no idea if I’d gone there to see her, or why I’d even gone there after seeing my mom anyway.
I just had.
“She’s napping, but …” He trailed off, eyes curious as they danced over my face. “Come in.”
He held the door open, and I slipped off my heels so they didn’t wake Lily as they met the wooden floor. A glance into the living room showed a game on pause, and so I went to put my shoes back on. “I can come back later.”
“Daph,” Lars said, his tone soft and firm. “What happened?”
I shook my head, afraid to meet his gaze as I lied, “Nothing. I’m fine.”
He kicked my shoes aside, and I didn’t even have it in me to reprimand him for messing with real leather. “Look at me.”
I did, unable to help it and too exhausted to fight it.
His dark eyes narrowed, his arms crossing over his broad chest. “Let’s try again. What happened?”
“My parents divorced.”
Lars cursed. “Yeah, Mom told me.”
“I’m fine with it,” I admitted. “Honestly.” A small laugh creaked out. “But I just saw my mom while I was having coffee with Peggy, and she was with Ellis, and …” I stopped, closing my eyes. “God, I’m sorry. I’m such a fucking idiot.”
“Why is she with him?” There was a tinge of anger to his question, slight but still there.
Tears filled my eyes as I mumbled out, “He’s her boss, and she’s in love with him.”
Lars took a step bac
k, his arms falling from his chest. “Then why was he …?” He couldn’t finish that sentence, and I couldn’t blame him.
“He’s been a part of our lives on and off for some years now. She hates me. She’s never been the affectionate type, but I swear she started resenting me when he began …”
“Began what, Daphne?” A hard, clipped question.
My lashes were wet as I raised them, and said, “When he started taking an interest in me.”
After staring at me for ten prolonged heartbeats, he took my hand and led me to the couch, where he shocked me by holding me as I muttered out everything that’d happened.
“So he’s never touched you?”
“No, never.”
“Then who was it?”
I would’ve rolled my eyes, knowing he was asking who’d taken my virginity, if they would stop dripping water all over my face. “Some random guy from the public school.”
He held me tighter then, a billowing cloud of curses landing on top of my head. “She hurt you, didn’t she?” I didn’t answer, didn’t need to. “The cut, the bruise on your cheek,” he pushed. “They were from her.”
In answer, I grabbed fistfuls of his shirt and dug my face into his chest.
“Jesus Christ, Daphne. You never said anything.”
“It would’ve been pointless.”
“The car, too.”
I coughed out a garbled laugh. “You don’t get to be upset over that. I’d do it again in a heartbeat.”
Time moved in slow leaps and tiny bounds as I inhaled the scent of him, absorbed the feel of his body, and listened to his breaths to help steady my own.
“I once asked you if you’d ever been in love,” he said, so low I almost didn’t catch it. “You said you thought you came close once.” He cleared his throat, and I sat still as stone beneath him. “It was him, wasn’t it?”
He wasn’t seeking an answer but confirmation. After counting a few of his thundering heartbeats, I gave him both. “He was enigmatic and older, and I was mystified and naïve. I was infatuated, sure, but now that I know what it is to fall in love, I know that whatever I felt never came close to it. That I’d never even glimpsed it.” My fingers tingled around the fabric of his shirt. “Until you.”
