Her flattened palms slid over the muscular ridges of his stomach and up to the hard plane of his chest. “About what?” she murmured.
A groan of pleasure rolled up into his throat, and he managed to swallow it. “You, and me.”
“Hmmm.” She found his nipple through his cotton shirt and toyed with the hardened nub. “Sounds serious.”
Serious enough that he didn’t want Kellie to overhear their conversation. Serious enough that he didn’t want to be distracted by the lure of her touches, and the promise of where those soft, stroking hands could lead to.
He turned around, breaking the contact of their bodies, and held his hand out to her. “Take a walk with me?”
“Sure.” A vixen smile curled her mouth, and she trustingly folded her hand in his, following him down the steps and across the lawn toward the stables. Hugging close to his side, she said in a low, sultry voice, “What do you say we sneak into the barn, climb up to the loft, and I’ll show you the moon and stars from the window there?”
He didn’t doubt that his feisty wife would show him the moon and stars, and take him to heaven while she was at it. While the idea of whisking her away for a private tryst was a welcome way to spend the next hour or two, he wasn’t about to let the temptation distract him from tonight’s mission. “Maybe later?”
A slight frown creased her brows, as if she couldn’t quite believe he’d refuse such an invitation. “Okay,” she said softly.
He veered off toward the fence bordering the pasture, moonlight guiding the way. Crickets chirped a serenade, along with other night insects. The whinny of horses in the nearby corrals added to the cacophony.
The familiar sounds should have relaxed Seth, but they did nothing to ease the rush of apprehension swarming in his belly. He had no idea how this overdue conversation might turn out, or how Josie would react to a truth that had devastated her eleven years ago. Just because she’d used him for her own means didn’t make the lie he’d fabricated to hurt her any less malicious.
So why couldn’t he shake the unease curling through him? Because, he realized, he was actually nervous of the outcome. A part of him feared losing Josie all over again.
And that’s when he knew he was in love with her.
Coming to an abrupt stop on the dirt and gravel road, he plowed all ten of his fingers into her lush curls, cupped the back of her head, and brought her mouth up to his for a soul-searing kiss. She returned the embrace, sliding her arms around his neck and offering herself so freely, so sweetly, to him. His heart thundered behind his ribs, his emotions crashing on a wave of sentiment so powerful, he was helpless to resist its allure.
He loved her. Had he ever stopped? At that moment, he didn’t think so. She was the only woman he’d ever craved, even when he fought to forget her.
He kissed her fiercely, hungrily, desperately, and she accepted his sensual assault, returning it with her own brand of desire. So much passion. So much need. It nearly consumed him.
When he finally lifted his head, Josie looked up at him with a dazed expression. “Seth . . .” Her voice was breathless, but not enough to mask her concern. “What’s wrong?”
He pulled in a deep breath that had no effect on his rapidly beating heart, nor did it ease the ache they’d created. “I’d like to talk to you.”
She dragged her tongue along her bottom lip, moonlight illuminating the uncertainty in her gaze. “All right.”
His hands were still tangled in her hair, and he lowered one of them so he could skim his thumb along her soft cheek. “About what happened between us eleven years ago.”
If he’d meant to put a damper on the tender moment, his request certainly managed the feat. She visibly recoiled, her entire body tensing. Grasping his wrists, Josie removed his hands from her face and stepped away. “I don’t think that’s such a good idea.”
He didn’t like that she was retreating, seemingly hiding from an issue that needed to be discussed. “Why not?”
Crossing her hands over her chest, she rubbed her bare arms as if chilled, though the night was pleasantly warm. “Because nothing will change what happened in the past, and I think resurrecting those old memories will only create more problems, rather than resolve anything.”
He strongly disagreed. “Don’t you think we need to resurrect those memories and discuss them rationally before we can leave them behind?”
“Not necessarily,” she said, then sighed deeply. “It’s a part of our past, Seth. Neither one of us will ever forget that.”
“Forget, no,” he agreed. “But what about forgiving?”
“I forgive you for being such a jerk.”
He stared at her, his mouth twisting ruefully. He couldn’t tell by her expressionless features if she was joking or not, but he didn’t like being solely implicated for an offense that had been shared. “How gracious of you,” he said, his tone faintly sarcastic. “But there’s more to it than that. It works both ways, Josie. I need to forgive you, as well.”
“What for?” There was no mistaking the rising irritation in her voice, or the defensive straightening of her back. “You’re the one who used me for your own personal vengeance against a McAllister!”
“And you slept with me, then tried to pass your unborn child off as mine,” he retorted just as heatedly.
An incredulous sound escaped her. “And you don’t think that’s at all possible?”
Her question threw him for a loop and he shook his head. Had he lost the thread of conversation somewhere? “I don’t think what’s possible?”
Her mouth pursed. “That the child might be yours?”
It was his turn to snort incredulously. “We used protection every time!” His reasonable tone had escalated into a temperamental shout.
She said nothing, but even in the moonlight he could see the flare of emotion sparking in her gaze. Despair tumbled into hurt, which gradually heated to the blaze of fury. Then she jutted her chin out, reminding him of the obstinate, tough woman who’d greeted him with a rifle a few months ago.
Seth blew out a harsh breath and scrubbed a hand over his face. Their discussion had totally taken a turn for the worse, and he struggled to get it back on track. “Josie . . . this isn’t how I meant for our talk to go.” Wanting to make amends, he reached for her, intending to pull her back into his arms where she belonged.
She stepped back when he would have touched her, the inarticulate gesture as effective as if she’d slapped his hand away. “Then you shouldn’t make accusations that you can’t prove.”
“Accusations?” What the hell did she mean by that?
“You accused me of sleeping around, didn’t you?”
He jammed his hands on his hips. “I didn’t accuse you. It was a . . .”
“A rumor?” she supplied waspishly.
He clenched his jaw. She was twisting his words around and confusing him, and the issue! “If that’s the way you want to label it.”
“Tell me, how would you label it?” she asked, her acidic tone provoking him. “Rumors? Hearsay? Locker room gossip?”
If she had a point, he felt as though he was missing it by a mile, and that fact made him as surly as a bear. “What difference does it make?” he roared, frustration riding him hard. “I don’t understand what you’re getting so damned worked up about!”
“No, I guess you wouldn’t.” Her voice was calm, but the emotions he saw in her eyes were as turbulent as a storm swept sea. “A woman’s reputation is more easily destroyed by a few simple victory claims than a man’s.”
“I’m sorry that your reputation was ruined,” he said, forcing a placidity he was far from feeling. “But I didn’t do it!”
“Of course you didn’t. You were too intent on pursuing your own brand of revenge.” Bristling with anger, she brushed past him toward the house.
He swore under his breath, feeling as though the entire situation was unraveling on him. “It was a lie,” he called after her.
That stopped her retreat
, and she slowly turned around, her gaze intent on him. “Excuse me?”
Since he had her undivided attention, he decided to go for broke. He had nothing left to lose at this point in their conversation. “I lied to you.” When she just stared at him like she didn’t understand, he continued. “I fell hard for you back then, Josie. I never lied about my feelings for you. When you told me you were pregnant I was going to marry you, even though I was scared of what my father would do to me.”
Closing his eyes, he pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingers, remembering confiding in Robert, and what his brother had told him. He hadn’t believed Robert’s claim at first . . . he glanced back at Josie, who was still standing there, waiting for more. “Then I’d heard that you’d slept with other guys, and I was furious. Guys I knew were talking about scoring with you! Your baby wasn’t mine. That’s when I lost it and told you that I’d slept with you out of revenge. I only wanted to hurt you as much as you hurt me.”
Excess moisture glittered in her eyes, combining moonlight and more brittle emotions. “That certainly did the trick.”
He was beginning to feel like the sole bad guy in this scenario, and didn’t like it one bit. “What did you expect, Josie?”
“I don’t know,” she said quietly, and swallowed back what he suspected was a rush of tears. “But I certainly can’t compete with the rumors. I never could, and it seems I never will be able to.”
She turned again to walk away, but pride and fury collided within Seth, and he acted upon it. Grabbing her arm, he spun her back around, guessing by her disarming gasp and the widening of her eyes that his expression was as dark and thunderous as his mood.
“What are you talking about?” he demanded through gritted teeth.
“They were rumors, Seth!” she yelled at him. “All of them.”
He scowled darkly at her. How could she profess what he’d heard with his own ears as rumors? He’d heard the allegations, the bragging, and it had made him sick. And now she was claiming they weren’t true? Did she think he was that stupid that she could dupe him all over again with a few pretty lies?
She was spitting mad, furious, and it showed in the way she struggled out of his grasp. He was stronger, and wasn’t about to let go just yet.
“I’m trying to be honest here.” His low voice vibrated with barely suppressed hostility.
“So am I,” she fumed, and tossed her head back. “It’s awfully noble of you to assuage your guilt about your revenge scheme, but I have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about!”
“Josie . . .” His tone was gritted with a dangerous warning.
She chose to ignore it. “Let go of me, Seth.” Tears welled in her eyes, and he realized how close she was to falling apart on him. But with a mutinous lift of her chin, she was as formidable as his worst enemy. “In fact, I’d appreciate it if you didn’t touch me at all.”
Her insinuation was unmistakable, and he released her. After two weeks of wedded bliss, they were back to angry adversaries.
Josie turned onto her side on the narrow bed in the guest bedroom and drew the extra pillow to her chest, hugging it tightly in attempt to keep herself from falling apart. Physically, the soft cushion did the trick and kept her body from trembling too badly. Emotionally, a mere pillow wasn’t much of an anchor when everything within her was fragmenting into a million pieces.
Seth didn’t believe her. Not eleven years ago, and not now.
He hadn’t said those exact words, but she didn’t need a verbal confirmation to validate the disbelief she’d seen glaring in his eyes. And in that moment, she hated him all over for breaking the fragile heart that had grown to love him again.
She’d all but screamed the truth in his face, offering him her most treasured secret for him to grasp, presenting him with the opportunity to realize that what was hers, also belonged to him. That Kellie was his daughter, too.
Instead, he’d opted to believe the worst, that she’d been unscrupulous during their brief affair eleven years ago. He believed the rumors and gossip, and there was nothing left that she could say or do to change Seth’s low opinion of her. The knowledge that her husband would always harbor some kind of resentment toward her hurt, way down deep inside. It was the same misery she’d kept tucked away for eleven long, lonely years.
He’d lied. His admission brought her little comfort, considering how long she’d lived with the pain of believing he’d used her for his own personal revenge on a McAllister, then tossed her aside when she’d needed him the most. She was tired of defending herself, tired of trying to explain the rumors that had ruined her life, and decided she no longer would. She had absolutely nothing to prove to the man she’d been forced to marry.
And that, she realized, was the crux of it all. If it hadn’t been for the Golden M, Seth never would have given her a second glance. He didn’t want a wife, but had been saddled with one anyway. He didn’t want her, but was bound to her by the marriage vows they’d both spoken. They would be together, until death did they part, or divorce forced one of them out.
Both of them wanted the Golden M too much to give it up so easily to the other. That thought brought on a spurt of anger. Dammit, this was her home, not his! If her father hadn’t so foolishly gambled away the Golden M, she could have been spared this awful degradation Seth was putting her through!
A quick, rapping knock on the door made her heart kick against her ribs. She didn’t respond, didn’t say anything, knowing this late at night it was Seth, not Kellie, who’d come to seek her out. She’d been waiting for him to come back to the main house and discover that she was no longer going to play the submissive wife to his barbarian demands.
“Josie?” he called in a low voice so as not to wake Kellie, who slept in the next room.
She huddled deeper under the covers and didn’t answer, hoping he’d take the hint and leave.
She heard him sigh. A deep, heavy release of breath. “You’re a light sleeper and I know you’re awake. I want you to come back to our room.”
Oh, she just bet he did, the arrogant boar! “No.” Too late, she realized she’d broken the silence, therefore inviting him to respond.
The knob turned, but the door didn’t open. She reveled in a moment of satisfaction; she’d secured the lock before climbing into bed.
“You can’t sleep in there forever.” Frustration edged his voice.
“Don’t bet the ranch on that, cowboy,” she said smugly. “You’d lose. This bed is just the right size for one.”
“Josie, you’re being irrational.”
“I’m being irrational?” Finding it difficult to be appropriately huffy and indignant lying down, she sat upright in bed and tossed off the covers, glaring at the closed door. “What does that make you? After all but branding me a whore this evening for something you heard eleven years ago, you still want me in your bed. How rational is that?”
“I never said you were a . . . a whore!”
“It was what you didn’t say.”
She heard a soft thunk and guessed he was resting his forehead on the wooden door. “Josie, we had a disagreement. All married couples argue. It’s normal, and we can’t resolve things if you shut me out.”
It had been a far more personal issue than a disagreement, not that she’d ever expect him to understand how deeply her pain ran. “According to you, there’s nothing to resolve.” He was right, and she was wrong.
“Dammit, Josie!” he growled in exasperation. “You belong in our bed!”
“Whatever for?” She affected her sweetest voice, just to annoy him further. “Our marriage is consummated, my duty is done, and my half of the ranch secure, so there’s no need for any further intimate relations between us.”
“You’re my wife,” he bit out irritably.
She squeezed her eyes shut, refusing to give into the prickling sensation behind her eyes. She would not cry over Seth O’Connor! Not ever again.
“You’ve got yourself a business partner, Seth, not
a wife,” she said flatly. “That’s the way it should have been from the beginning.”
“Josie, please . . .” A desperate quality touched his voice.
Feeling tired and weary, she sank back onto the mattress. “Go away and leave me alone.”
He must have realized he’d lost that round because he stomped away, cursing under his breath.
Josie just felt lost, period. At the rate she and Seth were going, it was very likely the feud between their families would never end.
Seth slid from Lexi’s saddle, untied the knapsack that held his mid-day meal, and tossed the reins aside so the horse could graze while he took his break. He headed to a shady tree away from the rest of his men, who’d opted for a cooler spot near the creek. Seth glared at Mac as he approached on his own mare, and wondered what the foreman wanted. Couldn’t the old man see that he wasn’t in the mood for company and he was intruding on his brooding time?
From atop his horse, Mac eyed him with an annoying combination of amusement and concern. “You okay, boss?”
“I’m fine,” Seth snapped, bringing out of his knapsack the same boring lunch he’d packed himself for the past week. Two bologna and cheese sandwiches, a can of juice, and an apple. Josie had informed him a business partner wasn’t responsible for his meals, and he was on his own. He scowled at Mac as if his bland lunch was all his fault. “And why do you keep asking me if I’m okay?”
Mac smothered a grin. “Because you’ve been barking orders at everyone for the past five days. The men are just about ready to hog tie you and leave you out on the range for the buzzards to pick at. But before they did that, I told them I’d come on over and see if I couldn’t remove that burr you got stuck under your saddle.”
“Don’t waste your time, old man.” Josie wasn’t your ordinary burr.
Typical of Mac, Seth’s words had no effect on him. The foreman dismounted, grabbed his own lunch and joined Seth beneath the tree. He began unpacking his meal, bringing out a barbeque chicken sandwich, potato salad, and a bowl of fresh mixed fruit. Seth’s mouth watered, and his appetite for his own lunch waned.
The Cowboy's Gamble: Destined For Love Series Page 15
