by S. H. Kolee
We braved the crowds on the sidewalks, which at least buffered us a bit from the frigid cold, and caught up while we tried to get as many Black Friday deals under our belt as possible. She filled me in on her holiday and her crazy family, most of whom got drunk during dinner, and about how Lola pooped under the table during dinner.
When she asked me about my Thanksgiving, I took a deep breath before spilling everything that had happened, not only on Thanksgiving, but beforehand as well. I cringed when I told her about letting Kristina overhear Logan and me making love, and her suicide attempt the next day, but Emily listened with no judgment. I finished with the latest debacle of Kristina stealing my necklace.
I was relieved when Emily didn’t declare that she thought I was a horrible person. I could tell she was shocked by everything that had happened, but, as always, she was on my side.
After shopping on Michigan Avenue, we had a leisurely lunch, and then took the L train to Macy’s. If Michigan Avenue was crowded, we almost got trampled over at Macy’s. But it was all worth it when we walked out of the department store with bags full of amazing deals.
We decided to go back to Emily’s apartment for dinner. The crowds and the cold had tired us out, and we were both looking forward to kicking back and vegging.
“How does pizza sound?” Emily asked when we got back to her place.
“It sounds perfect. As long as it’s accompanied by a pumpkin pie martini, I’m happy.”
Emily laughed and after she placed the pizza order, she made the obligatory martini.
“Oh, my God, why doesn’t actual pumpkin pie taste this good?” I exclaimed as I took a sip.
“Because there’s no vanilla vodka and crème de cacao in it, silly,” Emily said as she took a sip of her own martini. Lola padded over to her, her eyes doleful.
“I think she wants a sip,” I said, laughing. “Poor puppy.”
Emily got up to get a doggy treat for Lola, but even after she ate it with gusto, Lola still looked at Emily’s glass pitifully. I groaned when she changed her target and sat in front of me, looking at me mournfully.
“Not the sad doggy eyes,” I protested. “They’re irresistible.”
Her begging was interrupted by the arrival of the pizza, which made her redouble her efforts at looking pathetic. Emily finally buckled, and soon Lola was happily chomping on a pizza slice. I laughed and readily accepted another martini. Dinner was relaxing, especially since I had a nice buzz going.
“You’re staying the night, right?” Emily asked after she drained her third glass. It was safe to say she had a much higher tolerance than I did.
I shook my head. “I told Logan I was going to, but I totally forgot that he and I have to get up early tomorrow. I actually agreed to go to the gym with him, and he set up an appointment with a personal trainer at the ass crack of dawn.” I shook my head. “I don’t know what he was thinking. He hates getting up early in the morning as much as I do.”
Emily looked at me skeptically. “You’re going to the gym?”
“I know, I know. But it’s part of my New Year’s resolution to work out, and I figured it was a good idea to start early.” I smiled wryly. “We’ll see how long it lasts.”
“Are you sure you don’t want to just spend the night? It’s past midnight. I can just set the alarm early for tomorrow.”
“Thanks,” I said, “but knowing myself, I won’t get up.”
Emily called me a cab and it arrived in less than ten minutes. The drive over to Logan’s was short since there were barely any cars on the road at this late hour.
I smiled at the doorman when I walked into the building and politely refused his help when he offered to have someone help me carry all my shopping bags upstairs. When I got to Logan’s apartment, I took out my key and unlocked it as quietly as possible. I was sure Logan was already asleep and I didn’t want to wake him, especially since he was committed to waking up early tomorrow to go to the gym.
I softly walked inside, turning on a small lamp and setting down my shopping bags in the living room. I would worry about putting away my purchases tomorrow.
I slowly opened the bedroom door, careful to not make too much noise, and I could see Logan’s form under the covers in the moonlight. I went into the bathroom, grabbing shorts and a t-shirt to change into along the way, and closed the door behind me. I stared at the jewelry box on the counter that was still void of my pendant. I wondered if Logan had been able to get my necklace back. I had purposely not contacted him about it today because I didn’t want it to ruin my day with Emily, and I was determined for it not to occupy my mind. I told myself I could wait until tomorrow to ask him.
After I was done getting ready for bed, I opened the bathroom door with the light still on so that it wouldn’t be completely dark. The last thing I wanted to do was bang my shin into a piece of furniture.
My world came to a screeching halt when the shaft of light from the open bathroom door fell on the bed, and I saw that there was a figure next to Logan. I blinked comically, like I was in a cartoon and the scene before me was a mirage that I could just wish it away. But my eyes weren’t deceiving me. A rush of blood to my head made me feel nauseous and I was sure I could hear my heart thudding against my ribcage. I felt frozen to the spot, unable to move in this nightmare I was suddenly thrust into.
Seconds felt like hours as I stood there, afraid to move. Afraid to confront the truth that was staring me in the face. As horrible as I felt, I wanted to live in those few seconds forever, because whatever was about to come next would be my undoing.
The figure next to Logan moved and then sat up so that the bathroom light illuminated their face. Kristina stared at me, and then smiled, her expression full of malice. She reached up and touched the necklace around her neck, and a rage like I had never known exploded inside me when I saw her wearing my heart pendant. Cassie’s heart pendant.
I wasn’t aware of myself moving. The next thing I knew, I was on top of Kristina, screaming inarticulate words and clawing at her. Discovering that she was naked underneath the sheets made me almost murderous. Before I was able to do any real damage, an arm encircled my waist from behind and pulled me off her, but I was like an animal, arms and legs flailing as I tried to rip into my prey.
“Maddie!” Logan yelled. “Stop!”
I screamed in rage and grabbed his arm, trying to pull it off me. When his arm remained around me like a shackle, I raked my nails across his flesh. He cursed and let go of me. I scrambled back against the wall, panting harshly. Bright red marks appeared on his arm where I had scratched him, and he stared down at them and then looked up in confusion.
“What’s going on?” he asked.
My laugh had a maniacal edge to it. He was asking me what was going on when he was in bed with Kristina, who wearing my necklace and nothing else. I didn’t know what enraged me more: the fact that she was naked or that she was wearing Cassie’s necklace. Logan had promised to get it back for me, but instead he had fucked Kristina while she wore it. How sick could a person get?
“You’re asking me what’s going on?” I sneered. “That’s fucking rich. Maybe you can claim amnesia and say you don’t know how Kristina ended up naked in your bed, wearing my necklace.”
“Wait,” he said, shaking his head as if he were trying to clear it. It would have been comical if it hadn’t been so pathetic. “I wasn’t in bed with Kristina.”
“Seriously?” I spat out. “That’s it? That’s your defense? To just deny it? I have eyes, Logan. I’m pretty sure Kristina didn’t pop out of my imagination.”
Kristina wrapped a sheet around herself and finally chose to speak up, her voice smug. “Just leave, Madison. It’s over between you and Logan. Don’t embarrass yourself by begging.”
“Begging?” I hissed. My eyes narrowed. “That’s your thing, sweetie, not mine. I have a little more dignity than that. As far as I’m concerned, you can have him. I don’t associate with trash.”
I needed to get ou
t of there before I broke down. Rage was keeping me standing, but I knew crushing anguish was right behind it. I didn’t want them to see me become a pathetic mess.”
“Stop,” Logan commanded, looking fierce. “Everyone just stop. I don’t know what the hell is going on but I’m going to figure it out.” He looked at Kristina. “What the hell are you doing here?”
Kristina’s face fell. “Really? Is this the game we’re going to play, Logan? I’m good enough to screw when no one’s around, but Madison waltzes in and I’m nothing?”
Logan’s jaw tightened. “Shut up. I know what you’re doing and it won’t work.” He turned to me, his expression turning pleading. “Please, Maddie. You have to believe me. Nothing happened between us. I was alone when I went to bed. She must have sneaked in here while I was asleep.”
I looked at him disbelievingly. “How could she have gotten into your apartment unless you let her in?” I smiled an ugly smile. “Maybe next you’re going to claim she’s a cat burglar and scaled your building and snuck in through a window.”
Logan stepped closer to me, but stopped when I put my hands up. I almost snarled at him. “Don’t come any closer or I won’t be responsible for what I do.”
“Maddie, this is a set-up. Kristina is trying to drive us apart by making you believe I cheated with her. Don’t believe her.”
“You were the one who wanted to be considerate of her feelings,” I said scornfully. “You were the one who opened the door to having her in your life. Now you’re telling me not to believe her? How convenient for you.” I turned around abruptly. I needed to get out of here before all my anger and pain suffocated me.
“Fuck this shit,” I hissed to myself, as I quickly gathered my belongings. I didn’t want to have any reason to come back to Logan’s apartment. I never wanted to see him again.
“Maddie, no.” Logan grabbed my wrist, holding on so tightly that it was painful. “You’re not leaving. You can’t. You can’t believe I would do this to you.”
Something inside me exploded. “How the hell did she get into your apartment if you didn’t let her in!” I screamed so harshly that my throat felt raw. I wrenched my arm out of Logan’s grip. He let go, but not before my wrist was painfully twisted, but I barely noticed it. The physical pain was nothing compared to the gaping hole in my heart.
Logan didn’t say another word as he watched me grab my belongings and practically run to the door. Kristina just stood there, her expression taunting. She flinched when I stalked over to her, and as much as I wanted to strike her, I just reached around and roughly took the chain off her neck.
After I got Cassie’s necklace, I opened the front door and shot Logan one last look over my shoulder. His face was shadowed and he looked like a man who had lost everything. Defeat and resignation hung heavy on his shoulders.
“Don’t contact me,” I said in a low voice. “I never want to see you again.”
I slammed the door closed, leaving my past and future behind me.
Chapter Sixteen
I didn’t hear from Logan that night. Either he was taking heed of my warning to never contact me again, or he was too busy with Kristina to care. I cried myself to sleep, wracked with violent sobs, until my body couldn’t take anymore and I fell into an exhausted restless sleep.
When I woke up the next morning, my face was swollen from all the crying and I looked horrible, but my appearance was nothing compared to the mess inside of me. A part of me couldn’t believe what had happened. I desperately wished that this was a nightmare and I would soon wake up to Logan cuddled against me. It was a pathetic thought, and showed how weak I was when it came to him.
I spent most of the morning in a daze. I considered calling Emily to tell her about what had happened, but I couldn’t muster the energy. It seemed like too much of an effort to lift a spoon to eat cereal, let alone relive the emotional turmoil by telling her what had happened.
My heart clenched when my phone rang, but I didn’t know if I was disappointed or relieved that it wasn’t Logan.
“Hi, Mack,” I answered. I wondered if he had spoken to Logan. By the cheery tone of his voice, I doubted it.
“Hey, Madison. I was just calling to thank you again for inviting me over for Thanksgiving. I really enjoyed it.”
“You’re welcome. I appreciate you coming,” I replied, thinking it was a bit odd that he was calling me just to say thanks for dinner. I reconsidered whether he had spoken to Logan or not. I wondered what his real agenda was.
Mack paused before speaking again. “Are you at Logan’s right now?”
“No.” I didn’t elaborate, waiting for him to reveal the real reason for calling. He obviously hadn’t spoken to Logan; otherwise, he would know that I wasn’t at his apartment.
“I was wondering if you wanted to hang out today. I need a break from being stuck inside working all day.”
I hesitated. Why wasn’t he asking Logan to hang out? Then again, since Logan didn’t remember him, Mack and I probably had a stronger bond now than they did. I was about to make an excuse but then decided against it. It would be nice to get out of the apartment. It felt like the four walls were closing in on me and I felt suffocated. Unlike Emily, who knew me so well and would immediately know something was wrong, I could hang out with Mack and not have to talk about what had happened between me and Logan.
“Sure,” I replied. “What do you feel like doing?”
“After all that talk of nachos on Thanksgiving, I can’t get it out of my head. Do you know of anywhere we can go?”
My chest tightened as I thought of the Half Pitcher. I couldn’t go there without thinking of Logan. I steeled myself against the thought. I wouldn’t let Logan ruin things for me, including going to one of my favorite bars.
“I know the perfect place.” I gave Mack the details of the bar and we agreed to meet there in an hour.
“You can invite Logan, if you want,” Mack offered.
“He had some work to get done today,” I lied. “I’ll see you soon.”
After we hung up, I made an effort to look somewhat presentable since I didn’t want Mack to be embarrassed to be seen with me in public. Even for a bar, my current outfit of baggy sweatpants and oversized Hello Kitty t-shirt was a little too drab. Besides, it made me feel better to put on some makeup and a decent outfit. Thankfully, the puffiness in my face had gone down and I no longer looked like the Stay Puft Marshmallow.
Even with a heavy jacket and hat, I instantly started shivering when I left my apartment building. I decided against taking the L, and hailed a cab. It was a quick ride to the Half Pitcher and I was grateful for the heat when I stepped inside. I didn’t see Mack so I sat down at a table and ordered a beer from the waitress. Before my drink arrived, I saw Mack walk in and scan the bar. I couldn’t help noticing how attractive he was. His overcoat emphasized the broadness of his shoulders and his athletic physique. His dark hair complemented his olive skin, and when his dark eyes stopped on me, his smile was heart-stopping. Except my heart didn’t skip a beat. I admired him objectively, appreciating what a handsome man he was, but the only face that made my heart stop had piercing blue eyes.
I pushed the thought aside as I watched Mack walk towards me. I was torturing myself by thinking about Logan. I had to remember he was a cheater and a liar.
“How long have you been here?” Mack asked as he took off his coat and sat down.
“I just got here a few minutes ago,” I said with a smile, trying to banish thoughts of Logan.
The waitress came over with my beer, and Mack ordered a drink, as well as the nachos.
“You look nice,” he commented once the waitress walked away.
“Thanks,” I said, although I doubted a turtleneck sweater and jeans were exactly a fashion statement. But it was said with Mack’s usual charm. It was probably automatic for him to compliment women. He probably would have said the same thing if I had shown up in my Hello Kitty t-shirt.
“How’s work going?” I ask
ed, since I didn’t know what else to talk about. I certainly didn’t want to bring up Logan or Kristina.
“Well enough, but I think I’m going cross-eyed from working so much. Thanks for meeting up with me. It’s nice to be out among the humans again instead of being locked inside an office.” Mack shook his head comically. “That fluorescent lighting does nothing for me.”
I laughed at his exaggerated dismay. The waitress came back with his beer and he took a long swallow.
“Thanksgiving dinner seemed to go okay with Kristina there,” he said casually. My stomach plummeted at his comment. I tried to smile as naturally as I could, but it probably looked more like a grimace.
“Yeah, it was okay.”
Mack studied me for a moment. “Is something wrong?”
I shook my head. “No.” I took a sip of my beer to have something to do. “Have you talked to your grandmother again?” I desperately wanted to change the topic, and didn’t care how obvious I was being. Unfortunately, Mack wasn’t easily distracted.
“Nothing’s changed on the grandmother front,” he said, his eyes narrowing. “What’s wrong?”
“I said nothing was wrong,” I insisted, starting to get annoyed. I had agreed to meet up with Mack because I thought it would be casual and fun. I wasn’t in the mood to spill my guts.
“Madison, I understand if you don’t want to talk about it, but clearly something’s wrong. You looked like you were going to be sick when I mentioned Kristina.”
“I don’t want to talk about it,” I said, since there was no point in pretending there was nothing wrong. Mack had already seen through my façade.
“Fair enough,” Mack agreed, although he still looked concerned. Fortunately, the nachos came and it gave us something to concentrate on.
“I don’t think this is big enough for the both of us,” he joked, eyeing the plate. “They really skimp on the portion size.”
I laughed. “This one isn’t just for me? I thought you ordered one for yourself, too.”
As I started to eat, the ball of despair in the pit of my stomach got bigger and bigger until I felt like I couldn’t swallow. I couldn’t count the times Logan and I had sat in this bar over a plate of nachos. I raised my eyes from my plate to look at Mack. As handsome and charming as he was, this just felt wrong. I felt my eyes starting to well up.
