by L. A. Casey
* * * *
RYDER
a Slater Brothers novel
Copyright © 2016 by L.A. Casey
Cover Design: Mayhem Cover Creations
Literary Editor: JaVa Editing
Formatter: JT Formatting
All rights reserved.
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This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, establishments, organizations, and incidents are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously to give a sense of authenticity. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
License Notes
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Title Page
Dedication
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Acknowledgements
About the Author
Other Titles by L.A. Casey
My readers – this is for you.
Don’t cry.
I repeated the thought over and over as I sat in my best friend’s apartment. Aideen Collins was wrapped up in the arms of her fiancé—Kane Slater—and they both focused their attention on their beautiful baby boy, Jax.
Those I loved surrounded me, and what should have been a happy time, wasn’t. Not for me anyway. I watched my little sister, Bronagh, interact with her fiancé, Dominic Slater, who, like Kane, was my fiancé’s brother, and I fought back tears as his hand absentmindedly stroked her abdomen where their baby girl was growing.
I gnawed on my inner cheek as I looked away from the happy couple and focused on the plasma screen TV on the wall facing me. My eyes watched the programme that was showing, but my brain had no clue what was happening because it was elsewhere. I straightened up and hoped I didn’t appear to be so out of sorts, but I wouldn’t have been surprised if I did, because I felt dreadful.
I was jealous.
I was green with envy every time I looked at Kane and Aideen with their sweet Jax, but my heart broke when I watched how Dominic interacted with Bronagh. She was my little sister. I was a whole decade older than her and she had surpassed me on the journey to motherhood. I had no doubt she would marry before me, too.
I hated that I felt so bitter towards my own blood. I was beyond happy for them, but I hated them a little at the same time. She and Dominic were solid. They suited each other so well, and their love, though sometimes extremely intense, was true and forever binding. The more I let myself think about them, the more depressed I felt when I looked at my own relationship.
I didn’t think it could even be classed as a relationship anymore. Ryder and I, we both changed. Somewhere along the line, we stopped being nice to one another. To a point, we stopped being loving towards one another. It started out as normal bickering that grew into full blown screaming contests. We weren’t even at that angry stage anymore; we were at the silent one.
We ignored one another, and when we did interact, it wasn’t pleasant.
I didn’t know where we went wrong, but Ryder and I, we fell out of love. It pained me to admit that, but it was the truth. I loved him dearly, but I wasn’t in love with him anymore. Not with the version of Ryder I was living with. I was deeply in love with the man he used to be, the man who would give me the world if I asked. It broke my heart because I had no idea how we had gotten to the point we were at. I had no idea what I did wrong.
It was sorrowful.
I glanced to my left to where he was sitting on Aideen’s sofa. He was, as usual, tapping away on the screen of his phone and paying me no mind. I almost snickered when I remembered, many months ago, that I used to feel hurt when he gave his phone more attention than me, but now I relished that the stupid device held his gaze, because I never wanted him to look at me and really see me like he used to, because he would see how weak I had become.
I didn’t want him to see that I was broken.
I looked away from him and picked up the bottle of water I got from Aideen’s fridge when I came over. I uncapped the bottle, took a swig and swallowed down the cool liquid. I widened my eyes when some of the water went down the wrong way and entered my lungs. I lowered my bottle and instantly began coughing as I lifted my hand and pressed it against my chest.
I jumped with fright when I felt a hand press against my back, and lightly tap away, helping me get the water up and regain my composure. I looked back to my left as Ryder retracted his hand away from me, without ever looking away from the screen of his phone.
I stared at him blankly, blinking.
I wasn’t sure what to make of his kind gesture, which was terribly sad. He was my fiancé and I was surprised that he touched me. He never touched me anymore. Not if he could help it, anyway.
“Thank you,” I said to him, my voice low.
He didn’t look at me as he said, “Don’t mention it.”
Silence settled over us again and instantly my sadness returned.
I hated feeling so down.
I looked away from Ryder and glanced around the room, my eyes landing on Aideen as Bronagh and Keela moved away from her, smirks in place on both of their pretty faces.
What were they up to now? I wondered.
I smiled to myself and shook my head at the troublesome trio. I glanced down to my leg when it vibrated. I reached into my pocket and took out my phone, smiling when my co-worker’s name flashed across the screen.
Ash Wade.
He joined our crew at the hospital about six months ago. He was a twenty-eight year old English man who moved over from London when he was twenty years old and loved it so much that he never went back home.
Ash was a hoot. He made me laugh on days that I thought I could do nothing but cry. He talked to me, and he listened to me talk. A lot. He became quite a good friend of mine, and I was very thankful to have met him at a point in my life when I needed a pick-me-up.
Ash was pure light; he would brighten up anyone’s day.
I slid my finger across the green blob on the screen then brought the phone to my ear. “What do you want?” I asked, grinning.
Ash snorted through the receiver. “It’s a good thing I didn’t misdial a hotline number and ask for phone sex when you fired that loaded question my way.”
I joyfully laughed, the sound surprising both me, and others around me. I looked forward when I felt many sets of eyes on me, but only one
set that caused me to tense up.
His eyes.
We had grown apart, but I could never seem to shake the sensation that came over me when he looked at me. The moment his eyes locked onto my body, I became hyper aware of every movement I made.
“Branna?” Ash’s voice called out. “You there, Angel?”
I playfully rolled my eyes.
Ash decided to label me with the nickname ‘Angel’ when the grandfather of one of our patients a few weeks back kept calling me it when he addressed me. I asked him to drop it, but he refused and called me it as often as possible, and it had seemed to stick.
“I’m here,” I replied. “Sorry, just zoned out for a second.”
“No worries,” Ash chirped then lowered his voice. “You won’t believe what happened on the ward today after you went home.”
Ash worked the delivery ward with me, and bar a few extra hours here and there, we had an identical roster. Since he started, I hadn’t been on a shift where he wasn’t there with me. It was like the Health Board knew we would make a good team and lumped us together indefinitely.
“If you tell me the patient in room four that screamed feckin’ murder all day randomly stopped when I walked off the ward, then I’m goin’ to bloody curse her.”
Ash’s deep laughter filled my ear, and it warmed my hurt heart.
“No, she was still screaming when I left... even though she got her epidural and was numb from the waist down.”
I giggled. “There’s always one who goes way overboard.”
Ash grunted. “You’re telling me.”
I chortled. “Go on, tell me what happened.”
“The lady in room one, you know, the hot redhead with the massive tits?”
Ash was brilliant, I silently sighed, but he was still such a man.
I good-naturedly shook my head. “Yeah, what about ‘er?”
“She shit herself as she pushed. Her husband freaked out not knowing what was happening and fainted. As he fell he knocked into the bed and caused shit to literally fly everywhere.”
I leaned onto the arm of the sofa as laughter erupted out of me.
“I swear,” Ash laughed with me. “It was both hilarious and disgusting.”
I wiped under my eyes with my free hand when tears of laughter gathered and threatened to spill over the brim.
“Did she deliver fine? Is the baby okay?” I asked, automatically switching to midwife mode. “And the husband, is he okay?”
“All three are fine. The mother did well, and she had a healthy little boy, but I doubt the husband will step foot on the delivery ward ever again. He made his wife swear to bring her mother with her in the future.”
I continued to laugh. “I bet you all had a right laugh about that.”
“We did,” Ash confirmed. “Sally almost wet herself from laughing after she got the baby cleaned up.”
Sally was the fifty-seven year old mother of the delivery ward. I wasn’t on shift with her very often, but when I was, she cracked me up with tales from her younger days.
I shook my head, smiling joyfully. “I can’t say I’m sorry I missed it. I’ve fifty-three deliveries runnin’ with nothin’ other than regular bodily fluids and a baby poppin’ out.” I blessed myself before I said, “Thank God.”
“You know your first patient on shift tomorrow will shit herself just for that comment?”
“Bite me!” I quipped.
Ash gleefully laughed. “I’ll see you in the morning, but remember I can’t pick you up, okay? I’ve to bring my sister to college on my way into work.”
He usually picked me up on our way to work since I sold my car last year and Ryder always needed his Jeep.
“Yep, no problem, I’ll see you at work.”
I pocketed my phone and yawned before looking to Ryder who was still busy with his phone.
“Do you plan on being here long?” I asked, not looking at his hands in fear I’d take his phone just to see what was so captivating that he couldn’t look away from it.
He glanced at me and shook his head. “You wanna leave now?”
I nodded. “I’m on shift at eight in the mornin’ and wanna go to sleep early.”
Ryder pocketed his phone. “I’ll see if Damien wants a ride back.”
I absentmindedly smiled as I thought about my boy. He helped bring some life back into me when he came home and moved back into the house. He made it—me—feel less empty.
I blinked when Ryder stood up from the chair. He offered me his hand and, for a moment, I was hesitant about putting my hand in his. I shook it off and slid my palm into his large calloused one. I licked my lips when he pulled me to my feet, but frowned when he immediately released my hand and moved past me, heading towards his brothers’. I tried not to let it get me down, but I couldn’t help it. I missed him. I missed being close to him. I missed sex with him. I couldn’t remember the last time we were intimate, and I hated it.
I said goodbye to the girls, the brothers, and winked at Kane as he brought Jax into his room to put him to bed. I congratulated my sister and Dominic on finding out the gender of their baby once more, and followed Ryder out of Aideen’s apartment, down the hallway and into the elevator.
“Dame will be home later,” Ryder said as he hit the button for the ground floor.
The doors closed shut, encasing us together. I felt him look at me, so I kept my eyes dead ahead, making sure my body was tense and non-moving, too.
“Who were you talking to on the phone?” he asked me, his voice so low I barely heard him.
I was a little annoyed that he asked me an invasive question when he never answered any of mine. I wanted to counter with multiple questions of my own, asking where he went every night when he thought I was asleep and why he was on his phone all the time, but I had no energy for a fight. He wouldn’t answer me if I asked anyway; he never did.
“Just Ash who works the delivery ward with me.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Ryder nod. He had never met Ash, so I had no idea what was going through his mind with my response.
“Are you okay?” he randomly asked a moment later.
I was so surprised at the question that I looked at him with raised eyebrows and said, “Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”
He shrugged, staring down at me, his eyebrows raised. “You barely cracked a smile when Bronagh was announcing she was having a girl.”
Because I did my happy dance back at the hospital when she found out.
I looked forward. “I had a long day at work, I’m just tired.”
“Too tired to be happy for your sister?”
“I am happy for ‘er.” I snapped at the insult. “I don’t need to be all up in her face to be happy for ‘er, Ryder.”
Silence.
“It seems to me like you’re a little bit...”
“A little bit what?” I pressed.
The door of the elevator opened just as Ryder said, “Jealous.”
I stepped out of the elevator, politely nodded to the security man that manned the lobby desk of Aideen’s apartment building, and quickly walked in the direction of the main entrance.
“Branna?” Ryder called after me. “Look, wait a second.”
I didn’t. I picked up my pace and almost sprinted out of the apartment complex. When I got outside, I nodded to the security guards at the doors and headed straight for Ryder’s Jeep that was parked in-between his brothers’ cars.
I rushed to the passenger door and stared at the handle until I heard Ryder sigh and press on his car key, unlocking the doors. I gripped the handle, pulled the door open and got up into the car, slamming the door shut behind me.
“God dammit, Branna,” Ryder complained when he got into the driver’s seat. “Don’t take your bad mood out on my car.”
Fuck you and your stupid car, I inwardly growled.
“I wouldn’t be in a bad mood had you not said somethin’ so...”
“So what?”
“Insensitive!”
I finished.
“Insensitive,” Ryder repeated and turned his body to face me. “How is me saying you’re jealous of Bronagh having a girl insensitive?”
I couldn’t even look at him.
“You aren’t stupid. Think about it and I’m sure you’ll realise why.”
Ryder didn’t move a muscle as he continued to stare at me.
“You are jealous,” he murmured then gasped. “You want a baby?”
I looked out the window, not answering him.
“Branna,” he pressed. “You want a baby?”
Without looking at him I said, “I’ve wanted a baby for years, I just never said anythin’ to push the issue with you because so much bullshit has happened to our families, and being the oldest pair we had to push everythin’ aside and make sure everyone else was okay. We’re the parental figures. We make sure everyone is doin’ good before we even consider lookin’ at our own needs.”
Ryder was silent as I spoke so I pressed on.
“You know I love kids and I probably would have had a few before I met you, but havin’ a life was put on hold when me parents died. I had to focus on Bronagh, not me, her. Bein’ a midwife was me dream, it’s the one thing I allowed meself to want. It’s why I worked me arse off to become one in me late twenties whilst raisin’ a bratty teenager.”
I glanced at him as he continued to remain silent.
“Do you think we’re at a point where we should have a kid?” he eventually asked, and I heard the doubt laced throughout his voice.
It killed me, but I agreed with him.
“No, we aren’t in the position to raise a dog, let alone a child.”
Ryder faced forward and jammed his key into the ignition and started up his car. He backed out of the parking spot, and pulled onto the road and began the journey of driving us home.
“Besides,” he argued, “we’d actually have to fuck in order to get you pregnant.”
I flattened my hands out on my thighs and resisted the urge to ball them into fists.
“We probably would if you didn’t go off every single night to do God knows what.”
The silent ‘or who’ was implied, but the words never left my lips because I was terrified it might turn out to be a ‘who’ that was the reason for him leaving every night. I didn’t think I would be able to handle that, and decided I was better off not knowing. My sister, and the other girls, would smack me around for resorting to this way of thinking, but they didn’t know what my home life or relationship with Ryder was like.
