The Confession (The Promise Series Book 7)

by Kate Benson

  “In the course of our whole lives, a few months really isn’t that long,” she’d said. “We can totally survive that.”

  She’s right, I thought. But the average person can only survive three minutes without oxygen.

  I didn’t say it. Instead, I gave her a smile, pressed my lips to her forehead. If I’m being honest though, my chest has been seizing with anxiety over it all day.

  I’d made it nearly thirty years without Jenna.

  It’s proven to be more than enough.

  The sound of my phone ringing chases away the Pearl Jam song blaring through my speakers, pulling me from my thoughts.

  It’s Matty.

  I press the steering wheel to answer and before I can, his voice is already filling the Jeep.

  “Dude, I really think Sophie might kill me,” he starts, his words making my eyebrows and lips quirk simultaneously. “We pissed her off pretty good this time.”

  “What’d you do to Sophie?” I ask, recalling the unintelligible voicemail she’d left me this afternoon. Something about rollerblades and a turkey baster. She didn’t answer when I returned the call. “And who is we?”

  “Me and my supposed soulmate,” he breathes, his voice taking on a dream-like quality that has me shooting an odd look toward the speakers.

  “What the fuck are you talking about?” I smirk. “Who is your supposed soulmate?”

  “Heather,” he sighs, something about his tone promising he’s doing interpretive dance in our living room right now, eating ice cream in a tutu.

  “You’re so fuckin’ weird, dude,” I shake my head, still smirking. “And did you say Heather? As in Sophie’s friend, Heather?”

  “Yesssss,” he hisses.

  “You didn’t sleep with her, did you?”

  “Er… no,” he lies. I see right through it and can’t help the long, low sigh that pushes through me.

  We don’t have enough drama in our lives this week.

  Why wouldn’t Matt bed one of Sophie’s best friends?

  “We aren’t supposed to fuck her friends, man,” I remind him. “She already reamed our asses over that like two years ago.”

  “I know!” he insists. “I had to, though.”

  “You had to?” I cut him off, this time unable to keep the laugh out of my voice. “Why did you have to? Were you being coerced by ninjas?”

  “Only a ninja of the heart…” he whispers dramatically, pulling a full-on belly laugh from my lips.

  “Dude, shut the fuck up,” I snort, coming to a slow stop at the traffic light, reaching for my drink and sipping it while I can, silently grateful for the tears of laughter rimming my eyes. “Well, I hope it was worth it. Sophie’s gonna ninja her foot in your ass. I’m surprised she didn’t slap the shit out of you.”

  “I know,” he agrees, his voice trailing off. “She does like to do that when she’s mad at me.”

  “She does,” I smirk. “So anyway, tell me about the heart ninja. What happened?”

  “Sophie asked me to let her know if I heard anything from my dad about your sister. I didn’t, by the way, but my phone was about to die, and I had to take a piss. You know I can’t do my bidness at the gas station ‘cause I’m scared of toilet seat herps. Anyway, so instead of driving all the way back to Corpus, I figured I’d just stop by the house, try to catch her there.”

  Jesus Lord.

  “Okay,” I reply, the word dragging out. “How does that translate to you fucking her friend?”

  “I’m getting there,” he promises. “So, Sophie wasn’t there, but Heather was. I asked about Soph and she said she’d already left with Chase to check some places out. I ran inside to pee and when I came out, Deb was there.”

  “Sophie’s aunt?”

  “Yeah,” he replies. “I guess she came to help with the kids so Heather could leave or something. Anyway, she looked kind of upset.”

  “Who? Aunt Deb?”

  “No, dude. Heather.”

  “Of course,” I roll my eyes.

  “Anyway, so I asked her if she was okay and she said she was about to call a cab. I offered to give her a ride, but she said she wasn’t going home. She needed to take care of something else. I wasn’t doing shit, and she’s pretty fuckin’ hot, right?”

  “Yeah, she’s cute,” I answer.

  “For sure. Anyway, so I figure why the hell not?” he continues. “She goes in the kitchen, says something about borrowing sugar and I didn’t think anything of it. We get in my car, she tells me where to go and we pull up at this house a few minutes later. I ask whose place it is, she says her exes and I kind of cringe. That ain’t typically my kind of crazy, ya feel me?”

  “Yep,” I smirk. “I feel ya.”

  “There’s a bike in the driveway. A real bad motherfucker, so I say something about it being nice and she says, ‘Yeah, it’s really too bad’ and grabs her bag. I’m about to ask her what she means, and she hops out, mumblin’ something about getting her rollerblades back and tells me she’ll be out in a minute. I get out, follow her up the sidewalk and when we get to the door, she pulls out a key, turns to me and says, ‘Do yourself a favor and don’t step through this doorway.’ I nod and she’s slipping on some gloves, gives me a wink. I kinda lean up against the awning and she tells me, ‘Don’t touch anything, either, sweets. Just do me a favor and whistle if you see anyone pullin’ up in a truck.’ She’s got that crazy ass blue hair and it falls over her face, so she sweeps it away and pops a piece of gum in her mouth and kinda pats my chest. Sexy as hell, man,” he continues, making me roll my eyes once more at this crime scene in the making. “So, she goes inside, I hear her cussin’ a little, some glass breaking and some other shit. I’m about to go check on her, warnings be damned, but before I can, she comes out with a pair of rollerblades in one hand, a hot pink bat in the other. ‘You got that sugar?’ she asks, and I nod, hand it over to her. We start walking back toward my car and she’s whistlin’ that Def Leppard song your sister likes so much.” I rub the bridge of my nose and release a groan. I can already see where this is going. “What’s it called?”

  “‘Pour Some Sugar On Me.’”

  “Yeah! That’s it. Anyway, she stops for a second in the middle of the driveway, blows a big ass bubble with her gum, pours all the sugar in the tank and grabs her stuff.”

  “Oh, my God…”

  “Fuckin’ savage, right?” he asks, making me rake my hand over my face, still unable to shake my amusement. “She says something … I don’t know… some sexy as fuck Hepburn shit like ‘Alright, dollface. Let’s blow this joint,’ and that’s when I knew.”

  “That’s all it took, huh?”

  “Yeah, man,” he sighs. I don’t have to see him to know he’s shaking his head in awe of the insane memory. “Shit. You know I love me a hot psycho.” His words remind me of Jenna, the smile on my lips turning soft. “So, I’m thinking I’m gonna take her home, but she said she left something at Sophie’s, and we go back over there. Deb’s leaving with the kids when we pull up, taking them to eat and we go in. We’re about to leave again, lock up, but she said she forgot the spare key and Sophie never let me have mine back…”

  “I’m sure this’ll convince her to give you another one.”

  “I know, right?” he snorts. “So, we had to hang out there and one thing just kind of led to another.”

  “You know, you didn’t have to hang out there,” I argue. “You could have left.”

  “Are you kidding me?” he retorts. “You think I’m walking away from a girl like that?”

  “I think you should have considered it,” I counter with a laugh. “You’re basically an accessory and if you wanna talk about hot psychos? Have you met Sophie?”

  “Dude, I know,” he sighs. “She’s probably already plotting my next ass whoopin’, but I couldn’t help it, man. You do crazy shit for love.”

  “For love?”

  “Yeah. I think I’m in fuckin’ love with her, dude,” he admits, ignoring my laughter. “She
told me to get lost, kind of the whole save yourself shit, but I couldn’t. I’ve never seen something so hot in my whole life. And I spent like… a month in Bangkok.”

  “Jesus Christ,” I shake my head. “So, how did this translate to you pissing Sophie off?”

  “Well, we thought she’d be gone a lot longer. Heather told me to go, I told her I was in too deep,” he sighs, making me snort. “She said she’d ruin me, I told her I wanted her to. We ended up goin’ at it in the middle of the living room and Soph walked in on us.”

  “And from what I can tell, she was totally cool with it,” I joke.

  “Not at all, dude,” he groans. “I think I gotta buy her a new turkey baster.”

  “Ahh… the turkey baster.”

  “Yeah, man. Shit got weird.”

  “Yet, somehow, it all makes sense.”

  “I know, right?” he says, ignoring my sarcasm. “I found her, man. I kinda think she hates me a little bit, but I also kinda think she’s feelin’ it, too.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Yep,” he replies. “I’m gonna marry that one,” he continues wistfully. “She’s gonna have my babies.”

  The thought of Matt fathering anything makes me shift nervously in my seat. I gave him a pair of Nikes’ once that only lasted twenty minutes. I’m about to start talking him off the ledge, but he cuts me off once more.

  “You know, sometimes it only takes one instant,” he sighs. “One singular thing to tell you someone is your someone… your very own little psychopath,” he proclaims. The lucidity in his thoughts surprises me. He has his moments, I remind myself. “You know, you can’t be scared when it happens. You just gotta take the leap,” he continues. “I learned that from you, man. You don’t wait for shit to change in your favor. You take what you want from life and I’ve always admired you for it.”

  For the last half hour, my best friend has filled my mind with images I’ll never shake. My imagination is damaged, irreparable in ways I may never forgive him fully for, but those last words? They help something inside my broken heart shift, remind me of the man I’ve become, the man I fought so hard to be.

  Not just for me, but for Jenna, too.

  My very own little psychopath.

  “Thanks, man,” I say quietly, the newfound reminder exactly what I need as I pull up to her apartment and swallow hard.

  I promise to call him back and we hang up a moment later, but I sit in my Jeep, staring at her door, waiting on the thoughts inside my head to catch up to what I know has been sitting inside my chest for weeks.

  I’ve been fighting with myself all day, trying to find a way to justify begging her to stay. I know I can’t do that to her. Not just for the sake of staying. I know this job, this huge change in Jenna’s career, is something she’s prayed for. It’s something she’s worked her ass off for and it’s by all accounts a once in a lifetime opportunity.

  But so is this.

  The only thing harder to imagine than being away from her is understanding how we could both endure so much only to have fate put an end to us altogether.

  A fate without her in it isn’t one I’m willing to accept. Not anymore.

  As I push the door open and catch my first glimpse of her, the sadness of eventual loss might be radiating through me, but everything else seems to drift away.

  Everything but her.

  For the first time in far too long, everything is finally clear.

  This is it.

  “Hey,” she calls out, her eyes not finding mine yet as she rummages through something in the kitchen. “I’m glad you’re here. I’m having a hell of a day,” she admits. Her hair is messy, it’s falling over her shoulder as she moves a few things around the counter, placing rarely used dishes into a box and glancing at her phone when it dings with a text. “Sorry,” she mumbles, typing quickly as she mouths the words and sets the phone back to the side. “Eli’s going to be home from my mom’s in a few minutes. I’m just trying to get all this done before he gets here,” she explains as she scans the kitchen. Her eyes are so blue. She’s so fuckin’ pretty. She bites on the inside of her lip and it pulls her slightly reddened cheek in on one side, making something deep inside me stir to life. Oh, my God, I love her. I’m so fucking in love with this girl. “Do you have any idea where I put that terrible coffee grinder my mom gave me?” she asks, still oblivious to the epiphany happening inside my chest only a half-step away. “I don’t want her to see me packing it. She thinks I use it all the ti-”

  “Stop,” I manage, my breath leaving me in a whisper. She stills, glancing over her shoulder from the small step stool that has her uncharacteristically matching my height. “Baby, stop packing.”

  “Okay,” she says slowly, turning to face me. For the first time, she sees the unshed tears rimming my eyes and something inside her shifts to life, too. “Are you alright?”

  “No,” I shake my head. “But also, yes,” I shrug, rubbing my hands over my face for a moment and facing her once more. Instantly, she takes my breath all over again. “Jenna, don’t go,” I say quietly, pulling her down the steps carefully and holding her in place in front of me. “Please don’t go.”

  Her head tilts gently to one side, understanding seeming to reach her features and she lets out a small sigh. “Jack…”

  “You don’t have to do this. I know you want this job, I know you’ve worked really hard for it and it’s selfish for me to even say this to you, but I can’t not say it, baby,” I confess, my words leaving me in a rush. “I’m so fucking in love with you. The thought of you not being here, not being with you? It’s had me in knots all fucking day.”

  “Me, too,” she admits, her own eyes brimming with tears now. “I feel the same way, Jack, but I can’t-”

  “Yes, you can,” I cut her off, taking her hands in mine. “That’s what I’m trying to tell you, Jen. I know this job is a once in a lifetime kind of thing, baby, but so are we,” I insist. “You just have to stop fighting it. You just have to let me be your it, Jenna,” I beg, one of my hands leaving hers to gently cup her cheek. “You’re already mine.”

  Her eyes are locked on me, staring back at me intently as she swallows hard.

  “I’m not sure what you’re trying to say,” she whispers, and I shake my head, my lips curving up on one side of their own accord.

  “I think you know exactly what I’m saying.”

  “Maybe…” she offers, releasing a long, low breath. “But maybe I’m scared.”

  “Don’t be scared,” I whisper, the pad of my thumb brushing over her full lips.

  She stares back at me, her hand gripping my wrist as she holds me too close and too far away all at once.

  Her silence maybe lasts a half second, but my God, it feels like an eternity.

  “Jack…”

  “I’m telling you not to go. I’m begging you to stay here, to choose us,” I cut her short. My hands cradle her cheeks, my lips falling to her forehead for a moment as I press them to her skin and slowly, I fall to my knees in front of her. “Jenna, I’m asking you to marry me.”

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Drake

  “For the last three years, I’ve given you everything I had inside me and until this, I’ve had no regrets,” she confesses. “But after that day, after that terrible moment, something inside us shifted. Something happened neither of us wanted, Drake, and while we were trying to catch our breath, we got lost along the way.”

  “I know,” I nod, swallowing hard over the same memories that have her voice breaking, same as mine. “Baby, I know.”

  “Do you remember what I told you? That day at Briargate? I said I wanted my husband back and I finally knew how to do it.”

  “I remember.”

  “This is what I was talking about,” she continues. “There was this moment, this disconnect when all I wanted was the man I married.”

  “You’ve always had that.”

  “No,” she shakes her head. “He left me, Drake. He was gone and it was
n’t until the end, the moment I pushed you over the edge and made you admit how angry you were that I saw a glimpse of him returning. Do you remember how you felt the moment you spoke to me without restraint?”

  “Yes, baby, I do, but when you say you want me to give you control?” I sigh, unable to stop the gentle shake of my head as I hold her eyes. “I’m not sure you truly understand what you’re asking for, Analise.”

  “How can that be possible when I’ve thought of nothing else for weeks? We can’t just jump back into this with no one at the helm. It almost killed us, Drake.”

  “I know, baby,” I agree. “And you’re right. If we do this, things have to be different, but you said you wanted your husband back.” She nods, her resolve unwavering. “Darling, the man you’re asking for isn’t your husband. Control, discipline, dominance? Those are all pieces of who I am, the man you married. There’s nothing I won’t do for you, no distance I won’t travel, but contrary to what you believe, there was never a moment where I surrendered my control. That’s just not in my nature.”

  “I saw the shift in you.”

  “You saw me putting my desires to the side for your emotional and physical well-being, just as I said I would in the beginning,” I correct her gently. “If you want someone who can so easily relinquish control, naturally obey another, you’re not asking for me,” I whisper. “You’re asking for the one thing I’m not capable of giving you. You were right when you said a part of me left and that was true, but do you know why?”

  “Because you didn’t trust yourself.”

  “I also couldn’t trust you,” I confess, both of us swallowing hard. “Long before you ended up in Briargate, before that terrible night, your defiance set us on a path neither of us expected.”

  “Drake, I said I was sorry…”

  “And I’ve already forgiven you. Completely,” I cut her short. “Darling, none of this is your fault, but if we’re to go back, repair what was lost, we have to be clear on exactly where it all fell apart. You never should have disobeyed me, and I never should have asked you to abandon your vows.”