Pansy stomped into the elevator, down the hall, and into the suite. She wasn’t sure she had taken a breath during the entire trip back upstairs. “That bastard. He fucked me on a bet? On a bet?” Then she started sobbing again. “He said, ‘I love you, Pansy Nicholas. I thought now would be the right time to tell you.’ Sure he did. All on a fucking bet while he was keeping the secret of the century from me.”
“Pansy, think. He didn’t buy you that necklace on a bet. He didn’t go to his grandfather to help you out on a bet. He and Logan bet that same exact one-hundred-dollar bill at least once a week. It’s constantly changing pockets. The poor thing is tattered and all but worn out. They will bet on anything, whether the sun will come up tomorrow, or whether Billie can get you into the dungeon and rock your world. It’s juvenile, but that’s just how they play with each other. It’s a joke.”
“I don’t appreciate being the butt of their joke. I’m going to bed. I’ll decide if I want to go back to the city tomorrow. I can’t think about it anymore tonight.”
“Okay. We’ll talk tomorrow.” Melodie gave her a hug. “I really think this can be fixed, honey. I really do. Please don’t put your stubborn panties on.”
“My panties are going on, and they are not coming off again. Fuck Billie Crockett. I felt so guilty for hurting him, and all the while he was lying to me and making a fool out of me.”
“Pansy Nicholas. That is simply not true, and repeating it to yourself endlessly is not going to make it true. You were wrong to run the background check and not give Billie the opportunity to tell you himself. He and Logan were wrong to make such a stupid, juvenile bet in the first place. But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you and that you don’t love him.” Melodie stopped to take a much-needed breath. “And I’m your best friend, and I will tell you what you need to hear whether you want to hear it or not. Understand?”
Pansy shook her head, gave Melodie a hug, and went into their—her—bedroom. Shit. She took a quick shower, pulled on a handy T-shirt that turned out to be one of Billie’s, and fell into bed. She was too tired and wrung-out to change out of Billie’s shirt. Besides, the smell comforted her for some unknown, stupid, unexplainable reason.
God, I love him. What the fuck was she going to do? She had to get over him and go on with her life. Pansy Nicholas was not a victim, would never allow herself to be a victim. There was surely someone else in the whole wide world for her. She just had to find that someone.
* * * *
Billie woke up with a head the size of a watermelon. It was pounding and he was afraid to open his eyes because he was sure the couch in the living room of Guy’s suite was spinning. He hadn’t had a hangover like this since his wild and rebellious teen years. Last night was one of the stupidest nights of his life—as if consuming a keg of beer was going to make him feel better. Well, maybe not a whole keg by himself, but between him and Logan, could be.
Opening his big mouth about their stupid bet and being overheard by Pansy had taken him from the wounded column and put him in the asshole column. He didn’t see how this could be resolved. Pansy, who had been ready to apologize and kiss his hands as his sub yesterday, was now mad enough to take his head off and wasn’t about to apologize for anything.
He was still madder than hell at Pansy, and he would like nothing better than to beat her butt for what she’d done and then fuck her silly. That wasn’t going to happen. He never punished in anger, only for pleasure. It was his personal, steadfast, never-to-be-broken rule. Pansy hadn’t given him the opportunity to explain that he and Logan routinely bet on stupid shit just for the hell of it. It didn’t mean anything and certainly had nothing to do with the way he had felt about her—shit, still felt about her. Damn. Things had gone from fucking fantastic to fucking shit in a few hours’ time. He couldn’t believe it.
He rolled over carefully and cracked open his eyes. Yeah, it was definitely tomorrow, and things didn’t look any better from this perspective. The thumping pain behind his eyes hadn’t lessened with the addition of sunlight.
Guy stepped over to the couch. “Hey, buddy?” he said quietly. “Do you feel as bad as you look?”
“Guess so. I guess I look pretty bad, if you’re asking.”
“Yeah. Do you want coffee and some aspirin? I had a tray sent up. It’s on the balcony. Jasper and Max are still asleep.”
“Thanks. Aspirin would be great.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“Not much to say. I’m mad at her. She’s mad at me. I don’t see any resolution to the problem.”
“Don’t be an asshole. If you love her, grovel.”
“Man, she ran a background check on me. I was going to tell her about the name change. I just hadn’t figured out what to say yet. You know I never talk about it.”
“Well, maybe you need to get over that shit. If it’s eating at you to that extent and affecting your relationship with the woman you love, it’s time to do something about it. Don’t you think?”
“Maybe. I’m gonna shower and brush my teeth and get that aspirin, then I’ll come out for some coffee.”
After a pounding shower, Billie joined Guy on the balcony for the promised cup of life. Guy said, “Logan just called and asked us to come down to the terrace for breakfast. I told him I’d ask but that you felt like hell. He said, ‘Tell him to get his ass down here or else.’ Don’t snap my head off. I’m just the messenger.”
“I guess he has a good reason. Okay, let’s go down.”
* * * *
Pansy’s heart was in her throat as she watched Billie approach their table with Guy at his back. Was he there for moral support or to make sure Billie didn’t bolt when he saw her? She’d woken up with a slight hangover. Considering the amount of wine she’d had on an empty stomach, she felt better than she deserved to. Billie, on the other hand, looked awful. She could see that his eyes were squinched almost shut even behind his aviator shades. She almost felt sorry for him. Almost. Whose idea was this, anyway? He was supposed to be having breakfast upstairs with Guy and not invading her misery.
She was about to get up and leave when both Logan and Billie said, “Sit.” Billie continued. “I’m sure we’re both adult enough to sit at a table for a little while without killing each other. Let’s not ruin everyone else’s breakfast.”
“Fine. You have certainly demonstrated that you are an adult.”
“Pansy. Please.”
“Oh, all right. If you can be civil, so can I.”
“Good. Let me apologize for the bet thing. It really did not mean anything and had no bearing on how I felt about you. It was just me and Logan being jerks, as we usually are.”
“Fine. Apology accepted.”
When she said no more, he raised his eyebrows. “And?”
Did he really think she was going to apologize to him? Really? Melodie kicked her under the table and she flinched. She saw Billie start to grin. “Do not go there, Crockett—not if you want to survive this breakfast with your big, fat head intact.” Now he was grinning that big, stupid Billie grin in spite of his obvious headache. Ugggh.
“And, Pansy?”
“Okay. And I’m sorry I ran that report. The devil made me do it. I really don’t know why I did, but suddenly my finger just came down on ‘submit’ and it was too late.”
“You didn’t have to read it.”
She just looked at him in amazement. Was he nuts? “You are right, Billie. I didn’t have to read it. I apologize for invading your privacy.” She swallowed and continued. “And I’m sorry for hurting you. I didn’t know it was such a sensitive subject.” That’s all he’s getting from me. If he wants another pound of flesh, he can go pound sand.
“I was going to tell you about my name change. I just hadn’t figured out what to say. It’s not something I like to discuss. In fact, it’s a very sore subject.”
Logan stepped in before these barely-civil apologies got out of hand and escalated into open warfare. “Good. Let’s forget i
t and enjoy the rest of the vacation, which is already paid for, I might add.”
“Fine, I’ll do my best to be civil to Billie and stay out of his way if he will do the same.”
“Fine.” He still didn’t look happy.
Over the rest of the vacation, Pansy did her best to keep to the agreement. When she saw Billie heading her way, she changed direction, went into the ladies’ room, or back to the suite. She didn’t have another confrontation in her. Her heart was breaking as it was. Their fun times together and their intimate moments kept running through her head on a constant loop that she couldn’t escape from. At least Billie didn’t look any happier than she felt. In fact, he looked miserable every time she saw him. That was some consolation. She didn’t want to suffer alone.
* * * *
In the Hawk-Buxton Suite at The Black Dahlia Hotel, Fort Lauderdale Beach, Florida, Friday morning, February 26, 2016
Finally, the vacation was over, thank God. Pansy would have loved every minute of it if she hadn’t been so damn miserable. The hotel was wonderful and the weather was perfect. She tried to participate in all of the group’s activities and keep a smile on her face for everyone else’s sake, but she sure was not smiling on the inside. She just didn’t know where to go from here. Apparently, Billie was not able to get past his anger and hurt either.
“You know, you’re both idiots, suffering but unwilling to make the first move. You really are a stubborn bitch. Why don’t you bite off your nose to spite your face? If you would bend a little and not take off like a scared rabbit as soon as Billie gets anywhere near you, you two might be able to work this out.”
“I’ve gone as far as I intend to go.” She was packing the last of her clothes and all her purchases from that fateful trip to the mall. “I wish I’d never seen the damn mall or that blasted changing room.”
“Me, too, sister. Me, too.”
They would all be heading to the airport in about an hour. Pansy hoped that she wouldn’t be stuck sitting next to Billie for the flight home. If she was, it would be a long flight indeed. She couldn’t wait to get back to her apartment, her studio, and back to her regular life. Only now, there would be no Billie Crockett in it, and that was sad. That was so very damn fucking sad.
* * * *
Billie was tired. He was tired of trying to catch a minute alone with Pansy and having her sprint off in the other direction every time she saw him. That was one stubborn woman. He knew she was as miserable as he was. Not only could he see it in her sad eyes, but Logan had told him he’d heard her crying sometimes at night. That broke his heart. He knew he still loved her, would love her no matter what stupid shit she did. And this had been stupid, but not a reason for them not to get past it and get back together. He just couldn’t seem to corner her. She was definitely protecting herself.
Guy came in from the balcony where he’d been playing with his iPad. “Are you ready? Did you get the rest of your things from Logan’s suite?”
“Yeah. Pansy took off with some feeble excuse as soon as I got there and didn’t come back before I left. I really don’t see that there is any way to patch this up.”
“Give it some time, man. Feelings are still raw. I know she loves you. It’s written all over her face every time she sees you and thinks no one is watching.”
* * * *
Nicholas apartment, Tribeca Section of New York, New York, Friday late afternoon, February 26, 2016
Pansy walked through the door of her apartment and dropped the bag she was carrying. Logan dropped her other two bags before he bent down, kissed her cheek and said, “I’ll see you soon, Pansy. Try to get some rest and think about what you want for the rest of your life. Do you want crazy Billie Crockett who loves you, or do you want to be alone and miserable?”
“What makes you think I’ll be alone and miserable?”
“Pansy. Please.” He hugged her. “I love you, girl, and I hate to see both of you suffering. And you know you are, so don’t bother arguing with me.”
“Thanks for everything, Logan. It was…I was going to say great, but that would be ridiculous. It should have been great. Let’s leave it at that.” She saw him to the door, and when it was closed behind him, she leaned back and burst into tears. At least she had been able to sit with Guy on the trip home, and hadn’t had to have Billie in the seat next to her. She didn’t think she could have survived that.
Tomorrow was a new day. She had to get her studio back together, move the collection back in, make sure everything had been cleaned up while she’d been away, and get back on track. She had a design business to run and a life to live.
Epilogue
Cherry Hill in Central Park, New York City, New York, Saturday mid-afternoon, June 18, 2016
The horse-drawn carriage, trimmed in pink and white roses, approached the circular plaza at the top of the gentle slope known as Cherry Hill overlooking the lake in Central Park. Pansy looked across at Melodie in the beautiful, white-lace wedding dress beaded with seed pearls she had designed for her. She saw the absolute joy on Melodie’s face, and she was happy for her.
The months since she had returned from the fateful vacation to Florida had been hectic. She had been glad to keep busy getting her shop back in order, making the most of her Fashion Week exposure, helping Melodie plan the wedding, and trying to keep out of Billie Crockett’s way.
Melodie looked beautiful, and there was barely any scar left on her face at all. Her dark hair was pulled up into a loose bun on top of her head and it was surrounded with a coronet of baby roses and orchids, which matched her bridal bouquet. She no longer needed to cover her face with a veil for her wedding.
Dark Place’s second album was climbing the Billboard charts and had already sold over a million copies. The guys were here as the ushers and Billie was Logan’s best man. They all looked handsome in tuxedos with fresh haircuts, especially Billie, and that tore the barely-healed wounds on her heart open. She knew Melodie was worried that she and Billie would not be able to be civil to each other, but on this most important day of her best friend’s life, she would keep her feelings for Mr. Keyboard Man to herself. She plastered a serene smile on her face, and she was determined to keep it there, no matter what Billie Crockett said or did.
The weather was beautiful and warm, with a cool breeze blowing over the lake. Pansy helped Melodie adjust her skirts, the coronet of flowers in her hair, and her bridal bouquet. She had ordered the maid of honor and the best man not to kill each other today. She said she didn’t want any blood on her wedding dress.
The music began and Pansy started down the white satin runner forming the aisle. She saw the crew from Florida, bunches of Melodie’s New York friends from the neighborhood and Le Club. Logan’s grandparents and Melodie’s parents and sister were seated up front. Jasper and Max were sitting on the aisle. Jasper had been a big help in getting the wedding plans finalized on time.
Logan’s mother and some of her friends from Juilliard had formed a string quartet to play during the ceremony. Pansy knew Logan had written a new arrangement of the music for Melodie’s Song and it would be played as they walked back down the aisle after the ceremony. Melodie had no idea. She was going to be so surprised.
The reception following the ceremony was to be held at Tavern on the Green. Pansy was looking forward to that. It was one of her favorite restaurants. There had been a cancellation, and miraculously they had been able to book the location for a June wedding on relatively short notice.
Melodie and Sam started up the white satin runner as a sprinkling of cherry blossoms blew from the trees and caught in the breeze. That was a good omen for Melodie and Logan. Natural pink confetti fluttered in the air. How perfect. When they reached the small tent at the head of the aisle, Sam handed Melodie off to Logan and took his seat beside his wife.
The minister started the ceremony with the traditional words. Logan and Melodie whispered the private vows they had composed for each other, and then were pronounced man and wife. Lo
gan swept her into his arms and kissed her like not another soul was there. It was magical. The tears streamed down Pansy’s face, as much as she tried to hold them back. She didn’t want a red nose for the wedding pictures. She was so happy for her friend. She just wished she could have had a happy-ever-after as well.
Logan and Melodie turned to walk down the aisle, and the quartet began to play the airy melody of Melodie’s Song. It was perfect for this moment. They walked back down the aisle, and Logan lifted Melodie back into the horse-drawn carriage for the ride to Tavern on the Green.
* * * *
Billie had spoken with the carriage driver and arranged a little surprise for Pansy. She looked beautiful in the soft pink dress he knew she had designed herself. This was his one chance, and he was going to make the most of it.
After the wedding pictures had been taken, and all of the guests had passed through the receiving line, Logan and Melodie went into the restaurant. Billie took Pansy’s hand. She tried to pull away but he said, “Don’t cause a scene. You’re coming with me. This won’t take long.”
Pansy looked confused, but she went along without an argument for a change, thank goodness. Billie guided her over to the carriage and helped her up into the back seat. It was now early evening, and the air was cool for an evening carriage ride around the park, but Billie was done waiting. It was now or never, and he was nervous.
“Where are you taking me, Billie? I have to help Melodie.”
“Melodie can handle things on her own for a little bit.” As soon as they were settled, the driver clicked and the horse moved off at a brisk trot.
Pansy had been very moved by the ceremony. He had seen the tears on her cheeks. She was emotionally drained and a little bemused at the moment. He took advantage of her slightly befuddled state of mind. He took her hand in his and then pulled her into his arms for a deep kiss. When he released her mouth he said, “I’ve wanted to do that since we got back from Florida. We have to settle things between us, Pansy. We can’t go on like this. We’re both miserable.”
Pansy's Passion [The Black Dahlia Hotel 5] (Siren Publishing Everlasting Classic) Page 12
