by A. C. Bextor
I standing in the common area now looking around for Hem to let him know I’m here. I can hear sobbing but can’t pinpoint which direction it’s coming from. I start walking towards the voice, nearing the bathroom closest to me. This place is big, resembling a hotel so near the entrance is a bathroom, one for boys and one for girls or in this case one for the brothers, and the other for the skanks.
It’s when I get near the ladies room I can hear someone talking, loudly.
“Why do I love him? I don’t fucking know. He’s my kryptonite, that’s why. Smug fucking bastard. Seriously, are you fucking kidding me right now? HER? Hoochie!!! HER! I’m not worldly, I don’t have some sexual scent, I don’t have a clue how to use my body to get a man, but I’m not some STD infected Club hooker! I hate you, Hem. Oh God, Hem I hate you so fucking much.” The sobbing is so loud, then I hear the sound of something breaking, then shatter. The bathroom mirror just took a hit.
I am waiting to hear someone else speak before I put my hand on the handle to bathroom, where after one very long minute I finally give in and start to open the door, unsure what I’m walking into.
“Hello?” I wait. All the talking stops and now I can only hear muffled sobs. Someone is trying to regain composure. “Hello, its Mace, can I help?”
The feral sound of a sob so loud hits me when the door is yanked fully open and I find Sadey standing there in her torn jeans, Peril Tee, and her signature orange flip flops. “I hate him!” She grabs my arm and pulls me in before slamming her back against the door and sinking to the floor in sobs.
“Honey, who is him? Please for fucks sake wipe that shit off your nose or I will”. Sadey knows when I curse, I have to be past the point of pissed off. She’s upset and seeing my free spirited friend this upset just tears me apart and Mama Bear makes her entrance.
She stares at me with those green eyes and sniffs. I grab some toilet paper off the roll and give it to her to clean herself up. I can’t have this conversation with all this bodily fluid staring back at me. Yuck.
“Your BROTHER! PATRICK FRIGGEN COLLINS DUMBASS EXTRAORDINAIRE, that’s the WHO I HATE!” Well, alright then, maybe she’s a little upset.
Although my brother tends to forget the unimportant people in his life he loves Sadey, I know this. He just has this brotherly way of showing her that and she never appreciates it. Even as kids Hem was constantly reminding her of her age the way he was always rubbing the top of her hair and messing it up or tickling her to tears. She has always been known to him as his ‘Sadey Girl’ or ‘Sugar’.
One day she had just had enough. Sadey tried to put on makeup in an attempt to look more mature, we had just turned 13 and Sadey had just started her period so she thought she was already a woman and being that she just started her period for the first time we did not recognize what hormones raged inside and the emotional mood swings we were capable of now. Hem would have been 23, so you can imagine his surprise when she wore the brightest red lipstick into the Club, puckered her lips in his direction and when he let out a hoot of laughter directed at her, she took off one of those stiletto heels that she stole from my mom’s closet and threw it at Hem. Unfortunately though she missed him, which only just made him laugh harder and she ran from there all the way home. Her ego took a hit that day, and it looks like tonight was a replay sans lipstick and heels. Thank God.
“Breathe, again and again, in and out Sade. Tell me what happened so I can understand more of what’s going on behind those green eyed beauties, honey.” I’m trying to distract her with compliments. Not a proud moment, but when you compliment the woman, she does turn to goo. Sad sap.
“He asked me Wednesday if I were coming to the party this weekend. I was so surprised, Mace, shocked even. You and I both know he isn’t always open to me being here with all the festivities going on, so I jumped at the chance just to be invited. I spent all day mentally preparing for the reason he had finally asked me to be here, ya know? I mean, if he’s inviting me here knowing that it will be the same as all the other parties he never wanted me at, then that must mean he sees that I’ve grown up, right? I wanted to come here and be among the people too, Mace. His people. I wanted to show him that maybe I can fit in here, ya know? Maybe I’m not as innocent as he believes. I can see how he looks at me still, Mace. He looks at me like I’m going to ask him for ice cream truck money like I used to when we were five!”
She’s appearing to be a bit more stable. Getting this off her chest may save Hem’s private parts, for now. Any anger he gets from Sadey while she’s in this state would be life changing to his portions. She’s a free spirit and when she’s as wounded as she is now, she won’t be held back.
“How did we go from you accepting your invitation to… this?” I motion with my hand to her appearance.
“I was having a beer with Ace at the bar while I was waiting for Hem to come back from Oceana, they had that charity ride down there today, ya remember? He and Shame were late getting here and Hem looked exhausted. Shame of course didn’t hesitate to grab Cherry on his way to his room though. Hem barely glanced at me when he came inside, Mace. I thought maybe it was because he was tired or stressed or whatever. I didn’t think he was mad at me or anything. So Ace had asked me what I was looking at and then he saw Hem, with a smirk on his face he put his arms around my shoulders and whispered in my ear.” I know where this is going now, but I wait for her to continue through the wreck of hiccups that are coming on again.
“What did Ace whisper?” I ask her just knowing that this will piss me the hell off.
“He just asked if I needed another beer, when I smiled and nodded he just turned and went to get me another. No big deal, right? I’m legally allowed to drink and I was still nursing my first beer as I waited for Hem. I was even sitting at the bar all night, away from the action on the floor. So after Ace left to get me another, I looked around to find Hem again but he was gone.”
“Well, okay Sade, so here you are crying. Because… you can’t find Hem? I’m sure I can go out there and….” I’m cutoff with her over the top, so Sadey, response.
“No, Mace. I’M NOT CRYING BECAUSE I COULDN’T ‘FIND’ HEM. I’M CRYING BECAUSE I DID ‘FIND’ HEM. He wasn’t looking for me though. Nope, hard to be looking for me when his cock was buried in that hooch Kegs mouth. He was sitting in his leather chair, out on the open friggin floor, while combing his fingers through her bleach dried hair and moaning, his mouth open while he fucked hers hard and he was looking directly at me. Then he smiled at me, Mace. Fucking smiled at me! Her mouths around him like that and he thought of me enough to look at me while she was finishing him off and he smiles at me.”
Oh Dammit. I’m going to kick his ass myself now.
“What have I done to him that would make this okay? I love him and he has to know that. I have only ever loved Hem. I never lied about it or tried to hide that. One minute he wants me around and he touches me, smiles at me, and is so sweet from his inside. It is like when we were kids, remember? Then I’m being hit the in face with Kegs and having to watch her fucking mouth sucking his dick! Mace, I feel so stupid. I could never compete with her or even Cherry. Hell, Shame did not even blink when he grabbed Cherry when he came in, I mean she didn’t even have to work for it! I’ve been working for Hem my whole damn life. It isn’t fair. I love him, how do I stop loving someone that I know won’t ever love me back?”
Kegs is a Club lingering whore. Simply put, whore of whores. She loiters around with in her slut uniforms as I refer to them, just waiting for a taste of one of the boys. She’s not choosy either; it’s kind of a first come first serve type deal for her. She’s not after stature or trying to claim one of the men in the Club. Nope, just a slut whorebag. The boys nicknamed her Keg. I would like to think it’s because she can drink with the boys and hold her own in beer, however I have heard the stories about the woman and her kegal abilities and okay, you get it. Yuck. Slut.
Cherry is also a Club whore, but she isn’t as ‘used’ as Kegs. She�
��s a nice girl when the boys aren’t around. She’s also really quiet when the boys are around. She helps out with the kids when they are at the Club, and also helps with family tasks when someone’s man is gone. To say I like her is probably taking it a bit far, but she’s not a bad person. I think maybe she just didn’t get what she needed as a child and that’s what makes her this way. Now I’m guessing the way that Sadey explains Kegs and Hem tonight that maybe Cherry doesn’t have magic oral skills. Thinking about Shame and Cherry upstairs right now makes my stomach turn.
Ace however, he is a damn instigator. If Ace were a woman I would have already scratched his eyes big brown eyes out. He’s been a prospect here for over a year. He’s not been patched in for no other reason than his antics. Although loyal to Hem, he’s an ornery bastard and starts shit within the group just for fun. He seriously flirts with every woman in every room, taken or not. I’ve been around Ace on several occasions and I have yet to see him act like a decent human being. As long as Hem and Shame have a finger on him and his actions he’s most likely harmless, but I don’t care for him. The brothers tolerate him, sighting that he means nothing by this. Right! When women are like this, we know better.
Also, it is known he wants Sadey. Not to love, date, or make her his old lady, no. He has said on many occasions that he will bag her then tag her goodbye. He is such a romantic. So, setting Hem up to fail with her comes as no surprise to me. That little shit!
My best friend, my sister at heart, just got a view of the Club Hem. Friggin DAMMIT. He knows how Sadey feels about him, whether he wants to admit out loud and discuss or not, he knows. She has loved him since she was 10 and fantasized about her wedding to him since we were five years old, playing at the lake outside our house. She would force me to be Hem and say “I do”. Our dog Scotch, Hem named him of course, would be the ring bearer. It was so awful for her when Scotch would take off after a bird during this pretend ceremony. Who gave the bride away? Oh yeah, a broom did. She actually buried the damn thing in the ground so that the proceedings wouldn’t be interrupted with the loud thump when the broom fell hitting the ground.
As we got older, the more time she and Hem spent together it was obvious her childhood fantasy never left town. By then she had picked out the colors of the wedding and their first born baby room patterns! First comes love, then comes marriage… and all that. I never even asked her what she named their kids, would make it too real for me that my friend had lost her mind. I needed her too much so I just overlooked a lot during those few years of immaturity.
“Oh God, Sade. I’m sorry.” I call her Sade when she’s upset, it has always had a calming effect on her. “I don’t know what to say about Hem, honey. He does love you though. Maybe not the way you want to be loved but he would do anything for you. You don’t deserve this, I can’t stress this enough. You really are too good for my blockhead brother. You’re such an open person and you will find someone who loves you and would never hurt you like this. Hem does know how you feel, no one can deny this but… you know Hem and his fear of anyone getting too close. Although he has loved you since we were little, you’re forcing him to face adult feelings and we are talking about a 32 year old man whose longest relationship has been a 5 day trip to Mexico with one of the hookers from the Club.”
“I hear you and it’s not on you, but thank you for listening. I need to find a Greyson, Mace. God, you are right. Hem only sees me as a child and that’s all I will ever be to him. It hurts. My chest hurts, Mace. I shouldn’t have come here. I knew better. No one wants the kid next door, not anyone here anyway. Maybe dating Ace would work as a distraction, huh? He always wants to touch me, or sit near me, or just hang out. He’s really sweet to me. He offers to get my drinks, drive me home, fix things at the house and even offers to stay the night when I know you are going to be Greyson’s. He’s not Hem, but Hem will never see me as a woman and I want someone to want me, Mace. Isn’t that normal? I mean, I can’t sit and wait for him anymore, ya know?”
Shit. Can she hear herself? Damn Ace, he’s been baiting her all along. Oh sure, sleeping at my house when I’m gone will get him in the door, then his charm into my friends bed! Argh.
“Sade, Ace isn’t the answer. Ace is a player and is only looking to steal your quality to give him bragging rights. Please don’t make that decision right now. I will support you on whatever or whoever you decide, but do not settle for Ace.”
“Yes, I am a living breathing 22 year old virgin aren’t I?” She stiffens but laughs at herself.
After wiping her down literally, I take her out to find her purse then lead her outside. Finally we hit fresh air. I steer her towards my car, making our way through the vast number of member bikes and brothers standing around drinking and laughing. Kegs has removed herself from Hem’s dick and is once again center of attention with the boys doing body shots as she lays her body down for them to suck drinks off of her. I shiver as Def Leppard talks about pouring sugar. Damn it, I liked that song too.
I’m curious on where to start my vicious verbal assault that my ‘family’ has coming. All of a sudden I miss Greyson more than I thought I could. Our life together may be simple and predictable, but oh it is so safe. Whatever was eating at him that night, I know we can talk about it and get past it. Tonight has reminded me of why I don’t belong here. These men have heartbreak written all over them like a bad tattoo!
“Stay here, I forgot my bag.” I am glad to have Sadey out of the hurricane that is Peril and trust her to stay put until I get back so we can go. Now if I can just ensure Ace the crazy, doesn’t get her alone then I’m good! That man can sniff vulnerability from miles away and if he sniffs near Sadey again tonight I’m going to bald his other head!
Walking up to the compound doors again, I stumble in my usual clumsy manner. There’s the man of the hour. Ace catches sight of me and starts to roll his eyes and turn back around. Oh hell no buddy, this is happening!
“Ace whatever your last name is, get your ass back in here.”
He turns back to me and stops. Waiting for me to meet up with him, he’s smirking down at me and that bald head is looking more appealing to me to use it as a breaking ball on the pool table. “What can I help you with there, darlin? You look tense.” He’s actually eyeing me up and down. Gross.
“Stay away from Sadey, you little son of a bitch. I’m not kidding. She doesn’t need you lurking around in circles like a hungry shark.” As soon as I see the flicker in those big brown eyes of his I know his response is going to be perverse.
“Well, I’m not shark but I’m willing to test out her tu...” All of a sudden he’s yanked up by his cut from behind.
Ace is a tall man, would bet he’s probably at least 6 foot but Shame is taller, broader, and is looking down at Ace in a very menacing way right now. I’m about to enjoy the show!
“Don’t you dare finish that fucking sentence if it is relating to who I think it may be relating to. Now, apologize to Mace before I break your fucking nose and make up lick your blood from my boots, you little punk.” Shame still has him by the back of the cut and Ace’s face is turning red from lack of oxygen since Shame has his tee in his hand with it.
“Sorry Mace, I was just playing and didn’t mean anything by it.” Ace doesn’t sound sincere, he sounds like a petulant child who got his hand caught in the cookie jar but I don’t give a rat spit if he’s sorry or not, I’m just glad to see him hanging from his fruity looms. Oh I want some special powers right now, because I would deplete my energy to tighten Shame’s grip on him.
Shame drops him and Ace fixes his cut and heads back into the Club mumbling something about women in general. I start to walk through that same door, following Ace inside but I’m stopped because I hit a wall, a wall of delicious yumminess. He’s just lit a cigarette in one hand and he is holding his beer in the other. I step back, looking at him like I missed lunch and silently wishing I was that bottle of beer or even the cigarette bud, I’m not choosy. Who thinks like this? I flus
h openly with inner embarrassment.
“Running from something, Mace?” He grins.
“No, Shame. I’ve got Sadey in the car, and since Hem has decided she needed a reality check tonight she’s in pieces waiting for me to take her home. This is the one party she comes to and Hem has to be asshole Hem and screw it up for her. I will find him later so if you want to give him a warning, feel free. Now let's add on to that the fact that Ace has his sights set on my girl, I don’t like it. He’s a creep and another male whore around here, he’s probably as infested with STD’s as Cherry.”
Oh yeah, I said it. I know Cherry isn’t as bad as Kegs, and yes I kind of feel bad throwing her under the bus here, but I wanted him to know I heard of his most recent sexcapade tonight. He doesn’t respond, probably because he doesn’t care to justify himself to the 22 year old brat in front of him that I’m being.
I attempt to move him to the side, grabbing at his ribs because he’s so much taller than my 5’3 frame but I want to get through the door. Being that he’s got about 150 pounds on me, he doesn’t even flinch. Dammit.
“Baby, she doesn’t belong here. Hem has been telling you and her both this same shit for years. She’s not built to withstand our lifestyle choices and I’m sorry for her but it is what it is.” He says still grinning down at me.
