by Kate Lattey
How he would react was anyone’s guess, but I wasn’t expecting it to be good. I ran a hand down Skip’s sweaty neck and led him into his stable. There were a lot of things I didn’t like about my life, but it was my life. Yet it seemed like nobody was ever going to ask me how I wanted to live it.
CHAPTER SIX
It was only a two hour drive to Feilding, but on that Saturday morning it felt as though it took forever. I was wedged between my parents, the tension between them fizzing as we drove. Dad’s hands clenched on the wheel, his knuckles periodically whitening until he forced himself to release his grip slightly. He would let out a long exhalation of breath and unclench his jaw, and for a minute or two he would be at ease. And then he’d remember, and his body would slowly fill with tension again.
Mum sat on the other side of me, staring out of the window and saying nothing. She’d told him last night that Pete was back in the country. He’d immediately forbidden her to have any contact with him, so when she’d admitted that he’d already been here and spoken with both of us, he’d been furious. I’d been sent to my room, and had fled willingly. But then Pete had messaged me and I’d made the error of telling him that they were fighting about him, and he’d insisted that I listen in as much as I could.
So I’d sent him message after message, filling him in on what they were saying. I should’ve said no. Should’ve put my headphones on and turned the music up and drowned them both out. But instead I’d sat on the landing and sent reports to my brother, as my mother cried that he was her baby boy and she loved him and couldn’t Dad find it in his heart to forgive him? And Dad yelled at her and said Pete had brought shame on our family and until he was ready to come and talk to his father like a real man, instead of hiding behind his mother’s skirts, then Dad didn’t want anything to do with him.
I hadn’t given Pete an exact word-for-word account of their exchange. Some of those things he didn’t need to know. Especially when Dad had started raving on about how Pete’s actions had ruined my life. In many ways, he was right. I hadn’t had many friends before, but I had absolutely zero left now. My phone buzzed, and I fished it out, ignoring the suspicious looks that both of my parents shot me. But it wasn’t Pete - it was AJ. Maybe I did have one friend, after all.
We just arrived. Courses are built OMG huge I am going to die.
I smiled and sent a message back.
You’ll be fine Squib can jump anything!
I’d continued to follow her progress with the feisty grey pony on Facebook, watching the videos she regularly posted, and had been seriously impressed with her pony’s scope.
Its not if he’ll go over, its if can stay on until we reach the other side!! How far away are you?
I glanced up as we drove through Dannevirke.
Not far now. See you soon!
I was settling the ponies into their yards when AJ came bounding over to me, her short blonde hair contained under a bright red baseball cap.
“Hey, you made it!” She shot me a wide, infectious grin and I smiled back at her.
“We sure did. When are you on? I want to see Squib jump you right out of the tack.”
“Don’t even joke about it,” AJ said, rolling her eyes. “He’s wound so tight today, and he is freaking out about the speedway.”
The show grounds at Manfeild were right next to the local motorsport track, and we could hear the roaring engines of motorbikes roaring around it.
“I didn’t think they were racing during the show!”
“Neither did we. Apparently everyone’s up in arms about it. It’s a whole big deal. But even if they make them stop, it’s too late for Squiblet. He’s already lost the plot.” AJ draped herself dramatically across the front of Skip’s yard with a groan. He looked startled by her theatrics, staring at her and then looking at me as if to say What’s wrong with her?
Over her shoulder, I saw Katy walking up behind her friend. Her expression towards me was as sour as usual, so I turned back to AJ.
“Well then, I hope you packed your parachute.”
She laughed. “That’s what Katy said. Speak of the devil,” she added, noticing Katy for the first time as she stopped next to her.
“Your class starts in half an hour,” Katy told AJ, without even looking at me. “You should probably get on Squib and see if you can get him to pay at least a bit of attention to you.”
AJ groaned, but straightened up. “Okay. Here goes nothing.” She started to walk away, then turned back to me. “Oh hey, I meant to say. I heard about your grey pony. I’m so sorry.”
I bit my lip, hard. “Thanks.”
Katy looked at me now, her eyes narrowing slightly. “What exactly happened? Because everyone’s saying something different.”
I didn’t want to tell her, but AJ was right there and she looked curious too. And she, at least, was a friend. “We don’t know, exactly. He just…dropped dead.”
AJ looked startled. “In the paddock?”
I shook my head. “While I was riding him.”
“Oh my God, that’s terrible!” I could see AJ struggling to even imagine it. Katy’s face was equally shocked, and her pinched mouth had turned white at the edges.
“Was it his heart?” she asked. Her voice was softer now, more sympathetic.
I shrugged again. “We don’t know yet.”
AJ was still shaking her head in disbelief. “Man, that sucks. I’m so sorry for your loss.”
I think it was those words that did it. Your loss. I thought of Teddy, the slight dish of his face, the arch of his neck, the way his tail fanned out when he was excited. The spring of his step on the turf when he trotted into the ring, knowing everyone was watching him. The way he tucked up so tight in front to clear the widest oxers… I started to cry, and not the faint trickle of tears but proper shaking, heaving sobs. I fought hard to contain it, but I’d held it in for too long. Your loss. He was a loss, a huge one. The tears came as much from relief as they did from grief. Someone understood. Someone realised that I cared. That I missed him, and it really, really hurt.
I felt arms wrap around me, squeezing me tight. “I didn’t mean to make you cry.”
“It’s o-okay,” I managed to tell AJ. “It’s just still a bit raw, you know?”
“Of course.” AJ loosened her grip, pulling one arm away but leaving the other around my shoulders as we turned to face Katy. I wondered if she had any idea how much that meant to me. I wiped the tears out of my eyes, bringing Katy back into focus.
“I bet that’s why he was stopping so much,” she mused. “His heart must’ve been struggling to keep up.”
I nodded. “I think so too. I wish I’d known. I wouldn’t have asked him to jump if I’d known…”
“Of course not.” AJ’s arm tightened around me, then loosened again. “Oh crap, I really have to go. But I’ll come back after my class. Or you can come watch me. When are you on?”
I looked at Katy. “Not sure. When’s the metre twenty?”
“Doesn’t start until twelve-thirty,” she replied. “And we have to jump in the indoor.”
“What? Why?” Manfeild was one of the few shows that had an indoor arena, and I didn’t usually mind riding in it, but it was small and cramped, and required a much more technical ride than an outdoor course. It was also very close to the speedway, which was still clearly audible.
“Who knows? It sucks. Molly hates that indoor.”
I’d been wondering which of us would end up mentioning her first. I flickered my eyes away from Katy’s, unsure how to proceed. AJ checked her watch, swore under her breath and ran off to get Squib tacked up. Katy lingered behind, watching me fly-spray Skip’s legs. Apparently she wasn’t done, and I braced myself for what she might say now that her friend was out of earshot.
“I’m glad you changed your mind about Molly,” she said abruptly. “It’s good to have her home.”
I looked up at her, my face still tear-streaked. I wasn’t sure what she was getting at.
&
nbsp; “I’m glad you got to keep her,” I said honestly.
We stood awkwardly for a moment, both waiting for the other to make the next move. Then Katy glanced towards the direction AJ had gone in.
“I’d better go, make sure AJ’s all sorted.”
“Okay. Tell her good luck for me.”
“Sure.” Katy hesitated for a moment, then spoke again. “You could come watch. I can almost guarantee theatrics.”
“Thanks,” I said. “But I’ve got stuff to do.”
It wasn’t true, but AJ was going to have her hands full with her pony. She didn’t need me hanging around, making people talk and adding to the tension. Katy looked relieved as she said goodbye and left, and I went back to our truck to wait for my class to begin.
Buck jumped clear in the first round of the metre-twenty, but Molly was wound up by the noisy speedway and had two rails. I felt for Katy as she rode out of the ring, looking disappointed. I was too far away from her to commiserate, and she rode straight back towards the yards, but not before I heard my father’s voice carrying through the indoor.
“Looks like we dodged a bullet with that one, if it can’t even get around this course cleanly. It’s not exactly built to height.”
I glared at him along with everyone else as I walked Skip in small circles near the in-gate, waiting for our turn. The course was a little underbuilt, but it was still a twisty, technical route and the added distraction of the roaring speedway made it a tough track. Only a handful of starters had managed clear rounds, and three riders had fallen off already.
Soon to be four, I thought to myself as Tessa Maxwell rode through the gate, her hands visibly shaking on the reins as Misty Magic cavorted across the arena, snorting at the dust that was springing up underneath his hooves. Her sister Hayley, Misty’s former rider, was yelling at her from the sideline to get her leg on and ride like she wanted to be there. Tough sell, when Tess so clearly wanted to be anywhere else on earth.
I watched Misty as he approached the first fence, baulked at the base, then jumped almost from a standstill, sending Tess flying onto his neck. She lost both her stirrups and ended up sitting in front of the saddle, and Misty promptly bolted towards the gate. The helpful steward waved his arms at the pony, who swerved hard and bucked, flinging Tess to the ground. I waited as Hayley ran into the arena and caught the naughty pony, and Tess’s mother dragged her to her feet and brushed her off, then got waved into the ring. That hadn’t taken long.
Skip trotted smoothly in despite the commotion, and I focused my thoughts on the course ahead. Blue oxer to yellow vertical, short five strides to the green vertical and then that tough rollback to the white oxer that Buck had only just made it over. How was I going to make it easier for Skip? Ride the turn a bit wider? Shorten his stride out of the corner?
I was so focused on the course that I almost rode into Hayley as she led Misty back between the jumps, and had to pull Skip to the side to avoid her.
“Watch it! You don’t own this arena, you know,” she snapped at me.
I scowled back at her. No point trying to be nice to this one. She’d been bullying me relentlessly for the past two seasons, and judging from the way she treated her sister, it was an ingrained habit. I wasn’t going to change her mind about me, and I wasn’t going to waste energy in trying.
Pushing her to the back of my mind, I focused on the course ahead. Hayley left the arena and my bell rang. I picked up a canter and aimed Skip at the first fence. Everything else faded away into the background, until it was just me, Skip and fourteen jumping efforts. Over the first, over the second, land, sit up, five strides to the next. Steady for the turn, balance him, make him wait, now leg on and fold forward and up we go…
I rubbed Skip’s neck proudly as we cantered through the finish flags with a clear round, permitting myself a small smile. I’d learned the appropriate expression now. Not too much of a smile, or I looked arrogant and smug. But not withholding the smile altogether, or I was a heartless bitch. Most people had an opinion either way, and my facial expression probably wasn’t going to sway them. But I couldn’t keep from trying, just in case.
I heard someone clapping, and I looked over to see AJ standing by the ring. Her smile was unrestrained and genuine, and I felt mine widen at the sight of it. I rode back through the gate, barely feeling Dad’s firm pat on my leg, hardly hearing the words of advice he was giving me for the jump off round. I fixed my eyes on AJ, who had now been joined by Katy, and wondered whether, for the first time in a long time, I’d genuinely found some friends.
I certainly had in AJ, though Katy remained standoffish. There was a strange vibe between her and AJ that I picked up on, but didn’t want to mention. Katy seemed almost desperate to gain AJ’s approval, which wasn’t the dynamic I’d seen between them on prior occasions. I wondered what had happened to change things. But they were still good friends, still very close. Still talked mostly to each other, still shared inside jokes and looked after each other’s ponies. After all, AJ relied on Katy and her mother to bring her to shows, as I found out later when, miracle of miracles, I was invited into their horse truck for a cold drink after our early classes were done.
“Got to flush that arena dust out of our mouths somehow,” AJ said, pulling a can of Coke out of their mini fridge and passing it to me. “Ugh. And I was only on the sidelines. I don’t know how you guys ride on it.”
“Just you wait,” Katy said, opening a bottle of water and taking a swig. I’d rather have had water myself, but soda was better than nothing. I opened the can and sculled down as much as I could before the fizz started making my nose tingle. “You’ll be entering the same classes as us in no time.”
“How’d Squib go this morning?” I remembered to ask, and AJ gave me a thumbs-up.
“Perfect. Well, clear. Not as quick as I wanted, because he was still pretty wired, but we finished up sixth, I think.” She shrugged. “Out of the money, but making progress.”
I congratulated her as Katy gave me a considering look. “So are you looking for another Grand Prix pony now?” she asked. “Because there are a couple of good ones on the market.”
I shook my head. “No, two are enough to manage at that level. I’m looking for a young one to bring on.”
AJ’s eyes lit up. “You should buy Forbes. Katy’s one,” she told me. “He’s for sale, right?”
I looked at Katy, but she shook her head. “Not anymore. Not with Lucas injured and Robin crippled. I’ve only got him and Molly to ride at the moment, so if he sells, I’ll have nothing left.”
“You’ll have Puppet.”
Katy rolled her eyes. “Yeah, but he’s barely jumping around ninety centimetres, and he’s only four. Besides, his owners could demand him back at any time. They’ve said I can have him for the whole season, but you never really know when they’ll change their minds and then poof! He’s gone.”
“That must be hard,” I said, and Katy shot me a wary look. I felt my face flush as I realised that’s what I’d almost done to her, with Molly. Thankfully, AJ changed the subject.
“So a young one. Do you know of anything?” she asked Katy, who shrugged, but pretended to look as if she was thinking about it.
Her mother opened the side door and stuck her head in. “Katy! You in here?”
She scanned the room, looking surprised – but, to her credit, not horrified - to see me. I liked Katy’s mother. You had the feeling that what you saw was what you got with her. No hidden agendas. Her eyes flickered back to her daughter.
“Grab your helmet, hon. There’s a pony I want you to try.”
Katy sighed and got to her feet, scooping her helmet up off the couch. “School or buy?”
“Buy. He’s already bucked his wee rider off twice today, but I think he’s probably just a bit sore. Should be easy enough to fix.” Her mother sounded excited at the prospect.
“So I’m going to get bucked off?” Katy asked as she snapped her helmet on to her head. “Great.”
> “In that case, I’m definitely watching,” AJ declared, jumping up and then turning to me. “Coming?”
“Um.” I hesitated, unsure whether Katy wanted me around to witness it, although I had my doubts about her being bucked off. She had a remarkable tight seat, and it took a lot to dislodge her.
“Come on,” AJ urged me. “It’ll be hilarious.”
I couldn’t say no. She was the only friend I had. “If Katy doesn’t mind.”
Katy glanced back at me as she reached the bottom of her truck ramp and shrugged. “As long as you don’t take a video.”
AJ grinned and ducked back into the truck’s accommodation. “What an excellent idea! Where’s my phone?”
Katy didn’t get bucked off, but she did acquire a new pony by the end of the day. He was a pretty grey and white pinto gelding named Seagull. He was ten years old, so not exactly young, and with plenty of ingrained bad habits. It had been interesting to watch her ride him, seeing her quick reaction times when he started to play her up, stopping him in his tracks before he could do anything serious. He’d thrown a couple of bucks in, but had quickly worked out that she wasn’t going to be dissuaded easily, so had given up the fight. He was a cute pony, and I envied her the chance to work with him. Katy, for her part, didn’t seem overly enthused about him, but Squib adopted Seagull as his new best friend, and they were instantly inseparable.
After dinner, I took Buck and Skip out to stretch their legs and have a pick of grass before bedtime. The speedway had finally closed for the day, and it was quiet at the far end of the show grounds. The boys munched happily on the short grass, and I sat on the ground between them, watching them eat. My phone was in my pocket, but I ignored any temptation to check it. I didn’t care what was happening in Facebook world. I just wanted to be present in the moment, listening to my ponies eat, watching the sun fade below the horizon, turning the sky into a pink glow.
