In chapter 20, Paula says, “I’m sorry I kept this from you, but Alan made me promise never to tell you, and after the accident, I felt so guilty . . . that it was my fault he was on the road that night. And then I figured . . . what would be the point in telling you? It couldn’t change anything, and you’d only be in more pain.” Then Abbie thinks, But would I have preferred to live the rest of my life in ignorance? I honestly don’t know the answer to that question. Maybe I would have. Do you believe Abbie would have been better off never knowing about Alan’s affair? Where might she have been a year later, or twenty years later, if she’d never found out? How would her life have been different?
In chapter 23, when Zack suggests they do something special to honor Alan’s memory, Abbie thinks, Doing something special for my lying, cheating husband isn’t exactly at the top of my priority list right now. I just want to figure out how to get up in the mornings without wanting to smash our framed wedding portrait against the corner of the kitchen table. Do you feel Abbie’s emotions are normal, and is she doing a good job managing them? Or do you feel she is keeping too much bottled up and needs to deal with her anger more openly? She often works very hard to keep her cool, especially in chapter 20, when she learns the truth from Paula. What does this say about her as a woman? Does she try too hard to be perfect? If so, where do you think this desire to be perfect comes from?
Discuss how Abbie’s choice to keep Alan’s infidelity a secret from Zack is the same as and/or different from Alan’s choice to keep his affair secret from Abbie.
Based on what you know about Alan and his upbringing, did you ever feel any sympathy toward him after learning of his affair? If so, why? If not, why not?
In chapter 29, Abbie says, “I realize it was sheer force of will that kept me on my feet just now, because I don’t want to give Alan the power to hurt me anymore. I want to live, and live happily, and in order to do that, I need to do my best to stop fixating on his betrayal and the anger I feel. I need to focus on how I’m going to manage this condition and move on with positivity and determination, not vitriol, which will only bury me in ugly emotional muck. That won’t help me at all.” Can you think of a time in your life when you were angry about something and had to put aside your emotions and deal with the problem objectively or force yourself to maintain a positive attitude? Have there been any situations in your life when you allowed yourself to become bogged down in emotional muck and it took you longer than it should have to emerge happily?
In chapter 30, Abbie says, “I watch my son for a moment, and I know exactly what he’s feeling because I’m feeling it too. I know him too well, and his pain is my pain. His joy is my joy.” Zack is Abbie’s only child. Do you think she is too invested emotionally in her son’s life? What does this say about her as a parent, and what does it mean for her as a widow? Discuss the difficulties parents face when it comes to letting go of their children as they move into adulthood. How are these difficulties compounded for Abbie, given her situation?
In chapter 33, in the cemetery, Zack defends his father. Is it wrong for him to be so defensive and supportive of the man who drove drunk and nearly killed his mother? Do you feel it is disloyal to Abbie for him to be critical of her anger? Is it ever okay to sympathize with a drunk driver?
Do you know anyone with narcolepsy? If so, how has it affected this person’s life?
Discuss the role of Abbie’s dog, Winston. How is he a mirror image of some of Abbie’s experiences throughout the novel? How does he contribute to her survival, both physically and emotionally? And do you believe that animals can sense and understand what is going on in the hearts of humans? Discuss the scene where Winston reacts to the home intruder that Abbie dreams about. Have you ever had an experience with a pet in which you believed he or she displayed some psychic abilities?
Abbie never actually says in the novel that she has forgiven Alan for his infidelity. In the end, do you believe Abbie forgives him? Why or why not?
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
A heartfelt thank-you to Stephen and Laura for filling my life with inspiration and joy.
Thank you also to the following people:
Michelle Killen (a.k.a. Michelle McMaster), for your loving friendship and for always being my first reader who steers me back on track if I go astray.
Julia Philip Smith, also for your loving friendship and valuable support on social media.
Pat Thomas, for edits on the early drafts of this novel.
My agent, Paige Wheeler. This year marks our twentieth anniversary together. I’m very grateful for how you’ve helped to keep me in the game all these years. You’ve been instrumental in making this the lifelong career I always dreamed of having.
Editor Danielle Marshall. Thank you for bringing me into the Lake Union family. Thanks also to my developmental editors, Alicia Clancy and Sarah Murphy, who put tremendous thought and care into this book and were always positive and constructive along the way.
Kimberly Dossett, for your unwavering support and assistance in so many ways. I can’t even begin to name them all. I couldn’t manage all this without you!
My friends Julie Ortolon, Wendy Lindstrom, Shelley Thacker, and Patricia Ryan, for the supportive friendship, helpful discussion, and all-around great company.
The many bloggers who have shared stories and videos about what it’s like living with narcolepsy. I am grateful to have gained some insight into your challenges. Also, Julie Flygare, author of a fascinating memoir called Wide Awake and Dreaming. It was very helpful in my research, and I highly recommend the book to anyone interested in learning more about the condition.
Dr. Stephen MacLean, for consultation on the medical issues in this book.
Finally, thank you to my parents, Charles and Noel Doucet, for your love and support on every possible level. I love you both very much.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Photo © 2013 Jenine Panagiotakos
Julianne MacLean is a USA Today bestselling author of more than thirty novels, including the contemporary women’s fiction Color of Heaven series. MacLean is a four-time Romance Writers of America RITA finalist and has won the Booksellers’ Best Award, the Book Buyers Best Award, and a Reviewers’ Choice Award from the Romantic Times for Best Regency Historical Romance of 2005.
MacLean has a degree in English literature from the University of King’s College in Halifax, Nova Scotia, and a degree in business administration from Acadia University in Wolfville, Nova Scotia. She loves to travel and has lived in New Zealand, Canada, and England. MacLean currently resides on the east coast of Canada in a lakeside home with her husband and daughter.
For more information about Julianne and her writing life, please visit her website at www.juliannemaclean.com. You can also follow her on Bookbub (www.bookbub.com/authors/julianne-maclean) and chat with her on Facebook (www.facebook.com/JulianneMacLeanRomanceAuthor/), Twitter (@JulianneMacLean), and Instagram (@JulianneMacLean).
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