by W. W. Jacobs
towardhim and sobbed on his breast.
"There, there," said Mr. Blows. "Don't take on; I forgive you."
"Oh, John," said his wife, sobbing convulsively, "I thought you was dead.I thought you was dead. It's only a fortnight ago since we buried you!"
"Buried me?" said the startled Mr. Blows. "Buried me?"
"I shall wake up and find I'm dreaming," wailed Mrs. Blows; "I know Ishall. I'm always dreaming that you're not dead. Night before last Idreamt that you was alive, and I woke up sobbing as if my 'art wouldbreak."
"Sobbing?" said Mr. Blows, with a scowl. "For joy, John," explained hiswife.
Mr. Blows was about to ask for a further explanation of the mystery whenhe stopped, and regarded with much interest a fair-sized cask which stoodin one corner.
"A cask o' beer," he said, staring, as he took a glass from the dresserand crossed over to it. "You don't seem to 'ave taken much 'arm duringmy--my going after work."
"We 'ad it for the funeral, John," said his wife; "leastways, we 'ad two;this is the second."
Mr. Blows, who had filled the glass, set it down on the table untasted;things seemed a trifle uncanny.
"Go on," said Mrs. Blows; "you've got more right to it than anybody else.Fancy 'aving you here drinking up the beer for your own funeral."
"I don't understand what you're a-driving at," retorted Mr. Blows,drinking somewhat gingerly from the glass. 'Ow could there be a funeralwithout me?"
"It's all a mistake," said the overjoyed Mrs. Blows; "we must have buriedsomebody else. But such a funeral, John; you would ha' been proud if youcould ha' seen it. All Gravelton followed, nearly. There was the boys'drum and fife band, and the Ancient Order of Camels, what you used tobelong to, turned out with their brass band and banners--all the peoplemarching four abreast and sometimes five."
Mr. Blows's face softened; he had no idea that he had established himselfso firmly in the affections of his fellow-townsmen.
"Four mourning carriages," continued his wife, "and the--the hearse, allcovered in flowers so that you couldn't see it 'ardly. One wreath costtwo pounds."
Mr. Blows endeavoured to conceal his gratification beneath a mask ofsurliness. "Waste o' money," he growled, and stooping to the cask drewhimself an-other glass of beer.
"Some o' the gentry sent their carriages to follow," said Mrs. Blows,sitting down and clasping her hands in her lap.
"I know one or two that 'ad a liking for me," said Mr. Blows, almostblushing.
"And to think that it's all a mistake," continued his wife. "But Ithought it was you; it was dressed like you, and your cap was found nearit."
"H'm," said Mr. Blows; "a pretty mess you've been and made of it. Here'speople been giving two pounds for wreaths and turning up with brass bandsand banners because they thought it was me, and it's all been wasted."
"It wasn't my fault," said his wife. "Little Billy Clements came running'ome the day you went away and said 'e'd fallen in the water, and you'dgone in and pulled 'im out. He said 'e thought you was drownded, andwhen you didn't come 'ome I naturally thought so too. What else could Ithink?"
Mr. Blows coughed, and holding his glass up to the light regarded it witha preoccupied air.
"They dragged the river," resumed his wife, "and found the cap, but theydidn't find the body till nine weeks afterward. There was a inquest atthe Peal o' Bells, and I identified you, and all that grand funeral wasbecause they thought you'd lost your life saving little Billy. They saidyou was a hero."
"'They dragged the river,' resumed his wife, 'and foundthe cap.'"]
"You've made a nice mess of it," repeated Mr. Blows.
"The rector preached the sermon," continued his wife; "a beautiful sermonit was, too. I wish you'd been there to hear it; I should 'ave enjoyedit ever so much better. He said that nobody was more surprised than what'e was at your doing such a thing, and that it only showed 'ow little weknowed our fellow-creatures. He said that it proved there was good inall of us if we only gave it a chance to come out."
Mr. Blows eyed her suspiciously, but she sat thinking and staring at thefloor.
"I s'pose we shall have to give the money back now," she said, at last.
"Money!" said the other; "what money?"
"Money that was collected for us," replied his wife. "One 'undered andeighty-three pounds seven shillings and fourpence."
Mr. Blows took a long breath. "Ow much?" he said, faintly; "say itagin."
His wife obeyed.
"Show it to me," said the other, in trembling tones; "let's 'ave a lookat it. Let's 'old some of it."
"I can't," was the reply; "there's a committee of the Camels took chargeof it, and they pay my rent and allow me ten shillings a week. Now Is'pose it'll have to be given back?"
"Don't you talk nonsense," said Mr. Blows, violently. "You go to theminterfering Camels and say you want your money--all of it. Say you'regoing to Australia. Say it was my last dying wish."
Mrs. Blows puckered her brow.
"I'll keep quiet upstairs till you've got it," continued her husband,rapidly. "There was only two men saw me, and I can see now that theythought I was my own ghost. Send the kids off to your mother for a fewdays."
His wife sent them off next morning, and a little later was able to tellhim that his surmise as to his friends' mistake was correct. AllGravelton was thrilled by the news that the spiritual part of Mr. JohnBlows was walking the earth, and much exercised as to his reasons for sodoing.
"Seemed such a monkey trick for 'im to do," complained Mr. Carter, to thelistening circle at the Peal o' Bells. "'I'm a-looking at you, Joe,' heses, and he waggled his 'ead as if it was made of india-rubber."
"He'd got something on 'is mind what he wanted to tell you," said alistener, severely; "you ought to 'ave stopped, Joe, and asked 'im whatit was."
"I think I see myself," said the shivering Mr. Carter. "I think I seemyself."
"Then he wouldn't 'ave troubled you any more," said the other.
Mr. Carter turned pale and eyed him fixedly. "P'r'aps it was only adeath-warning," said another man.
"What d'ye mean, 'only a death-warning'?" demanded the unfortunate Mr.Carter; "you don't know what you're talking about."
"I 'ad an uncle o' mine see a ghost once," said a third man, anxious torelieve the tension.
"And what 'appened?" inquired the first speaker. "I'll tell you afterJoe's gone," said the other, with rare consideration.
Mr. Carter called for some more beer and told the barmaid to put a littlegin in it. In a pitiable state of "nerves" he sat at the extreme end ofa bench, and felt that he was an object of unwholesome interest to hisacquaintances. The finishing touch was put to his discomfiture when awell-meaning friend in a vague and disjointed way advised him to give updrink, swearing, and any other bad habits which he might have contracted.
"In a pitiable state of 'nerves' he sat at the extreme endof a bench."]
The committee of the Ancient Order of Camels took the news calmly, andclassed it with pink rats and other abnormalities. In reply to Mrs.Blows's request for the capital sum, they expressed astonishment that shecould be willing to tear herself away from the hero's grave, and spoke ofthe pain which such an act on her part would cause him in the event ofhis being conscious of it. In order to show that they were reasonablemen, they allowed her an extra shilling that week.
The hero threw the dole on the bedroom floor, and in a speech bristlingwith personalities, consigned the committee to perdition. Theconfinement was beginning to tell upon him, and two nights afterward,just before midnight, he slipped out for a breath of fresh air.
It was a clear night, and all Gravelton with one exception, appeared tohave gone to bed. The exception was Police-constable Collins, and he,after tracking the skulking figure of Mr. Blows and finally bringing itto bay in a doorway, kept his for a fort-night. As a sensible man, Mr.Blows took no credit to himself for the circumstance, but a naturalfeeling of satisfaction at the discomfiture of a member of a
force forwhich he had long entertained a strong objection could not be denied.
Gravelton debated this new appearance with bated breath, and
