by Harold Wall
up to look at Ash, her eyebrows pinched together in concern. I too was concerned for my soul mate who looked as exhausted as I felt. A deep sadness seemed to flow out of him in
waves, completely and utterly consuming him.
The rest of the room faded out, only leaving Ash standing there, his hands clasped tightly in front of him, his shoulders slouched slightly as if holding an incredible weight. His eyes
looked lost, staring at everything and nothing at the same time. He seemed to stare right through me, watching something that he didn't like. But then, all of a sudden those Amber
globes found focus again, gazing deep into my own swollen eyes. For a second, it seemed as if the weight on his shoulders lessened, his hard expression softening a fraction.
But what was most surprising was that I found myself growing calmer, my heart slowing to its usual pace and my strained muscles relaxing. For that second the clouds in my head
parted, leaving it clear, clear for the light of the stars to shine through. It was all I needed for the switch to be flicked, for me to fully grasp the fact that nothing I'd experienced had
been real. Mark wasn't dead, I hadn't killed my little brother, and there was no vampire.
I felt myself sinking back into my pillows, letting out a long breath.
Rowan looked down at me sympathetically. "Alright everyone, MaryLynette needs to rest. So if you could…" Rowan trailed off, though everyone knew what she meant. Slowly,
everybody began to trickle out, offering me pitying half smiles which set me on edge.
"I'm sorry for waking you guys up," I stated as they were leaving. I tried to hide the guilt that I felt for being the one robbing them of their sleep once again, but failed miserably.
"They understand, MareBear," Jade said gently, shuffling closer to Mark. "We all do." I only nodded unconvincingly, not finding the willpower to moan over the use of my nickname.
"You guys should go and get some sleep," I said, talking to everyone who was left, but my eyes pointing specifically at Mark.
"Yes, Mom," Mark chuckled, nudging me in the shoulder. I scowled at his remark but refused to rise to the bait, if only for the reason that it mean he would get even less sleep.
Mark and Jade said their 'goodnights' before leaving to their room, followed closely by Kestrel who left without a word. That was her usual way. Seen but not heard.
Thea carefully took hold of Ash's elbow, guiding him out of the room with a forced smile in my direction. He let himself be pulled, offering no resistance as they moved silently
towards the door. Only when they reached it did Ash hesitate, grinding to a sudden halt. His eyes met mine across the room and I took the opportunity to drink up every piece of
him. I didn't regret my decision to end things, but I still missed him.
"Goodnight," he murmured, and then backed out of the room, his eyes locked on mine until he disappeared from sight.
"Goodnight," my mouth formed the words, but no sound came out. It was probably just as well, for he was gone anyway.
"Do you need anything else?" Rowan asked, ever the mother figure. "A glass of water, an extra blanket?" She went on.
I gave her the warmest smile I could muster, placing a hand lightly on her shoulder. "Rowan, I'm good. There's no need to worry. All I need is sleep."
A slightly relieved look crossed her face as she nodded. "Okay then. Night," she said, flicking off the yellowy light of the bedside lamp, plunging us into darkness. The sudden
blackness actually felt somewhat comforting, like a huge blanket wrapped around me, providing a place to hide if I needed to.
Despite what I'd told Rowan, there was no way I could sleep. Not after what had happened last time. In truth I was terrified to let my eyes slip closed, terrified of what I might see
next. It was rapidly becoming more exhausting to close my eyes than leave them open at night.
I lay awake, listening to Rowan's steady breath beside me and then eventually to the birds awakening outside. It was the calmest I'd felt in a long time, and it made me just a little
bit more prepared to face the day ahead of me. A day surrounded by my friends, and filled with Rashel's tough training schedule. There was nothing to worry about. But still, even
with this new layer of calm, I couldn't quite find the courage to go back to sleep.
"Come on, MaryLynette, get your head in the game!" Rashel barked just as her elbow collided with my chest. It wasn't a hard blow, seeing as her aim in training wasn't actually to
kill me, but to my tired muscles it felt as if I'd just been whacked with a baseball bat.
Never the less, I quickly regained my balance, charging forwards wielding the rubber knife in my hand. It was supposed to represent a silver knife which I could use to fight off a
werewolf, or even an iron knife to defend myself against a witch if it came to head to head combat. But I think we all knew that if any one of us came up against a powerful fighting
witch, we were all pretty much screwed. Still, Rashel insisted that I needed to be prepared for all situations.
Her rubber knife sliced, stabbed and cut me in many places, not to mention the amount of other blows I'd received in todays training session. I think it was safe to say that if this
had been out in the real world, I'd be very dead by now.
After almost an hour of head to head combat, and getting the shit beaten out of me, I decided it was time to forget about getting in my own blows and go on the defensive. It was
the only way I was metaphorically getting out of this alive.
Rashel swung the knife at me in a move that aimed to slash open my neck. I dodged just in time, so that the knife only slightly caught my jaw. It was a small victory in the grand
scheme of things, but I couldn't help the feeling of triumph taking over.
I was able to skip around her swinging fist and kicking legs, whilst ducking the blade in her hand for only a few more minutes before she finally caught me, landing a fatal blow
under my rib cage.
"Okay, you win," I conceded, collapsing back onto the soft mat so that I was staring up at the ceiling. My lungs burned slightly and my legs felt heavy, so heavy that I was sure they
would sink and the floor would just swallow them up.
Rashel's form loomed above me , her hip cocked and her eyebrows raised. "You don't say," she said, though the amusement in her voice was clear. "If I was really a werewolf I
would be feasting on your organs right about now."
I screwed up my face in disgust. "Ew, that's gross."
"I agree. But you know, everyone has different tastes."
"But organs. God, that's messed up," I said, making a gagging noise.
"Hey," Rashel said, laughing and holding her hands up in the air. "I'm not arguing with you." And with that, she too collapsed down onto the mat, lying down beside me.
"So," I started, turning my head slightly so that I could see her face. "Apart from the whole dying and feasting on my organs thing, how did I do?"
"No offense, but you were actually really sucky today."
"I take offense," I stated, giving her a frowny pout. Still, I knew that I had been incredibly sucky today, more so than usual. Not that even on my best days I was any sort of match
for Rashel, but I could usually stop myself from being beaten to a pulp.
"Sorry," she said, though she didn't sound sorry in the slightest. There was a slight pause before she spoke again. "Not getting much sleep, huh?" She asked, even though she along
with the rest of the mansion knew full well that I wasn't sleeping great.
"Worse than ever," I confided, and as if on cue, a large yawn ripped through me. "I thought after the first few, I'd get over the nightmares, but they're only getting worse."
"Maybe Winnie, Thea or Gillian can mix up some sort of sleeping potion."
A shiver rolled down my spine at the thought. I'd been living at the mansion for a numb
er of weeks now, and part of the Night World for even longer, but the thought of potions still made my skin crawl. Perhaps it was down to being exposed to Halloween from a young age, which made me so reluctant to take anything magical. Accepting of this new life or not,
I wasn't down with drinking blended fish eyes and bats wings.
"Well you have to do something!" Rashel said upon seeing my look of distaste. "You can't keep going on like this, you'll die of exhaustion."
"Wow, dramatic much?"
"I'm serious. It's already showing in your training, and it's starting to show in your every day life to."
"Not it's not," I scoffed, lightly shoving her in the shoulder.
"Really?" She asked, dragging the words out of a couple of seconds. With raised eyebrows, she propped herself up on her elbow so that she was once again looking down at me.
"Don't think I didn't see you getting out of breath whilst running up the stairs yesterday. Because I did."
I gave her an incredulous look. "That happens to everyone!" I exclaimed, my voice raising an octave in pitch. At her unconvinced look, I waved my hand, brushing her off. "Except
for you ninjaassassinwarriorpeople. You don't know the trouble we ordinary folk have."
"Ninjaassassinwarriorpeople?" She asked bluntly, fighting hard to keep the corners of her mouth from turning up.
"It has a nice ring to it, don't you think?"
"Very catchy," she remarked, plonking herself back down on the mat, so that we were once again at an equal height.
"I still stand by my point though," she continued, her voice losing its playful tinge. "Whether it's a potion, or just regular sleeping pills or whatever. You need something that will
allow you to sleep through the night. Even if it's only to stop you from getting your ass kicked."
"I'll… I'll find something that works," I said at last, hoping it would calm her worries. The same worries I knew everyone else had.
"Thank you."
There was a long minute of silence where we both were happy enough to dwell in our own personal bubbles of thought. Mine was so crowded that I was afraid that it was on the
verge of bursting. It was almost impossible to dodge the different worries zipping around in there.
I was somewhat relieved when Rashel spoke again, though that relief was short lived when I heard what the subject matter would be. "So what's the deal with you and Ash now?"
"There is no deal. And anyway, I thought you weren't interested in high school gossip," I said, poking her in the ribs.
"I'm not," she argued, swatting my hand away. "But you're both my friends and I don't want to see either of you unhappy."
I let out a long sigh, my heart aching slightly at the thought of Ash. Since the break up, we'd hardly spoken. Sure we said "hi" to each other and acted civil enough, but it wasn't
what it used to be. And I didn't expect it to be. But when I'd broken up with him, it hadn't been because I didn't value his company, or didn't feel comforted by his presence. Those
were things I missed most, and it felt as if there was a cold void in my life where he used to be.
"I'm not unhappy," I said, my voice quiet and truthful. "But we broke up. What can you expect? Things inevitably had to change."
"Maybe," Rashel pondered. She didn't sound disbelieving as such, for we both knew that what I had said had been the truth, but she clearly wasn't quite as convinced as I was. It
was somewhat of a dramatic role reversal for her to be the optimist in a situation.
"But, MaryLynette. Whether you're together as partners or friends, you two belong together. It's obvious. Neither of you have been the same since the split. You clearly have your
own problems to deal with, and Ash has been going out of his mind wanting to know how you are."
"I think that's a little bit of an exaggeration," I said, holding my index finger a small distance away from my thumb in demonstration. As far as I'd seen, Ash had been acting
perfectly normal. He'd spent most of his time with his friends, or out on whatever missions Thierry sent him on. Sure he looked tired, often worried, but it was a far stretch from
being "out of his mind."
"No, I'm serious," Rashel started. "Every single night, as soon as he hears you stir he's there outside your door to see if you're okay. And you haven't seen how much he pesters
Rowan wanting to know every detail of what goes on when he's not in the room."
"Really?" I asked, slightly astounded. Not that I should have been surprised. I knew that Ash still cared for me, just as I cared for him. But somehow I had assumed that like the
other Daybreakers, he'd learned to block out the result of my nightmares, leaving his sisters to deal with it.
I knew it was wrong of me, especially seeing as I had been the one to break up with him, but I couldn't help feeling delighted at the news that Ash had been right outside my door
all these nights when I'd felt so alone. I was happy at the knowledge that he still cared enough to go to that sort of trouble.
"How come I've never seen him?" I asked, my mouth forming the words without contribution from my brain.
I felt Rashel shrug slightly beside me. "I guess he wanted to give you space. I don't know the inner workings of Ash's mind, and honestly I hope I never will, but I do know this. Ash
is totally and ridiculously in love with you. He knows that you broke up with him for a reason, and he doesn't want to put any pressure on you or make you feel uncomfortable in
any way."
There was something sad about what she'd just said. Ash, who was probably the least perfect person I knew, but also the most caring and hardworking, was caught between his own
needs to know about my health, and the knowing that I needed that distance.
Except I didn't need distance. I may not be with him but I still wanted him around, I still wanted him in my life. And maybe that made me selfish or unreasonable, perhaps I was
wanting too much, but the last thing I wanted was to isolate Ash.
"I wouldn't have minded, you know, if Ash had come in to the room. It seems silly for him to stay outside like a stray dog."
"Oh, I know. And I've told him. Multiple times!"
Sighing, I ran a hand through my hair, tugging out the haphazard ponytail I'd done earlier. Why were things so complicated when it came to Ash?
I pushed myself up from the mat with a groan as my muscles protested. It felt as if someone had attached tiny weights to each of my limbs threatening to pull me back down. "I
need to go shower, and then eat, and then never move again," I mumbled to myself, making my way to the door of the training room. Rashel chuckled behind me, doing a back roll
to land on her feet and agilely recover into a standing position.
"Show off," I grumbled, sticking my tongue out at her as she laughed my grumpiness off.
She bent over to pick up the rubber knives we'd tossed to the floor, and when she straightened up, she looked me dead in the eye. "You need to speak to him, Mare."
"I know," I replied nodding, though feeling uncomfortable at the prospect. Not that I had any reason to feel uncomfortable at the idea of talking to Ash, I had done it any million
times after all. And he wasn't exactly a scary person, well not to me at least. I would be fine. Absolutely fine. Fine.
And yet what I was feeling was very much the opposite of fine.
My eyes had wandered down to where Rashel was effortlessly twirling the knives around in her fingers. It was things like this that made me extremely jealous, as it made Rashel
seem infinitely cooler than I was.
Her gaze followed mine, and a smug smile lit up her face. "I'll teach you how to do it one day," she said.
"I'll hold you to that." My eyes lifted away from the twirling knives and caught sight of something over her shoulder. Or more accurately, someone.
My breath caught at the sight of the witch who had appeared in each a
nd every one of my nightmares. The witch who had been at the club on the night of my attack. A memory that
I hadn't yet shared with anyone yet. My heart spasmed in my chest at the sight of her.
"What are you looking at?" Rashel asked, her eyebrows drawn together in a concerned frown. She turned to follow my line of sight but her features remained neutral. She couldn't
see her.
"Nothing, absolutely nothing," I answered, though the deadness of my voice surely gave me away.
"Are you okay?" Rashel said, putting a steadying hand on my shoulder, a gesture that brought me more comfort than I cared to admit. "You look pale."
"I'm fine," I said, looking away from the witch that only I could see, shaking my head slightly to rid myself of the image. There had been nothing threatening about her, apart from
the fact that she was here at all. She had just been watching, her expression blank, thoughtful even.
She's just in your head, just in your head, I told myself. It wasn't the first time this mystery witch had shown up outside of my nightmares. I'd sometimes catch a glimpse of her
whilst walking past a mirror, or looking on from a doorway. It was creepy, incredibly creepy. But I'd sort of grown used to it.
My eyes fluttered over to Rowan's form on the opposite side of the bed. Her chest was gently rising and falling, her breath deep. She was probably as tired as I was seeing as she
was woken up every night by my screaming.
Rashel's words from today rang in my head, and I knew I should probably get some sort of concoction to send me to sleep, but for tonight I would have to go without. For tonight I
would just have to keep awake. I would just have to try my hardest to catch myself when I started to drift off. I couldn't handle another episode like I'd experienced last night. Even
if they weren't real and everything was undone the second I woke up, the trauma of each terrible dream haunted me for weeks afterwards. Every time I saw Mark my head was
filled with the image of a knife in his chest, his body bleeding out onto me.
A shiver rolled down my spine. The motion jostled the bed slightly, causing Rowan to shift in her sleep. For some reason I found myself holding my breath until I was sure she
