His stare became cold and distant.
“I just followed the evidence,” he said carefully, and I could see it again, the disbelief, the blame, the hate. At least this time, he was trying to blink them away.
“You’re just like the rest of them, Adam. You don’t give a damn what really happened. You just want someone to blame who isn’t you. You want someone to hurt the way that you’re hurting.” And I got it. How could I not? His sister got seriously hurt, for crying out loud.
He stumbled back and blinked several times.
“You almost killed my sister. What? You expected me to stay with you after what you did. If anything, you should be grateful.”
The vein in the side of his head was throbbing, but nothing like the way my brain felt like it was being pummeled with a sledgehammer. Grateful? Was he serious?
“You’re acting like I wasn’t hurting too.” And I was. Not even so much physically as emotionally. She wasn’t my sister, but that didn’t mean I walked away from the accident unscathed and thankful. I hurt for Eva. I cried for Eva. I fucking prayed for her like some kind of devout Christian.
“You’re not the one in a wheelchair.”
I begged the man in the skies not to allow the waterworks to come pouring out of me. I fucking felt horrid about the way things turned out for Eva. Even more horrible when my mind yelled at me about how conniving Eva could be, that she wasn’t exactly an innocent little birdie. Not that I would ever say that to Adam. I’m not a fucking monster, after all. And fuck…I got it. It’s not like I didn’t rebel when this stupid fucking town screwed me over. Eva had all reasons to be angry and Adam had all the right in the world to be angry for her.
I knew all of that. Of course I did. But rather than pretending like I thought my punishment was deserved, I looked him dead in the eye. “And because I’m not in a wheelchair means that I don’t get to have feelings?” I said. I tried hard not to cringe at the fact that those words actually came out of my mouth.
“Exactly,” he said, and it felt like someone knocked the earth from beneath my feet.
I swallowed back my tears and bought my way out of this conversation by hitting below the belt. Hitting anywhere that wasn’t where this conversation was right now. Because Adam wasn’t wrong. Physically, I was okay. Physically, Eva wasn’t.
“I guess you’re right,” I said defeated. “At least you waited until we broke up to shove your dick in someone else. I heard most guys don’t last that long. They don’t like to let go of the girl they have until they’ve got another one on the line.”
He looked as if I’d punched him hard in the stomach. I understood his feelings too well. I’d felt that way every time I saw him for weeks. Every time we passed each other in the halls at school, and the two times we met at the police station after the accident. Every time he looked at me like I was trash after I’d made him the center of my everything, I felt that way.
Worthless.
How could the eyes of one person destroy your self-esteem so damn much?
“Is that what you think of me? That’s why you think I was with Angelique? To piss you off?”
I stood up and looked him in the eye. Even though he was taller than me, I didn’t feel small. I felt powerful because I knew I had finally got a punch in. I’d never wanted that power, but now that I had it, I was going to hold on to it.
“Wasn’t it? Did you get some? You did, didn’t you?” I jabbed him in the chest with my finger like an angry first wife. He backed up a little, trying to avoid my attack.
Guilt flooded his eyes and I knew I’d hit the bullseye. It hurt me to know that I was right, but it hurt him even more. And, maybe antagonizing the jerk who just drove me out to the middle of nowhere to “talk” wasn’t the best idea, but I wasn’t interested in playing it safe. I was angry and lonely, and tired of keeping my head down and enduring. I was done playing nice with him or anybody else. If he was going to kill me, I wasn’t going to go down without a fight. Maybe yesterday and the day before that, but not today. Today I was pissed.
“Give me my damned phone, Adam!” I held my hand out, demanding my property.
Adam reached into his pants and threw it on the ground in front of me. I smirked at him. If this had been my other phone it would have been smashed to bits. But this was a battle tested design. For once I was grateful for the clunky casing of the “rose gold” phone. I picked it up off the ground and dusted it off and then showed it to him.
“You people will have to work a lot harder to break me,” I said.
“You people?”
“Do you think I don’t see and hear everything, Adam? Because, just so you know, I do. I know what you say about me behind my back. All of you. You’re a nest of vipers and I can’t wait for you to find a reason to cannibalize each other. But you can’t break me, Adam. Not anymore.” I started out strong, but the more I talked, the more my voice started to break.
Sucking in a breath, I tried my best to pull on the strength nestled somewhere deep inside of me. “It won’t be long before I leave all this behind. Broken hearted or not, I’m going to graduate. And I’m going to go to my dream school and get the fuck out of this town. You know why, Adam? Not because I cheated. Not because my daddy knows somebody on the board of trustees. Not because I sabotaged my competition. But because I fucking earned it. So fuck you, Adam. Fuck all of you!”
He squinted as if my words made his head hurt. “You’re angry.”
“You’re damn right I am! I’m fucking angry!” I lunged at him, going on the offense as I slammed both fists into his chest. He caught my arms and shook me to get my attention.
“Anna! You think I’m running around school talking shit about you? Are you fucking serious?”
“I’m just following the evidence,” I said, throwing his words right back at him.
That one hurt us both, but I wasn’t going to back down. He searched my eyes for something, and I did my best to make sure that all he would find there was contempt.
“You’re right. I slept with somebody else. And you know what I realized? I realized that it doesn’t mean a damn thing if it’s not with somebody you love. I realized how much I really fucking loved you,” he said and it sounded like it hurt. His face twisted and I knew even before the words left his lips that whatever he was going to say hurt even more. “How much I still-” he started, and I cut him off because admitting it might have hurt him, but it would fucking ruin me.
“Love requires trust,” I said, my voice losing all the punch it had before. “You didn’t trust me. When I told you that I didn’t cause the accident, you didn’t believe me. You know what that felt like, Adam? It felt a heck of a lot like hate.”
“You were driving the car, Anna. You drove into a tree, Anna? What the hell else did you expect me to take from what happened?” His tone infuriated me. In all of this time, he’d never once even entertained the idea that things didn’t play out the way he thought. He never once considered that there was more to the story. And then when the rumors started circulating…
“I didn’t cause the damn accident, Adam. If you don’t believe me, even if the evidence seems to say something different, then why should I believe in you?”
“This is different.”
“No, it’s not. It’s the same. Either we go with the evidence or we trust the person we say we love.”
“I love you, Anna. The old you. The one who would never lie to me,” he said softly. His eyes looked so desperate that I almost felt sorry for him. “This isn’t you, Anna. This isn’t us.”
“Us?” I whispered, only realizing that I’d said the word once it had already passed my lips.
Before I knew what was happening, Adam wrapped his arms around me and pressed his nose into my hair. It felt so good that I didn’t even think about fighting him. I didn’t realize how much I’d been missing him until that moment. Not really, anyway.
“You’re fucking killing me, Anna.”
“Do you believe me?”
/>
“Anna!” He held me tighter, but didn’t answer my question. It felt like a slap in the face.
“Do you?”
He let me go and looked down at his feet. This war we were playing was a dangerous one. His heart against mine was easier than parts of our hearts attacking themselves. Somewhere within us was love and somewhere within us was hate. One second we’d find it and the next it would dissipate.
“What do you want from me?” Adam hissed.
I pushed him away and clenched my teeth. What was I expecting?
“Nothing. Take me back. Someone’s waiting for me.” I turned my back to him and walked back to the car. I wasn’t in the mood for ice cream anymore. I just wanted to be as far away from Adam as possible. Which was kinda ironic, if you thought about how for so long, all I thought I needed was to be in his arms again.
Adam caught up with me in two strides and spun me around, smashing his face against mine in a violent kiss. I shoved at his chest. Pounded my fists against him. When his hand shot out and he gripped my wrist hard enough to snap it, I felt like all the breath had left my lungs.
“You were my fucking everything,” he barked. So much emotion packed behind words that shouldn’t mean as much as they did. Not anymore.
Seeing all the hurt in his eyes, knowing all the hurt in mine, I WANTED Adam to kiss me. I WANTED him to hold me. I wanted, for just another moment, to forget that this was what we had become. When his mouth met mine again, I didn’t push him away. Instead, I gave in to all of the emotions that I’d been holding inside and denying for months. I gave in to the longing and the desire and I kissed him back, stupid as it might have been.
Adam slipped under my shirt and wrapped his hands around my hips. I slid my tongue into his mouth, tasting him. Remembering him.
My skin felt like it was on fire despite the cool of the evening. I knew exactly where this was going, how wrong it was and all the reasons why it should never happen. But logic was taking a break now. It wasn’t allowed to crack this moment in two with the truth.
My hands slid lower and I fumbled with Adam’s zipper, trying to get to the smooth cock pressing against my thigh. Once my fingers made contact, Adam jumped and inhaled sharply, as if I’d burned him.
I opened my eyes and looked at him, trying to read his expression. His face was centimeters from mine and a little blurry in the pale moonlight, but I could make out those glistening eyes from a mile away. There was nothing but desire in their depths.
I licked his mouth and bit his lips, aggressive in the way I was giving in to the urge inside me. He kissed me hard again and I felt heat and moisture gather between my thighs. I wanted him inside me. It was irrational and counterproductive but that was the truth. I wanted him more desperately than I’ve ever wanted anything else.
I draped my arms around his neck as he palmed my ass and lifted me off the ground. My legs followed suit, wrapping themselves around his waist as he took several steps toward the car. With a thud, he dropped me on the hood and we were all over each other again.
My greedy hands found skin and clutched at it, pulling him closer even as my mind screamed that this was a bad idea. There was too much here.
Too much emotion.
Too much desire.
Too much time to make up for.
I didn’t have a chance to recover my good senses. His fingers slithered under my panties and found the sensitive flesh between my thighs. He stroked my pussy and I bucked as moan after moaned escaped me.
“I’ve missed you,” he whispered in my ear.
I clung to his shoulders as he continued his assault, petting me until I purred. He kissed my neck and I arched my back, pressing my painfully tight nipples against the warmth of his chest. My body screamed for him, so loudly, so clearly, that I knew I didn’t have a chance to deny it.
So many of my actions in the past had been wrought in the irons of common sense. When it came to Adam, however, it was often that I lost that part of me. Tonight was no exception. Tonight, I’d leave the regret for when I got home. Because even under his spell, there was no questioning the fact that regret would come.
Adam’s hand cupped my pussy, and with the heel of his palm, he kneaded pleasure into my center. Working me harder and faster, my body begged for even more. I sighed with relief when finally, finally, he slipped one long finger inside my body, stroking up.
When he lowered himself, I took his face into my hands and kissed him again. I wanted to be connected with every inch of him. I wanted to melt into him and be like we used to be. If only for now. If only for this moment. One soul, two bodies.
Pulling back from my kiss, Adam looked down at me. “I’m sorry, Anna,” he whispered and shook his head. “I’m not gonna go easy on you this time.”
I wasn’t sure what he meant until he lifted me up by my hips and spun me around. He pressed his body against mine, one hand slipping under my shirt to find my aching breasts and the other tugging at my pants and panties, yanking them down to my knees.
I could feel his hard cock pressed against my back. His fingers flicked my nipple and my knees nearly gave out. I braced myself on the hood of the car. There was only a moment of hesitation and then I heard a foil packet rip open.
In the next breath, he rammed himself into me. His hands were like vices holding my hips still as he plunged himself between my dripping folds. It took a minute for my body to adjust to him filling me again and again.
I cried out and moaned like a rutting animal. Not pretty. Not sexy. But completely and truly real. For the first time all evening I was glad that we were far from civilization. The sound of our bodies colliding, and his heavy panting was unmistakable. Pleasure diffused into all of my extremities, making even my lips tingle with anticipation.
Adam pushed me higher and higher. I wasn’t sure what I was more afraid of – the intensity of my impending orgasm or how fast I’d fall from grace once this was all over.
My body bounced to his beat, but never found freedom from his hold. Every pump inside of me was one that threatened to rip me into tiny shreds of ecstasy.
When Adam pressed his fingers against my clit, thrusting even harder, even faster, I knew I didn’t stand a chance. My entire body danced through the spiral of my orgasm and I moaned again, long and breathless.
“Fuck…Adam…” The words barely escaped my lips before he joined them, singing my name into my ears.
“Anna,” Adam gasped. “I can’t-”
And with a shudder and a gasp, I felt him cum. He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me under him as he tried to catch his breath.
Moments later, he lifted himself up and stood on legs that were a lot more stable than mine. Somehow, despite feeling like my fingers were made of feather, I managed to put my clothes back in place, my body still alight with desire.
All of the anger and frustration I’d felt just a few minutes ago were gone. I couldn’t even pretend that I was still angry, or that I hadn’t wanted him.
“I’ve missed you, Anna,” Adam said for the second time tonight. So gently. So softly. That all of me wanted to believe him.
His hands found mine and he guided me into him, not stopping until I was flush against his chest. I wrapped my arms around his body and buried my nose in the crook of his neck, breathing in his scent. All of this could have been perfect.
A perfect sin.
A perfect mistake.
Perhaps both.
But then the light from the moon shone just at the right angle and when I opened my eyes, slightly pulling back from him, I felt my heart drop.
All of the warmth and goodwill that I’d had a second ago melted away in an instant. My body went cold and once again all I could think of was how to get away from him.
“She marked you,” I said, sounding like an animal trapped under the wheel of a truck. Yes, he’d admitted to some form of intimacy with Angelique. But his words weren’t as real and didn’t hurt as much as the evidence of her on his neck.
Jer
king back, he let me go. I took a step away from him, but kept my eyes pinned to his. All of a sudden, he didn’t look like my Adam anymore. He was a used, wasted, blonde thing.
My stomach turned and I was disgusted by us both; him for being so easy to have and me for wanting him so damned much.
“It was just once, Anna. It didn’t mean much,” he said.
He reached out to take my hand and I slapped it away.
“I know. I didn’t say anything. We aren’t even together, you can do whatever you want. Fuck whatever you want. So can I.”
“Don’t.”
“Don’t what?”
“Don’t act like it doesn’t matter. Don’t decide to go sleep with somebody else to get back at me. It was one time, and it wasn’t that great. Not like it is with you.”
I laughed to hide the fact that I wanted to scream.
“Is that why we did this? Your new piece of pussy isn’t as good as your old one, so you decided to come and get what you really wanted?”
He put his hands on his hips and looked down at me.
“Nothing I say is going to change things for you, is it? No matter what, I’m just another Donnerville boy.” He was looking at me like I was the one who fucked up. Like I was the one who couldn’t keep my privates to myself. Like I didn’t have a reason to think that, yes, he was just like the rest of them.
“You think you’re entitled to some unlimited amount of forgiveness and understanding?”
“I’m not asking for forgiveness!”
“Right, because you didn’t do anything wrong! But what about trust? You want me to believe you when you say it didn’t mean anything, but did you believe me when I told you I didn’t cause the accident? Did you believe me when I told you it wasn’t on purpose? And if it didn’t mean anything when you were with her, why should I believe that it means something when you’re with me?”
Adam opened his mouth to reply just as my phone rang. I pulled it out of my pocket and answered.
“Hey, where are you?” Damon’s voice came through, loud and strong. Loud enough for Adam to hear it.
Filthy Pride: Dark Bully Romance Page 13
