This is what terminal illness did. Things like tumors and cancers. They destroyed many more than just the person affected by the illness. They touched the lives of countless people. It could destroy families, friends, coworkers; the list goes on.
Red-hot anger flooded inside me. Screw this. Screw all of this. I was so tired of my illness hurting others. As I looked at the sweet faces of my two best friends, I wanted to die right there.
“I have something very important to tell you girls. They finally made a diagnosis.” I stated, my voice barely above a whisper.
Jamie’s chin quivered and Courtney’s face went blanch. They knew it was not good. They could read me like a book.
“Kinsey?” Jamie whispered.
“It’s an inoperable malignant brain tumor. And it’s going to kill me within the next year.”
Jamie’s hand flew up to her mouth while Courtney’s mouth dropped. “No. No, Kinsey. That’s not possible.” Jamie whispered hoarsely. Courtney continued to look at me.
I nodded and wiped away a single tear that escaped my eye. “It is, unfortunately. I’m sorry.”
“Why the hell are you apologizing to us? You have nothing to be sorry about girl!” Courtney said, finally breaking her silence. She was right, technically, but I still felt like I owed them an apology.
“Shit.” Jamie whispered and I was a little shock. Jamie never cussed.
“What do you need from us? What can we do?” Courtney, always the ‘fixer’ of our group, asked.
I shook my head, unable to respond. Nothing they could do. Nothing anyone can do. “Just… be here for me. Please.” My voice cracked on the last word and I started crying. Jamie and Courtney got up from the table and gently moved me up from my seat. They both held me in a group hug.
When we sat down, I told them all about my aspiration and my idea for my last piece of work on the paper. They both stared at me wide eyed as I described the ideas.
“You’re a freaking genius, Kins! I love that, it’s gonna be amazing!” Courtney said enthusiastically.
“Can I come with you to meet Nolan?” Jamie joked lightly. She had always told me, beside Colby, Nolan was her favorite of my boyfriends.
I laughed out loud. “I’m not sure if that would be wise. Besides I’m trying to hook you up with my baby brother.”
Jamie’s eyebrows rose, “Did he say something about me?” I laughed out loud again. I really needed to play matchmaker, and soon.
***
COLBY
While Kinsey was busy with her girlfriends, I took off to her parents’ house.
Time was not on my side, and out of all the things I wanted to do with Kinsey before it was too late, one stood out in particular.
Jolene Masters opened the door to their sprawling Victorian house and greeted me with a hug. “Where’s Kinsey?”
I explained and she shook her head. Ray, Kinsey’s father, came down the stairs wearing a farm hat and overalls. Kinsey had grown up on a farm on the outskirts of Abilene. It was something out of a movie, where she learned how to milk cows and round up chickens before she learned how to tie her shoes.
“Is everything okay, son?” Ray’s gruff voice demanded.
“Oh yes, Kinsey is out with Jamie and Courtney. She doesn’t know I’m here, but I wanted to talk to you guys privately.”
Jolene and Ray took a seat and motioned for me to do the same.
“Um, I... I would really like to marry Kinsey. I want to give her a nice wedding while I can, before… before it’s too late.”
Ray nodded his head slowly as Jolene perked up. “Oh Colby, you are a Godsend. I think that would be great,” she exclaimed with a grin.
I smiled weakly. I wanted to make Kinsey my wife. Even if it was only for a day, a week, a month, I wanted her to be my spouse no matter what.
“Well son, you know I’m not much for all that girly planning, but I’m sure Jo here will be able to help.” Ray said, starting to stand.
“Oh you know it! Can I plan it? I don’t want Kinsey to worry about a thing during this time. Oh, what a beautiful day it will be. Colby, are you sure you want to do this? I know it’s going to be tough on you.” Jolene’s green eyes searched my face and I nodded.
“I’ll be a widower longer than I’ll be a married man. I know that, Jolene. However, I love Kinsey and I asked her to marry me before all this crap happened. I want to make her my wife. More than ever.”
Tears glistened as they spilled from Jolene’s eyes. She reached a hand up to my scruffy face and smiled. “You got it Colby. I’m so glad my daughter found you.”
“I’m glad too. And thank you for wanting to help because honestly I have no idea how to pull this off.”
“Don’t you worry sugar, leave everything to me.”
Chapter 6
KINSEY
When I returned from my lunch with Jamie and Courtney, Colby was waiting for me in the living room.
“How was lunch?” He asked.
“Good, sad, glad it’s over with,” I answered. There was a glass of strawberry milk sitting on the coffee table and I smiled.
“Well I’m glad you told them. One less thing to worry about now. I wanted to talk to you about something before I head to the paper. I’ve got two stories I gotta tie up tonight.”
I sat down, grabbing my glass and taking a drink. It was quite delicious. Colby knew how to mix the perfect amount of strawberry mix into the milk. It was probably one of the reasons I fell in love with him. “Ok, shoot.”
“I want to get married. Soon. Maybe after the interviews are over? I don’t want to detour my dream of marrying the most beautiful and sweetest woman I have ever known and loved. I want you to be Mrs. Daniels and I want it soon.”
His speech floored me. From the minute we left the doctor’s office a few days before, I had discarded the idea of a wedding. Too much stress, too much time involved. Not that I didn’t want to marry Colby. I did, with every ounce of my being, but I didn’t think it would be fair to either one of us to go through something as daunting as putting together a wedding.
I took a ragged breath, “Colby…”
“I’ve already spoken to your mom,” he cut me off, “And if it’s alright with you, she wants the work load dumped on her. She wants to take care of all the planning and everything. All you gotta do is pick your color, which I’m assuming will be blue, and try on a dress.”
My stomach flip-flopped and goose bumps broke out on my skin. He was sober, completely serious. It made me blissful. He really wanted to marry me. A smile formed and I set my glass down before I jumped on Colby’s lap.
“Yes.”
“Yes?” One of his eyebrows rose.
“Yup. Let's make it happen. If Mom wants to take over, then yes. I want to be Mrs. Daniels. I want to be your wife.”
Colby growled softly, “You don’t know how wonderful that sounds.”
***
COLBY
I woke up and immediately felt Kinsey’s absence from the bed. There was a soft glow coming from the office adjoined to our bedroom. I got up and slowly crept over to the cracked door to peek through.
Kinsey sat at the desk with the lamp on the lowest setting. She was wrapped in her favorite hot pink bathrobe and bent over a yellow legal pad writing.
I simply stared at her, so enamored with how cute she looked. She was always adorable when she got in her writing mode. Her forehead would wrinkle, her nose scrunched up and she would bite her bottom lip in fierce concentration.
This was actually the first thing I noticed about her when I first started working at the paper. The day I started, I walked in her area and she was staring at her computer screen with the same facial expression, pounding on the keyboard.
“That’s Kinsey Masters, head of the news department,” Sam offered after catching me staring at her.
“Geez, she looks like she should be on the cover of a magazine, not writing for a paper.”
I was blown away by how good she looked. He
r blonde hair was pulled into a bun with a pencil sticking through it. Her skin was golden, as if she lived on a beach her entire life.
Sam laughed, “Yeah, she’s pretty hot, but she’s a great writer. Overall, one of our best. Been here since she was in high school. But it won’t do any good to introduce you now. She’s in her zone.”
“Kins? You busy, honey?” I whispered. Her head jerked toward my direction and she gave me a tired smile.
“I’m just writing letters. I’ve only written three so far though. I think I’m going back to bed.”
I walked in and sat on the couch next to the desk. “Letters? Like goodbye ones?”
She nodded, “To the exes, my parents, friends, and people at the paper... You,” she looked up at me through long lashes and gave a small smile. “I started on them the other day. The only good thing about all this is the fact I get to say goodbye. I get that opportunity that so many don’t have.” She heaved a sigh and got up. She came over and sat on my lap and my spirit soared.
“I hate that death, my death, has taken over my life. It's all I ever think about. But then again, I feel grateful that I know, because so many other people are gone without any kind of notice, you know? So I’m blessed with a sense that I’m able to tie up loose ends, and say goodbye to my loved one. But I only want one normal day where death is not at the forefront of my mind,” Kinsey confessed.
I enjoyed these moments. Kinsey had been always so open, so honest. She always told me what was on her mind. I kissed the top of her head.
“I’ll plan a day for you, baby. One where you won’t have a spare moment to think about reality,” I responded. Thoughts flew through my mind; places we could go, like the zoo, amusement park, aquarium; places that offered untroubled, carefree fun. That would be our honeymoon.
A party is what she needed. She loved parties, always had. Not because of the drinking factor, because she hardly drank, but because of the fun factor. I was going to have to incorporate Jamie and Courtney’s help with that one.
I knew exactly what she meant, because her death was always on my mind too. It sucked and I hated it. I wanted to enjoy our last days together, not focus on the day where she would no longer be here.
Kinsey started snoring so I picked her up, turned the light off and went to sleep.
I made my mind up, right there, that I would make an effort to put her death behind us and do what I should have done in the beginning: focus on living life with her.
***
KINSEY
I awoke the next day with a text from Old Paul: Got them all tracked. Give me a holler when you can.
I smiled to myself. This was starting to get a little exciting. The chance to tie up loose ends with some of the most significant people in my life, what a blessing.
I took a shower and dressed, while Colby slept on. I left a note for him and took off to the ATC office.
Old Paul was sitting at his desk, his bifocal glasses sitting on the edge of his nose.
“Ah, Miss Kinsey. Hello beautiful. You hungry?” I nodded. “Great, let’s go grab some breakfast.”
Working at the paper for almost a decade, I’ve had plenty of breakfast dates with Old Paul. There was a diner around the corner that was our favorite. He reminded me of my Papaw Charlie.
A man who passed away when I was in middle school and who left an ache in my heart for years, Papaw Charlie had introduced me to the world of writing, being a journalist himself after he was pulled out of Vietnam due to an injury. He wrote and self-published several books and I remember taking those hard covers in my hands, absolutely astonished at owning a piece of his creation he had shared.
“So Miss Kinsey, how are you feeling?” Old Paul asked after we placed our orders. He took a slow sip from his coffee, plain black with no cream or sugar. I wrinkled my nose in disgust.
“How can you bear to drink it straight up like that?” I asked incredulously.
He laughed, “I’m old. Good habits are hard to break. I don’t like that froufrou stuff.”
I shook my head and giggled, we had this conversation at every breakfast date. “I’m feeling okay, to answer your question. Excited to see what you found out.”
“My job gets easier and easier with all this social networking stuff. People are all too comfortable putting every detail of their lives on the computer.” Old Paul retorted. I nodded my head, he spoke the truth.
“Really, anyone could’ve done this. But as always, you manage to make feel useful in my old age.” Old Paul winked at me. He was known as a snoop, but Old Paul had a good heart. I’d always felt a connection with him.
“Paul, you’re always useful. You already know that. The paper wouldn’t be alive if it weren’t for you.”
He smiled and shook his head, “I’m gonna miss you kid. I've lost too many people in my life. It’s always difficult. But with you, it’s really unfair. You should be able to grow old and senile like me.” His eyes were misty and he took one of his calloused wrinkled hands and swiped it across his face.
“Old Paul, thank you. I love you and I’m gonna miss you too. If that's actually possible. I’m just glad I get a little notice before I die.” I reached across the table and took his hand.
“Now quit making me sad. Our breakfast dates have always been the highlight of my career. Tell me what you found out.”
I sat up straighter, putting on a façade of fake cheerfulness. His statement had made me sad. So many people were hurting because of me. Even old nosy men.
Old Paul followed suit and brought out some papers.
“Alright, first up is Landon Franklin. He apparently entered the Marines a year after high school. Served six years then was honorably discharged after a bomb took both his legs.”
Nausea took hold of me full force. “Oh my goodness.”
Poor Landon.
Old Paul nodded, “Yeah, but the kid’s got heart. He started a foundation for disabled vets and from the looks of it, it is very successful. He’s married now with one kid and has competed in the Special Olympics. He and his family live in Colorado Springs.” Old Paul shoved a printout of Landon’s Facebook profile at me. His profile picture showed him in a wheelchair with a beautiful brunette standing behind him. Landon had a small mini-Landon in his lap, all their smiles precious.
“Good for him.” Waves of relief washed over me. Landon looked happy, in fact he looked awesome. The sight of him sitting in the wheelchair with no legs was bothersome, but it looked as if he had overcome those obstacles. He was living his life to the fullest.
“Next up is Nolan Tozzo. He lives in San Angelo, not far from here. He graduated with honors from the University of Austin and went on to law school there. He works at a firm. No family, never married. Looks like one of those squeaky clean types, although he looks like a young Al Pacino.”
Old Paul gave me another piece of paper with several pictures of Nolan. In one, he was wearing a cap and gown and holding a diploma. His huge family flanked him, smiles on all their faces. Another photo was from a law firm website. He was dressed in a heather gray suit and stood with his hands clasped in front of him, surrounded by other men and a few women.
“That’s awesome. He looks so prestigious!” I exclaimed, astonished.
“Yeah, I guess he does. Never was a fan of lawyers though.” Old Paul laughed.
Right at that time, our food was brought to us and we took a break. I dug into my omelet, feeling famished all of a sudden. Old Paul slowly and methodically cut his hash browns into tiny squares. He always cracked me up on how he ate his food.
After we finished our breakfast, Old Paul went back to business. “Alright, let’s see, the next one is Cameron Styles. He is staying in East Texas in Longview. He works at, possibly owns, a bar, and before that was a little nomad, travelling across the country.”
Cameron’s sheet was a printout of his profile picture showing him grinning ear to ear. He looked exactly the same.
“And lastly, Joe Parkman. He lives in G
alveston, divorced with one child. He works as a police officer down there.”
My heart saddened a little at the word divorced. Joe had been so against it, mainly because his parents’ divorce had been so hard on him and his brother.
His printout was a newspaper article with a photo of him in his uniform. He had been involved in solving a high profile case in Galveston a couple years ago.
“Wow, wow, wow. This is amazing. You did great Old Paul.”
“Nah, it didn’t take much. As I said, people over-share. Here’s a list of their email addresses and phone numbers too.”
I reached for the last piece of paper, “Are you sure you weren’t a private eye in a past life? Maybe you and Sherlock Holmes are related,” I teased.
We both stood and I gave the old man a hug. He was such a blessing to me, not only in this situation but also in all other instances. He smelled like Brut cologne and coffee. His stubble was rough as I pecked him on the cheek.
“I love you, Kinsey. I know I’ve never said it before, but I do kiddo. You’ve been a highlight in my life ever since I met you. You remind me of myself when I was younger.”
“I love you too, Old Paul. Forever and always.”
We pulled away from each other and left the diner. I walked him back to the office and chatted with Rosemary for a little while. I gave her the update and showed her all the pages.
Love, Kinsey Page 3
