Harmony approached the door, looking up at a grinning Jimmie, whose eyes ran over her voluptuous young shape with a strange hunger she had never seen in them before. She felt a chill run down her spine and she scowled at him as she turned to enter the study. Brian O’Toole sat at his desk, a whiskey bottle in front of him.
“Sit down, Harmony,” he told her, his eyes red and tired. The girl obeyed, her heart pounding with dread at the look on his face. He sighed deeply and studied her quietly for a moment, then poured himself another drink. “You’re fourteen now, Harmony. And you’ve got a good sense about the supply business. I’m…going away for a while, and I want you to promise to help Jimmie with the store as you’ve always helped me—and to watch after my darling Becky.”
A terrible ache consumed Harmony. No! It was just like the day her parents had said they were going away “for just a few minutes” and that they would be back. But they had not come back!
“You…can’t!” she gasped. “You can’t go away!”
“I must, Harmony. I’m sorry, but things are…strained…between me and my Becky. With all this talk of gold, I’ve decided to head west. I need a change, Harmony. I’ve worked very hard the last several years. And Becky—she’s not easy to live with right now. I think it would be good for me to be gone for a while.”
Harmony’s breathing quickened, and she stood up. “No!” she pleaded. “It will be…just like my parents! You won’t come back!”
He rubbed his eyes, feeling weary and beaten. “I will, Harmony. It won’t be like them. You know me better than that, child. I’ll be back in a couple of years.”
“A couple of years!” she exclaimed. “That’s forever! What will I do without you? I’ll be afraid without you! You’re my best friend! You’re like a father! I love you!”
In her puckered lips and tear-filled eyes he saw the little girl on the docks again, and his heart ached for her. But he knew he must go. He wanted to go. Something was driving him—something beyond his troubles with Becky, beyond his boredom with the routine of his life. He was tired of watching other men go off to find their dreams, tired of supplying others who went on to find adventure and riches. He was a wealthy man by most standards, but his was hard-earned money. Now he was ready to become even richer in an easier way, and to leave St. Louis and his troubles behind. He knew deep inside what gripped him. It was gold fever, plain and simple, a foolish feeling that led men to do foolish things; yet he could not stop himself, not even when he watched poor Harmony’s desperate fear.
“Harmony, it isn’t the same as when your parents abandoned you. You have a home here, as long as you need one. Soon some young man will come along and sweep you off your feet and you’ll be making a home of your own. You can work at the store as long as you like, and Jimmie and Becky will provide you with all your needs. You have Becky, who loves you as I do, and who needs your friendship. I’m not leaving you alone and helpless.”
“Please! Please don’t go!” she whimpered. “What have I done to make you want to go?” Again she experienced the feeling that it was her fault that her parents had left her. Why did people always leave her?
“You’ve done nothing, Harmony. You’ve been wonderful, and I love you like a daughter. I’m leaving for reasons you could never understand, honey. How can a grown man explain to a fourteen-year-old girl his marital problems, his personal yearning for a one-time chance at adventure and easy riches? A man can’t explain those feelings—how it is to be thirty-eight and never to have done one exciting thing in his life, to be thirty-eight and childless, to love a woman and to watch her waste away from self-pity and loneliness for a baby she can’t have. I can’t explain that, Harmony. I can only ask that you understand it just a little bit, enough to accept it. Love me enough to let me go without breaking my heart with your tears. I’ve been good to you, Harmony, and I’m not taking away any of your security. Nor am I even taking away my love, for I’ll care about you wherever I go, just as I’ll care about my Becky. The store is secure, doing a good business, and Jimmie and you both know how to run it. And when you’re twenty-one, if you’re still interested, I’ll see that you get a share in the store. In the meantime you can help Jimmie keep it running well.”
“Don’t go!” she pleaded. “I never thought…you’d ever go away! This is where your store is! This is where the people you love are! Don’t leave me! I’ll be afraid without you!”
He rose from the desk, walking around and giving her a hug. She clung to him, weeping against his chest. This was the brave, strong man who had fought off two men to save her, the kind man who had opened his home to her and had made her feel important, who had given her an education and taught her about business. This was the father she never would have had if not for the night he’d rescued her. How she wished she could do something to help his own loneliness and despair, for she knew that was why he was going away.
“You needn’t be afraid, Harmony,” he reassured her. “You have a home. And you’re a strong, independent girl. In fact, it will be good for you if I go. You depend on me too much. Perhaps I’ve let that happen because I’ve always felt so sorry for you. After your parents deserted you, you relied on me too much for security, Harmony. But it’s time you found security inside yourself, time you learned to rely on your own strength, child.”
“No! No!” She was a little girl again, huddled against the barrel, hugging her doll, afraid and alone. Would the memory of that night and the way it felt ever leave her? Brian grasped her arms then, gently pushing her away.
“I’ve got to do it, Harmony. And if you truly love me, you must let me go without making it so hard for me.”
Tears streamed down her face and her body jerked in sobs. “Will you…write…often?”
“Every week. I promise. I’ll tell you all about my adventures.”
“And you’ll come back? Promise? Promise?”
“I’ll come back. Promise. I have my Becky to think about too, don’t I? Maybe when I come back she’ll be all better—happier. And us being apart, well, that will make us just that much happier to be together again.” He forced a smile. “And maybe I’ll strike gold, Harmony! If I do, I can send for all of you! We’ll be rich—much richer than I’ll ever be running that damned store.”
She studied the sad brown eyes, the red hair now very gray about the temples. To her young mind he was an old man. Maybe he would die before he could come back! All kinds of things happened in that wild place called the West, where there was little law and where ruffians tramped the gold fields. He was no longer as strong and sturdy as he’d been the night he’d fought two men to save her. A little of his spirit had left him with each miscarriage Becky had had.
“Promise me again!” she pleaded, the old terror refusing to leave her. “Promise you’ll come back!”
“I said I would, Harmony. You have to learn to trust people.”
There was nothing more to do or say. He was right in asking her not to make it hard for him. She owed him that much. She owed him everything. She left him then, crying all night in her room, hugging her rag doll close. Another loved one was leaving her for that strange place called the West. Again that land had coaxed a loved one from his family and everything familiar to him. The same little voice that warned her her parents had abandoned her spoke again, declaring that Brian O’Toole would never come back. There was no comfort for her, no way to stop the torrent of terror and despair that overwhelmed her.
She fell asleep to the memory of bells clanging and water lapping against docks, of distant train whistles. She huddled under the quilts, but in her sleepy mind she was huddled against the barrel again, watching a mist roll in from great muddy waters to shroud her very heart and soul. She was abandoned, alone and helpless, left to face the world with nothing but her own will to survive. Perhaps that is all anyone has after all.
Chapter Two
Harmony bent her head down, stretching her neck which was sore from the monotonous train ride, and she sighed with
reawakened grief. She had never seen Brian O’Toole again. Somehow she had known she would not from the day he left. Still she had hoped. Now that hope was gone, but she had one sign that he had thought about her, had loved her. He’d left her a gold claim. Perhaps it was worth nothing. Perhaps it was worth a fortune. She was not going to let anyone swindle her out of it. She would go there herself and make her own decision. At least it was something that was hers, all hers. No one could take it from her. Never before had she had that kind of security. Soon after Brian’s departure, Jimmie had set in motion a plan to master her mind and body, using her own insecurity to do so. She now vowed that she would never be so insecure that anyone could ever take advantage of her the way Jimmie had tried to do.
She removed her gloves and pondered life. Surely one could have a hand in determining the course of one’s own life, despite the uncontrollable events that fate brought about. Brian O’Toole had left her a gold claim. Now it was up to her to decide what she would do with it, whether she would make it work for her or lose it. Yes. One did have considerable control. The Indians had fought. Defeated, they were now controlled by someone else. She would not let that happen. She would fight and she would win. No one would ever control Harmony Jones. She would be her own master, and would make good use of the good fortune that had come her way. Being young and a woman would not stop her.
She leaned back and listened to the rhythmic clatter of the train wheels as they passed over the rail connections. She could have taken a less expensive means of getting to Colorado, but she knew nothing of wagons and driving a team, and she did not want to board a steamer. The thought of doing so repulsed her, bringing back the memory of that day her parents had boarded one and had never returned. The train was much more practical and much faster—and she could afford it. She had saved frugally. She was glad of that.
The sun fell and she slept, lulled by the motion of the train. When she awoke the terrain had changed. It was more golden now, a little more barren. The hills were steeper but still only hills, not the mountains that had been described to her by those who had been to the Rockies. The train stopped at a town whose name she didn’t even know, and passengers disembarked to freshen up and eat breakfast. Harmony kept to herself, ignoring the stares of people who wondered why such a young girl was traveling alone, and of men who admired her beauty. She ate alone, listening to the talk about Denver and the mountains. “You can see them now if you look very hard,” a tall man told a thin woman. “At first you think they’re just dark clouds hanging on the horizon, but if you look again, you’ll realize it’s the mountains.”
Harmony quickly swallowed her food and walked outside, shading her eyes and staring at the western horizon. Indeed, there was a long, dark line ahead, very distant, very misty. Was it truly the mountains? She boarded the train again, her heart pounding with anticipation and an almost pleasant fear. She wished she had just one friend with whom she could share this experience, just one person who cared and who would know it if something happened to her. What if she died in the mountains as Brian had? No one would even know or care. There would be no one to notify of her misfortune. She would be as oblivious and forgotten as yesterday’s wind. It was a strange feeling, a sad feeling. But there was nothing she could do about it.
When the train started rolling, she settled back into her seat and gazed out the window. What big country this was! So different from anything she had ever set eyes on. What was it about this barren land that attracted people so? Perhaps most of them just wanted adventure, courted danger. Who could tell? The temptation of gold, as well as silver and other valuable ores, was also a lure. That temptation had taken her parents from her, then Brian. Now it was her own turn. Would she disappear into the mountains, never to be found or heard from again? It seemed that everyone who came to this land disappeared, as though they fell into a great bottomless abyss.
But she had good reason to come. If she wanted to survive, she had to do this. She closed her eyes again, feeling weary and wishing she could bathe. Trains were so dirty.
It was then a man walked up the aisle, searching for a seat. He noticed a pretty hat ahead of him and grinned to himself. Stealing a glance as he walked past the hat, he decided he’d sit by the pretty girl who wore it so he could see her better. He lowered his tall, powerful body into the seat across the aisle from her, the one that faced her seat, and he noticed she had her eyes closed and was trying to sleep. That gave him the chance to look at her more closely, and he liked what he saw. Her hair reminded him of golden prairie grass gently rolling under the sun. He could only guess at the color of her eyes, but whatever color they were, he was certain they were beautiful. He’d not seen a woman this pretty in a long time, so he settled back, deciding he’d enjoy the short journey he was taking by rail.
As Harmony sighed and shifted in her seat, the man grinned even more, picturing her settling herself between soft sheets, trying to envision how her exquisite form would look with nothing on. It was an enjoyable thought, and one easy to conjure up, for Buck Hanner had had his share of women. But the one he was looking at now seemed so young—too young to be traveling alone by train into the places this train was headed. He had to wonder about her, although he knew he had no right to inquire. Besides, she looked tired. For some reason the circles under her eyes pulled at something inside him, making him feel guilty for thinking of her as just another of many. Instinct told him otherwise. This girl was different, special.
Well, it didn’t much matter, he told himself. He’d be off the train at the next stop and on his way by horseback to Cripple Creek.
Harmony remained oblivious to the man’s presence, for she’d quickly fallen into deep thought again, her mind filled with memories of how she had ended up on the train. At the moment she was thinking about Jimmie. How she hated him! She would always hate him for what he had done! It was wonderful to be away from him, no matter what might happen to her.
After Brian had left, she had poured all her energy after school and on weekends into the O’Toole Supply Store. The only way she could avoid the terrible fear that Brian O’Toole would never return, the only way she could feel close to him while he was gone, was to be at the store, where so much of the man who was her whole world still lingered.
She remembered that she felt much older than her fourteen years then, and acted it. By fifteen her bright mind had earned her the equivalent of a high-school education, and she received a certificate signifying that accomplishment. From then on she worked full time in the store. Meanwhile she was blossoming into a young woman of unusual intelligence and she was displaying an uncanny knack for business, often coming up with ideas to make tens of dollars turn into hundreds. But her talents had both frustrated and fascinated Jimmie O’Toole. He did a decent job of managing the store, but he knew he would not have done nearly so well without Harmony’s natural instinct for turning a profit.
She hadn’t realized then the thoughts that were going through Jimmie’s mind. But she could remember the way he’d looked at her. It had made her uneasy, as if she were naked under his gaze. Her sixteenth birthday came, and after that it seemed Jimmie always found an excuse to stand close to her, and to touch her in some way. His behavior unnerved and irritated her, for she’d never liked him.
Now she knew what he’d been thinking. Oh, yes, she knew! She still shuddered at the memory. She’d prayed every night for Brian to return. Her problems would have been solved if he had come back. She would have told him to make Jimmie stop staring at her all the time, to stop hanging around her. And he would have made Becky happier. Poor Becky! She had not gotten any better. If anything, she’d grown much worse after Brian had left, hardly ever speaking to anyone, never smiling.
Harmony remembered those lonely times. Jimmie had frightened her, and she hadn’t been able to talk to Becky anymore. More and more she had begun to feel like the little girl on the docks. Brian’s letters had been frequent at first, and exciting. But then they had come less often and had
sounded somewhat discouraged. He’d had to move into the mountains around Pike’s Peak, where there was less likelihood of finding anymore gold. So many men had surged into Cripple Creek that most good sections were already staked. Because of his distance from town, he could not write as often, and the letters were few and far between. After two years, Harmony had been sure he’d come home to St. Louis where he belonged, and that she would feel truly safe again. But he had not, and then on that terrible night Jimmie had attacked her…Again the memory overwhelmed her. She wished she could rid her mind of it, but she was unable to do so. It was only last December—December 1895—that the final events which led her to board a train for Colorado had begun.
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