by Kate Benson
“I understand,” I nod, squeezing her hand just a little tighter. “But I’m not everyone else, Jenna. I’m not fading out, babe,” I promise, my heart constricting as I watch her eyes grow misty once more and she swallows hard. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“Yeah,” she smiles, her voice breaking slightly as her eyes hold mine. “Yeah, I know that, too.”
Jenna
He holds my eyes for a moment, the words we aren’t saying radiating between us just the same and he takes another piece of me with him.
I’ve never loved anyone the way I love him.
Although my history hasn’t been extensive, I’d be a fool to not know without a shadow of a doubt I’ve never been loved the way he loves me.
Unconditionally, without consequence, never wavering.
How I got so lucky to find a guy like him is something that could keep me up at night if I’d let it. As it is, I simply thank whatever power in the universe brought him to me.
I’m lost in my thoughts, lost in him for a moment. I’m sure he’s about to say something else to melt my soul when the front door swings open, revealing Ron, my ridiculously unrealistic-expectation-having employer.
Reluctantly, I pull away from Jack, reaching for a couple of beers and handing them out accordingly to the few regulars still sitting at the bar.
“Jenna?” Ron calls across to me, his steps barely slowing as he makes his way toward his small office in the back. “Meet me in the office.”
“Yes, sir,” I reply, hiding the deep sigh of annoyance in my chest as I gesture for Fiona to cover me.
“Just breathe,” Jack reminds me, pulling a nod from me before I pull my apron off and stash it below the bar. “I promise everything is going to work out just fine.”
“I’m not as confident as you are,” I admit as I face him once more, hating the pity staring back at me. “But thanks.”
He nods his reply and shoots me a wink that helps ease the sting of what I’m sure is to come the moment I step into Ron’s office.
The only thing I hate more than this job is that I depend on it so heavily to provide for my son. If there was any way I could drop it, I’d do it in a minute. Right now, though, I just can’t. Right now, I’m forced to fight for something I don’t even want.
It pisses me off, but it is what it is.
I step into the small space, biting my tongue as he rudely puts his finger up, silencing me while he finishes the phone call he must have begun the moment he stepped inside.
I stand awkwardly in the closest thing to a corner I can find, nervously swiping at my phone in a last-ditch effort. It’s a solid ten minutes before he ends his call and swings around to face me. One look in his eyes tells me he already expects I’ve failed to meet his insane deadline and he’s loving every second of it.
Smug bastard.
“So, where’s the band, Jenna?” he asks, crossing his thick arms as he narrows his eyes at me. “You had until today and when I walked in, I didn’t hear a lick of music. What’s your excuse this time?”
I need this job. I need it so much, but his undeserved arrogance has me about two seconds away from telling him to shove it up his ass. I’m gathering my composure, weighing options that honestly don’t exist when he speaks again, cutting through my thoughts.
“Well?”
“Ron,” I start, taking another deep breath to both steady and remind myself that punching someone in the face comes with jail time. “I’ve been trying my best all week to get someone in here that will play for the amount of money you’re willing to pay and frankly, I’m not sure…”
“So, you didn’t get anyone? That’s what you’re telling me?” he cuts me off, throwing his hands up dramatically before he shakes his head. “I should have known better than to let you handle something of this caliber.”
I swallow my disgust once more, my insides furious with the fact I can’t say all the things going through my head.
“One job, Jenna. I told you to do one thing and after all I’ve done for you, this is how you repay me? Do you know how many people are chomping at the bit to have your position?” he continues, making me stifle an eye roll. “So, you managed nothing all week? You had all this time, and no one is coming? That’s what you’re telling me?”
“That’s not what I said, Ron,” I shake my head. “What I am saying is -”
I’m about to tell him off, consequences be damned, but a slight commotion coming from just beyond the thin wall beside me pulls at my attention and I walk to the office door instead.
I push it open and take a step out onto the floor, my fury immediately replaced with emotion.
“I’m no Norah Jones and Green Day won’t return my calls,” he smirks from the edge of the small, makeshift stage, his lopsided grin sending my heart into a frenzy even from the other side of the bar as he shoots a wink across to me. “But I’m gonna do my best.”
The small crowd begins to clap, a few of them moving toward the stage to get closer to the man who stole my heart so completely only a few feet away.
He begins to strum, the sound of his deep, Southern voice singing the sweet, soulful song I’m falling in love with all over again making my heart skip.
“He’s here,” I whisper, clearing my throat before I face my horrible boss once more. “I was going to tell you I found someone and he’s here.”
Chapter Twenty
Jack
“So, how’d I do?” I ask her, unable to stifle the wide grin when I see her stepping out of her car, her cheeks blazing.
“I obviously thought you were amazing,” she admits, closing the door and thanking me when I take her bag and reach for her hand. “But I still can’t believe you did that for me.”
“Why?” I ask, genuinely curious despite the amused look I’m wearing. “Trust me, babe. Standing on a stage in front of thirty-five people and making an ass out of myself for two hours is the least I would do for you,” I chuckle. “I just hope it bought you a little time with your boss.”
“It did. Thank you,” she nods, reaching up on her toes to press her lips to my jaw. “Everything you did was perfect and so incredibly sweet.”
I glance down at her and see the hesitation in her eyes. I can’t help but internally cringe. Jenna is independent as hell. I tried not to interfere. I scrolled through the same ads online she’d likely been staring down for days and found nothing. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t worried when I made the decision to grab my guitar out of the back of my Jeep and try to help her, she might feel like I was overstepping. Maybe I should’ve kept out of it, not inserted myself into the situation like I did and let her handle it the way she handles everything else. For what it’s worth, I tried, but when I saw the worry beginning to take her, I knew I couldn’t let her keep it.
I don’t regret helping her. Not by a longshot.
I just hope I didn’t cross some kind of line by getting on that stage tonight.
“But?” I finally ask, pulling her eyes to mine.
“But nothing.”
“Not nothing,” I shake my head, slowing my steps and keeping a firm grip on her hand until she stops, too and turns to face me. “Tell me.”
“It’s really stupid,” she replies.
“So what? I say dumb shit all the time,” I shrug, making her snort. “Tell me anyway.”
She weighs her options, narrowing her gaze for a moment causing me to widen mine before finally, she relents and shakes her head.
“I’ve never seen you on stage before,” she starts with a shrug of her own, nervously smoothing out my t-shirt as she avoids my gaze. “I guess I just didn’t realize you’d elicit such a response.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Oh, come on,” she responds, and I can’t help the clueless look holding my features. I seriously have no idea what she’s talking about. I’m hoping she’ll recognize that, but instead, she finally faces me with an eye roll. “With the women, Jack,” she finally blurts out, the exasp
erated expression covering her face pulling a full out belly laugh from me. “Oh, shut up.”
“No one was looking at me like that and even if they were, I didn’t notice it,” I confess, unable to stifle my laughter at her look of annoyance.
“Are you kidding me?” she asks, her eyes quirked together in disbelief. “You didn’t notice?”
“Nope,” I shake my head.
“You’re full of shit,” she says bluntly, making me laugh again. “That one skanky girl in the middle was about two seconds away from throwing her panties at your face. There’s no way in hell you didn’t notice, Jack.”
“You’re nuts,” I shake my head, still grinning. “No, I didn’t notice, but even if I had, it’s not like I give a shit what some skank in a bar thinks anyway,” I shrug it off, glancing down to find her deadpan expression still in place. “What are you mad for?”
“I’m not mad, babe. You can’t help the way you look,” she shrugs. “But you’re just so smart about everything in the world. There’s no excuse for you making me spell it all out for me unless you just want to be a smartass.”
“I’m not trying to be a smartass,” I shake my head, still unable to wipe the smirk from my lips.
“It must just come natural for you then,” she muses playfully, pushing the door open to her apartment and letting us both in.
“Hey, you two,” her mom smiles as she rounds the corner from the kitchen, stifling a yawn. “How was your night?”
“Hi, Mama,” Jenna smiles, mirroring her yawn before giving her a hug. “It was much better than I thought it would be when I got there. Sorry we’re getting in so late but thank you again for staying with him.”
“You’re welcome,” she says, waving her off before she glances toward me. “And how is our local rock star?”
“I’m good,” I chuckle, returning her hug. “How are you doing, Laura?”
“I’m just fine, honey,” she replies, patting my shoulder before giving Jenna a rundown of her night with Elijah.
Not wanting to intrude, I make my way into the kitchen and grab a drink from the fridge, checking my phone for any new messages. I can’t help but deflate slightly when there are none.
The worry that comes with that is undeniable, but I try to shake it from my thoughts as quickly as I can.
She’s okay, I remind myself. At least I know that much.
I stay locked in my worry for a second before I force myself out of it, draining my glass before I make my way through the living room. Jenna and her mother are still near the entryway talking and I stop to press my lips to Jenna’s hair.
“I’m gonna go get a shower,” I say quietly, waving quickly to her mom. “It was good to see you, Laura.”
“You, too,” she returns my smile before redirecting her attention on Jenna.
I step into the small tub a moment later, the steam from the water billowing out when I pull the curtain open. The hot water running over my back immediately soothes my aching muscles, but my mind continues to race. I keep trying to stay upbeat, stay positive. Usually, it’s not too hard for me to do.
Usually, though, I know where my anchor is.
Right now, I have no idea where she’s hiding, what she’s going through, when I’ll be able to see her again. Add to it the guilt of keeping her secret from the others all day and it’s not long until my stomach is in knots all over again.
I’ve been through some shit in my short life. I’ve seen things I never thought were possible, endured things I never imagined surviving. Through it all, I always knew I’d be okay if I had Ana. She’s stood by me through everything, good and bad. I want to do the same for her, be the same anchor she’s always been for me, but how can I do that if she won’t let me?
I can’t.
I can’t and as scary as pieces of my past have been, I’ve never felt more helpless than I have these last few days without her.
I’m wrapped up in my thoughts, willing the water pouring over my shoulders to wash them away, when movement from my left pulls at my attention instead.
“Hey,” Jenna smiles as she tugs slightly at the curtain, her eyes glancing down for a moment before they come back to mine, cheeks flushed. “Got room for one more?”
My lips quirk up on either side of their own accord and all the worry, all the dark thoughts and misery inside my chest cease.
“Always,” I reply, releasing my hold on the tile to stand upright, pulling the curtain back to watch her undress before she steps in beside me.
I twist to face her and the spray from the water bounds from my shoulders, splashing her fair skin. She fights a shriek, tucking herself in behind me as she clings to my back, making me chuckle. I glance down and as she looks up at me, tiny droplets of water kissing her long, black eyelashes for a moment before she blinks them away with a wide grin, taking my heartache with it.
A slight shiver moves over her, and I turn her in my arms, positioning her in front of me beneath the spray.
“Thank you,” she says low, winding her arms around my waist and pulling me close enough to soak up the warmth with her. “It’s cold out there without you.”
Her words are innocent but hold so much more weight than she realizes. I glance down to meet her eyes and release a sigh of content, my fingers tangling into her long, damp strands before they come to a stop low on her waist.
“Yeah,” I nod, my voice low as I press my lips to hers. God, I fucking love her. “It was getting pretty cold in here without you, too, baby.”
Jenna
I rest against his chest, the warmth radiating from him as the water crashes down over us both. For the first time all day, my stress begins to fall away.
It’s funny how quickly one person, one thing, can absolutely change everything about your life. For years, I thought my son would be the only person capable of turning my whole world on its axis. Just like almost everything else since he’s come into my life, though, Jack had proven that theory wrong, too.
I’ve only known him for a few months, but somehow, someway, he’s been able to elicit an undeniable shift inside my universe.
The man I’m clinging to so desperately has turned my whole life upside down.
For once, I’m more than willing to let him.
Simultaneously, we release a sigh of content, his palms resting low on my back soothing me in the same ways the deep ridges of his chest are against mine. I absentmindedly trace them with my fingertips, my eyes drifting shut allowing me to recall the way the lyrics he sang left his lips. The emotion, the desire, the way his fingers strummed his guitar as he poured his soul out onto the stage seeps into my thoughts and all over again, he leaves me speechless.
I’ve heard him sing before a million times. In the car, just in passing. In those moments, he’s always seemed so light, so free. Tonight though, he gave me more of himself than he ever had before. As he cried out into the abyss, the painful lyrics of injustice and broken hearts spoke so deeply to mine, I tasted the remnants of everything he’d endured before me. There was something in him tonight, someone else standing up there inside him I had never seen.
If that had happened with anyone else, I might have run for the hills.
With Jack, I think it just somehow made me fall in love with him all over again.
“You were beautiful up there tonight,” I whisper, his hand moving to cradle the side of my face as he presses his lips to my hair only deepening the spell. “Everyone could see it.”
“That’s funny,” he replies, his voice low and gravelly as he tilts my eyes to find his blue-green gaze.
“Why’s that funny?” I ask, my eyebrows crinkling together with his words.
“Because,” he whispers, his lips but a breath from mine as he searches my eyes, melting me further still. “I only saw you.”
Friday
“The end of confession is to tell the truth to and for oneself.”
-J.M. Coetzee
Chapter Twenty-One
Drake
; It’s harder to leave Paris than I thought it would be.
While I can admit it was a long shot, as I slip into my first-class seat, it doesn’t ease the bittersweet sensation of spending twenty-four hours at my lowest in a place that still holds pieces of our best.
I let my mind wander for a moment, the low hum of the engines sparking to life just enough to lure my exhausted mind further into the abyss. It isn’t long until I feel myself drifting to sleep, flashes of her gray eyes, long dark hair and sweet smile promising me relief, even if only for a little while.
My dreams are vivid, bright in color. Although I know somewhere deep within my consciousness I’m dreaming, it doesn’t keep me from savoring every moment with her. I wake slowly a few hours later, the taste of her fresh on my mind, the feel of her still lingering on my fingertips and I swallow back the emotion that comes with both.
It’s dark outside my window, the deep, rich night somehow comforting me as I try to decide what actions to take next. I gave the others my word if we hadn’t found her by the end of this week, we’d contact the authorities. While that idea still isn’t one I’m crazy about, my ideas of where to search for her are dwindling fast. I know the moment we touch ground on American soil again, I’ll be left with only retracing steps we’ve all already taken a dozen times already. The thought of what could happen to her should the police find her first makes my skin crawl, my stomach roll with nerves. As badly as she reacted to being admitted into Briargate, that hospital is a vacation destination compared to the kind of place she’ll end up if I don’t find her first.
And I’m running out of time.
She may not want anything to do with me by the time I lay my eyes on her again. That’s something I’ve got no choice but to make my peace with, but I vowed to keep her safe, for better or worse, in sickness and in health.
I won’t stop until I know I’ve done that.
I guess that’s something she’ll have to make her peace with, too.
The plane touches down in Florida in the early hours of the morning. Although I’m still terrified of coming up empty handed by the end of my last day, a quick search on the internet mentioning a friend proves to be exactly what I need.
