by Kate Benson
I don’t have to move my eyes back to them to know they haven’t budged.
The holes burning into my soul tell me as much.
I’ve never been this exhausted in my life. Not only have I spent the last two days looking for Ana, with no success, I might add. I’ve also never felt further away from a resolution.
I’ve never felt further away from her.
My eyes are on fire from lack of sleep, my limbs ache in protest, my heart breaking.
I did everything I could to save her, to save us.
How could it all have slipped so far from my control?
They’re all still staring down at me, but I’ve got nothing left.
They want answers I don’t have.
They want resolve I can’t seem to find right now.
I’m about to speak, leave… I don’t know what, but the sound of the chair beside me being pulled across the hardwood floor pulls at my thoughts and I glance up.
“Okay,” Jack says, his voice lower than I expect, but still stained in a rage I’m not sure will ever fade. “I’m sitting.”
At first, I’m surprised he’s the first to be willing to listen, but one look into his eyes tells me he’s still furious, worried, exhausted… all the same emotions I’ve been experiencing for months.
He trusted me to take care of her, to protect her, to keep her safe.
They all did.
I know the moment I gaze across the table, none of this is for my benefit.
It’s all for Ana.
There’s a part of me that wonders how I should feel about that, but the thought only lingers briefly. Even if I had the time or energy to delve into that part of my broken psyche right now, it’s not needed. I’ll be just fine once I know my wife is safe, but right now? Right now, this has to be about her.
It’s always been her.
I give him a slight nod of thanks and he gestures toward the others. Slowly, Sophie leans against the edge of the desk, glancing up at Chase.
“I’ll stand,” he says low, his voice still filled with anger, too, as he offers her the tall executive chair I’d spent so many hours in before I ever left this place.
Before everything fell apart.
“You’ve got about one minute, Mitchell,” Jack says once they’re all settled. “You’d best start talking.”
I glance back at the three of them and although I know this mess is far from over, the fact that these people, my family, are listening gives me a little hope.
“She’s not in Camden,” I start.
“You said that,” Chase cuts me off. “Go further back.”
“She’s not in Corpus or Florida, either.”
“Further still,” he replies.
I meet his eyes and in them, I see disappointment and anger I’ve rarely seen in my cousin. I’ve certainly never seen it meant for me.
I nod silently, the silent exchange between us enough to tell me what I must do.
“About six weeks ago, I went to Briargate to see Analise,” I start. “I’d noticed she wasn’t really acting herself. She was despondent, severely depressed.”
“Well, she was in rehab, Drake,” Jack interjects. “How’d you expect her to be?”
I know he’s trying to call bullshit on me, and I don’t blame him. I also don’t take it personally. I know he’s worried about his sister, thinks I should have done more.
I can’t say I blame him for feeling that, either.
“This time was different,” I shake my head. “Obviously, I expected it to take her time to get back to herself, but this was something bigger. Like something had happened she wasn’t telling me,” I continue. “I was due to go home on Sunday night, but I didn’t feel right leaving her there. I made an appointment with her treatment team on Monday morning and as I’d feared, they said she was declining. She’d been trying, giving it her all, but she wasn’t meeting her gains and despite blood tests telling them otherwise, they suspected she was pocketing her medication.”
“Aren’t they responsible for monitoring that?” Sophie asks and I nod, meeting her eyes. “So, how is any of that her fault? They’re the professionals.”
“None of this is her fault,” I shake my head, raking my palm over my jaw as I swallow hard. “We could spend the entire day pointing fingers, admittedly most would be pointing right at me, but none of them would ever fall on her, Sophie.”
Her eyes soften at my words and after a moment, she speaks once more.
“Fair enough,” she allows. “But I guess the thing I don’t understand is how she’d be able to get something so drastic by them. Ana is smart. We all know that, but Drake, you’re paying them to be smarter. To know the tricks, to be one step ahead. How could they let something like that slip by?”
“They tried. Hell, Sophie, I tried. So did Ana. I’ve never seen her fight so hard. She was putting in the effort, everything had been accounted for. Her doctors saw no signs of relapse, but it just wasn’t working,” I reply, leaning back in my seat. “So, I asked them for counsel, things we could do to improve her treatment, maybe change a few things to make them more effective.”
“And?” Jack asks, pulling my eyes to his.
“When I took Ana there the first day, she begged me not to leave her there,” I start, the memory of her gray eyes glassy with tears still tugging at my chest. “She said treatment had never worked for her before, that a lot of people had success with it, but she never had,” I continue, pulling a nod from him. “I knew I couldn’t help her on my own. Not without help. So, I convinced her to stay, but she never relented on the belief she needed to be home, to try something less conventional. I thought it was her disease talking, trying to manipulate us both, and I refused to listen. I wouldn’t even entertain the idea of her trying to self-treat the same thing that nearly took her from me,” I sigh, swallowing the dagger in my throat. “The Monday I met with her doctors, though, they suggested transferring her to a more extensive treatment center. One that uses experimental methods and outdated practices that would essentially keep her completely sedated. That’s when I realized I’d been wrong. It was more than her illness talking, I just was so scared of losing her, I shut the entire discussion out.”
“So, what happened?”
“I told her doctors no. I wouldn’t allow her to be pushed deeper into the system. We agreed they would continue the treatment she’d been using. Maybe she’d hit a rough patch, a lull in numbers or something and would bounce back in a week.”
“But she didn’t,” Sophie whispers, making me shake my head once more.
“No. The next week it was even more noticeable. I knew it wasn’t enough. She’d been right, she needed more than what the treatment was able to offer. However, I also knew she needed more than what I was able to give her at that point,” I continue. “When I left the hospital, I canceled my meetings and came here to talk to you,” I gesture toward Sophie. “Between the expansion and consulting here, I’d been putting in ninety hours a week with the company. Every spare second was saved for her, but it just wasn’t enough. So, I had to make a choice between my life’s work and my marriage. That was the easy part,” I admit, meeting their eyes. “The hard part was making sure everything I’d be leaving behind wouldn’t be eaten up with legal fees, that our family, all of them,” I insist, meeting their eyes. “Would be taken care of. There’s only one person who understands this business and loves my wife as fiercely as I do,” I admit, swallowing hard as I meet her now teary green eyes. “I’m sorry I pulled you into this,” I tell her with more conviction than I think my energy should allow before I meet Chase’s eyes behind her. “I’m sorry I wasn’t upfront with you, that I didn’t come to you. That I asked her to keep it between us until it was finalized.”
“That’s the part I just can’t wrap my head around, Drake,” Chase admits, shaking his head. “Why would you ask her to do that? Why not just come to me and tell me what was going on?”
“Because she’s also the only person who would
n’t try to talk me out of it,” I answer, still looking at Chase before my eyes move to Jack. “And she’s the only person who wouldn’t have said anything to your sister.”
“Why couldn’t Ana know?” he asks.
“Because her guilt would have consumed her. Aside from Chase, she’s the only person in my life who knows what this company means to me and telling her would have only caused her to backslide even further,” I admit. “Sophie was the only one I could go to with this.”
“You have seven lawyers,” Chase finally speaks, his voice thick with annoyance.
“And not even one of them give a rat’s ass about anyone in this room. You’re all numbers to them. Statistics, Chase, but not to Sophie. Regardless of what you think right now, you aren’t that to me, either,” I insist. “But I couldn’t work eighteen hours a day, properly manage the legalities and still take care of my wife, so I asked Sophie for help.” He stares me down, obviously still upset, but his expression slightly softened. “Had I realized the amount of problems it would have caused, maybe I’d have done things a little differently.”
“Maybe?” Chase and Jack exclaim simultaneously, their expressions shifting into disbelief.
“When I did what I did, I legitimately thought it was the best thing for everyone involved and my wife is at the top of that list,” I admit. “Would I have risked her finding out? Backsliding to save you from being pissed off at me, Chase?” I ask, holding his eyes. “No. I’d take your anger and save her every time, which is what I’d expect if you were in my place. That doesn’t mean I intended for everything to go flying so drastically out of control,” I continue. I can see his expression begin to even out as he considers my words, words that still piss him off but are as true as they come. “I truly am sorry for whatever complications it’s caused. That was never my intent and I’ll take full responsibility for it, but I won’t apologize for doing what had to be done for my wife.”
“Fair enough, but don’t expect an apology for what I’m about to do for mine,” he begins, settling his hands on her shoulders. “I understand why you did what you did, Drake. I also understand why you came to her for help. Having you explain it all, lay it all out helps shed a lot of light on everything and it makes a lot more sense to me now than it ever did before,” he sighs, biting on his lip for a moment before his eyes move back to mine. “But I want you to listen to what I’m saying because I’m only going to say it once,” he continues. “Sophie is my mine. She is my wife. She is the mother of my children and aside from those kids, she trumps everything and everyone else,” he insists. His words make her eyes tear, her hand moving up to entwine her fingers into his. “I love you, Drake. From the moment you came into our house when you were twelve years old, you stopped being my cousin and became my brother. I hate that you’re going through this and you should know by now there is little to nothing I wouldn’t do for you, including helping you get to the other side of this, but let me be clear,” he continues, his words making me swallow hard. “I don’t care that you came to her for help. I get it. What has me seething is the position you put her in.”
“That’s not what I was trying to-”
“I don’t care,” he shakes his head, immediately cutting my words short as he stares back at me. “Intentional or not, you asked her to lie to all of us, to keep secrets from her husband and to do it in the name of someone she loves so much, she could never tell you no. That’s my fucking problem, Drake,” he grates out. “She hasn’t eaten or slept in days, she’s been inconsolable, and it’s all been at your hands. I’ve got to protect her, too, and I’ll be damned if I’ll ever allow anyone to ever put her through that, no matter what the reason might be,” he vows. “I love you, but if you ever try to put her in a position like this again, if you ever ask her to betray her vows and keep anything from me again, don’t bother coming back, trying to explain. We’ll be done.”
Chapter Twelve
Drake
“So, what’s next?” Jack asks.
“Yes,” Sophie interjects, and I glance over to find her glassy eyes still locked on me. “Where are you going to start? How are you going to fix this?”
“Wherever I have to,” I promise. “Whatever it takes.”
“That’s all very poetic, Drake,” Chase replies, his voice calmer despite his blunt words. “But this isn’t a game. You’re not just screwing with your own life here, you’re threatening to take us all down.”
“Do you think I don’t know that?” I ask, hating the crack in my voice. “Do you think my chest isn’t radiating with regret for all the shit I’ve caused? That I don’t have a pit in my fucking stomach thinking about what she’s going through? That the guilt isn’t eating me from the inside out?” I continue. “Sophie isn’t the only one not eating or sleeping. The two of you?” I gesture toward Chase and Jack. “Do you think you’re alone in your anger? Because my word might not mean shit to you right now, but I can promise you there isn’t anyone more furious with me right now than I am. I was so arrogant… so fucking delusional and naïve to think I could do all this without consequence,” I shake my head. “Trust me, Chase. I know. I’m right fucking there with you, but I also know as mad as you are? As much as you miss your sister? As badly as you want your friend to forgive a sin you never even committed?” I meet Jack and Sophie’s eyes. “It will never even touch what’s going through my head right now. I can promise you that,” I manage. “If you need to scream and cry and blame me until I’m dead in the ground, so be it. I understand, but it isn’t going to help get her back and that’s what I need. It’s what she needs,” I insist. The emotion I’ve been fighting to keep at bay surpassing what little strength I’ve managed to cling to. “If it takes everything I’ve got left, down to my final breath, I will find her. I will bring her home.”
They stare back at me, their expressions as I swipe away the tears I’ve uncharacteristically let fall ranging from compassion to pure shock.
“But I need your help,” I continue, my voice much lower this time. “This isn’t your mess to clean up, but I-”
“Tell us what you need,” Sophie cuts me off, swiping her own cheeks before facing me fully once more.
“Where’ve you been?” Jack asks as he rises from his seat before crossing his arms and resting against the edge of the desk.
“She’s not in Florida. I know that,” I start, explaining the trip to the airport, internally kicking myself for the umpteenth time for having been so close to her, but still unable to get to her. “She hasn’t used any of her credit cards and I’ve been by the Corpus house twice. The car is gone, but there are no other signs of Ana.”
“I didn’t see anything, either,” Jack admits. “I’ve been there probably ten times now myself.”
“When I went to Camden, I went every place I could think of,” I sigh. “The park, the cemetery… I even stopped by your parents’ house.”
“It would be the perfect place for someone to lie low,” Jack offers. “Ever since the storms hit, I’ve been keeping it stocked. There’s a generator, fuel, an emergency pump for the well, enough supplies to last at least a couple of weeks.”
“Yeah, but she wouldn’t go there,” Sophie shakes her head. “Even if we didn’t all know how much she hated walking back into that house, the fact that we’re talking about it makes me think she’d expect Drake to check there,” she continues. “It’s too easy.”
“That’s what I thought, too, but…” my voice trails off, my mind taking me back to that place.
“What?” Chase asks.
“Nothing, I just…” I shake my head, trying to put my finger on something, I’m just not sure what yet. “The few times I’ve taken her back there, she wanted out as quickly as possible. After Lucy, it was never the same for her, so I thought the same as you. It’s the first place we’d check and the last place she’d want to be, but something told me to go anyway. I’m not sure what. Maybe it was instinct, more likely desperation,” I sigh, raking my hand over my jaw. �
�There was nothing out of place, no tire tracks or anything that would make me think she or anyone else had been there, but it was almost like I could feel her,” I finally admit, my voice breaking just enough to have me swallowing hard. “I stayed there for a while. Searched all around, called out to her and there was nothing, but I just…” I swallow hard, shaking my head clear. “I’m sure it was nothing. Wishful thinking at best.”
“Maybe,” Sophie agrees softly. “So, what’s the plan now?”
“Well, like I said, I’ve checked Camden and the house here. Brad’s keeping an eye on things in Florida, but she hated it there, too. Especially at the end. I doubt she’ll go back,” I admit. “Sophie, can you think of anywhere in Rockport she might have gone?”
Her eyes trail off in thought for a moment before she sadly shakes her head.
“No, not really,” she sighs. “But I’ll call Heather and see if she can stay at the house with the kids a little later than usual the next couple of nights. Chase and I can drive around, see if we can come up with anything.”
“Okay,” I nod. “Jack, can you keep an eye out for her around here?”
“Yeah, of course,” he says immediately. “I’ll call Matt’s dad, too, and see if he can check on a few things in Camden while he’s on patrol.”
“Do you think that’s smart?” I ask him. “I’m not sure involving officials is the best idea just yet.”
“No, he’ll be cool,” he assures me. “We all grew up with him and Matt’s told him a little about what’s been going on. He’ll understand.”
“Well, I don’t,” Sophie interjects. “It’s been forty-eight hours, Drake. Maybe the officials are exactly who we should be talking to. If she doesn’t turn up soon, we need to file a missing person rep-”
“No,” I cut her off. “Not yet.”
“Why?” she exclaims. “I know you maybe don’t want to admit it, but she is a missing person,” she continues. “And she’s not stable. Now that she’s got your car, it would be easier for them to find her. There’s no telling where she could be or what she’s going through.”
