Dear Diary

by Lacey Heart

In the cold light of morning, sometimes I miss Mia, and the feel of her warm body against mine. But then I quickly remember she’s nothing more than a self-centered bitch who was only with me for what she could gain along the way.

  I also remember that I’m Cole Ashford—king of Riverstone High and I can have any damn chick I want. And right now, I want a piece of Hollywood.

  She can try and pretend all she likes, but I know she wants me too. I can see the raw, heated hunger in her eyes every time she looks at me. And fuck if her innocent beauty doesn’t make me want her more.

  I’ve never seen a girl act the way she does. Avery is so confident and independent and she sure as hell doesn’t need anyone, and it’s driving me insane. I’m so used to needy girls desperately begging for my attention like starved savage animals—but Hollywood… she certainly knows how to look after herself and it’s driving me insane.

  Usually if I want a girl, I’ll use little effort and reel them in. I’ll happily fuck them, then chuck them—after all I’m hot-blooded teen. What else am I supposed to do?

  But Hollywood? Damn, that chick is something else. I’ve got a feeling it’s gonna take a whole lot more than charm and status to get close to her. I just need to use my head and think of a way to get close to her. Close enough so I can try to understand her, how she works and then I could figure out how to make my move.

  And boom, a miraculous thought invades my mind. Maybe it won’t be so hard to get to Hollywood, after all. Luckily for me, I know just the guy who can help me out.

  “Parker, you dumb fuck.” Tommy shouts just outside the main entrance doors of Riverstone High. “Had any luck getting your dick wet yet?”

  “Fuck you.” Jake hurls back as he bounces across the yard to where me and Tommy are stood. “Has my sister still got a vice like grip on your balls?” I can’t help but laugh at them. Everyone in Riverstone knows Jessica Parker has Tommy Pucker right where she wants him.

  “Too fucking right, but only when I’m face-fucking her throat.” Tommy winks at Jake and he turns a violent shade of red. A sure ass warning sign if ever I saw one. Jake turns to look at me and I’m shocked by what’s looking back at me.

  “What the fuck happened to you?” I ask.

  Jake turns his head fully toward my direction and focuses his attention on me. That’s not what’s worrying me. The big fuck off bruise on his eye is giving me a huge cause for concern right now. It’s black, mixed with a tinge of green and yellow and his eye is so swollen he can barely open it properly.

  “Ah, this?” he points to his eye like it’s nothing. “I walked into a door.”

  “Bullshit.” I spit out and my blood is starting to boil. Tommy falls silent next to me, and I know he’s thinking what I’m thinking. “Is that motherfucker back in your house?”

  Jake nods. It’s a small nod, but I see it. “He’ll always be there, man. There’s no getting rid of him.”

  “Why the fuck didn’t you call me? Did he do this to you?” I cannot believe the son of a bitch didn’t call me. I told him last time if shit got bad back at home all he had to do was call and he’d be welcome at mine anytime. I know my dad wouldn’t have minded either. My father doesn’t know the whole ins and outs of Jake’s home life, but he’s wise enough to know it isn’t an easy ride. I swear as soon as my dad is back in town, I’m telling him that Jake’s moving in with us. At least that way I know he’ll be safe from that drug fucked prick.

  “It doesn’t matter. I’m here now. I’m fine, just a little bruised.”

  “Like fuck it doesn’t matter.” Tommy finally growls to life next to me and from the harshness of his voice I can tell he isn’t happy. “Where’s Jessica?” he demands, and Jake’s face relaxes. Well, as much as it can from all the swelling.

  “She’s good. She knew shit was gonna hit the fan on Friday, so she took herself off to stay at Mia’s for the weekend.”

  I can feel Tommy relax too as a sigh of relief escapes him. “I swear if that son of a bitch touches a single hair on her head…”

  “There’s nothing you can do, Tommy. He’s a fucking psycho and the sooner my mom sees that the better. But, she’s never really given a fuck about anything other than crack and as long as he’s providing it for her, she’ll keep him in the house and feign ignorance when he starts to beat her kids. Now tell me that isn’t some mother of the year shit right there.”

  My fucking heart breaks for my friend. He shouldn’t even have to be dealing with this kind of bullshit, but he won’t leave. It doesn’t matter how bad it gets; how bad he’s beaten—he won’t leave. Jake won’t admit it, but I know how his mind works, and Jake thinks if he’s there taking all the beatings that sick motherfucker keeps dishing out, he’s stopping Jessica and his mom from taking one too. “You’re not going back there tonight. You hear me?” I shout at him and he nods back at me again. If that son of a bitch won’t leave and his mom’s too much of a drug fuck to see what he’s doing then that’s on them, but I will not allow him to hurt my friend—my brother, anymore.

  “Seriously, I’m good. I can handle that prick, no worries.” Jake tells me and I’d love to believe him, but judging from his swollen face, I’m more than a little dubious.

  I realize that this is Jake’s way of telling us he doesn’t want to talk about it anymore, and even though the bullshit weighs heavy on my chest, I do what my best friend wants, and I change the subject. “Anyway, I need you two to quit bitchin’.” They both turn to look at me, and it’s not often I intervene with their bullshit, but right now we need to plan, and I’m acutely aware that time is against us. “We have another problem…”

  Silence descends between Tommy and Jake and sudden unease knots deep in my stomach, and the worried expressions on they’re faces does nothing to ease it.

  “Are you shittin’ me? You fucking went and told him?” Jake is quick to bite out through clenched teeth and he looks more pissed than he did a few minutes ago.

  “I didn’t tell him shit.” Tommy holds his hands up in surrender and I look between my two best friends, full of expectation, and I hope one of these dumb motherfuckers is going to start talking and let me in on the secret.

  “Told me what?” My voice is calm, but on the inside, I feel anything but. Neither one of them can look me in the eye and they don’t go out of their way to enlighten me. This really isn’t helping me. I can feel my agitation growing by the second. “Tommy…” I step closer to him and he struggles to keep my gaze for longer than a second. His eyes constantly flit between me and Jake.

  “Hey, man.” He muffles but I just about catch it.

  “Is there something you want to tell me?” I ask, and I’m so close to him that my nose is almost touching his. My rage simmers some more, intensified as I feel the burn of heated eyes all around us and a crowd starts to form. Fortunately, I’m not too bothered by prying eyes right now. What I’m more concerned with is what these two motherfuckers are talking about. “Come on, Pucker. Don’t be shy. Go ahead… tell me what’s on your mind.”

  Tommy doesn’t back down and he brings his head closer to mine, his nostrils flaring every couple of seconds, and I can tell this little stand off is affecting him too. “This really isn’t the place, man.” He tries his best to warn me, but I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want to hear anything other than what these two are banging on about. His voice is a little rough and I can see his eyes are trying to plead with me, but this still doesn’t allow me to back down. “Come on. Just drop it. At least for now.”

  Maybe Tommy has a point. It’s not like him to draw away from drama. If this is serious, do I really want the whole of Riverstone listening to whatever it is he has to tell me? Usually, it wouldn’t bother me, but there’s something about Tommy’s body language―his reluctance that tells me that this could be something major.

  “Seriously, Cole. Not here and not now.” Jake’s voice breaks down the walls of my rage and I’m quick to shove Tommy backwards. “This better be fucking worth it.” I warn. I
don’t know what’s going on with these two motherfuckers, but they need to start talking, and fast.

  I look between them both as a multitude of emotions ripple through my system and I know they can tell I’m pissed. “We have practice, so I guess you two better start talking along the way.”

  I move forward, pushing past Tommy and Jake and the hushed voices echo out around us. No doubt our little showdown will be the talk of the school. But then with us three, that’s usually the case anyway.

  The rain falls down in heavy sheets out on the playing field.

  Cold, icy balls of wetness fall all over me, but it does absolutely nothing to clear my head. I can just about hear coach screaming out his orders to just about anyone who will listen to him, but I can tell he isn’t getting far.

  “Ashford.” He calls as I run past him. “Get your head in the game.”

  I try to glare at him through the curtain of rain, but I struggle to make him out. He’s just another blur out on this pitch. Damn, I wish my head was in the game but no matter how hard I try, I just can’t switch off. My brain is working on fucking overload―over-fucking-loaded with bullshit.

  This morning everything in the world of Cole Ashford was sweet as fuck―or so I thought. And now… fuck. Now, I don’t even have any words to even describe what I’m feeling.

  I guess it’s no surprise that I didn’t get a chance to check in with the old man this morning. I knew he’d be long gone before my alarm went off. Looks like I can kiss our chat goodbye for a few days.

  The only thing that was left behind was note on the island in the kitchen telling me there was a stack of cash in the office and a heads up that coach would be stopping by the house while he was away.

  I guess my dad doesn’t trust me as much anymore. Or Tommy and Jake when I come to think about it. At least not as much as he likes us to believe. Doesn’t my dad realize having coach sniffing around as and when he wants puts my plans way out of whack? Honestly, I’ve no idea what my father’s end game is, but he’s sure as hell trying to switch shit up, that’s for sure.

  He’s never been all too bothered about leaving me home alone before. That’s because he always gives me the talk just to remind me that I need to be responsible and remain an upstanding figure of our community. But something has changed.

  Usually the old man wouldn’t so much as bat an eye at what I got up to, and the thought of a curfew was fucking crazy. Because my father trusted me. But ever since he arrived back from his last trip, he’s been acting different.

  More distant.

  Less trusting.

  And downright weird as fuck.

  It’s almost like he’s trying to prove that he’s the grown-up or some shit. I could laugh right now, because I thought that was the worst of my problems, but that’s nothing compared to the major shitstorm that’s just been volleyed my way.

  And now I know the damage has been done, nothing will ever be the same again.

  “What the fuck was that?” Tommy charges into me as soon as Coach calls time and blows his whistle. I turn to look at him and he’s watching me with wide eyes, and there’s a whole heat of anger burning behind them.

  “I’m not taking about this now.” I warn him, my voice stern and his head falls as uncertainty ripples through him. “This isn’t the time or fucking place.” I pull off my helmet and toss it down onto the ground as I struggle to keep a lid on my emotions. I can still feel my rage bubbling some more, festering and growing thicker just under the surface. I’m coiled so damn tight I feel like a boa constrictor ready to unleash at any given second. I could explode and I’m worried that if I do, I won’t be able to contain it.

  “Look, I shouldn’t have said anything, man.” Tommy shrugs apologetically, a wash of concern appears on his wet and flustered face but right now I’m way to pissed to even try to empathize with him. Instead, my mind darts back to our conversation earlier. The one I so desperately wanted to know about and now I wish I could go back and avoid it from ever happening. Tommy’s words swirl around and around in my head like a broken fucking record and a huge rush of nausea consumes me, almost knocking me to the ground as my stomach knots in pain.

  Jesus. Less than two hours ago all I had to worry about was re-arranging the Spring Break Party and avoiding Mia like the goddamn plague. Now, thanks to the fucking giant stood in front of me; the guy who’s supposed to be one of my best friends, those two things seems like a lifetime ago and so miniscule compared with the shit I’m suddenly facing now.

  There’s no two ways about it. My life has changed forever.

  “No, Pucker. You shouldn’t have said shit.” I hurl back at him and I make the quick decision to walk away now before I end up saying or doing something I know I’ll live to regret.

  CHAPTER SIX

  AVERY

  Every couple of seconds I find myself looking towards the wooden door of my chemistry class, and every couple of seconds I’m left feeling totally deflated when there is no one there.

  It’s crazy.

  I’ve waited for this day ever since I started here at Riverstone High, and he bust my nose open. Even if that was partly down to my own clumsiness. I guess then and now I had no idea how much of an effect Cole Ashford―the beautiful, brooding, black-eyes quarter back would have on me.

  I didn’t think for a single second he’d be quick to creep in and invade my thoughts―waking and sleeping―taking over and dominating them like he owns them.

  And now here I am getting all worked up because he’s not in his usual seat at the back of chemistry class―next to me, where he’s been for the past ten weeks.

  I know I should be relieved.

  I should be thankful that I’ve been spared his hard, scrutinizing glare for once, but the bottom line is―I’m not.

  If I’m gonna be honest, then I need to admit to myself how I really feel about this sudden void next to me. I feel empty. A little lost, and totally out of place. At least when Cole was next to me, I had some sense of familiarity in this foreign place. Instead, I’m now positioned at the back of class with nothing next to me but an old, airy wooden window.

  I’m struggling to focus long enough on my work to find the strength I need to listen to Mr. Birch and what he’s trying to teach us. I know this is because even though I’m physically here in person, my head is well and truly away somewhere else with thoughts of Cole Ashford―wherever he may be.

  I’ve tried my best to avoid him as much as possible since his party last weekend, and not just because I know he’s heaps of trouble. So far, I’m pleased to say it looks like I’ve succeeded.

  I also know this little feat should make me super happy, but instead it just feels kind of weird without the heat of his eyes burning into my skin, and foolishly I kind of miss it too.

  I miss the feel of him next to me. The coldness of his black eyes, and I miss the way the hairs on the back of my neck stand tall whenever he’s close to me.

  I miss the tingle of electricity pulsing through my veins and the icy chill which seeps deep into my bones, warning me of the potential danger which lays ahead.

  But most of all, I miss the way my heart skips a beat whenever I catch a glimpse of him. And even though I feel numb and dead on the inside from the grief of my fathers untimely death, when it takes hold and totally consumes me, almost suffocating me―Cole, as dangerous as can be, he somehow manages to make the ice thaw, and I can feel again. Even if for a short while, when he’s near me I feel alive.

  I know he’s no good for me. I’ve known that since I first locked eyes on him, but my heart is beating out for me to believe something different.

  The bells sounds, and I almost fall from my stool as the noise drags me out of my thoughts and I’m forced back into reality. I look around and see that nothing has changed. And, fortunately, no one else seemed to notice my internal struggle due to the massive Cole-free void next to me.

  I guess once again it’s been proven that the world keeps on turning―no matter what. Th
e universe doesn’t stop for anyone.

  I wait until the class has disbursed and Mr. Birch is busy setting himself up for his next class before I stand and slide my books into my bag, then I make sure to rush the hell out of there.

  One of these days I might just learn to use the eyes I was given as once again I crash into something hard. Or should I say someone when an unfamiliar voice says, “Hey. Avery, right?”

  I pause and look up at the person in front of me and I come face to face, well, more like face to solid chest with a goddamn giant. A tall, muscular giant.

  I don’t know his name, but I know he hangs out with Cole. And judging from his blue and white jersey, I’d guess he’s also part of the Riverstone football team too.

  “Um…” I swallow hard before twisting my neck up to get a better look at him. “I guess that all depends on who’s asking.” His blue eyes soften as he towers over me and a small friendly smile plays on his lips.

  “Hey. I’m not here to hurt you.” His voice is soft and light―but he’s one of Cole’s guys which leads me to believe this could be some crazy-ass set up. If Cole or one of his guys tell you they’re not gonna hurt you, chances are they will. “Jessica sent me to come find you.”

  “Jessica?” I can feel the confusion, which is almost definitely showing on my face, and I look down the empty corridor hoping she’ll appear at any moment, but it looks like it’s just me and the big guy. “Why would Jessica ask you to come find me?”

  “Because, between me and you…” he leans down and comes closer to me so he can whisper. “I’m basically Jessica’s bitch and the whole damn school knows it too. Fortunately, I’m wise enough to do as she tells me.” His face is poker straight as he tells me this and I really can’t work out if he’s trying to play me or not.

  I know Jessica can be demanding, but would this giant be stupid enough to listen to her demands? “Well, each to their own.” I shrug back at him deciding I really don’t care if it’s true. But I do know now isn’t the time or the place to take on one of Cole’s guys. Especially when I’m all alone in the school corridors. “But, if you don’t mind…” I try to move passed him, but his athletic build doesn’t work in my favor. His body is bigger, and much faster than mine. He’s clearly used to eyeing up the opposition, as he’s on me, expertly blocking me into a corner in a nano-second.