The Dance

by Suzie Carr

  She didn’t want to be an obligation.

  Sophie hated the secrets between them. They robbed them of what they used to have together, a solid, open relationship. The letter, the kiss, the fears, they all sucked the life from their home. How could they ever be healthy with that kind of deceit floating about? Just like a poisonous pesticide, it would lead to their ultimate demise.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Brooke ran to pick up her cell.

  “Hey,” Jacky said. “I need to… um… I need to cancel tomorrow’s training session.”

  “Is everything okay?”

  “Yeah. I’m just going through some things right now.”

  Brooke swallowed the first taste of distress. She had pushed too hard, too fast. “Do you want to talk about it?”

  “It’s just that things are going to get a little crazy at the school. We’ve got this big competition coming up, and a lot of our clients are entering. It’s going to be a lot of hours for the next few months.”

  Brooke sat down on her couch, sinking into the disappointment. “Of course. I understand.” She never should’ve asked her to dance. She never should’ve shushed her with she began to talk about Drew. She should’ve stuck with brewing the tea and not acting like a wild woman in the kitchen spinning and cajoling about like a Flamenco dancer. She had about as much Latin in her as an Eskimo.

  Jacky sighed deeply. “The pressure of small business ownership is overwhelming. You know how that is, I’m sure.”

  No, she didn’t know how that was. Her business never stressed her out. And, she had a sinking feeling, neither did Jacky’s. “Are you sure that’s all it is?”

  Silence.

  “Jacky?”

  “I’m a confusing person, Brooke. My head is all over the place, right now.”

  “You can talk to me.”

  “I just need some time to sort through a few things on my own.”

  “Of course.”

  “Thank you for understanding.”

  Brooke cringed at the formality. “You’re welcome.”

  “Do you want to arrange for one of the other trainers to take over with Bee for a while?” Jacky asked.

  “No.” She pushed the word out before ironing it over. She sounded so desperate.

  She couldn’t bear the thought of someone else pulling up to her house. Bee adored Jacky. Brooke trusted her. Jacky helped raise her confidence when dealing with Bee. Admittedly, Brooke enjoyed showing off for Jacky. She loved taking that leash and proudly prancing with her beasty dog down the street to face her fear. She did an internal happy dance whenever she managed to pass a couple with a dog or a jogger without as much as breaking a sweat. On those wonderful occasions when Bee didn’t take notice of a person or dog, when she just walked on by them like they were blades of grass swaying with the wind, Brooke committed herself to not skipping for joy. She, instead, settled for that deep-dimpled grin that would appear on Jacky’s face along with that streak of pride.

  She shouldn’t have cared so much what Jacky thought. But she did. She couldn’t bear to open her door to a new trainer. She’d likely be a young girl with a perfectly polished ponytail. She’d likely sport one of those forced, smart smiles that served as positive reinforcement, much like with their canine counterparts. No, Brooke couldn’t have it.

  “My training associate Greg is really good with issues of protectiveness.”

  “I don’t want a trainer named Greg.” He sounded like a tax attorney with curly dark hair and beady eyes. Brooke’s heart broke. Jacky dumped her before she could cook her a proper meal, bake her a cake or spoil her with love. In all of her natural, no-fuss ways, she was beautiful. She loved Jacky’s relaxed look. It made her real and raw, comfortable. She could wake up next to her and not worry whether her mascara bled halfway down her face. Jacky wouldn’t care if Brooke had a few gray hairs pop into her front wisps. “Please don’t send me someone named Greg.”

  “I’ve got other trainers with different names.” A laugh hung on the edge of her words.

  “Ah, she jokes,” Brooke whispered, resting her head against a pillow reminiscing about her cheek against Jacky’s.

  Jacky whimpered. “You know I don’t want this either. I’d much rather be chasing Bee down the street than circling the training floor with a bunch of well-behaved Poodles pointing their pompom tails at just the right angle.”

  Brooke knew this had nothing to do with training Poodles. She pushed too hard and fast. She overstepped her boundary. She took it to the next level, when Jacky just wanted to stay on the ground. Her heart sunk. “Is this really about busy schedules?”

  More gut-wrenching silence.

  “I can’t do this right now. I’m not ready,” Jacky whispered.

  Brooke winced.

  “I’m sorry, Brooke.”

  Brooke leveled her breathing, fighting against the forceful ache pounding on her heart. Jacky obviously grappled with grief, but there was more to the story. “What happened, Jacky?”

  “We visited with Drew at the urn garden after we left your house. I’ve got a lot of mixed emotions right now.”

  Brooke heard the sorrow and guilt in her voice. “You deserve to be happy, Jacky. I hope you know that.”

  She sighed. Brooke could imagine her biting her lip and clenching her strong jaw. “The jury is still out on that one.”

  Brooke wished she could hug her. “I’m here if you need me, okay?”

  “Thank you.” Jacky hung up on a soft cry.

  ~ ~

  Sophie sat before her Auntie Marie and Auntie Hazel that Sunday night and confessed. “I know why Ashley’s mom broke down at my mother’s urn garden.”

  “Of course, because she misses your mom,” Auntie Hazel said, sipping her tea.

  “No.” Sophie looked to Auntie Marie who eyed her with serious pause. She needed to tell someone before she cracked. “You have to promise me you won’t say anything to Jacky.”

  Auntie Marie shifted in the chair, looking highly uncomfortable. “Now look here. You know I don’t have it in me to keep secrets. I don’t believe in them. So whatever you’re about to say, you better know it’s not safe with me.”

  “It’s really not,” Auntie Hazel whispered. “She can’t lie or keep secrets.”

  “If Jacky knew, it would crush her.”

  “Then don’t tell her or us,” Auntie Marie said.

  “Ms. Kate is going to ruin her relationship with Brooke. I overheard Jacky telling Brooke she can’t be her trainer anymore. And, it’s all because she saw Ms. Kate crying at Mom’s memory stone and feels responsible. I don’t want her to throw away something good over Ms. Kate’s crying.”

  Auntie Marie frowned. “I’m going to wring Jacky’s neck.”

  “She told Brooke she’s not ready for the next step.”

  “Have they even taken a step?” Auntie Hazel asked.

  “I caught them dancing in her kitchen. Then, we saw Kate sobbing at my mother’s grave a few minutes later, and next thing you know Jacky called Brooke and quit on her.”

  “Hang on a minute.” Auntie Marie shot her hands up as if balancing. “You’re talking to two women suffering through menopause. You’re going to have to slow down and feed us in small bites.”

  “Oh for God’s sakes, Marie,” Auntie Hazel scoffed at her. “It’s not that complicated. Jacky’s in love and she’s feeling guilty. End of story.”

  Sophie loved how easily those two communicated together. They never held back. They unloaded whatever took up space in their mind. As it should’ve been. “I don’t want Jacky to ruin something good, and I need you to urge her not to break it off before it has a chance to take off.”

  “She’s entitled to her own feelings, dear.” Auntie Marie sat back.

  “Jacky doesn’t know the whole story, though,” Sophie said.

  “There’s more?” Auntie Marie’s forehead creased.

  “I caught my mom and Ms. Kate kissing not long before she died.”

  “Oh
,” they both said together. Their jaws descended.

  “The Sunday before she died, Ashley and I snuck downstairs to get soda and they were in the foyer kissing. It was late, and they didn’t know we were there. Ashley wanted to scream at them, but I held her back. I made her promise not to say anything because I was afraid what it would mean for everyone. What if Ms. Kate divorced Ashley’s dad and they had to move away? What if Jacky left? There were too many variables, and thankfully Ashley promised not to say anything.”

  Auntie Marie slapped the chair’s arm. “Jacky needs to know.”

  “What good is it going to do her now?” Sophie asked. “She’d never trust anyone again.”

  Auntie Marie latched onto that statement. “Ah, sweet Jesus.” She tossed her hands in the air. “Why didn’t you say something before now, dear?”

  Sophie didn’t want anyone hating on her mother. If they hated her, why not her offspring? “Because she can’t defend herself. What if Kate kissed her by surprise? Maybe my mom didn’t do anything wrong. Or what if she just goofed up and didn’t have the chance to correct it?” She wanted her mom remembered for her humor and friendship. Not being a cheater. “I never should’ve said anything.”

  Auntie Marie and Auntie Hazel shared a look. Then, Auntie Hazel turned to her. “Your secret is safe with us.”

  Auntie Marie cleared her throat. “I agree that this would kill her. We need to let things take their own course.”

  Sophie frowned. “I was hoping you’d talk some sense into her. I don’t want her to throw it away with Brooke.”

  “I’m not getting involved,” Auntie Marie folded her arms over her chest. “Nope. You’re going to have to figure out something clever for yourself on this one.”

  Clever? Sophie wasn’t clever. She was too literal, rigid, an in-the-box thinker. “She’ll listen to you, though,” Sophie pleaded.

  “You know what I think?” Auntie Marie asked.

  “Enlighten us,” Auntie Hazel said.

  Auntie Marie looked her straight in the eye. “She’d listen more if it came from you, Sophie.”

  From her? No way. “I can’t have this kind of conversation with her. We don’t talk like that.”

  Auntie Marie scooted up. “You’re the best choice here. So, quit the Who me? I can’t crapola and go talk some sense into her because I really want to get into a bee suit and sip lemonade on Brooke’s patio. You’ve painted quite a picture about that place, and now my chances are looking slim.”

  “You in a bee suit?” Sophie laughed.

  “Why not?”

  “Jacky fumbled a tray with the queen on it. I can’t imagine what you might do.” She giggled. “Maybe Jacky is actually saving a few thousand bees by keeping her distance from Brooke, then.”

  They all enjoyed a good laugh over that.

  A few minutes later, Sophie realized all she’d revealed to them. She let her mother’s secret out of the bag. Did that make her a horrible daughter? “I’m sorry I told you about the kiss. I feel kind of bad now. What if I got it wrong and Ms. Kate kissed her? That wouldn’t be her fault. Maybe she’s not a bad person because of it after all.”

  “Now listen,” Auntie Marie said, scooting up in her chair and resting her elbow on her good knee. “I once kissed a married woman too. I’m not a bad person. Okay? I’m just human. Your mom was just being human.”

  The gravity of Auntie Marie’s words brought her solace. “Thank you for saying that.”

  Auntie Marie opened up her arms. “Come here. Group hug.”

  Auntie Marie didn’t often cave into mushy moments, but when she did, Sophie wrapped herself into it like her happiness depended on it.

  It actually did.

  ~ ~

  Brooke stood in front of her hives, hugging herself.

  Jacky’s call hurt more than she cared to admit, even to her bees. When she hung up, Jacky took a piece of her heart. “I shouldn’t have gotten so involved,” she said, talking to an undertaker bee who was clearing a dead carcass from the hive.

  She leaned in closer to it. “I suck at this relationship thing. I pick the wrong people.” Anguish flooded her. “It’s so hard. I fell so hard and fast. How couldn’t I? Her heart beat with mine. She melted against me. Her whole body caved. She surrendered, finally.”

  The bee dragged the dead carcass down the side of the hive box, diligent and determined to forget its own pain and challenges for the betterment of the hive as a whole.

  “You are so lucky,” she said to the bee. “You never have to guess what another is thinking.”

  Did Jacky spill the whole truth? Did she come on too strong? Did she hate the way she danced? Did her breath stink? Did her hair itch her face? Maybe she preferred blondes? Did she feel guilty? Likely. Jacky couldn’t forgive herself for moving on. Many widows suffered like that, right? She lived and Drew didn’t. That reality could definitely bring about regret and disillusions of undeserved opportunities. Survivor guilt, perhaps? Could she get past it? How?

  The undertaker struggled with a divot in the side of the hive, but maintained balance and control over the carcass. Brooke could’ve just flicked the carcass off the hive and carried it to the underbrush herself, saving the undertaker some time. “I suppose that would be dishonoring you, though.”

  It followed a straight line down the side of the yellow-painted box diligently carrying out her role. If the bee didn’t go through the steps, she might not evolve into a deserving being capable of moving on to her next role.

  That’s when it dawned on Brooke. Jacky struggled down the side of her proverbial hive, fighting her footing and balance before moving on to the next step in life. She had to go through the motions or she’d never find her peace. Steps simply could not be avoided because each step provided the know-how and guidance for the ones that followed. It would be too easy to take Jacky by the hand and lead her to that peace. She needed to find that on her own. She had to suffer and carve her own path toward it.

  The undertaker finally landed on the ground and dragged the dead bee across the mossy rocks and toward the thick underbrush. She followed it closely, watching as the honest bee did her honest job, wishing she could have as much patience and faith in the process of life.

  Chapter Fifteen

  A whole week had gone by since Jacky spoke with Brooke. She never emerged onto her porch when Jacky pulled up to drop off or pick up Sophie on Saturday. She respected Jacky’s need for space.

  That space hurt. The wider it grew, the more Jacky grappled with its purpose. Without Brooke, life tasted bland and played out in gray tones. The music of life slowed to a hum. Brooke not only flavored and colored her world, but she added vitality to it.

  Jacky propped herself on the couch and listened to another one of Brooke’s stories that Sophie had lent her. She spoke about the honesty trait of bees and how without it, they’d never thrive as a society the way they did. With her enchanting whispers, she spoke about how just like with bees, humans wouldn’t thrive without it either. Her voice softened Jacky’s heart.

  We’d never be able to fully invest in anyone, even ourselves.

  Imagine for a moment, a world highlighted in honesty; where every person you met spoke only the truth. Immerse yourself in that world for a few minutes as we travel along a path brimming with an energy so powerful that your steps start to feel bouncy and light. You enjoy the refreshing sunlight warming your face as you spend your energy focusing on the things that really matter in life, things like love, friendship, and activities that nurture your soul.

  Jacky breathed deeper, relaxing under Brooke’s caring cadence.

  Just like a honeybee, you are free to explore and focus on the beauty of knowing, without a doubt, that you are in alignment with your purpose and roles. You work with others in a fluid, cohesive manner, completely trusting in the overall dynamic that creates the powerful, life-affirming vibe known as collective spirit. All facts are out in the open to marinate and digest as needed for the overall betterment of c
ommunity. You focus on the key elements that give lift to life, circulating informative, character-building messages that help everyone around you thrive.

  Jacky wanted to stay in that soothing moment.

  This is a special place where you don’t need to worry about incidentals and what-ifs. If a question arises, you are free to ask without judgment or concern for repercussions, for everyone operates on the golden rule that honesty is sacred and thus nurtured. Life is more amenable in this place where the truth floats in the open airways for all to enjoy. Information flows freely. Constructive conversations take shape forming a new, brighter horizon. Ideas are explored without worrying of hidden agendas. Nothing relevant falls to the wayside. With all the facts on the table, real progress begins to happen.

  Brooke’s voice and beautiful message continued to swaddle Jacky’s heart in a comforting hope. She remained relaxed on the couch with her eyes closed as Brooke led her through more vivid imagery and back to her living room.

  Jacky opened her eyes after a while, staring at her ceiling fan.

  Honest talks could fix everything, if only everyone played by the same rules. She’d be able to tell Marie how she hated when she nagged her. She’d state the fact, and they’d deal with it.

  More importantly, she could tell Brooke about her fears, instead of hiding behind the veil of Drew’s death.

  She stood up and ventured to the kitchen to make some coffee.

  Coffee.

  Maybe she could invite her over for coffee, and ask about Sophie’s work in the apiary that week. Or, she could extend her hand in friendship by sending a care package of treats for Bee with a pleasant note saying hello.

  She stood with her hands on her hips. Yes, that would work.

  She reached up to the top shelf of the cupboard and pulled down a mason jar.

  Within five minutes, she had attached a ribbon to it and filled it with peanut butter cookies.