“I … oooooh, this hurts.” He slammed his claws against his mangled forehead. “Make it stop. Make it … ahhhh.”
“Not on your life. You are now the sanctified god of demons.” I toed him with a boot tip. “Get it? Yeah, funny, isn't it. A sainted dark lord. You gotta love it.”
I doubt he did, but he didn't answer. Gáwar just kept slamming his head on the street in between slapping himself. He proved to be a slow learner, there at the end. Einstein once said that the definition of insanity was doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. Silly demon god. He proved the great physicist's admonition.
Within five minutes Gáwar lay still. His forehead was down to smoldering. Maybe he was dead or maybe he was just unconscious. Either way he was my bitch. I had half a mind to try and eat him, but my wrath and my stomach couldn't go there.
Mirraya, naked and back in her Deft form, stepped up to my side. “Uncle, what did you do to him?”
“You heard me. I blessed him with the blood of Christ.”
She looked at me in disbelief. “Where did … Ah ha. The Pillars of Creation.”
“Yup. I really gotta shop there more often.”
“So you're telling me that—what'd you say his name was—Pravil?”
I nodded.
“You though to ask and Pravil agreed to make you a drop of the blood of your culture's deity?”
“What part seems challenging to believe?”
“All of it, you goon. And I don't wish to seem to be Captain Obvious here …”
“But why did I hallucinate that the human deity was actually deific enough to polish off Gáwar?”
“Thank you,” Mirri popped back.
“He's the most holy person I could think of. Look, Jesus was an actual historic figure. Even if he wasn't God, he's been worshiped so much and so long that had to add power to the application of his name.” I pointed to the flaccid Gáwar. “Worked like a charm any way you cut it.”
“You are the luckiest uncle, Uncle.”
“Yeah, guess I am.”
“So what's in your other thumb?”
I held it up and inspected it. “Nothing. Why?”
“You passed on a chance to have, I don't know, a double dose?”
“If the first one didn't work the second wasn't going to either.” I kept studying my thumb. “What should I have packed it with?”
“Let's focus on the smoking demon god at our feet. What do we do with him?”
I looked at him. “If he's dead I suppose leave him.” I nodded my head toward him. “Why don't you check?”
She set her palm on her chest. “Me? Why not you? I'm not touching that.” She tossed the back of a hand at the body.
“Big baby brindas,” I taunted.
She dropped to her knees instantly and felt for a pulse or whatever. “I do not want to hear you say that ever again.” Soon she held her hand over his chest. “I'm pretty sure he's alive.”
“Bind him up like EJ did that Cleinoid and let's take him back to the ship.”
“Say what? Take evil incarnate to our safehold?”
“You will have bound him. Hey, he could be useful down the line. Plus, remember because he may be sensitive on the point. I sanctified him. No more evil incarnate quips, please. I anticipate you will be sensitive to his life choices.”
“You are so impossible.” She stood and began casting her spell. “I should bind you to him. It'd serve you right.”
When I opened the membrane aboard Stingray and revealed Gáwar, boy did I get an impressive reaction. Not a very positive one, but if intensity was the measure of success, I did good.
“Are you insane?” shouted EJ.
“You are insane,” screamed Toño.
“Insane, that's what you are,” declared Sapale.
“Cool,” exclaimed Slapgren. He was the only one other than JJ who always got me. Good kid.
“He may be useful,” I defended.
“He may eat us in our sleep,” responded EJ.
“Simple solution.Then don't sleep.” I stuck my tongue out at him.
“Well I'm keeping him,” I said with finality.
“How does holding him prisoner advance our position, Jon?” asked Toño.
“He knows where all the bodies are buried.”
“Yeah, he buried them,” exclaimed EJ.
“Why would he cooperate?” posed Daleria.
“Maybe he won't. If not I'll let you kill him.”
She backed away. “No. I'm not that brave. You kill him.”
“We'll have a raffle when the time comes. For now someone'll stand watch over him twenty-four/seven.”
“Okay,” responded EJ. “You take the first watch because it looks like our guest is waking up.”
I turned and checked. Gáwar was moving a little and groaned softly. I sure hope he had a bad headache.
“Can I question him?” asked an energetic Slapgren.
“We'll see. I'll take the first turn at bat but you're on deck, okay?”
“Which means no,” he said with a pout.
I walked over to Gáwar's exposed face. “Hey, cupcake, you back?” I slapped what passed for his cheek. “Can I get you an aspirin?”
He groaned louder. Might have been a moan.
“Take your time, big guy. I'm immortal. No rush to consciousness required on your part.”
Within a couple minutes he was sort of awake. Man did he look at me with studied rage.
“Just because I blessed you, bound you, and took you prisoner, please don't let it stand in the way of our budding friendship. Deal?”
“Ever the funny wind-up toy. When I'm free you will know the worst death …”
“Ah ah.” I wagged a finger. “Remember you're one of the good guys now. No threats, no murders. Only happy thoughts.”
“I am not and I will see you dead.”
“Stubborn little shit, aren't you?”
He deferred a response.
“Here's the deal.” I was pretty sure something brilliant was about to exit my mouth. “You seem, I don't know—unhappy.” I addressed Mirri. “You think he looks down and moody?”
“Yes, Uncle. I believe you're right.”
“I knew it. Are you not pleased with your blessed state of being, pal?”
“I am not. That is all I will say to you until I hold your broken body in my claws.”
“You're not warming much to the good guy role. FYI. Work on it, 'kay?”
He was silent.
“Here's my offer. I will extend it to you once, now, and never again.” I held my left thumb in front of his face. “This one contains a drop of the water Pontius Pilate used to wash his hands after sentencing Jesus to death.” I rotated it to myself and whistled. “Yeah, purely evil stuff.” I then made a show of appearing surprised by a new thought. “You know what? It's evil, kind of like the old Gáwar.”
His eyes opened wider.
“If you help me, I'll reverse the blessing with this.” I placed it right in front of his eyes. “What'll it be? Eternal angel, or back to the old god of demons gig?”
“You know I don't trust you. Even if that is what you say it is, I know you'll betray me.”
“You're right to be suspicious, I'll grant you that. Two points to keep in mind. One, if you do nothing you stay blessed.” I rolled my eyes. “I would pay good money to be a fly on the wall of the next meeting of the demon society when you show up in a frilly dress with flowers for all your buddies.”
“I hate you.”
“Thanks. Two, I'm desperate. I really need help. I need it so badly I will make a deal with the likes of you and I will keep it.”
He grumbled a bit. “What do you want to know?” he growled.
“Where Clein is. How to get past the protection. Mostly how to destroy it.”
He did an extended version of a classic demon laugh. Asswipe. “That's all?” he mocked. “Betray my kind and guarantee my own death?”
“Maybe. O
r it's the dress and the flowers forever. Your call. What'll it be?”
He howled with blind rage.
“Ah, indoor voice, please,” I taunted.
“I will help if you take me with you,” Gáwar finally spat at me.
“Now doesn't that strike you as a silly wish to grant? If you're here you can't stab me in the back a million different ways.”
“Then no deal.”
“Okay, big guy. I'll bring you but you stay bound.”
“No deal.” He turned his head away as best he could.
“Slapgren, you're up. But no cattle prods for at least two minutes. You got that?”
“How about anal probing, Uncle? Is that fair game from the get-go?”
“Of course. Anal probing is always a nice opening play. Ah, I'll be in the other room.” I pointed to somewhere else.
“You can't be serious,” yelped Gáwar.
I looked at Slapgren, then to Gáwar. “He looks serious to me. Have a nice probing.” I left quickly.
“Ryan,” he bellowed. “Come back. I'll take your deal.”
“My deal expired. Now I'm not saying Slapgren won't offer you the same one, but I am saying it's unlikely to come for, oh, I don't know, six or seven visitations. Take my word on this, please. Dude's got serious issues with probing, the sicko.”
“Ryan, return. If that fiend touches me there'll be no deal.”
I think he was ready for the fork test. He was done.
“Okay, here's the plan,” I said very sternly. “You direct us to where Clein is located and I lug you along in a membrane. If you get us all the way in, I free you. If you betray me then I'll do something unspeakably worse to you than I already have. Got it?”
“What's worse than this?” he asked, trying to move his claws.
“It wouldn't be unspeakable if I said it, now would it?”
“I hate you so much even I am amazed,” he seethed.
“Back atcha, boobie.” I flicked the still smoldering cross on his forehead.
He winced satisfyingly.
“Now let's do this, people. We have countless innocents to save and the hopes of millions of evil gods to transform into unfulfilled expectations.”
To be continued …. What a stinker am I, right?
Glossary:
Als (1): The original ship's AI on Jon's first flight long ago was Alvin. Jon shortened that to Al. When Al was joined to Jon's vortex in the Galaxy on Fire Series, Al and Blessing fell in love and got “married.” Since then Jon refers to them combined as the Als.
Antigods (1): A group of reclusive, über-powerful gods. They have been the bane of the Cleinoids’ existence since time began.
Apractolith (3): The proper name of the antigods.
Beal's Point (1): An area of monuments to disgraced Cleinoid gods. All living gods must visit to be made ill so they stay loyal.
Bellicity (3): A conspirator allegedly with Festock against Vorc.
Bethniak (1): Child appearing, vengeful, powerful, and really really mean god.
Blessing (1): See Stingray.
Brindas (3): High master of Deft traditional magic and psychic ability.
Brood-mate/brood’s-mate (1):Male and female members of a Kaljaxian marriage.
Calfada-Joric (2): The Deft master brindas, or witch/magician, on Rameeka Blue Green. Went by Cala. After the war with the Adamant was over she was given Evil Jon to rehabilitate.
Calrf (1): A Kaljaxian stew that Jon particularly dislikes.
Carol (2): An antigod. Generally takes the form of a rock being with rattling pebbles.
Casper (2): The name Jon gave to the mysterious ghost who helped him fight the ancient gods.
Central Seat (1): The official leader of the Ancient Gods’ conclave.
Cleinoid gods (1): Ancient and malevolent mix of gods. They have destroyed many universes before and are eyeing ours now. The five ranks or groupings for their invasion were to be Rage, Torment, Wrath, Fury, and Horror.
Command Prerogatives (1): The thin fibers Jon extends from his left four fingers. They are probes that also control a vortex.
Cragforel (1): Friendly Deavoriath Jon met after he first escaped the Adamant in the far future.
Cube (1): Jon's alternate name for the vortex he captains.
Daleria (2): Demigod and innkeeper whom Jon and Sapale befriended. She worked with them against the ancient gods as she'd grown to hate them.
Dalfury (1): Vorc's right hand, or chief assistant. A demigod of cloudy memories, hence, he has the form of a cloud.
Davdiad (1): Kaljaxian divine spirit.
Deavoriath (1): Three arms and legs, the most advanced tech in the galaxy, and helpful to Jon.
Deca (1): One of the witch gods skilled at prophecy. Sister of Fest.
Dominion Splitter (2): The name of the transfolding vortex the ancient gods use to transport to our galaxy. He has a lot of issues and is very conflicted. Actually he's just a total asshole, period. Aka DS.
Evil Jon Ryan/ EJ (1): Alternate time line version of the original human to android download. Over time, he turned to the darker side of his nature. He studied “magic” under a Deft master.
Felladonna (2): Vorc's second assistant or so called right hand. A demigod of lists and communication.
Felnastop (2): A delicious vegetable that runs like the wind.
Fest (1): One of the witch gods skilled at prophecy. Sister of Deca.
Festock (3): Old friend of Daleria who was part of a conspiracy against Vorc.
Fire of Justice (2): A metallic rod given to the center seat as a sign of power. A powerful incinerator also.
Form One/Form Two (1): A Form is the title of a vortex pilot. If more than one is aboard they get numerical designations based on seniority.
Gáwar (2): Seriously badass god. The god of demons. Ten-foot-long lobster claw front hands. Multiple tentacles serving in place of antenna. Block-shaped bull head. Gáwar's torso was a snake with human legs. Yeah, badness on the doorstep, I couldn't take one more step.
Genter-ban-tol (1): Prime Minister of the Joint Galactic Parliament. A Bezathy, basically the Galaxy's largest snail species.
Gorpedder (1): Ill-tempered boulder Cleinoid god.
Hemnoplop (1): Demigod of Fool's Island. On pilgrimage to Beal's Point with Jon.
Hollon (3): The complete joining of two Deft shapeshifters.
Kalvarg (1): The planet Jon took the orphan Kaljaxian population to as the Adamant were destroying their home world. An island solar system long ago ejected from the Milky Way Galaxy.
Lorpamoor (1): Cleinoid vampire god. Nasty nasty fellow.
Joint Council for Interplanetary Defense and Cooperation (1): Group of allied free world who fought the Adamant. Remained as a central quasi-UN for the surviving planets. JCIDC to its friends.
JJ (3): Sapale's first son. Raised by Jon as his own son, whom he loved very much. JJ is short for Jon Junior.
Marropex (1): A reaver. The Cleinoid god of atrocities.
Mirraya-Slapgren (3): A pair of Deft shapeshifters joined as one in hollon. Jon rescued Mirraya from certain death as a child and found Slapgren shortly after that. They are joined in the form of a large golden dragon. Very impressive, really. They are a powerful magician. Referred to as Mirraya generally because she is the one who speaks for the pair.
Nassel (2): Leader of the Rage faction of Cleinoids. She had served as such for the last three transheavals. A god of conquest.
Probe Fibers (1): Aka command prerogatives, they allow piloting of the Vortex spaceship and can analyze whatever they touch.
Quantum Decoupler (1): A most excellent weapon that pulls the quarks apart in a proton. The energy released as they rejoin is amazing.
Racdal fat (2): A food animal from Kaljax's abundant fat stores.
Sapale (1): Jon’s Kaljaxian wife from his original flight to find humankind a new home. At first just her brain was copied, then, eventually, she was downloaded to an android host. Travelled with the corrupted Jon Ryan
from an alternate time line.
Space-time congruity manipulator (1): Hugely helpful force field. Aka a membrane.
Stingray (1): Jon's Deavoriath spaceship. Her name in the Deavoriath language is pronounced “crash.” Hence, silly Jon renamed her after one of his favorite cars. It makes Jon-sense.
Stone Witches (2): Another name for the antigods. See also Apractolith.
Tefnuf (1): The first ancient god Jon encountered. She was saddled with an uncanny ugliness and a profoundly bad temper.
Transfolding (1): The mechanical process of moving from the land of the ancient gods to somewhere else.
Transheaval (1): The term the Cleinoids use to describe their migration from one universe to another. Accomplished via a mean vortex-cloud know as Dominion Splitter.
Visant (3): The proper name for a pair of Deft joined in hollon.
Vorioc (2): The first antigod introduced. Also one of the most powerful.
Vorc (1): Current central seat of the conclave.
Vortex (1): Super-advanced Deavoriath sentient spaceship. Moves by folding space. If you get a chance to own one, do it.
Vortex (alternate definition) (1): See Dominion Splitter.
Walpracta (2): Ancient god of consumption. Positively revolting.
Wul (1): God of business and enterprise. Humanoid. Befriended Jon.
Zastrál (2): A three-meter long, one-meter tall fuzzy siamese-twined python with paddles for legs. Used to extract knowledge. Very unpleasant chap.
Torment of the Ancient Gods Page 23
