"Edith." Her throat stung. Tessa failed a happy smile. It was more of a smeared grin. Of course, it wasn't him. Why would it be? She hated herself for even hoping he'd show his face. The man had no reason to, but as much as it pained her, she was so desperate to hear from him. Pathetic. She was far beyond pathetic. "What are you doing here? I mean, I'm glad to see you. But, is everything okay?"
She stood, fidgeting with her shirt. Oh…no. Something happened to Drake.
Softness creased Edith's face. Anna knotted her hands into the woman's hair, then, excited and flapping her arms, offered Tessa a conversation of sounds and syllables.
Edith waited for Anna to stop. "Hi. How are you?"
Not a big fan of lying, she shrugged. "Would you like to sit down?"
Edith seemed to hesitate. She took one slow step, then another, finally relaxing on to a leather couch.
"I'm not the interfering type. But…" Anna reached for her, and a piece of her heart broke. "I'm sorry, Tessa, would you like to say hi to Anna?"
I can't hold her because I'll fall apart. Tessa closed her eyes against the hot tears that threatened to wash away her cover-up under her eyes. She blinked twice. "It's okay. I don't think I should."
Edith fidgeted, toying with Anna's hand. "I want you to know, Drake is... He's just not right in his head right now. I don't know what you two went through, but he's never come home shell-shocked. Beneath all that bravado, there's a guy who's just scared of losing everything."
"We went through a lot, and I thought things were different than they were."
Edith shook her head as if disappointed in herself, or maybe in Drake. "I'm meddling. I know I crossed the line. I shouldn't be here."
"You're not meddling, Edith. Don't worry."
"It's… I'm sorry, Tessa. I saw a shine in my son when you were around. He was different, and it was special. I'd hate to see him lose you because he's a fool."
"He is special. I hope he's doing okay."
"You care about my son?"
"I do," Tessa admitted over the knot in her throat.
"I'm sorry you're hurting."
Tessa shrugged again. She couldn't think of anything to say that wouldn't magnify the hurt. And Anna. Sweet Anna. She wanted to hold that baby as bad as she wanted to smack Drake and hug his mother.
"He's hurting, too. It's his own fault, but he is."
"I don't know what to do." Tessa's voice broke. She couldn't believe she'd said that out loud.
Edith wrapped her a motherly hug with Anna giggling in the middle. Her hug was what a hug from a mom should feel like. Tessa stifled away her pain.
"Oh, honey, me neither," Edith said. "I'm so sorry."
Tessa's tears fell, and Edith kept her close.
"I miss him," Tessa whispered.
Edith sighed sadly. "We all miss you."
Tessa wiped at her streaking makeup. "Thank you for saying that."
"All right, dear, I had no intention of making either of us cry."
Tessa didn't even notice Edith's watery glance until she'd said that.
"You know how to get ahold of me, right?" Edith softly smiled. "Please call. If you need anything, Tessa, call me. Even if you don't and only want to talk."
"Sure." Her throat aches. "Thanks for coming by and for bringing Anna."
"Of course. And again, I'm sorry to interfere—"
"Please. You're not interfering, Edith. Besides, you can't compare to Joseph and Cason. They've made it their mission to make sure I'm okay. I'm like their adopted younger sister or something."
Edith laughed. "Sounds about right."
Tessa smiled. Cason had shown up armed with jokes, and Joseph had tried to act like a tough guy. He failed each time.
"I was surprised to see you and not one of them. The guys keep popping in. I have no idea how they're getting on base."
"They can get anywhere. That I've learned." She gave a pause, possibly thinking what Tessa thought. If they can get on base, Drake could've done the same. "Those boys. They're like an adrenaline-junkie, gun-toting family. Blowing stuff up and hanging out together. They think I don't know what all they do. But I know. And I'm proud of them."
"Me, too." With each passing moment, Tessa missed him more and more.
"If he ever comes around, tail between his legs, I hope you'll give him a second chance. That is, if you think he deserves it. I'll see myself out. Take care, Tessa."
Anna reached her chubby fingers to Tessa and called out gibberish again, sweet and innocent, as Edith walked them away.
Tessa plopped into her chair, spun in mindless circles, and drifted to a stop. She shuffled papers and tried to ignore the jewelry-sized box under her desk. It beckoned to her, screaming for attention. She wheeled away from the desk and bent down to wrap her fingers around it, wishing she could crush it.
Everything happened for a reason. If nothing else, she now understood how family was supposed to feel. She deserved the deluxe package with a husband, kids, and a happily ever after.
She fingered the brown leather box and listened to the muffled rattle as she flipped it over again and again in her hand. Tessa shut her eyes and pulled the top off, dumping the contents into her palm. Metal shards. Disfigured, corkscrewed, and hooked. Shrapnel.
For whatever the reason, Joseph brought her the box with the metal fragments from Drake's shoulder. It should have been gross, but it wasn't. It served as a brutal reminder of the way Drake protected her from gunfire and explosions. That Drake would rather have died fighting than let her go down under his watch. But he didn't know that losing him this way was just as terrible.
She tossed the box toward the trash can. The box bounced off the wall, remaining shut, and jumped to a dark corner under her couch, where it could stay.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
McKay's cell phone buzzed across the table, moving closer and closer to the edge. It was a cliff over the hardwood floor, and he'd let it careen off without hesitation. If it shattered, he'd have an excuse for not answering.
He heard the front door and knew his mom arrived. Another person he could ignore. This day hadn't hit the bottom yet. She walked past him at the kitchen table and threw him a pitying smile. "Haven't seen you since I took Anna with me on some errands last week, and you're about as peachy as I saw you last. Is the baby napping?"
McKay grunted, digging at his fingernails with a serrated knife. There wasn't dirt, blood, or grit to remove. He hadn't been in the field since South America. Still, he moved on to the next fingernail. It was a nervous tic. Something to occupy his hands or his mind.
"Seen the guys?" she asked.
"You mean after that debacle you orchestrated with Cason last week? Nope."
Edith hummed. "Son, have you seen anyone lately?"
"Nope, and I don't plan on it."
She hovered. It made his skin crawl. Since he'd been home from the hospital, this was her modus operandi. Stand and watch. Stand and watch. Nothing said, but lots to say. Until now.
"Drake…"
He opted to go on silent mode and continue his weaponized manicure.
"Drake, when do you plan to pull yourself together?"
He stood and sheathed the blade. "Thanks for stopping by, Mom. But, you don't need to if you don't want to."
She shook her head. "One day. You get one more day being a little tart before I tell you exactly what I think."
"I don't need this from you." He fell back into his seat and stared at the ceiling.
"You do, because no one's giving it to you like they should."
"Give me a break—"
"You aren't the only one in this family who knows how to kick butt. And now you've been warned."
"Mom, leave it alone." Snapping at his mother was the wrong thing to do, but here he was, ready to argue. "You don't know what's going on."
"I know Tessa." Edith stalked across the room. "She's the best thing in your life, next to Anna, and you're determined to ruin it. If you haven't done so already."
<
br /> McKay gulped, not ready to hear the truth. "She's not safe with me." Why was this so hard for everyone to understand, and why did it even matter to them? "I did this for her."
"That's a load of baloney, son, and you know it."
He spun the sheathed knife on the table like a one-person game of spin the bottle. Out of control panic needled below his skin. "Mom. I don't know what to do." He slammed his hands on the table and pinched his eyes closed. He needed a deep breath, but all that came were escalating angry ones. He opened his eyes, and his mother had her hands planted on her hips.
"Simple, Drake. Go find Tessa and fix what you broke."
"Simple. Right." What would he say? Tessa would tell him to leave her alone. Deservedly so. She should tell him much worse. He kneaded the edge of the table. Anxious energy toyed with him. "I'm bad with things that I care about."
She sighed. It wasn't pitying as much as contemplative. "Oh, I don't think that's true. You're amazing with Anna."
Drake thought about her little smile. "But, I didn't have a choice with Anna."
"Yes, of course, you did! You didn't have to take Anna, but you did because you're a good man. Is there a better man out there for Tessa?"
He growled. "Not a chance."
"Go talk to her," his mom urged.
"She's not waiting for me." McKay shook his head. "I'm the last peson she'd want to see."
"I wouldn't be so sure." Edith looked like she had more to say, but left it at that, and went about tidying the empty counter, picking at non-existent crumbs. "If Anna hadn't arrived on your doorstep, we wouldn't have grown closer, and we wouldn't have conversations like this."
"Feeling very lucky now," he muttered under his breath.
Edith gave him a quick side-eye. "But we did grow close, and now this is my opportunity to tell you those two wonderful girls should both be part of your life."
"She's gone," he snapped. "I chased her away."
She shrugged. "You're a superhero to the world, but when it comes down to it, I guess you're scared."
His eyes narrowed, and he tensed. "Careful, mom. I don't want to get into it with you."
"I don't know whether to feel ashamed I raised you to act like this or—"
"Mom. Back off."
Edith tilted her head as if in thought. "You're going to let her wander into someone else's arms? There's another man who could protect her better than you? Well, if that's true—"
"No." Angry thumps of blood pounded in his ears, flooded his veins. His chest felt on the verge of explosion. There wasn't another man that deserved to hold Tessa. He wasn't worthy either. But he couldn't imagine a world where he let another man try.
Edith smiled knowingly and nodded toward the garage. "I've got Anna, and I'll see you later."
McKay grabbed his cell phone and strode to his mother, giving her a kiss on top of her head. "I see what you did there."
She waved him away. "Go."
He hustled toward the garage and grabbed the keys for his blacked-out, pumped-up truck. It suited his mood. Dark and ready to get the job done. His phone buzzed, and he was done with his teammates bothering him.
"Joseph, Cason, whoever, give it up." That roar should put a stop to the incessant, badgering calls. "I'll call when I feel like it." He was tired of everyone giving him grief.
"This isn't Joseph."
Tessa's short retort slammed him in the gut, and his heart jumped clear into his mouth. God in heaven, he missed that woman. "Tessa, where are you?"
"Why?" She was quiet. Wary. Why did she call? Who cared? She called, and that was all that mattered. If he could hear her for the rest of his life, it wouldn't be long enough.
"Because I want to know, doll. Where are you?"
He needed to locate her fast. And fast wasn't fast enough.
"At home. Why?"
"I'll be there in ten minutes. Do. Not. Move."
"You don't even know where I live."
"Sure, I do." Or, he could find out quickly. He really should tone it down, or he'd scare her.
"You're not invited."
"Tough."
"You're at least a thirty-minute drive from me."
"Time me." He checked his watch.
"I don't want to see you," Tessa said. "Come to my office tomorrow."
Then she hung up.
His guts churned. Raw emotion made his muscles ache. McKay jumped into his vehicle and flew down the driveway. He skidded onto the road, sliding sideways before he redlined the truck. Ten minutes. There was no doubt.
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
Tessa's front door flew open. She should have known better and locked the deadbolt. Not that a deadbolt would have kept Drake out.
Bright sunlight illuminated her dark den. She had pulled the blinds, hit the lights, and hunkered down for a sobfest, complete with blankets, junk food, a tissue box, and enough sappy movies to make Cinderella forget about her Prince Charming.
None of her plans for the day allotted for Drake to show up, uninvited, in all of his sun-drenched glory. Yet, she couldn't look away as he filled the entire doorway.
It'd been less than thirty minutes. She should have been surprised, but really, she was annoyed she didn't believe he was going to drive to her house.
Tessa paused her movie, leaving her finger on the Play button, ready for his departure. "Go away."
"We have to talk."
"We did that already in your hospital room." Tessa snuggled further into the down comforter and eyed the mess of balled-up, tear-soaked tissues heaped on the floor. How embarrassing. Couldn't he leave? "I told you not come over."
"I didn't listen."
She rolled her eyes. "I'm glad to hear that we're back to snippy sentences. Just like how we started." She bit the insides of her cheeks. "And how we should have stayed." She picked up the spoon in the container of ice cream and took a huge bite, tasting both peanut butter and chocolate chunks. "I've got plans, and I don't want you here."
"With who? Ben and Jerry?"
"Watch yourself, McKay. You have no right to judge."
"Don't call me McKay." He prowled closer. "Can I sit down?"
"No, you can leave."
Instead, he shut the door and moved closer to the couch, eyeing her as if he were considering how to wrangle a wild beast. "Why'd you call me?"
"Well, it wasn't to invite you over." Why did she call him anyway? She had no purpose, no plan with her phone call. She had been thrilled when he went all alpha-bossy on her because she had an excuse to hang up.
"I decided to come over anyway." He sat on the far end of the couch, placing the empty box of chocolates on the coffee table.
She should have addressed her heavy heart before it exploded into a calorie bonanza. She should have cried it out two weeks ago and moved on. But she didn't, and here he was. She hated him and hated herself for loving that he was within reach.
"What did you call to tell me?" His voice quieted, almost to a whisper.
"I'm leaving." She tried to swallow away the tears and did a valiant job at holding them at bay. Accepting that decision and signing paperwork had started her downward spiral. "I'm moving. I rented my house out to a newlywed couple. I'm gone in a week. New job. New state. New life."
"What?" McKay's jaw dropped. "You can't do that."
She straightened. "Why can't I?"
"Why would you?"
"I don't want to live in a house that was ransacked by a drug cartel. I came home from one scary situation and walked into this disaster."
"Tessa, doll—"
"Don't doll me, McKay."
"Please call me Drake." He growled through closed teeth, losing all the effect of his polite request.
"No. You aren't in a position to make requests. Deal with it."
He rubbed his temples. "I'm so sick of people telling me to deal with it."
"You're not going to find any sympathy from me." Tessa took a bite of her dripping ice cream instead of crawling into his lap. The substitution d
id nothing to quell her urge to scoot closer to him.
He leaned over to an end table and turned on a lamp, again illuminating her movie-watching, cry-fest cocoon. She blinked, eyes adjusting to the new splash of light. His face was clean-shaven. He seemed so big on her couch. Did he always wear tight shirts that made his biceps pop and pants that molded to his muscles? Compared to her frumpy pink flannel pajamas, she looked ridiculous, and far from attractive.
"You have every right to be angry with me," he admitted.
"You think?" The right to be angry? Anger wasn't in the same galaxy as how she felt. Anger was too simple, because she was alone but in love with him. "You should go. I have things to do." She pulled herself off the couch and left Drake to find his way out, like he found his way in.
"I'm sorry."
She stopped in her tracks. Her head dropped. Why did hearing that make it hurt worse? She couldn't turn around. Tessa waved him away. "Just leave."
"Tessa—"
"I can't do this. Okay? You need to leave." She wasn't going to beg, and yet, as much as she was desperate for him to disappear, she didn't want Drake to go.
"I'm not going anywhere."
"Why?" She was furious and thrilled. It made her feel insane. She turned toward him. "Do you know how bad I feel? No, you can't imagine. And, you're not allowed to waltz in here and say I'm sorry."
"I—"
"Every day, I stayed at the hospital and held your hand, talking to you about the future. I was a fool." Pain shredded her soul. Everything between them was gone. It was irreversible. Actions had consequences, and his actions ruined her dreams. She marched toward him, wrapped her fists in the fabric of his shirt, and did her best to shake him. "I hate you."
Then her sobs bubbled free. "I hate how bad this hurts."
He engulfed her in a hug, rubbing her back, and smoothing her hair and making it worse. "Tessa, I know sorry doesn't do anything."
"Stop," she pled.
"But I thought I was doing the right thing. That you were better off without me. That I was protecting you."
The SEAL's Promise (Safehouse Security) Page 23
