by Kate Benson
“I know we aren’t supposed to be talking about heavy shit right now. I promised we’d keep it light, have an easy night and God knows I could’ve picked a better place to lay it all out than while we’re both about to pass out from exhaustion on your couch,” he smirks, his eyes still searching mine. “But I can’t bear the thought of you thinking for even a minute that you come second to anything. You have to know right here, right this very second, that it doesn’t matter what else is going on or where the day takes me, you and Eli are my home now,” he vows, both of us swallowing hard. “You’re it, babe.”
Jack
When I made my way back out into the living room and I saw her on the couch, it didn’t take much for me to realize she was still wrapped up in her thoughts, still radiating with worry. I hate that she’s refusing to let me help her, take some of the stress off her shoulders, but I respect her reasoning enough not to push it.
However, the fact remains that I love this girl with all I’ve got.
I wasted plenty of time in my last life. I’m not doing that ever again. Especially not with her.
My words come easily, but they hit her hard and without so much as a breath, her lips are on mine. I savor in it, relish in the feel of her against my skin as she pulls herself into my lap and pushes me flat against the couch below us.
Her breath is hot, her words of love melting me at the same time her body brushes against mine, setting me on fire all over again.
I run my hands up her back, my fingertips tasting her skin until they make it to the hair at the nape of her neck and I hold her in place, taking control and kissing her deeply. It pulls a low mewl of pleasure from her chest and I swallow it, savor it, crave more of it instantly.
It isn’t long before I’ve flipped her onto her back, the need for more of her skin against mine forcing everything else away. I strip her bare and move back between her legs, resting my weight on my elbows as I sink my lips into her neck to taste her skin. Her hips begin to sway as I kiss her deeply, brushing my cock with need.
“Take these off,” she rasps, her eyes moving to mine as she pants against my skin, her hands pushing against the waistband of my sweats. “I need you, Jack. I need you right now.”
“I’m here, baby,” I husk, my lips never faltering as I free myself and press against her center, my teasing pulling a low gasp from her chest. “I’m right here.”
“Please,” she whispers, hooking her palm around the back of my neck, raising up on her elbow to pull herself closer and take my kiss. “Oh, my God, Jack. Please…”
“Shh…” I hum against her mouth, my tongue darting out just slightly to taste her lips and making her quake all over. “I’m gonna take care of you, sugar.”
I move myself to push into her, a low groan leaving my chest as I feel how ready she is. All I want is to get lost in her, lost in us… let the rest of the world fall away.
I’m about to give her what she needs, take what I crave, when my phone begins to blare from the floor beside us.
The sound startles us both and I reach for it, my first inclination to send it to voicemail.
I’m about to do exactly that, but something about the unlisted number makes me stop in my tracks, halting all my movement for a moment.
“What’s the matter?” she asks, her breathing still heavy as she takes in my hesitation. “Who’s calling you at two in the morning?”
“I’m not sure. It says unlisted,” I manage, swallowing hard. “I’m sorry, baby. I have to…”
“Answer it, Jack,” she insists, no malice in her voice, and I nod.
Before the phone can ring a third time, I answer, my breath caught in my chest.
“Hello?”
“Jackie?” she says across the line, pulling all those breaths right out of me.
“Ana…” I manage, my head falling on Jenna’s shoulder for a moment as my mind begins to spin. “How… where the hell are you?”
“I’m okay,” she says simply, cutting my words short, yet her voice sounds anything but. “I just wanted to make sure you knew I’m alive.”
“Where are you?” I ask, sniffing back my relief. “I’m coming to get y-”
“No,” she cuts me off.
“What do you mean ‘no’?” I demand, reluctantly pulling away from Jenna, facing the wall as she tugs the blanket from the back of her couch over us. “Ana, you have to tell me where you are. Everyone is-”
“I don’t care about anyone else,” she admits, cutting me off again. “I just couldn’t let you be worried. I had to let you know I was safe.”
“Please tell me where you are.”
“I can’t,” she replies, her voice as broken as mine. “Jack, I can’t tell anyone where I am. Not yet. In fact, that’s part of why I called you.”
“What do you mean?” I ask, my chest beginning to tighten as I steel myself for the words I know are coming.
The same words I don’t want to hear.
“I need you to stop looking for me,” she says quietly. “I know you are and I love you, Jack, but please. You have to stop.”
My heart begins to shatter in my chest, her words taking my resolve and running it through the ringer all over again.
“Ana, I’m sorry, but…” I trail off, shaking my head as I swallow hard over the emotion in my chest. “You’re asking me to make the only promise I can’t make.”
“You have to,” she replies. “I need time to think and I won’t have it if I’m constantly looking over my shoulder.”
“You can have time. I’ll help make sure you have whatever you need, but I have to know where you are, Ana, or I can’t help keep you safe,” I continue. “The second I tell them you’ve called-”
“So don’t tell anyone anything,” she cuts me off. “I only called you because you’re my brother and I don’t want you making yourself sick with worry.”
“And I’m only refusing because you’re my sister,” I sigh, taking comfort in the gentle squeeze of Jenna’s hand in mine. “This would be easier to accept from someone else, but you’re almost all I’ve got left, Ana. I fought too hard to get you back,” I manage, my voice breaking slightly. “Turning away from that, turning away from you? That just isn’t an option for me.”
“Then I’ll have to keep moving.”
Her words seem unforgiving, however, her tone expresses she’s anything but.
Her voice tells me she’s tired.
It tells me right now, she’s broken.
“It won’t matter,” I promise quietly. “Ana, you could go to the ends of the earth, but it won’t matter. I won’t stop until I find you.”
“That’s the part you’re not hearing, Jackie,” she insists, sniffing back her tears. “I don’t want to be found. Not yet.”
Wednesday
“Grief is like the ocean; it comes in waves, ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming.”
-Vicki Harrison
Chapter Seventeen
Drake
She isn’t here.
By the time the plane touches the runway in Paris, I’m sure I’ve never been more exhausted in my life.
I’ve been saying that for months, but right now, I feel it deep.
Between the turmoil in my life, the lack of sleep and more than fourteen hours to recap the last two months of my own missteps without distraction, my mood isn’t light, to say the least.
Right now, I feel myself slipping into the dark.
From the first step out into the cool Parisian air, something deep within my soul warns she isn’t here. I think if I’m being honest, I knew before I ever left Texas, but no part of me is willing to take a chance on not turning over every stone, searching every dark corner I can think of to find her.
My only regret is the fear of wasting precious time. Like I’m cementing the loss of her tenfold with each passing breath.
I shake the thought as best I can, strolling down the same narrow streets we ambled through hand in hand wha
t seems like a lifetime ago. While it’s impossible to deny I won’t find her here, it’s even more impossible to sit idle, to admit defeat and not search for her at all.
I swallow hard when I glance over the small bistro that quickly became her favorite and my eyes don’t fall on her chocolate waves. I long to find her laughing, wild and free, as she had not so long ago with me.
I step out of the small store and the lights from all around me illuminate the already darkened streets, the nearby tower that had so completely enthralled her losing all its appeal, promising I’m the only heartbroken tourist in Paris tonight.
As I walk into the honeymoon suite, the same place where it all began, where she breathed her secrets to me and we tasted the bitter twist of fate that brought us here, I feel more defeated than I ever have before.
I free the large bottle of overpriced scotch from its bag and remove the cap, tossing it onto the floor and stopping at the foot of the bed to face the balcony that overlooks the night.
It’s been three days.
The fear I’ve already lost her, that my searching and longing are all in vain, slams hard into my chest.
It’s a feeling I’ve been staving off with little success for days, months even. Yet, as I lean back against the soft floral bedding and sink to the floor, my sorrow nestling in deep and taking me over, I’m not sure how I’ll push these feelings back tonight.
Maybe I’ll never be able to push them back again.
I’ve been holding out hope, holding out my faith in her, in us, that eventually I would find her and make things right. Eventually, I’d be able to say my piece, get her to understand, but maybe that’s a silver lining I simply no longer deserve.
I’d given my all to us, become content with setting the rest of my life into a fiery blaze if it meant saving her, but what if it was all too late?
What if all this - the searching, the wanting, needing her more than oxygen - what if it’s always been destined for disaster? A fool’s errand being run by a broken man who lost his wife months ago and was simply too blind to see it until this agonizing moment?
I’ve been telling myself for months if I kept her best interest at the center of my heart, things would work out no matter how grim they became, but what if I was wrong?
What if it was never enough?
What if her happy ending was never meant to include me?
The thought hits me hard and I let it take me deep into the darkness.
I’ve tried to be strong for so long, convinced myself things would work out the way I think they should.
I convinced myself if I wanted her badly enough, I’d be able to keep her forever.
Despite the doubt that’s been scratching at all my surfaces, I never let myself taste the harsh truth that my desires and her fate may have never been meant to coincide.
Tonight, though, in the middle of our barren honeymoon suite in Paris, the memories I’d give anything to return to haunt me in the darkness.
Reality rears its ugly head and as I tip the bottle back, I finally let my broken heart drown.
Analise
I’ve been here for days, and for days, I’ve stayed hidden, embracing the darkness of this forgotten place.
The mornings have come and gone; the nights easier than I thought they’d be. Maybe that’s thanks to the damp feeling I’ve been harboring in my own heart, maybe it’s the now almost empty bag I’d brought from the liquor store, I’m not sure. Whatever it is, as the sun begins to set over the horizon and I step out onto the old porch, checking to ensure I’ve stayed hidden, I release the low breath that stays lodged in my chest with each passing second.
My broken heart aches the bittersweet pride that comes with having survived another day on my own.
I never thought I’d be able to survive anything without him.
I wanted it so little, I guess the thought never crossed my mind until it was my only option.
As I slip into place on the old swing, the place that’s held me when nothing else would or could over the last few days - my whole life if I’m honest - I release a long, low sigh and finally, allow my thoughts to drift.
I’ve fought them all day. I’ve fought them since the first morning I woke in this place, but as the sun goes low, mirroring my heart, this is my time to think of him, to think of us and us alone.
I hear the echo of his deep laughter on the breeze as it sifts its way through the trees. Its gentle caress kisses my brow, pulling my eyes shut with the memory of his palm moving up my side, his fingertips tasting each curve of my skin.
“You’ve no reason to be afraid. I’m right here.”
The now seemingly empty promise echoes in my mind and I swallow hard, simultaneously willing it away and begging it to remain all at once.
“You’re mine, my sweet Analise…” he vowed, his head dipping low to taste my flesh before returning his gaze to mine. “I love you…”
Despite the heartache that’s consuming me, I still can’t help but crave his scent, his touch, his deep voice as his indigo eyes stare into me, stare through me.
For so many years, I had no safe place, no haven.
When I met Drake, he gave me that and more.
Up until the end, I never felt unsafe, unwanted.
I always knew deep within my soul if he loved me, if I could simply just belong to him for the rest of my days, I would never crave anything else again. He would be my sanctuary, my hidden and tucked away spot within the proverbial castle walls no one else would ever be able to reach.
He became my prince.
My knight in shining armor.
My savior from the darkness.
The tides may have rolled passed us, taken that shaken reality along with them, but for a little while, Drake Mitchell was mine.
And I loved him.
I loved him.
I loved him.
Even now, I love him still.
And so, I let him take me each night. Out here beneath the sunset, I give my heart to him each night, knowing by morning, I’ll have no choice but to take it back.
“Just because you give someone your heart doesn’t mean they get to keep it,” I whisper the reminder, sipping from the bottle I’ve been hugging for the bulk of the afternoon. “And just because you thought you’d found your happily ever after doesn’t mean you get to ride off into the sunset,” I sniff, resting my head against the worn rope. “Sometimes you need a passing ship to stay for a little while, help you make sense of the sea,” I sigh. “And when they do, you need them to pass before you can see the horizon clearly enough to sail away.”
That’s the problem, though. Isn’t it?
The horizon is right in front of me, begging me to sail away.
The ship has come and now it’s gone, but I still can’t make sense of the rift it’s left behind.
Chapter Eighteen
Sophie
We’d searched for her everywhere we could think of in Rockport, but after another long night, we pulled up to our house empty handed once again.
My heart is heavy, my spirits low as Chase pulls into our driveway, the porchlight that usually brings me such joy doing little to lift me.
“I hope the kids are still awake,” I say quietly, my voice barely heard over the low hum of the speakers in his truck.
I pull my phone back out of my purse and scroll quickly, finding no new messages from Heather since the last, slightly cryptic text she’d sent me an hour earlier.
“Me, too,” he agrees, his deep voice pulling me from my thoughts as he squeezes the inside of my thigh with the palm that’s still gripping me. “I feel like I’ve barely seen them this week.”
“You haven’t,” I sigh, leaning my head on his arm, savoring in the feel of him close. “Neither of us have. Everything’s been so crazy, Maddie’s poor little schedule is almost as out of whack as ours. The only thing saving JT from so much of the crazy is he’s had school all week.”
“It won’t be like this much longer,” he pr
omises, cutting the engine.
“I wish it wasn’t like this at all,” I whisper, swallowing the lump in my throat as he winds his arm around my shoulder, pulling me closer.
“I know, baby...” he hums, his deep voice sweet and soothing, exactly what I need, but much more than I deserve. “Everything’s going to be alright.”
“I don’t think it is, Chase,” I manage, emotion distorting my voice as the overwhelming guilt I’ve been desperately trying to avoid begins to take me. “It’s been almost four days and we still have no leads and no clue if she’s alright. Even if she is, she’s never going to forgive me. She’s always going to think I betrayed her.”
“Shh… shh… baby, no,” he whispers, turning in his seat to face me, pulling me as close as he can manage in the confines of the cab. “Sophie, I swear that isn’t going to happen.”
“You don’t know that,” I argue, shaking my head as I selfishly take his comfort. “Chase, she thinks I had an affair with her husband, thinks I helped him leave her in that darkness,” I continue, his hold growing tighter as I completely fall apart. “If I thought anyone had done that to me, done that to us, I could never forgive them. I don’t care who it was, Chase, I couldn’t. It would destroy me.”
“I know,” he admits, kissing my temple as he slowly begins to sway, rocking me in his arms. “But baby, she knows you would never hurt her like that.”
“Then why did she run?” I demand. “Why isn’t she back yet? Why can’t we find her?”
“Why does anyone run, Sophie?” he asks, pulling away to study my face, his aqua gaze soft as he brushes the pads of his thumbs over my tear-stained cheeks. “She’s afraid.”
“Of what?” I ask. “If she knows I wouldn’t hurt her, why would she just fall off the grid? Why would she stay hidden?”
