by Rita Hestand
Chosen One's eyes widened, "Is he going to do it?"
"He's already done it once. He wants to, so he can help the people here during the hard winters. He has big plans to help this tribe do better, Chosen One. He so wants to help their lives. All of you. He says after the war they may insist on everyone living on reservations. He's trying to prepare for that. He's got so many plans to help."
"Is it very dangerous, this gun running?"
"Yes, very. I ask him not to, but I know he wants to. I even asked if I could go along. He said it would create a problem there. They'd start asking questions and me being white would create trouble for him."
"He is right about that, for sure. They would throw him in jail and put you on a stage to Texas to your white husband. But we must try to discourage him from doing it." Chosen One agreed.
"Maybe Big Hand could speak with him."
"Yes," Chosen One nodded.
"You seem in a much better mood today, is there a reason?"
"I asked him to let me sleep with him, he held me in his arms last night. I asked him to. I could not sleep for worrying."
"Naomi, I think part of the problem is, that he's afraid he'll scare you. He's trying to be gentle with you. He needs acceptance from you. He needs to know you want him."
"Oh God… if he only knew. Sometimes, I can't take my eyes from him. I ache inside for him. But how do you tell a man you want him like that? I would sound like Painted Dove. I slept so well last night." She smiled. "Like a child. But… I had to ask him. Must I ask for his attention all the time? When does it stop? When do I become part of him, as it should be?"
"I am so glad you love him, I am happy for you."
Naomi smiled, "Yes, I am finally sure of my feelings. I think of him all the time. Want him all the time. Desire spreads through me like a spear when he comes home. I see that smile on his face and it's all I can do to keep from running into his arms and kissing him crazy. And it's scary loving someone when you don’t know how they really feel about you."
They both snickered. "He is afraid he will not please you, so he under reacts. You must talk about more intimate things often. So, he begins to relax with you."
Naomi laughed, "I am not a bear, I will not bite him."
"He's afraid he'll displease you. You must relax yourself around him. Try to be more comfortable with him."
"We are afraid of our feelings." Naomi turned her head in question. "At first talking was easy, I did not know him, or care what he thought. Now, I care, and it is harder."
"Exactly. Don't be so afraid. Kiss him when he least expects it. Put your arm around him, show him affection and he will show you the same. I am sure of it."
"I will try. But what if he rejects me. You see, I tried to do this with John when we first married, he rejected me, Chosen One, every time. Made me feel sinful for thinking of it."
"Red Elk will not. I know he will not. Where is he today?"
"Gone to pick up a schedule of when they need the supplies. It is not a good thing for him to do this. I even worry that he mises Painted Dove so much that he doesn't care for his life anymore."
"No, it is not that. He has a duty as a scout. We understand and respect that."
"I know, but how can I stop him?"
"Let Big Hand talk to him."
"Oh, that would be wonderful. Maybe he can talk some sense into him about this. He listens to him." Naomi nodded. "Now, would you like me to leave some needles and thread for you?"
"Do you have enough?"
"Yes, and since he goes to the fort so often, I can have him bring back more."
"Wonderful." Chosen One smiled.
"Big Hand will be impressed with what I learned today from you." Chosen One told her. "And I must tell you, I tried the massage and he loved it too. He said it was good we were friends."
"I'm so glad he liked it. I better go get supper on. Thanks for talking to me, and let's start working on the words soon."
"Good idea."
Chapter Fifteen
Naomi looked around the wickiup, it was larger than some, nicer in many ways. She wondered about that. Was it his white side that made it larger and better, or just the fact that he was a big man and needed much room to stretch out? She had come to accept this as her home. It was easy to clean, near a creek and big enough for a family.
A family? Where did that come from? She'd never considered having a child with John. She knew he wanted one badly, but when none came that first year, and then he brought his two new wives to their home, a baby was the last thing she wanted.
Now a baby sounded nice. But dare she have relations with Red Elk? And if she did have a child, she knew he would love the child with all his heart. But now, she was thinking of it.
Strange what love would do to a person. Maybe it was just the maternal thing kicking in. But what if she could not have a child?
Would Red Elk grow to resent her, then?
What would it be like to have a baby? What kind of mother would she be? She hoped like her own mother. And she was also sure if she gave Red Elk a child, he would be very pleased too.
It was a romantic notion, and she felt a thrill thinking about her own reactions. A baby! Was it possible? She hadn't conceived with John and she worried if she could.
Could she be barren? If she was would Red Elk discard her.
She had come to like it here. She felt if Red Elk could ever accept her as his wife, she would love it here. But until he did, doubts clouded her thinking. It wasn't her home until he made it her home.
Why had that children entered her mind so suddenly? Children? It was the first time she even thought about having children of her own. With Red Elk her child would be a breed. But she knew one thing for sure, Red Elk would raise the child right, for his words made her confident of that. But having children, especially children of her own. Perhaps all her worries would be over if she had Red Elk's child. He had been anxious for children too, but they didn't come. But having them sounded nice now. The word family came to mind. A family of her own.
She knew they would be handsome children.
She scoffed at her foolishness. They hadn't even consummated their marriage yet. She was foolish to dream of a family. Yet the possibility of becoming a mother had her day dreaming a bit. Truthfully, it was the first time she'd considered really having a child. For the first time she wondered about her mothering skills. She hoped she could do as good a job as her own mother had. It was the only part of her white life that she missed so, her mother. She could vision her sitting in her favorite rocking chair and sewing designs on things for her family. A tear fell, but she wiped it away. Those days were long gone, they might not even be alive now. That thought saddened her. She couldn't think about it, it made her too sad.
Still, she was getting to know Red Elk better every day, she felt comfortable about most things. All the tribe smiled and spoke to her and Chosen One was going to teach her words, so she could communicate. It gave her a sense of belonging that she hadn't had since she was home in Missouri. If only Red Elk would show her some sign of how he felt, then she could relax.
Missouri was a long way away. Seldom did her mind linger on her family. She had three brothers and two sisters, she wondered idly if she would ever see them again. She did wonder about her parents, and if they were well. They would be quite old by now, as she was the youngest and they had her late in life. At first when she was married to John she wrote home regularly, but their letters became fewer and fewer as the years passed.
She wondered what they would think if they knew she lived in an Indian camp with and Indian breed for a husband. It would be scandalous news, she was sure. Her family were Southern Baptist and something like this was completely unheard of. They would expect her to kill herself first. The truth was she liked it here. It was much better than life with John.
Still, even when she first came, she never had thoughts of killing herself. She had some inner courage when things got tough that sprang to life.
She knew from all her experiences she could survive.
She sighed heavily. Despite everything, she was happier here than anywhere she'd ever lived. It was peaceful. If there were any problems or warring Indian raids, she knew nothing of them. There had been a couple more episodes with Mexicans and each time they were killed. Naomi wasn't upset about it, it was just part of life here. They had to protect what was theirs. But this camp was special all because Red Elk scouted for the army.
In a way, she felt proud of him. She wished his tribe would understand how much he cared for them, how he worked hard to do better for them.
Naomi prepared supper and cleaned the wickiup. When she was done, she sat down by the fire and watched the flames. She enjoyed this time of day. A time when she could reflect on her life, on her dreams. She had come to miss Red Elk when he wasn't home. She enjoyed their conversations most of the time.
Red Elk came in not long after she sat down. He sat beside her, glancing at her. "How was your day," he asked waiting for her answer.
"Good. I went to see Chosen One." She smiled.
"I wanted to show her some work I did. I did something to your shirt; do you want to see?"
"Yes, of course." He glanced curiously at her now.
She brought it out and showed him her design on his shirt. Holding it up for him to look at.
"You did this?" he asked fascinated. It was a design of a snake, and a bear, the snake hissing at the bear who was standing up.
"Yes, do you like it?"
"Very much," He said with enthusiasm. "I didn't know you sewed so well. What is this picture making called?"
"Embroidery." She told him proudly. "My mother taught me when I was very young. I love to sew. In fact, the next time you go to the fort I'd like you to bring me some new needles and threads of different colors. Chosen One wants to learn and I won't have enough unless you get them for us."
"I will be delighted. Others will envy me. It makes the shirt special." He smiled staring at the design. "The others will all want you to do this for them."
"I would gladly do it." She told him. "I'm glad you are pleased, I enjoy sewing, always have." she said and kissed his cheek. "I used to sew a lot. I used to do this with my mother. I think it's why I enjoy it so much."
"It is remarkable," he told her and then glanced at her. Obviously, he hadn't expected the kiss.
"So," she wrapped an arm around him. "How was your day?"
He grinned. He noted her friendly demeanor with pleasure. "Not as good as yours probably, but it looks as though it might get a lot better." He said looking at her hand dangling from his shoulder. Then he gazed into her eyes. He saw a bit of mischief and a sparkle there. She was playing with him and he liked it.
"Perhaps we should talk about it then," she smiled.
"No, I don't think so." His voice went husky, his eyes glittered into hers and his smile widened. "Sometimes talking isn't necessary." He murmured as he laid her down on the blanket. He rested his head on his elbow and stared daringly into her eyes. His eyes traveled the length of her, noting the jutting breasts, the roundness of her hip.
She stared up at him, waiting breathlessly to see what he might do next. She'd flirted with him and she was glad to see he noticed.
He was about to kiss her when Big Hand walked in.
"Uh… sorry. I need to talk to you." He cleared his throat.
Naomi sat up and turned away. She was a bit embarrassed that someone could or would just walk inside without announcing themselves. But it was Big Hand and she knew she couldn’t be mad at him. They were friends.
Red Elk sighed as they walked outside together. "I hope this is important. I was in the middle of something."
"Yes, I could see that." Big Hand stared at him and smiled. "I can see it was an intrusion, I apologize. But it is important."
Red Elk waited for him to tell him with impatience. Every moment he was away from Naomi, the moment he had waited for, might pass.
"Chosen One told me you are thinking of running guns for the soldiers of the big war."
"I am!" he admitted. "It pays well." He didn't want to think of running guns right now, his libido was otherwise engaged.
"It isn't a good idea, Red Elk." Big Hand shook his head and turned away for a moment. "You know as well as I, it is very dangerous, and you could get yourself killed. This war is not of our making. Are you planning on doing this alone?"
"Yes, of course. I'm a scout, it is my duty to help."
"Are you determined to do it?" Big Hand frowned at him now.
"Yes, I am."
"Then I will go with you." He nodded as though the discussion was over and started to walk away.
"With me? Why?" Red Elk stared at his friend.
"Gun runners can be robbed and killed easily. You will need someone to drive the wagon and someone to shoot the people trying to rob you."
The way he put it sounded funny, and Red Elk grinned a moment. Red Elk smiled quickly. "You don't have to. I mean. I can do this alone."
"That would not be wise I can tell you. You could die out on the prairie and your wife would never know you were dead. It is not fair to her. What would she do if you died?"
"You are worried about Naomi?"
"Chosen One is." He sighed. "She's white, and if you died, would she stay here? She doesn't speak our language, she wouldn't feel at home. You have a responsibility to her now. I don't think you've even considered that, have you?"
"Which reminds me, have you talked this over with Chosen One?" Red Elk asked doubtful that he had.
"Briefly, yes."
"Does she agree?"
"No, she doesn't think either of us should go. But she does agree that two of us would have a better chance of survival than one." He told him. "When do we go?"
Red Elk stared at him and smiled, "Soon, next week will be a run. I appreciate you volunteering to help me, but it isn't necessary."
"It is very necessary. I will go too. It is settled."
Red Elk studied him a moment. "Thank you, my friend. And I'm sure Naomi will thank you too."
"You're welcome now get back in there and continue what you were up to when I so rudely interrupted."
"Yeah well…maybe… Sometimes the mood is destroyed." Red Elk shot him a mock frown.
"I will call out next time."
"I'd appreciate that," Red Elk smiled.
Chapter Sixteen
When he went back inside, Naomi was fixing him a plate, she handed it to him. His glance went over her once more, but the moment was broken, and he knew it. So, he sat on the blanket. She joined him with a plate of her own. She'd made a roast with potatoes, carrots, and onions."
"What did Big Hand want?" she asked softly.
"He's going to ride with me on the gun runs."
Naomi's eyes widened. "He is? When was this decided?"
"Just now, apparently, why?"
"I didn't think Chosen One approved of it."
"Yes, it appears you and Chosen One have talked much of this." Red Elk smiled.
Her face flushed. "I'm sorry, we did. I was worried. It is very dangerous. Neither of us think you should do it."
"Nevertheless, it will be done." He told her. "It is part of my job. It is expected. And I have made many friends with the men there. They need my help."
She nodded, "Very well." She knew better than to argue about his business. "But just remember, taking sides in this big war, means there is another side that will hate you and try to destroy you."
"You are right, and I have considered it. But the war out here is different than say back in Virginia. Where big wars will be fought all the time. Naomi, thousands are dying in this war. The blood runs everywhere."
She went silent.
"This is very good, nice and tender roast." He told her.
She sighed heavily. "Why did he decide to go with you?"
"He said one needs to handle the wagon, and one the gun."
"So, you do expect trouble?" She frowned.
"Pretty much." He grinned at her.
"Then why go at all. Why do it? This is not your war." She looked worried.
He took her hand, and kissed it, then held it as he explained. "It is a very big war, Naomi. It will spread, and it has already killed thousands of men. There was news of the big war that's coming. I didn't want to tell you about it, I was afraid you'd be upset. But in the Battle of Bull Run, three thousand Union soldiers were killed and seventeen hundred Confederates, and that is only the beginning. That is only one battle. The ones that survived looked upon it, and now they know what this war will mean. The more that die, the more determined they are to go on with it. It won't be over quickly, and as a scout I am expected to help the soldiers. It is my job. It is also how I help feed my people."
"That's nearly five thousand people dead. What side are you helping?"
"We are in the south, Naomi, and Colonel John Baylor is on his way to set up the Confederacy in Tucson. That's the talk anyway. There are rumors that California is getting a volunteer army together for the Union and coming this way. But that is only rumor. We do not know if we can stay out of it, as it comes at us. I do not know how they stand with the Indian, but I do know how Cochise stands. He will fight them if they come upon his lands. And they won't stop to see if a tribe is friendly or not, so we will be involved to some extent. I just don't know how much."
"It will be a lot of killing. All over the black people."
"Mostly over them. There are other problems, but Lincoln is wanting to set the slaves free. I go with my people. It is not a question of sides for me, it is a question of friends. Do you feel the black people should not be set free?"
"I don't believe in having slaves at all. But it would seem they could sit down and talk this out peaceably instead of killing each other over it."
"Even the bible speaks of wars and rumors of wars."
"Yes, you are right. But this one will be bloody, and you know it. Father against son, it is not right to fight your own kin like that."
