by Jaime Loren
“I noticed you were new in town, and was wondering if I could have the pleasure of your company today? I’d love to show you around, if you’ll let me.”
I bit my lip, trying to suppress my laughter as I assessed him. “I’m sorry, but my father doesn’t let me travel with strange men.”
“Oh, but I have your father’s permission,” he said, with a hint of mischief in his eyes.
I raised my eyebrows. “Is that so?”
“In fact, it was his idea.”
I grinned. “Well, Father is always trying to marry me off to handsome men I’ve never met before …”
“I would not presume to be lucky enough to win your heart and hand,” he said, making my heart flutter. Damn him. How did he do that—in that outfit, no less? “But I’d be honored if you’d take a stroll through the woods with me.”
I stepped closer. “That sounds rather ominous. I hear there are diabolical beavers out there.”
He smirked. “I assure you, you are in safe hands.”
God, if only I were in his hands right now. He pulled his hand from behind his back to produce a bunch of pink lavender flowers.
I gasped. “Where did you—?”
“There’s a patch, not far,” he said, the formality in his voice now gone. “I like to have them nearby, no matter where I live.” His eyes pierced mine, making my knees weak.
“Will you show me?”
He nodded and offered me his arm. I pulled my shoes on as I took it. We said goodbye to Henry, who was smiling from ear to ear, and Scott picked up the picnic basket.
We didn’t speak as we took the road that led to the barn. The horses whinnied from the paddock as we walked along the fence, which eventually led to another path, leading us into the woods.
Chapter 23
(Scott)
April took the blanket from the top of the basket and spread it out under a tree, and I kneeled to unpack the contents and arrange them before us. But, as hungry as I was, eating was the last thing I felt like doing right now.
Were we moving too fast? It was only a few days ago she’d looked horrified at the thought of being intimate with me. And, only a few days ago, she’d been dating Rowan.
“This feels wrong,” she said.
I looked up, my stomach knotting.
She smiled sadly. “I don’t have my original clothing.”
I exhaled sharply. “It’s a good thing, trust me.”
Her eyes widened.
“No, no,” I said, “you looked gorgeous in anything. It’s just that taking them off in the heat of the moment—”
She raised her brow.
I squeezed my eyes closed. “God, I didn’t mean to sound like … taking your clothes off isn’t something—I’m not assuming I’ll be taking them off today or—”
Her giggle interrupted me. I opened one eye, then the other.
“Scott Parker, are you nervous?”
I couldn’t suppress my grin. “A little.”
She sighed, her whole body relaxing. “Oh, thank God.”
Now it was my turn to raise my brow. “My inner turmoil amuses you?”
“No, it’s just …” She moved closer and fiddled with my cravat. “It makes me less nervous to know you’re nervous, too.”
“It’s been a long time since I’ve courted you.”
“You don’t have to court me. You’ve already won me. Multiple times over, in fact.”
I rose to my feet and took her face in my hands. “I don’t expect anything from you.”
“And I still choose to give you everything.”
I furrowed my brow. “I love you, April. But I’m not opposed to slowing things down. I don’t want to take advantage of you.”
“What makes you think you’d be taking advantage of me?”
“A few days ago you were with Rowan, and the thought of the two of us making love … it horrified you.” My hands fell from her face.
“I chose you over Rowan. And it didn’t horrify me,” she said. “I was just shocked.”
“And you’re not still in shock? You’ve just found out that you’ve died nineteen times. You’ve discovered I’ve been alive for three hundred years. That’s enough to terrify anyone, but after only two days of freaking out you’re suddenly taking it all in your stride.”
She stepped back. “You think this is easy for me?”
“No—that’s the whole point. It shouldn’t be this easy. I shouldn’t be allowed to have you again after everything I’ve done.”
“What are you talking about? You’ve spent your whole life trying to save me. Everything—”
I looked away.
She grabbed my face. “Everything you’ve done has been for me.”
I pulled away and banged my fist against my thigh. “I …”
“Scott—you’re starting to scare me.”
I met her eyes. “I abandoned you after 1949.”
April shook her head. “You did what you thought was best for me. You always do.”
I swallowed hard. “As it turned out, it wasn’t what was best for you.”
She fell silent. I took a deep breath, but still, I couldn’t find my voice.
“Don’t keep things from me, please.” Her fist was balled at her side, her cheeks void of color.
“In 1966, you were engaged to be married.”
Her fist relaxed; her face fell blank.
“I had Henry keep an eye on you, but I think he told you that. This man you’d met, Clive Appleby—”
“Clive Appleby? You were going to let me become April Appleby?”
I stepped forward to touch her. “I wasn’t in your life—”
She slapped my hand away. “I don’t fall in love with other men. I would never have married someone else if I’d known you were out there!”
My chest tightened, sweat dampening my brow, my neck, my back. “You didn’t marry him.” I yanked at my cravat, pulling it loose from my neck and throwing it to the ground. How could there be such a lack of air in the great outdoors? “You put a pistol in your mouth the night before your wedding day.”
A soft squeal escaped her before she could clasp her mouth. She shook her head quickly, freeing tears. “I killed myself? Me?”
I was certain I was going to throw up.
“Are you sure?” she whispered.
“The note was in your handwriting.”
“You saw it?”
I nodded, my eyes glued to the ground.
April staggered a full, wide circle, rubbing her hands together before facing me again.
“What about the last two lives since then? You weren’t in those ones, either.”
“Overdose,” I said, unable to breathe. “And then razor blades.”
“No,” she wheezed. “How could I do such a thing? I was only fifteen! Why would I do that, Scott?” Her eyes widened, finding mine through her tears. “Because you didn’t come for me?”
My breath shuddered. “I think so.” I sucked air in. “I’m so sorry. I thought it would help if I stayed away, but you took your own life in 1966. So the next time I tried to do things differently—to be in your life without you actually knowing me, but … it still ended the same. And the last time … the last time, I introduced myself. We talked for a whole night on the rooftop of a building in Seattle where you were staying with friends.
“You were dreaming of going to Sarah Lawrence to major in art. You were glowing as you sketched a picture of me and told me all about your dreams for the future. But when you asked for my number, I gave you a fake one. I couldn’t risk the two of us becoming romantically involved, because that had always ended badly in the past.”
It took every ounce of strength I had to look at her. “I thought it would be enough for you if you simply knew I existed—that I could be around the corner at any moment. But Henry called me four months later with the news of your suicide.”
My gaze was met with an ice-cold glare. “Was that the only reason you came back into my life thi
s time? To make sure I didn’t kill myself?”
“Honestly?”
Her nostrils flared as she nodded.
“Yes,” I choked.
She squeezed her eyes closed and balled her fists, then looked up at me. “You left me? Then you came back and watched while I dated Rowan?” Her voice drowned in hurt.
My heart ached, but she deserved the truth. “I’d originally planned to meet you. Befriend you—even though Henry disagreed. He thought I should try to win your heart again. That’s what the phone call in the barn was about the other night. I did regret befriending you, but only because I wished I’d pursued you instead.”
I stepped toward her, close enough that if I’d reached out my hand I could’ve touched her. “But you had a good life. You were stable. It seemed as though you might actually have a future this time—without me. You have a loving family, and friends who adore you. We’ve been great friends this time, April, and you were happy with Rowan—you’ve shown no interest in me at all until now.”
“Who said I was happy with him?” she cried, spinning around to shove me.
“You did!”
Her mouth hung open for a moment before words actually formed. “There’s a difference between loving someone and being in love with them. I loved him,” she nodded. “I still love him. But I’m in love with you. I lose sleep over you. I have for longer than I’d like to admit,” she whispered, closing her eyes. “Even to myself.”
I stared at her, my heart swelling. “Why did you stay with him if that’s how you felt?”
“Because he’s a great person. He makes me laugh. And we made sense.” She looked up at me. “I did love him.”
I tried not to let that hurt.
“Guys who are too good to be true, usually are,” she said. “And you were too good to be true.”
I scoffed. “But it was okay in your book that Stella date me?”
“No.” She pressed her hand to her forehead. “I’m saying it all wrong.”
I gave her a moment.
“You never looked at me in that way,” she said. “Even when I joked about the two of us being in the shower together at the cabin, the thought seemed to gross you out.”
I stepped back, a gasp escaping me. “I thought you were talking about you and Rowan!”
April’s face dropped.
“So yeah, I was pretty grossed out at the thought of you and him being all slippery and wet together.”
Her eyes widened before she looked away.
I rubbed the back of my head. “Wait, you were talking about us being all slippery and—?”
“I hadn’t thought it that far through!” Her cheeks were cherry red. “But that’s one helluva visual.”
I swallowed hard. It was, actually.
“Okay, so before I learned the truth, did you have any intention of telling me you were in love with me in this lifetime? Were you ever going to give me a choice?” she asked.
I paused, unable to give her my answer out loud. I didn’t have to.
“That is not fair.” Tears of anger burned in her eyes. “You don’t get to decide how my life plays out each time. I need to be an active participant in my own fate.”
“That has never ended well before.”
“Then we try it different in the next life. And we keep trying, together, until we get it right.”
“We don’t get it right! That’s the whole problem. We soon becomes me, and I’m the one left with the fallout every second of every goddamn day!”
Her mouth dropped in horror. “You think I get the easy way out of this each time because I die?”
I hesitated for a split second, but it was enough. She slapped me hard across the face, the sound of it echoing throughout the woods surrounding us. Straight away, she lifted her hand to her mouth, her eyes filled with regret. A cool breeze caressed my cheek, soothing the sting she’d left behind as she turned and ran across the clearing toward the path that had led us here, lavender flowers whipping at her legs, her long red hair bouncing against her back just as it’d done the last time I’d seen her alive in 1729.
Chapter 24
(April)
When I arrived back at the cabin, out of breath and damp with sweat and tears, Henry was nowhere to be found. His suitcase was gone, too. A note sat on the pine table at the end of the couch.
Scott,
I had a driver pick me up at lunch time. Tell April I’m sorry I had to go. Good luck, friend (but between you and me, I think things will work out fine for you both).
Regards, Henry.
P.S. I hope you don’t mind, but Duke wanted to stay on. I thought he might come in handy as a watchdog, now that you’ll be busy sleeping your nights away.
We were alone again. Scott was mortal. I was deeply in love with a man who’d intended on keeping me at arm’s-length for the duration of my short life. My head swam with confusion as I lowered myself to the couch and sat there for some time, staring at the empty fireplace.
Suicide was something I was strongly against in this lifetime. I’d always figured that, no matter how bad things got, there was always tomorrow. I guess I didn’t always feel that way in previous lives. Maybe there was an innate self-destruct trigger within me that only Scott’s presence could disarm.
Was that the conclusion he’d come to this time? Was he simply trying different relationships with me in the hope he’d find the one that would keep me alive?
The knowledge he’d sacrifice his own happiness to give me a chance at a life pulled at my heart. Curling into myself, I lay down and rested my head on the arm of the couch.
Was it hopeless? Would I die if we stayed together? Probably. Would I want to end my life if we weren’t together?
I closed my eyes.
I stared at my reflection in the mirror, my cheeks stained with mascara. Pieces of my tattered dress lay strewn across the floor, the frayed lace scratching my neck. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get it right. It wasn’t right. This wasn’t the dress I was supposed to wear.
It’s not the same. Not even close … “This isn’t me,” I whispered, my tears hot against my numb cheeks, the grip of my pistol warm in my palm.
When the cabin door opened, I sat bolt upright, my heart riddled with guilt.
Scott marched in, pulling off his shirt. “Stella’s been in a car accident with her boyfriend.”
I stood up. “What?”
He turned down the passageway, calling out behind him, “They’re in Millinocket.”
I followed him. “Are they okay?”
“She’s okay, but he’s listed as critical.”
When he reached the laundry and pulled his breeches down, my heart kicked up a gear. No underwear?! Damn. I spun around. Focus, April. “What were they doing in Millinocket?”
“Stell said she wanted to make sure you were okay.”
My stomach hollowed. Last time I’d seen Stell, I’d yelled at her for screwing around behind Scott’s back.
Scott breezed past me, now dressed in jeans and a clean white sweatshirt.
“So we’re going in to see them?” I asked.
“Well, I’m not leaving you here alone.”
Because I might trip and break my neck. Or electrocute myself. Or burn the cabin down.
He pulled on some shoes and grabbed his keys, but then spun around again. “Where’s Henry?”
“Gone. He left a note to say goodbye. He had a driver pick him up while we were out.”
Scott stared at the ground and exhaled, then nodded. “I’ll call him later.” He glanced at me and held the door open. “Let’s go.”
*****
We were both silent on the trip into town. Scott didn’t sing, nor did he reach over and touch me. I didn’t want to be mad at him, but the fact he was making decisions without me—even now—made me feel completely useless.
My eyes wandered, though, over his arms, and legs, and face. How was he feeling? Was he still tired? Hungry? Was his mortality weighing on him? There
were so many things I wanted to ask, but didn’t want to bring up. I’d made him like this, and right now we were supposed to be lying in the grass, connected in every way.
Scott placed his hand against the small of my back as we walked inside the hospital, which melted me that little bit more. A nurse was happy to take us to the critical care unit when Scott told her we were here to see Joshua Banks.
“Joshua Banks?” I asked, trying to keep my voice down. “You know his last name?”
Scott nodded.
“Just how well do you know this guy?”
“I haven’t actually met him. He was already in the car when I ran into Stella. But she was terrified I’d tell someone I’d seen her up here, so she filled me in on the situation.”
“What exactly is their situation? Her parents can’t be that pissed about an old boyfriend. They’re not super religious or anything.”
“No, but apparently they got together after she broke him out of detention, and then her grades started slipping, etcetera, etcetera.”
“Oh.” I found that hard to believe. Stella was smart. She made smart decisions. Then again, throw a boy in there … “It must’ve been bad if they moved states.”
Scott nodded. “They got caught in bed, April.”
My jaw dropped.
“Yeah,” he said, his eyes wandering my face. “She was fourteen.”
My head swam. How …? Why didn’t she …? Who was this girl? That was a major secret! Weren’t best friends supposed to tell each other things like that?
“This way,” the nurse said.
We sterilized our hands and followed her through some heavy swinging doors. Stella stood at Joshua’s bedside, her face badly bruised, but aside from her facial injuries, she seemed physically okay. Joshua, on the other hand, was black and blue.
“Stell, I’m so sorry,” I said, wrapping my arms around her. She didn’t respond. Worried I was hurting her, I let go.
“Not your fault,” she said, although her voice was void of emotion.
Scott rubbed my back and stepped forward to hug Stella. I couldn’t deny the small twinge of jealousy I felt. He’d confided in her in the past, not me. Part of me wondered just how much she knew about Scott Parker.
