by Jamie Magee
“Not me.”
He nodded stiffly. “You ready?”
Sixteen
Justice didn’t even bother to tell her teacher she was leaving. Declan took her right to her house. She ran in, determined to be packed and gone within moments. She wanted out of this town, and for him to be at her side, the threat of it not happening was too great.
When she had her bag in hand, and had told her grandmother bye and thank you for the millionth time, she found Declan outside near the old shop.
He didn’t move when she approached. Guardedly her arms slid around his waist and she leaned her forehead to the center of his back.
“I can sense your fear here,” his husky voice said after a moment.
The whole time he had been standing there, Declan tried to imagine what she went through. He was mad, but he was proud, too. If she could survive Brent Rose, she could take anything.
“A temporary demon,” she said quietly.
“Who still brings you nightmares.”
When her hold on him flinched he knew he was right. He now had more than a few friends who had seen some serious shit, survived it, and they all had the same look in their eye he could see in Justice’s.
He turned and framed her face in his hands, then brushed his lips across hers. “My Justice.”
Her hands clutched his sides. “Is the careful time over?” She knew she sounded like the love sick girl he left at home, that his answer would make or break their weekend, but the sooner she knew the truth, the faster she could prepare for her fall.
“Yeah.” There was no joy or relief in his voice. He looked to his side at the rubble then back at her. “I’ll get someone to clear this away. It’ll help.”
Again, no clarity. She didn’t even try to push him for a clear answer. A commitment. They both needed this weekend, a reprieve from their wars, and she wasn’t going to rob them of it.
They spent the next days following the path Nolan was supposed to take again. The time with Tobias and Boon was awkward, the brothers would all but kill each other one second and be laughing so hard they couldn’t breathe the next.
Every time someone dared to say they were wasting their time and Nolan was gone and they needed to come to terms, Declan would lose it and blame everyone for the fact that Nolan hadn’t been found. He’d say he couldn’t do it all. He couldn’t constantly search like they could.
The old friend of Nolan’s who had come along, who was actually navigating them all off the beaten path most would take, was a girl.
Dawson Tomorrow. She was a bit older than Justice, already in college. In most cases, Justice and other girls didn’t mesh well, mainly because Justice never had their same interests—or carefree problems.
It was different with Dawson. When the boys would fight, she’d take off. Justice followed her every time, which was easier said than done. Dawson was fit and agile and moved twice as fast when she was trying to outrun an emotion.
No one ever said, but Justice was sure Dawson was the girl who had broken Nolan’s heart the summer before his senior year. The one who stole just a glimmer of the constant joy he had.
“You all right?” Justice asked her when she finally made it to the top of the cliff Dawson had hiked to. Her deep auburn hair shone in the sun, her tan skin, kissed with beauty marks here and there, did as well.
Her shoulders tensed as the echo from below delivered the sound of the Rawlings’ boys saying their piece. Arguing for an end...for hope.
Dawson looked over her shoulder at Justice. She didn’t bother to smile. “Why are you agreeing with Declan? Why do you have hope?”
Justice lifted her chin, hearing the challenge in this girl’s tone. “Because I know him.”
A pissed smirk came to Dawson. “Do you now?”
Justice narrowed her stare. “Nolan is a fighter.”
“Yeah, they all are,” Dawson said quickly. She came from a long line of jarheads.
She stepped up to Justice. “You listen to me. You’re in it deep now,” she glanced down the way to where the boys were. “Those boys love you. If you’re here for show, if this is just a gig for you—get out now.”
“Go to hell,” Justice sneered. “You don’t know shit about me.”
Dawson nearly laughed. “Oh, I do. I heard about you over the years.” She nodded when she saw Justice’s shocked expression. “That’s right, you may have been one of the few and far between girls they trusted at home, but out here—in any wilderness—it was me. I was the one keeping up with them, running circles around them.”
“Are you trying to make me jealous? Is this a territorial battle or some stupid shit?”
Dawson chucked her chin up. “No. If anything, like you, I tried to outrun them. The pull they have.” Dawson nodded her head toward her. “Don’t say you didn’t.”
Justice’s gaze abruptly shifted to the setting sun across the valley.
Dawson moved in her line of sight. “A jarhead has his grip on you, love sick. He has a war there and here now—and you’re right in the middle.”
“You think I don’t know that?” Justice snapped.
Dawson crossed her arms. “It’s not going to be easy. Any of this. If he’s gone—,” She stopped when her voice cracked. “When what happened to Nolan is known, it will change Declan more than any war he sees.”
“It’s not any easier now.”
“Now he has hope. Now he has a chance.”
“You should, too.”
When she tried to move away, Justice turned into the aggressor and put herself in Dawson’s face. “You tell me— you still feel him?”
“What?” Dawson said with a sneer as her eyes welled.
“I can tell you loved Nolan. Tell me if you feel him. Tell me deep down if you think he’s gone—say so if it’s true.”
Dawson couldn’t, not for the world.
“That’s why,” Justice said calmly. “I have hope—Declan has hope because we still feel him.”
Dawson’s gaze sharply moved over Justice. “I like you, don’t fuck that up.” She went to step down the side of the hillside but hesitated. “Look...if you need someone to...help you figure out the life, call me.”
Justice glanced down to the now silent valley, which suddenly erupted into laughter signaling the brawl was over. “You can count on it.”
***
Across the weekend the moment the sun set, Declan pulled Justice into their tent. The layers of clothes they were wearing to balance out the cool spring mountain nights were shred instantly; their kisses were starved, and so were their touches. There was no way for either of them to get enough of the other.
It was a torturous bliss because neither of them knew how to be quiet when the other drove them wild, but they had to be. Feet away in different tents is where the others were.
She’d end up biting down on his shoulder, or he’d cup her mouth when he felt her starting to lose control. For him it was much the same, her trying to steal the moan from his lips with a kiss, him holding the sound in only to make a face that would make her laugh.
“Watch,” he’d say. “There is a fire inside you, baby.” It blew his mind how easily her skin would blush under his touch, no matter how many times he touched her, the flame was there.
They’d stare at each other for long hours, too, and whisper their secrets.
“Are you scared?” she asked, tracing his face. It was a bold question, one that could cover any topic. For all he knew, she could be asking if he was scared about the mission he was sure he was leaving for that year, or about Nolan...then again she could have been asking if he was scared of her.
“Yes,” he said quietly, tracing her lips with the edge of his thumb. He was terrified of it all, but what scared him the most was holding her and knowing how measured their time together was.
A few moments later he said, “You don’t have to wait...”
“No, I don’t,” she admitted. When she felt him tense and saw the anger flicker in his eyes
, she felt relief. Her hand slid down his bare chest, all the way down until she found the swelling length of him. “You’re ready.”
A smile busted across his face as he fumbled to find his near empty box of condoms.
Seconds later, when she felt him slide in and they both sighed, her hands reached up for his strong neck then she rose and whispered against his ear. “I love you, Declan Rawlings.” When his electrified gaze met hers, when he stilled inside of her, she smiled. “I don’t have to wait...I want to.”
He didn’t smile the way she thought he would, instead his thrust was fierce, so hard she almost cried out. Before she could, he rolled with her, placing her on him then he rose. The abrupt change in position caught her off guard and stole her breath as her body eased down, meeting his penetrating thrust.
When he felt her start to build, his hands moved over her body then took her lips, stealing the sounds she was trying to keep quiet. Against her lips he whispered, “I love you. Always have.”
She knew then, like she knew months before, it was different with them. They were real.
Across the entire weekend that was the only time either of them said how they felt, and outside their tent their touches were guarded, something that only confused her more. But she knew she would have plenty of time to think about it once he was gone again.
Before the weekend was over he had gotten her a phone, one that would allow him to contact her every way there was. One way or another, she’d get what messages he could send.
As they held each other a few hours before dawn on Monday morning, she fought not to cry. His kiss was tender, but as it had been all weekend, was starved.
“You make this so hard,” he breathed against her lips. When she dipped her head, his thumb lifted her chin as his gaze searched hers. “You make it bearable, too.”
“Hurry back,” she said through a teary smile as she took steps back, not letting go of his hand until she had to.
She knew he’d been approved to come home for forty-eight hours for the Rally and she knew he was going to call. A lot. Those were the only certainties she had as she watched him leave. As she felt the ache set in. The world was wrong again.
***
Humiliated. Laughing stock of the entire school, and town. Murdock would never live it down as long as he lived. He had waited all weekend to put Justice in her place. And then she didn’t even bother to show up for school.
Fuck that.
By the time he reached her house that afternoon, he’d already downed three beers. There wasn’t a car out front when he got there but he decided he was going in any way. The princess needed her damn crown.
The whole fucking school knew they were going through some shit, but still tight. Tragic is what they called them and every fucking girl ate it up. They all wanted to make him feel better.
Murdock was sure Declan was a said and done deal. He had gotten good at reading Justice and he knew when she had heard from him and when she hadn’t just by the lack of luster in her gaze.
He’d strike then and make her laugh, pull her away from the Rawlings’, and she’d come willingly, too, because all those assholes looked alike and it was easier for her not be face to face with them.
Months back he was on a roll with her, he had even managed to kiss her. It didn’t go where he wanted it to, but it was something, more than they had done since that fucking storm blew into town over a year before.
Then he saw it, a text from the asshole saying he was sorry he hadn’t been able to call, and told her was going to miss the date he had been waiting for. He had some covert jarhead shit to do and he’d call her in her a few months.
Delete.
Nope. Murdock was not going to lose any ground, he had a date he was waiting on, too—the night he and Justice were going to spend in Savannah, the night he was going to get her drunk or high enough that she’d finally fucking give in.
His. Done. Over.
What happened? A perfect morning, he took her to school, bought her breakfast, they laughed at a few friends, made fun of the hype they were putting behind prom. They had a few classes together, then lunch.
Then the next thing he knew the whole school was going crazy with gossip about how Declan, one of the poor Rawlings’ whose brother was missing, showed up decked out in uniform and stole Justice right out of class.
He was sure it was bullshit. But no, by the time he made it to her house that afternoon, she was gone—like out of town gone. Not only was he fucking stood up like a bad habit, she didn’t even fucking call.
Murdock asked everyone— looking like a chump— if she had said where she was. He even went to his dad and said he thought something shady was going down.
Turns out Bell, her awesome guardian—not—allowed her to go on some weekend getaway with the jarhead asshole.
And there wasn’t a damn thing anyone could do about it but gossip. Justice Rose was a consenting legal adult weeks from graduation.
If irony was not cruel enough, they had been elected prom king and queen—yeah, he’d looked like a tool standing up there by himself.
A thousand times a day he wished that asshole Declan was at the bottom of the Savanna—he’d killed the wrong brother for sure.
When he finally did find Justice, she was lying across her bed, staring out the window, lost and broken all over again.
He gently let the crown he had fisted in his hand go and set it on her end table.
“Every time, Justice. This shit is toxic.”
She only pressed her lips together to keep in her emotions, and like a whooped jackass he found himself heaving a breath out then sitting down on the edge of her bed. He reached to sway his hand across her back, and she let him.
He had few regrets, but the night he listened to her dad and stole a life and then tethered himself to this girl was his biggest. He would have cut his losses long ago, moved on, at the very least avoided the issue of wanting her by not seeing her.
Instead, here he was. All the hype about them, all the time he had spent around her had made him want her, give a damn she was hurt by that jarhead asshole.
One way or another he was going to get this girl right.
Seventeen
Justice was going to make it to college. In Savannah. She was still going to live at home. It was cheaper. She and Declan were better than they had ever been. She was able to talk to him almost every day, without someone listening, for hours at times.
Most of the conversation was on their day to day, on the constant search for Nolan, never really on the future. He was still guarded at times and she’d find herself snapping at him when jealousy or suspicion would get the best of her. Which would come right after he displayed the same—in her mind if he was looking for guilt in her, of all people, then he must have something to feel guilty about.
Her Declan bliss bubble started to disintegrate a week or so before the Rally. Like all the times when he had come home before, just before he arrived communication was near nil, and she just couldn’t deal.
Not when she had already gone through her orientation at school and decided she was sure to die of stress. Even cramming every class into two days so she could work full shifts on the other five didn’t help.
She had no life before, now she would have even less. What pissed her off more than anything was if she failed, if she ended up giving up—all this cash, all the loans and financial aid, mixed in with a few grants, would go up in smoke because she failed.
“We have two extra rooms in this house, maybe we should rent them out. I don’t like the idea of this loan. A grant, the aid, that’s fine,” Bell said, looking over the stuff Justice had across the table.
All Justice heard was, “When you figure out how hard this is and quit, the loan and its interest will still be there.” Which infuriated her.
“Who in this town would you want to live with?” Justice asked with a raised brow.
Bell made a bit of face. Most times she fit in about as well as Justice
did. She could make herself fit in for the time period she needed to, but that was about it.
“What about you?” Bell asked.
“Right, my friends would be lining up to pay rent to live with my grandmother, a preacher’s widow who is now dating, and me an overworked, overstressed, non-partying, non-hooking up girl.”
Justice instantly thought of Dawson. She went to the same college and apparently hated everyone there but Justice, including her roommates.
“We’re just cursed or something,” Justice said as she hung her head. It felt like no matter what she did, right or wrong, she hit a wall. She’d worried about money since before she knew what it was and by all accounts always would. She didn’t even want wealth. She wanted to live, and not become old before she ever had the chance to be young.
Bell smirked. “You really should hold back on all the positive vibes you’re putting out, people will think you’re full of it if you’re never down and out.”
Justice smiled then laughed. It was a short lived as her gaze fell back to the bills, to the loan she couldn’t pay even if she did take it.
“I can put an ad up, see what comes of it?” Bell said.
“I’ll just drop a class, maybe two,” she said, knowing even one class with the books would save her a ton.
Before Bell could rebut Justice spotted something out of the corner of her eye, and sighed. There would be no break from Murdock. Ever.
He was going to the same school, only he was staying up there with some friends. She and Murdock were hot and cold, too. They’d fight, he’d threaten her, then vanish and show up a few days later sweet as ever, acting like it never happened.
She walked outside ready to tell him she wasn’t in the mood if the asshole Murdock was present and accounted for.
He was on her side porch. His fair hair was cut short for the summer, his skin golden from where he decided to play a sport or two instead of drink this summer away like his last one.
The girls at school were already eating him up on campus where this whole story about them didn’t really exist. He was free to be a male whore all he wanted without his well-rehearsed speeches.
