by Burrows, Jax
‘Woke up screaming. Not like Jade.’
‘I blame Craig. He must have known what that film was about.’
‘No, don’t blame him. I’m the negligent mother, I should have checked it out to see if it was suitable. I feel awful.’
‘She’s fine now though. No harm done.’
Lexi wasn’t sure about that. Jade had woken up screaming for her daddy. Who knew what went on in the subconscious of a small child? Fear never really leaves you. She of all people knew that.
It was peaceful in the cosy living room. The open fire crackled as the flames ate into the wood. The curtains were drawn against the darkness and shadows played in the corners. Light and warmth, essential requirements for well-being. Along with food and drink. She poured them both some more wine and cut two more pieces of cake. What more could anyone want? She refused to think about Casey O’Connor. Who needed men anyway? The four of them managed fine on their own.
Although maybe Jess no longer thought so as she had recently joined an on-line dating site and her head was forever bent over her mobile phone, busy swiping left or right. She hardly ever looked up. Like mother, like son.
Lexi had learned that if Jess liked a guy, she swiped either left or right. Jess had told her, but she could never remember which way round it was, and if she didn’t like the look of them, she swiped the other way.
‘Anyone interesting?’ asked Lexi. She hoped Jess could meet a local man to take her out occasionally and spend his money on her, it would do her confidence the world of good. She worked hard and was a great mother, she deserved something for herself.
‘Not much,’ she muttered, swiping left and then right. ‘There is one guy though, do you want to see?’
‘Oh, yes please.’
Jess showed Lexi the picture of a thick-set, bearded man with tattoos and intense blue eyes, who looked to be in his thirties.
‘His name’s Billy and he’s a single parent of two boys. His wife died.’
‘Ah, that’s a shame.’ She hadn’t seen him around and, like a protective parent, was curious about the man who had caught her friend’s eye. ‘Have you met him?’
‘Not yet. We’ve spoken on the phone a few times, once for hours. He looks a tough guy from his picture, but talking to him, he comes across as a big softie underneath. Just my type.’ Jess’s eyes were shining, and Lexi knew that this man must have something special about him to cause that kind of reaction in her friend. She was practical and slightly cynical about men, but she was a young woman with the same hopes of love and romance as any other young woman her age. Herself included. Despite her desire for independence, a greater desire that would be with her for the rest of her life, was the need to be loved and accepted. To have a family of her own and to feel she belonged somewhere and to someone. She and Jess shared the same dream in that respect.
‘Are you going to meet him? I think you should. Whereabouts in Leytonsfield does he live?’
Jess moved so that she was sitting cross-legged on the sofa. With her short hair and huge eyes, she looked like a goth-like pixie.
‘Yes. Good. And he doesn’t live in Leytonsfield.’
‘Where’s he from then?’
‘Edinburgh.’
‘Edinburgh?’
‘Aye, he’s Scorrtish,’ said Jess in a very bad Scottish accent. ‘Kind of sexy,’ she said grinning. Jess had got it bad and she hadn’t even met the guy.
‘Well, just be careful. Meet somewhere neutral and always tell someone where you’ll be and what time. Me, preferably.’
‘Do you want to come with me – check him over for me?’
‘No, of course not-’
‘Joke.’
‘Well, you hear all kind of stories about women in these situations. I don’t want anything bad to happen to you.’
‘Stop stressing will ya? Nothing’s going to happen to me, except that I may meet someone to share my life with.’
‘Well, just be careful.’
‘I will,’ Jess replied automatically. ‘Right, movie time. Rom-Com or thriller?’
They opted for the thriller, but Lexi couldn’t get into it and let her mind wander. She seemed to be telling people to be careful a lot these days. Jess, and Casey when he had Jade to look after. Was she turning into a neurotic who saw danger around every corner? Why? It was almost as if she’d put her life in a straitjacket to stop herself getting hurt. But other people were the ones taking risks, not her.
And, to avoid pain, she was missing out on pleasure. She envied Jess who seemed to have no reservations. She was upfront and honest with her feelings. If she got hurt, which she had been plenty of times in her life, she picked herself up and got on with it. She didn’t brood or indulge in a pity-party, she moved forward and got on with her life.
Why couldn’t she be more like Jess? Or Casey for that matter as he was the same. He didn’t think things to death, analysing situations from all angles; he assessed, made a quick decision and then acted. And he was rarely wrong, was he? His instant decisions as team leader in Resus were never wrong. He had been right about the swimming lessons. All three of them could already swim, albeit slowly and clumsily, but they’d achieved something she had been too scared to even attempt.
She glanced over at Jess, hunched up on the sofa, stuffing cake into her mouth and staring at the TV in absorbed fascination at the action playing out in front of her. She wasn’t thinking about something else, silently tormenting herself with imagined dangers, worrying about things that may never happen. Why couldn’t she be more like her?
Because she wasn’t Jess. She was Lexi Grainger and she needed to start having more belief in herself. Shelley thought she was strong and, if it ever came to it, she would fight to the death for her daughter. She was a mother, and that’s what mothers did.
The only area of her life where she was weak was around Casey. He’d proved by his sudden and thoughtless absence that he wasn’t perfect after all. She’d been the one to pacify Jade. She would need to be strong around Casey from now on. He wasn’t going to be in control anymore. She would be. The feeling made her feel good. It was empowering.
She poured them both some more wine and turned her attention back to the movie.
Chapter Twenty-Two
From the front, the house looked like all the other houses in the street. An ordinary, large, three storey Victorian terrace. It had bay windows with net curtains and a small front garden containing three wheelie-bins in different colours. No distinguishing features that Lexi could see. Which was exactly the way it should be, as this house was a refuge for battered women and Shelley was moving in that morning.
As Shelley didn’t have children, Lexi had found it hard to convince the authorities to let her stay in one of the council-run homes, as so many women needed shelter; far more than Lexi had ever dreamed. It seemed the sleepy town of Leytonsfield harboured many violent men who thought it perfectly acceptable to beat up their wives and terrorise their children.
So, she had swallowed her pride and contacted Casey’s father. As a GP, he knew so many people in the community that she was hoping he would know of a charity or privately-run home that would take Shelley in.
Dan O’Connor knew all about Shelley and was delighted to help. Casey obviously talked through the problems experienced by his more difficult patients with his father, and presumably Riordan, so Dan knew exactly what was needed with little input from Lexi. He’d given her a number to ring and the women had told her to bring Shelley to them straight away as there was a vacancy which wouldn’t stay open for long.
The safe haven was run by two sisters in their forties and, when Lexi rang the doorbell, a nervous Shelley standing just behind her, both the women opened the door to greet them.
‘Can we help you?’ one of them said, then waited for Lexi to speak.
‘Hi. I’m Lexi Grainger and this is Shelley. I rang you earlier about her, at Dr O’Connor’s recommendation.’
They didn’t step back to let them in
, and Lexi realized by that small act that they took security very seriously indeed.
‘Yes, but I still need to see some identification, if you don’t mind.’
‘Of course.’ Lexi showed the woman her driving license and after she had scrutinized it, she handed it back and smiled.
‘Good. Welcome.’ Only then did she step back and let them into the house. ‘Sorry about that, but we have to make sure people are who they say they are.’
‘Of course, we understand perfectly.’
‘I’m Nina,’ said the woman, ‘and this is my sister, Hannah.’ Hannah smiled and nodded. She seemed happy to let Nina do the talking.
Shelley was standing next to Lexi, gazing around at the hall they were standing in. It looked clean but a bit scruffy. There were toys on the floor and a strong smell of bacon cooking.
‘Right. Come and meet everyone. Have you had breakfast?’ This was addressed to Shelley who nodded her head without speaking.
Lexi had a strong feeling of déjà vu. It reminded her of one of the children’s homes she’d been in for a while. Basic, but warm and with all the essentials. The kitchen was large with old appliances but was cosy and full of the smell of fried food. The women that were cooking breakfast for their children who played on the floor, turned and said hello.
After they’d all greeted each other, Lexi and Shelley sat at the kitchen table sipping builders’ tea from large mugs and listening to Nina run through the house rules.
‘There aren’t many rules, but the ones we have are set in stone, okay?’ Shelley nodded so Nina continued. ‘No drugs or alcohol. If you want people to visit, please take them into the lounge and get them to sign the visitors’ book. No one in the bedrooms but you and your kids.’
‘Don’t have any,’ Shelley said.
‘Fine. Just you then. If you have any problems, anything at all, come and speak to me or Hannah. And lastly, don’t tell anyone this address without our permission.’
Shelley nodded again and Lexi wondered if she was gearing up for making a run for it as she had so many times in A&E. But then she smiled and picked up a baby who had been crawling on the floor and was trying to climb up her leg. She put her arms around the boy as if he was her own child and Lexi noticed one of the women give a small nod of approval.
‘The only other rule is one that you look as if you’ve already mastered. We look after each other in this house, including kids. If you see a child in need, help them.’
‘Sure.’ Shelley jiggled the baby on her lap, and he looked up at her with big, trusting eyes.
Lexi would have liked to speak to Shelley on her own, but she needed to back off now and let her settle in.
‘Okay, I’ll be off now, but I’ll come and see you again, Shelley. If you need anything, you’ve got my mobile number or just send me a text, okay?’
The two women hugged, and Lexi said goodbye to everyone else before being escorted off the premises by an ever-vigilant Nina. Lexi was glad that Shelley was safe, and she turned to Nina at the front door.
‘Thanks, I really appreciate this.’
‘No problem. She’ll be fine.’
Lexi wanted to hug Nina even though she wasn’t normally a demonstrative person, but she restrained herself, imagining it wouldn’t be welcome. The sisters did a difficult job extremely well, providing refuge for damaged women. She doubted there would be much room for sentimentality in their lives, but there were things she could do to help; the women needed provisions – clothing for themselves and the children, toys, personal effects. They all cost money. Not to mention the food that they must go through each day in that house.
Lexi had found a cause she believed in and something that she could get involved in outside working hours. It would help her to become a less fearful, more confident person. Helping women and children less fortunate than herself, raising money for the cause. Maybe she could ask the elder Dr O’Connor for his advice on how to go about it.
*
Lexi turned her collar up against the biting November wind. Shelley was settled, she had a few hours before collecting Jade from nursery and she was eager to get home quickly and light the wood fire. There was nothing she loved more in winter than the four of them huddled around the huge fireplace, playing games or watching movies.
She stood in the queue at the bus stop her hands stuffed into her pockets and her woolly hat pulled low over her forehead. Across the street, the café called The Sticky Bun was doing a decent trade for a weekday. She sometimes took Jade there as a special treat on a Friday or if they had been out shopping and Jade was asking for stuff as she usually was. The promise of a milkshake and a piece of cake sometimes pacified her and didn’t break the bank.
Lexi realized how hungry she was, and thoughts of hot chocolate and toasted crumpets floated through her mind as she gazed at the punters she could see through the large leaded windows on each side of the front door. A couple sat directly in one of the windows. At first, she didn’t notice the man as she was intent on watching the woman who was talking quickly and using her hands to express a point. Her fingers were adorned with rings of different sizes. She was dressed in a black power suit and seemed desperate to convince her table companion of something. The man, who listened without interrupting, occasionally nodding encouragement, was Casey.
Lexi was stunned. She had imagined he was still in London. He said he was going to text as soon as he got home and come round to the cottage immediately to see his daughter. He hadn’t mentioned her, just Jade. Why hadn’t he told her he was back? And who was that woman?
If this was one of her romance novels, it would be the part were the heroine mistakenly thinks that the hero is having an affair merely because he is with a woman. Lexi wasn’t going to fall into that trap. She noticed the papers spread out on the table between them, so this was obviously a business meeting of some kind. If they were having an affair they wouldn’t be sitting in the window of a café on the High Street, in full view of everyone.
But then, what kind of meeting could he possibly be having in The Sticky Bun?
Should she go over there and find out? The decision was taken out of her hands when the bus trundled up to the bus stop and the people in the queue started to get on. She got on too and sat at the back, staring out of the window at the café until the rest of the passengers were on and the bus started moving. Casey and the woman were still talking.
Lexi mulled it over all the way home. She was still angry with Casey for disappearing for so long and now she was feeling let down because he hadn’t told her he was back. Should she ask him about it? Admit that she had seen him and ask who the woman was? But he was under no obligation to tell her everything he did. He was a free agent. They both were. What right did she have to question him? The accusation that her ex-boyfriend had thrown at her that she was too clingy answered her questions for her. She shouldn’t care what he did. He could go wherever he liked and have meetings in The Sticky Bun with whomever he liked, it was none of her business.
So, why couldn’t she shake off a feeling of unease? Instinct told her there was something he wasn’t telling her, something she had the right to know about.
Chapter Twenty-Three
When Lexi arrived at A&E the following morning, she wondered if Casey would be on duty but there was no sign of him. She had expected him to turn up at the cottage the previous night, or at least to text her to tell her he was back, but there had been nothing. If he hadn’t phoned or texted by lunchtime, she would phone him.
She nearly fell over a Christmas tree in the patient waiting area as it was lying on its side halfway across the entrance and two men from the Estates Department were clearing a space in a corner to put it up. It was huge. Not the usual six-foot, artificial tree that seemed to be dragged out year upon year, getting tattier and more threadbare every time. This tree looked as if it might touch the ceiling, had been freshly cut from an alpine forest that morning and delivered straight to the department by Santa’s little helpers.
‘What the heck is that doing there?’ Lexi asked.
‘It’s having a little rest until we can get it moved. What d’ya think it’s doing there?’ said the younger man.
‘There’s no need to be snarky but it’s right in the path of the patients. Sick people who need urgent attention. I suggest you move it as soon as possible.’
‘Yes, ma’am.’
‘Is it real?’ Lexi asked, touching one of the branches.
‘No,’ said the older, friendlier man, ‘it’s an artificial ten-foot Woodland Pine. Nice eh?’
‘Has the NHS won the lottery?’
‘No, your boss paid for it. And the decorations. Which are over there in those boxes.’ He gestured towards reception where tinsel was already tied around the computers, and white fairy lights hung across the counter at the back. Christmas appeared to have started early.
‘When you say my boss, who exactly do you mean?’
‘He means me,’ a familiar voice said behind her.
‘Casey. You brought the tree? Why?’
‘Because we needed a new one and I wanted to contribute something to the department. It’s my first Christmas as A&E consultant and as a dad. I want to celebrate in style.’
‘Ah, congratulations, mate,’ said the older estates man, grinning at Casey. ‘I’ve got four kids and let me tell you, Christmas is such a magical time when they’re little.’
‘I can’t wait.’ Casey said, grinning back and Lexi’s stomach dropped. They hadn’t discussed arrangements for Christmas yet. Lexi had, naively, she now realized, thought that Christmas Day would be spent as usual: Jess, Craig, Jade and herself. Casey obviously thought otherwise. But that was a conversation for another time. There was work to be done.
‘See you later,’ she said to Casey as she turned and started to walk away.
‘Lexi, we need to talk.’
‘Okay. Later though.’ No doubt he wanted to tell her that he was having Jade on Christmas Day. Well, he wasn’t, and she would never leave Jess and Craig to spend Christmas Day alone. It was too early to have this conversation. It was too early for trees and stupid tinsel tied around everything in sight. Even the IV stands were decorated with them.
