And even though she hadn’t understood at that point just what it was that her father had been going through, she’d still known that she wanted to be nothing like him. She didn’t want to be a quitter or someone who couldn’t handle the things that life threw at them.
And as much as it broke her heart, she didn’t want to be like Max either. Didn’t want to spend so much time longing for the human life she’d had before, instead of focusing on how to make the best of the one she had now.
They could hear the others heading back down the Alley, and since there was still an important revelation that she needed to share with her best friend before Elliot showed up, Vivian got right to it. “So, um, there’s one more thing that I need to tell you, while it’s still just the two of us.”
Looking more than a little curious, Skye said, “Oh, yeah? Something crazier than your V card?”
Her chest shook with a quiet laugh. “Believe it or not, it is.”
“Ooh! Do tell.”
It took Vivian completely by surprise, since she was still furious with the gorgeous ass for keeping it from her—not to mention worried as hell about the reasons for his silence. But there was no denying the relief in her voice as she looked her best friend right in the eye, and said, “I’m Max’s life mate.”
Chapter Twenty
Is That An Invitation?
As soon as the meeting was over, Mason pulled Max to the side and told him that he knew about the protection team he’d called in for Vivian’s family. He frowned, thinking the guy was going to give him a hard time for it, but when Mason told him he would make sure the team stayed in place for as long as it was needed, he knew he was wrong to have doubted the Runner. Mason Dillinger was one of the most honorable men Max had ever known, and he was glad as hell that the guy was not only a mentor, but a friend.
After everyone cleared out from Lev’s, stepping out into the frosty evening air, the first thing Max did was walk over to his sister and throw his arms around her, giving her one of the biggest hugs he ever had, before they started walking together toward her and Brody’s cabin.
“I’m so pissed at you for ghosting me,” she told him, her husky voice shaking with emotion. “But I’m even happier that you’re home.”
Lifting a hand, he rubbed at the knots of tension at the back of his neck. “I’m sorry, sis.”
Sliding him a knowing smile, she asked, “So when are you going to bring this beautiful life mate of yours over to meet me?”
“Christ, don’t call her that,” he groaned, his stomach in knots.
“What? Why?” She frowned, reading him like a freaking book. “I know you’re not handling things very well, given what happened with Lev. But, Max, you are going to claim her, aren’t you?”
“Mic, just let it go. Please. This isn’t something I want to talk about.”
“Well, tough,” she muttered, giving him a hard look. “Because I’m not going to just stand aside and watch you make a mess of everything. You deserve better than that!”
“And what about what she deserves?” he bit out, keeping his voice low so that they wouldn’t be overheard by the others who were heading back to their cabins. “I keep working it over in my head, and no matter how I look at it, it just doesn’t feel right, tying her so permanently to a world like ours.”
“Max,” she said softly, pulling him to a stop near her and Brody’s front porch as she grabbed his arm, her tone so sad it made him flinch. And the tears that he found in her blue eyes as he lifted his gaze to hers were like a punch in the ribs. “I hate that you feel that way. I always worried that your relationship with your beast would cost you in battle. But not…like this.”
“Hey, it’s going to be okay,” he murmured, pulling her close and pressing a kiss to her forehead. “So stop worrying. I’m home now.”
“I want you home and happy,” she mumbled. “Not one or the other.”
Something crashed inside the cabin, and she cast a worried look toward the front door.
“Go, before the little hellions tear the place down,” he said with a warm smile, giving her another tight hug before he let her go. He watched as she ran up the front steps to check on Jack and Cianna, who were no doubt running Rachel ragged, and would have followed after her, since he’d missed seeing his little niece and nephew. But he needed to talk to Vivian before he did anything else. God only knew what she was thinking, and Max needed to see for himself that she didn’t hate his guts now.
Unfortunately, just as he turned toward Elliot’s cabin, Jeremy walked over to join him. “You know, if I were you,” the Runner murmured, “I’d make sure you have your apology all mapped out before you go and join your woman over at your place. I saw Elliot and Skye walk her over there while you were saying goodbye to Mic.”
“I’m good,” he grunted, biting back the urge to snarl at the guy.
“Oh yeah?” Jeremy laughed. “Then I guess you won’t mind if I point out how badly you handled things when she showed up with the mercs. I mean, you seriously screwed the pooch. Bit the big one. Had your head shoved so far up your own—”
“Yeah, I get it,” he cut in. “You can shut up anytime now, man.”
Jeremy grinned like a jackass. “Just making my point.”
“And I don’t need your fucking point,” he snapped, feeling his control slip a little further out of his hands.
“Is it just me,” Brody drawled as he joined them, “or does one of us need to knock some sense into my brother-in-law?”
“I’ll do it,” Cian offered with a sharp smile, cracking his knuckles as he came up beside Brody.
Jeremy smirked as he glanced at the Irishman. “Always so bloodthirsty, Hennessey.”
The half-vampire, half-Lycan laughed, low and wicked. “Guilty as charged.”
“Well, hell, don’t count me out,” Eric said as he strolled over to them. “I’m not letting Cian have all the fun.”
“Seriously, though,” Brody murmured, his dark brows knitted with concern as he looked at Max. “You okay?”
“No.” He scrubbed his hands down his face, then locked them behind his neck as he hung his head forward. “I’m a fucking idiot.”
“You acted like one, yeah. But we all do, at some point. The important thing is that you learn from your mistake and don’t make it again.”
His chest shook with a bitter laugh. “I think you mean mistakes, because there’s sure as hell been more than one.”
“Take it from me, boyo,” Cian said. “Anything’s fixable. And quite often forgivable.”
“Yeah?” he scraped out, lifting his head and looking around the group. “How about the fact that, for a split second, I actually welcomed the idea of her being anything but a goddamn human, when I first realized there was something going on with her, because of what it meant for me? Because in that brief moment, I thought I might be able to claim her without feeling guilty for permanently trapping her in this twisted, fucked-up world!”
As he stood there with his hands fisted at his sides and his chest heaving, he realized that each and every one of them was looking at him as if he’d just thrown shit in their faces. But it was Brody who spoke up, his deep voice even gruffer than before. “Christ, Max. You really feel that way?”
“About you and the others? No.” He shook his head with frustration. And then, quietly, he added, “But I didn’t come into this world the way you all did.”
“No, you didn’t,” Brody agreed. “But the road that got you to this place in your life is one of the least significant things about it. What matters is how you deal with the here and now. And you have a place here, Max. A purpose. And it’s a damn important one. It might not be the life you saw for yourself all those years ago, but it’s a life worth having. You just have to learn to let go of the anger and stop letting it drag you down, holding you back. It’s the only way you’re ever going to be able to move forward.”
“If only it were that easy.”
Brody snorted. “Who said anythi
ng about easy? Man, I know just how impossible it can be to let go and move on. But if you don’t, you’re never going to be of any use to her, because you won’t be of any use to yourself.”
He pulled in a deep breath, fighting the salty burn of tears at the back of his throat.
“So if you ever wanna talk about it,” Brody added, “you know where to find me. Anytime, man. Night or day.”
“Same goes for all of us,” Eric murmured, and they all clapped him on the back as they headed off, returning to whatever they’d been doing before he and the others had arrived. Only Brody remained behind.
“Thanks for not kicking my ass,” he muttered, knowing he’d hurt them all with what he’d said.
Brody surprised him by throwing an arm around his shoulders and nearly pulling him off his feet with a giant hug. “Love you, you little shit.”
“Not so little anymore,” he laughed, elbowing the giant in the side.
His brother-in-law chuckled as he lowered him back down to the ground.
“And, um, I love you too, man,” he choked out, having to force the words past the lump of emotion that had gotten trapped in his throat.
“I know, Max. We all know.” Brody clapped him once on the back, same as the others had. “Now get the hell out of here and go make things right.”
Lighting up a cigarette as he walked away, Max couldn’t help but play Brody’s words through his head. He really had sounded like a little shit, and all he had to do was look at Michaela and the other human partners in the Alley to see that they loved their lives there.
And no matter what species she is, Vivian would love it, too, the wolf muttered. If you’d just take your head out of your ass and do what’s right.
Still wondering what that “right” thing was, he inhaled a deep breath of smoke that made his lungs burn like a bitch. He’d smoked less and less since meeting Vivian, and found himself stubbing out the cigarette as soon as he reached his front porch, rather than taking the time to finish it.
He climbed the wide steps, and the first thing Max saw when he came through his front door was the girl who was always on his mind. A brave, beautiful, badass woman who was apparently going to become an even more badass demon hunter, which he didn’t want to think about too deeply at the moment, since it still scared the shit out of him.
She was also the woman who currently looked less than thrilled to see him.
Who are you kidding? the wolf grumbled. She looks like she wants to smash our balls in.
Unfortunately, the smartass was right.
And in case you were wondering, I blame you.
“Hey,” he said, watching her move to her feet from where she’d been sitting on his sofa, while he shut the door behind him.
Instead of a greeting, she simply said, “I was wondering when you were finally going to show your face.”
“I wasn’t avoiding you.” He walked past her as he headed into the kitchen and grabbed a cold beer from the fridge, getting one for her as well. “I just needed to catch up with Michaela for a minute.” Handing over the cold bottle, he asked, “Did things go all right with Skye?”
“Yeah.” He was about to offer to open the beer for her, when she twisted the cap off with ease. “It was great to finally see her and catch up about everything.”
That everything probably being that you’re a total douche.
Ignoring the wolf, he searched for what he should say next as he lifted his beer to his lips, took a long swallow, then wiped the back of his wrist over his mouth. But as he lowered the bottle back to his side, he still didn’t have a fucking clue.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” she demanded, obviously having no problem deciding what she wanted to say. “I mean, seriously, Max. What the hell?”
“Jesus, why do you think?” he ground out, shoving his free hand back through his hair so hard that it hurt. “I kinda felt like you’d already had enough life-changing revelations thrown your way recently.”
She searched his expression with a narrowed gaze. “So you were going to tell me?”
“Of course I was.” Once he’d figured out how. And had some kind of clue what to do about it.
She kept her sharp gaze locked tight with his as she took a drink of her beer, then shook her head when she looked away from him. “I wish I could, but I… I don’t believe you,” she murmured, sounding exhausted…and done. Probably with him and the entire situation.
“Come on, Viv. Even if someone didn’t rat me out when we reached the Alley, like Lev did, it’s not like I could have kept hiding it.”
She shot him a look that basically said she still didn’t believe a single word coming out of his mouth. “You’ve hidden it well enough so far.”
“Not hardly,” he scoffed. “Why do you think I have to keep fighting so fucking hard to keep my fangs from dropping for you?”
Her shoulders lifted with a little shrug. “How should I know? I thought maybe they always did that.”
“They don’t.”
“And again, how am I meant to know that? I don’t know anything about what’s happening, or how you feel about it, because you never told me!” Her voice kept rising with every word. “All you’ve said is that I can trust you!”
“And you can. I’m the one who can’t.”
“What the hell does that even mean?”
“I… I just…” He struggled to find the right words to explain, but could only come up with, “It’s…complicated.”
Her eyes went wide, and an angry burst of color quickly spread across her cheekbones. “You want to hear about complicated? God, Max. After everything that’s happened between us, do you have any idea how shredded I’ve been, when I actually let myself think about it? About the fact that no matter how we felt about each other, there was no future between us, because you had a mate out there somewhere that you just hadn’t found yet? Do you have any idea how that’s made me feel?”
He grimaced, feeling like a total shit. “Viv, I… Fuck, I don’t even know what to say.”
She shook her head again as a hollow laugh fell from her lips. “Yeah, well, I think we could uncomplicate things pretty quickly if I just grab my bag and head back over to Skye’s. I’m sure she and Elliot won’t mind if I crash with them.”
“No. Please. Just… Please don’t leave.”
She stared back at him, silently begging him to say something more. To say anything. Hell, at that point, she’d have probably been happy if he started reciting the Pledge of Allegiance. But all he could scrape out was a pathetic, “I’m gonna go grab a shower. Make yourself at home while I’m gone.”
“You have got to be kidding me,” he heard her mutter under her breath as he headed into the hallway, and knew he was acting like an idiot. Running scared, instead of staying and talking things out with her.
He lost track of how long he stood under the scalding water, fists braced against the back wall of the shower and his head hanging forward, so furious with himself he wanted to punch a bloody hole right through the tile. He was a tangled knot of seething, visceral emotions and needs. Love and fear and lust and… Christ, the list was never-ending. The entire situation was driving him mad, and he knew he wasn’t the only one feeling the strain.
Damn it, he should have told her! Shouldn’t have let her get blindsided with the news at the hands of a complete stranger. Her entire world had just been upended in a single day, and instead of making things easier for her, their connection was just one more thing that had gotten thrown in her face.
I should have told her before the mercs showed up, so that we could have spent the time at the cabin talking about it. I never should have kept it to myself. That was stupid and wrong!
Sounds about right, his beast rumbled. But is hiding out in the shower really going to help make things better?
“Shit,” he cursed, hating that the prick was right as he reached back and turned off the water. He refused to look at himself in the mirror as he dried off, worried he might be tempted to
punch his reflection in the glass. And that wasn’t going to help him find his way through this mess. Wasn’t going to give him any magic answers, just a fucked-up hand.
Slipping on a pair of gray sweatpants, he slicked his wet hair back with both hands as he padded barefoot into the living room. He found Vivian standing at the kitchen counter off to his right, an array of different-sized leaves from several of the houseplants that Sayre had given him—and took care of whenever he was away on a Bloodrun—spread out over the counter in front of her.
“What’s up with the leaves?” He headed toward her, his brow furrowing with worry when he spotted the blood dripping from her palm. “Shit, did you cut yourself?”
She shook her head as she picked up one of the leaves and pressed it to her bleeding palm. “During the drive, Lev told me how to protect my home.” She flicked him a quick glance from under her lashes, the pink in her cheeks just then looking as if it had more to do with embarrassment than anger. “Not that this is my home. I’m, um… It’s just for wherever I sleep. I guess some demons can do this weird mind thing to a Venatori when they’re sleeping, but this will stop them.”
“Like a spell?” he asked, watching as she lowered the blood-covered leaf and picked up another one.
“I guess. I’m meant to place the leaves above every window and doorway. According to Lev, the bloody organic matter will make it impossible for a shadow crawler to mess with me when I’m sleeping here.” Glancing up at him again, she asked, “Did he tell you about those things?”
“Yeah. And speaking of sleeping here,” he said, grabbing two bottles of water from the fridge. “I’m really glad you didn’t bail.”
Wow. Way to understate the way we feel, the wolf said in a dry drawl. Why don’t you tell her she’s swell and maybe we’ll see her around sometime? Jackass.
Instead of commenting on his words, she simply looked up at him and asked, “You want to help me get these in place?”
Wild Wolf Chasing Page 25
