by A. C. Bextor
Everyone is already here and Shame and Sadey and have done a beautiful job getting everything ready for the night of celebration in honor of Mom. There are lights strung throughout the Clubhouse and the room is dimly light right now. Soft music echoes in the background and everyone is quiet and courteous to Hem and I.
Sadey is in the kitchen finishing the touches on the food and Shame is outside making sure that everyone parks where they should and they don’t block the exits. We are cautious today, anytime there is something going on out of the norm, Hem wants to be sure that whoever has been causing us the heartache keeps themselves in check.
Gunner is outside right now walking the perimeter, armed of course. He has healed enough now from being shot that he’s able to help when needed. Honor is holding onto Kegs, she still isn’t doing well with the Cherry situation and she has only gone to see her one time. I’m hoping sooner or later she will snap out of this and realize how much Cherry needs her, even if she has the rest of us. Ace is sitting in his bar stool, attempting to pick up one of Kegs new friends.
Aside from burying my mom today, all the crap that has been going on within the Club, and Cherry in hospital, Hem is acting odd. Not odd as in stressed odd either. This makes me think maybe he knows about the baby but hasn’t told anyone he does. I don’t like it. He has been smirking at me since we got here. Now that I think about it, other than the funeral my brother has been in an exceptionally good mood the last couple weeks.
It is time for the toast, once the toast to Mom is complete and we’ve all had a drink in Mom’s honor then the party will begin. Music will go from respectful to hard core, the lights go from dim to party, and the attendees go from courteous to loud and obnoxious. Although I’m really proud of the boys tonight I’m looking forward to hearing some familiar tunes and loud voices to begin.
Shame lets go of my hand and walks up near the bar, to the front of the room. He has a shot in his hand so I’m guessing Hem has asked him to do the honors tonight. I’m relieved because I am unsure I could handle another speech by Hem today. He about broke me during the eulogy and right now I really do want to celebrate all that my mom was, without sadness.
Shame rings the bar bell to get everyone’s attention and the room goes quiet.
“We all know why we are here tonight, to celebrate a great lady as she passes into her next life. I’ve decided I’m going to tell you all how I met Lynda Cash. Not a lot of folks know where we started, God it has been over 20 years ago now. You all know that she was a magnet for boys in the neighborhood, you’ve heard the stories.”
The room chuckles because Shame has just insinuated my mom was a hot mom. Hem rolls his eyes but he flushes anyway because we both knows it’s true.
“I was only 11 years old when I first met this angel. Her car was parked outside her house and she was angry. She was fightin’ mad, kickin’ and screamin’ to no one in particular. I mean, she was so pissed off that I am telling you I heard the woman cuss so much she would give our Pres. a run for his money. Hem had just locked her keys in her car. I remember riding by on my bike and staring at her thinking to myself… well, alright let’s be real, the woman was bottle blond, built, and did not look like any other mother I knew in person or on T.V. I was a rather shy kid believe it or not, but for whatever reason I stopped and asked if she was okay. When she told me about her keys, she asked if I knew anything about picking a lock. She was shy about asking, but she could see that I wasn’t exactly the most educated kid on the block.”
The room erupts in laughter because everyone knows Shame was trouble his whole life and of course he knew how to pick a lock by the time he was seven!
“Anyway! It was also the day I met my buddy, Hem. I had just moved to the area and while I was talking to Lynda he comes storming out of the house, just as pissed off as she was. I remember thinking to myself what a bully he probably was. Hem wasn’t tall and he wasn’t thin and I’m sorry buddy but I would be lying if I didn’t say you were just short and fat. He hadn’t really started growing, he was just nine years old then. I explained to his mom that I could open that door but she would have to pay me, in food.”
The room got very quiet, only a few people knew of Shames past and his abusive relationship he lived through with his parents. Oftentimes, starved for food until he allowed one or both of them to use him as a punching bag. They always gave him a choice though, that’s the fuck of it. They mentally abused him, telling him he would starve unless he agreed to accept pain and allow them to relieve themselves of their frustrations.
“When I told Lynda this I will never forget the look on her face. She looked so concerned and then she looked almost as lost as I did. She reached up and touched my cheek and asked me for my name. I told her my name was Neil and she said ‘Yes Neil, I will pay you in food if you can do this for me. I would appreciate that.’ I did not hesitate to grab the hangar from her hand and in about 30 seconds I had that door open. Once she took Hem and I inside, she made me a hot meal. I think it was something like meatloaf or Salisbury steak but I remember watching her serve me and looking at Hem at the same time. He adored her, they were tight, and you could see that right away. I was so envious of him. When I was finished I took my plate to her at the sink and she told me that I was to be at her house every day at 5:30 p.m. sharp because I had done her such a huge favor that she would forever be indebted to me.”
Sadey has tears coming down her face, I’m trying not to lose contact with Shame because I’m scared to look at Hem. I can hear him behind me holding Sadey to his front, but he’s shuffling his feet and it sounds like he’s ready to bolt.
“I owe that woman hope. She gave me hope that one day I would live as free as Hem did. I came to see her every single day for about a year, I think.” He looks to Hem for confirmation to continue. Hem nods.
“My parents had then moved us away and I didn’t see her until years later. In time I came back, on my own, and I went right to see her and Hem. She looked the same, aged a bit but we all do. Hem had grown up, just as I had. There was a new little mess added to the family, who later became one of my best friends and now she’s my everything.”
I smiled at him as he locked eyes with me again. “I came all the way here for a reason though, I needed to tell Lynda thank you for giving me hope. I was finally going to make my life what I wanted. I had broken away from my parents and was looking to live on the street until I could provide for myself. Doc hadn’t yet found me so I was alone. Lynda was so happy to see me, she gave me a job working around the house, exchanging my work for room and board. Sometimes things would break and I was fairly certain she broke them so I would have something to do. Even after my parents found me here and my world was dark for that time and even after I found Doc and had a real place I called home, Lynda never forgot about me. She was constantly checking in on me, either stopping by the Club or calling Doc himself making sure he was taking care of me, even bugging Hem endlessly for me to come visit. She took me as her own and asked nothing from me in return. My only regret is not being there for her enough. People suffer in silence and I learned that lesson from her as well. I’m sorry Lynda, I’m sorry I didn’t know you more after I grew up. I’m sorry I never told you thank you for giving me Mace and Hem, my family. You were my hope and without that influence in my life I’m unsure where I would have ended up. So thank you and here’s to you, Lynda. Cheers”
The room follows suit and gives a final ‘cheers’ to Mom and then scatter around and resume our traditional party night itinerary. I’m starting to bring out all the food from the kitchen, Sadey has done a kick ass job with preparing to feed these hungry heifers. After I get everything out and start sorting through it, she comes walking in and she looks scared. Shit, what now?
“Hey Sade, why you looking so nervous? Are you and Hem okay? You need to give him some space if he’s being grouchy honey, he hasn’t had a good day, and you know that.”
“No it’s not that. I’m going to tell him tonight. I�
��ve decided. I mean, he’s been through so much and nothing is settling down and well look at me! I’m getting bigger by the day and he has to suspect something is up. I stopped walking around naked and not just because he was on me all the time thinking I was trying to seduce him, but I’m getting fat already.” She puts her head on my shoulder in a dramatic statement. I’m so relieved.
“Sadey, you are about to make that man so happy! When are you telling him? After the party or like right now?” I’m ecstatic!
“I’m going to keep him from drinking himself crazy, although with all the other crap going on he hasn’t drank much anyway. I’m going to tell him tonight when we are alone. I’m scared though, Mace. I mean how I am going to sell this to him if I have so many doubts myself. I’ve been arguing this in my mind for weeks, ya know? I don’t want a baby. God, I’m going to be a terrible mother. Can you imagine all the things I probably picked up from my damaged parents? I’m just going to pass that shit right on to an innocent child. This baby will hate me! What do I know about crying babies? Sick babies? Hell Mace, what the freak do I know about healthy babies? He’s going to leave me, isn’t he?”
She starts to cry, so I grab her by her shoulders and look her in the eye.
“Do you remember when shit went down around here? Who led us to the back, in order, creating as little panic as possible among those girls? Honey that was you. Remember my reaction to the same event? I froze. Sadey, you are a natural mother. God knows how you do it, but everyone knows it. You have forever been a mother. There are times I think you forget how old I am, when you start to mother me. That baby will feel about you just as everyone else feels about you. We love you, honey. Give my brother a chance okay? The gift you are about to give him, he will love you even more if it’s possible.”
Ace comes strutting through the kitchen now and he looks even ornerier than usual. He and I talked a bit at the funeral before he left and he said he’s in a better place now. He loves Sadey, probably always will but he know he’s not ever going to have her heart so he’s going to try to move on.
“Wenches, your men are hungry. What gives? Why are you just all chatting and gossiping for when we are waiting to eat? C’mon dammit, feed me. I’m a growin’ boy.”
Sadey giggles at him. He’s so charming, I want to puke.
“Oh whatever. How about you make yourself useful and start carrying this out then.” I toss a plate full of cookies and he nabs one before heading back out. Always lightening the mood, thank you for that Ace.
About two hours later, Shame and I are dancing and having a good time with everyone else. Kegs and Honor seem cozy in the corner and I haven’t had a chance to talk to either one of them alone to find out the status there. I know Kegs has relied on him heavily during things with Cherry and Honor has a soft spot for her anyway, who knows then, maybe a blessing is becoming inside of this tragedy.
Hem of course is sitting in his leather chair watching everyone. He has Sadey in his lap and is smiling at her in awe. She’s got her head nestled on his shoulder and her hand is on her belly. Soon he is about to join her in this bliss of parenthood.
“Where you at, darlin’? You’re million miles away from me. What’s up?” Shame is concerned but he has no reason to be. I just can’t share something with him and it is killing me. It isn’t my news to share though, so I have to keep quiet.
“Just thinking about a lot of things is all.” Trying to pacify him now.
He stops dancing, shit. He took my reply the wrong way. He moves me back and looks at my face, searching for answers that I can’t give him right now. Damn, just bear with me baby, soon you will know. He won’t stop looking at me like that though. It dawns on me now what he’s asking, in his inaudible way.
“Shame, I’m fine. Nothing wrong with me.” He sighs in relief and holds me to him close again. I grab his hand and head for the bar, I am not one to drink a lot but he is and I want him to relax so I’m going to get him another drink. He follows closely behind me through the crowd and tells Raider to go away when he approaches to talk to him, stopping our movement.
We are sitting at the bar together, he’s on the stool and I’m in between his legs with his arms around my stomach. We are just talking about nothing and everything when we hear Hem call attention. Hem has walked to the juke box in the room and changed it from the loud ramping sounds of AC/DC to a very slow mellow tune. He’s changed it to play Ed Sheeran’s ‘Kiss Me’. Oh fuck! No he isn’t…. I recognize it and it finally hits me what he has been so sneaky and quiet about today!
“My family of friends I want to address you for just a second if I can. Tonight of all nights is a start of a big change for Mace and me. Saying goodbye to a loved one isn’t easy, we all relate to this. It brings forth in our minds how important it is to hold a moment and never let another get away unpreserved and faceted to memory. The people in our lives are with us for a reason, by fate or design or what have you. It feels that I’ve spent my whole life searching for something and never found it. After all those years of hiding from myself, never believing I deserved happiness I have it now. It was within my reach all this time.”
My brother and his way with words is breath taking. Literally my heart is growing for them as I listen to what he’s saying. He’s looking at his girl and grinning. Sadey is standing next to him, as always she is oblivious as to what is about to happen. I would giggle out loud if I wasn’t so awe struck looking at the two of them standing up there, together. Hem is holding her hand out in front of her and I’m waiting patiently for my dense friend to catch on.
Shame already has caught on because he’s kissing my neck from behind me while he’s trying to hold back his smile, not showing anyone yet. He is gripping my hands at my waist, telling me silently he’s enjoying every moment of this.
I scan the rest of the crowd and Honor has already stood up with this drink in hand about to toast to them. Gunner is smiling from ear to friggin ear as he watches his President spill his heart like the love sick fool we all know him to be, for her. Kegs has her head down and looks like she’s about to cry it out for Sadey but she’s holding it back, waiting patiently to let it go.
After taking a moment to collect himself, Hem continues. “I never knew anyone who had the patience to love me with such intensity, even when I didn’t deserve it. I’m so blessed to have someone in my life who is willing to serve as my anchor, my post, and be the structure and frame of my life, if you will. All of you know me, I can admit I have a big heart when the situation calls for it.”
Oh God, he’s doing this! He turns to Sadey and he kneels down on his left knee and pulls a ring box from his cut. The man is huge, I mean he is a house, but he just knelt with the grace of an angel.
I jab Shame in the side signaling him to look up at them now since he doesn’t have to hide his smile anymore, no one does. Sadey is staring at Hem now finally in recognition as he continues.
“Sadey, you have always had my heart and you have all of it now. I gave you the final beat during a dance at your house, not long ago while a song I chose, told you how I felt because I was just too chicken to do it myself. This is our song, Sadey girl. I love you and God knows it took me long enough to admit this but damn if I didn’t always love you, woman. Be my wife and I will repay you every single day for all that you have given to me, just by giving me your love.”
He opens the box and shows Sadey the ring. She doesn’t even take the time to look at it, she is on her knees and literally is now smothering my brother with a series of small kisses all over his face and between each one of them you can hear her whispering just loud enough to him, “yes yes yes yes”. There is not a dry eye left in the place. These two just do not do subtle, ever.
Everyone cheers and starts toward the couple in motion of congratulations. Shame lets go of me and starts to Hem once they make eye contact to one another. Hem wants Shame by his side, even now before the wedding. This was a big step for my brother. I’m frozen in my spot, until I hear it
. Shit.
I turn around and my eyes go to a furious Ace. His face is red, his hands are fisted, and is jaw is working overtime. Oh my god, the man looks like he’s about to explode. I move to action as quick as I can, at the same time Ace is shrugging himself out of his cut and headed towards the door. He glances my way just as he drops his cut to the floor and pounds on the door to open it and he walks out of the building.
Reaching the door just in time to have it not slam shut and draw attention I head outside. Ace is about to mount his bike, helmet in hand. I had picked up his cut on the way out and I’m holding it folded across my arm.
“Ace honey, I already know you’re not okay. Do you want to talk about it?”
“Fuck you, Mace. Really? You cannot fucking think that one of our little ‘cheer up’ sessions will help me anymore.” He’s growling at me, livid.
“Ace stop. Just talk to me, I’m asking. You don’t even have to say anything either if you don’t want. Just breathe for a few minutes before you take off on that bike. You’re upset and you should calm down a little bit.” Damn me, the second I say it I know I shouldn’t have. I can’t take it back, though so I’m going to let him have his say. No one is around and everyone is distracted inside, at least for a while. Who tells someone to calm down when their world has just been blown to bits?
“SHUT THE FUCK UP, MACE! DAMMIT! You do not know how I feel right now. You do not have your heart in another room right now being held by another man. The same other man who is old enough to be her fucking uncle! Same man who hasn’t a clue how to treat a woman, I’ve watched him for years Mace. I know what Hem is about. Even when I was just a teenager loitering around this Club I knew a man whore when I saw it. He and Shame both treated women like trash. Why do you think I used to act like the way I did? Huh? Jesus. I wanted to be Hem so I acted like Hem. I couldn’t keep it up though. Do you know why? DO YOU?”
