“I know, right. I turned it into a profession.” I teased.
“Poor Colby!” He laughed and brought out his phone,
“Let me text her real quick about dinner then we can start.” He made several swipes across his phone screen and tucked it away.
“All right, let’s go. Can we take a stroll? I hate staying still,” Landon asked.
“Of course. I figured you’d say that, it’s how I kept so fit in school!” I stood up and gave him my recorder, “Can you hold this in your lap while we talk? I hate notes.” He obliged and we set off down the sidewalk.
“My first question is how I affected your life, if at all?” I began.
“Oh wow buttercup, hit me with the most difficult one first. Let's see now. Um, of course you have! You set the bar for everyone else after you.
“We were each other’s first loves and we took each other’s virginity. You can't get any more intimate than that. Those two things always meant so much to me, as unmanly as that makes me sound, it's true.
“I think that that first teenage love we experience is so untroubled and so full of raw passion that it forever remains with you. I compared others to you. And yes, I know that is unfair as hell, but it happens.
“Life is so much simpler when you’re younger. Even through all the teenage hormones and bullshit, it's all easier. When I was overseas, memories of you would help me pass my days. ‘Take one day at a time, Land,’ you would say and that became my saving grace over there. ‘Don’t stress over things you can’t change’ was the statement that helped me battle my depression through the surgery and discharge.”
Landon stopped his chair and looked up at me. I was speechless for a second. We both stared at each other. “Wow, Landon. That... That is an incredible honor. I remember telling you those things a lot. You would worry and stress about college and grades. You were always a worry-wart.”
“I was, I admit it. And you changed me.”
We glanced at each other and smiled. “May I push you?” I asked.
“Kins, I’m still a heavy dude even with two legs missing. You’ll get tired in your condition.”
“I want to, I really do. Unless it insults you or something.”
“No way, have at it. Let me know when you’re tired.”
With that, I maneuvered behind him and continued our walk. He was right though, he was a big dude.
“There you go, stubborn buttercup.”
“I’ve missed that nickname.”
“Remember the origin?
“Of course!” I laughed, “Your brilliant first sentence to me. ‘Your hair would be considered buttercup blonde.’ Geez.” My heart fluttered at that memory from long ago.
“Hey it worked well. Alright, what’s your next question?”
“Where do you think we go when we die?” I quietly asked. My voice quivered, my hands shook. It wasn’t a pre-planned question for the interview.
“Heaven, of course.” He paused. “Hey, stop for a minute.” He wheeled his chair around to face me and held my hand. “Here, sit on my lap for a second, Kinsey.”
So I did. The floodgates opened and I sobbed my heart out.
I wanted to be strong and not cry in front of an old love of mine but my emotions were running rampant. That memory of him leaning over my desk and saying that ridiculous line made me remember him with his legs. The dam broke.
“Shh, shh. It’s okay.” He murmured, stroking my hair as I buried my head in his broad chest. He smelled like lilacs and clean laundry.
“I’m so selfish. For doing all these interviews and focusing on myself. Just because I’m dying. Look at you! You didn’t give up. You put up a fight and won. I’m so totally scared of dying. I believe in God and Heaven and I hope that I go there. But I worry. It’s so stupid of me to ask you that!’ I sobbed.
“Hey, hey! Stop that. Everything you just said is pure bullshit and I mean that in the nicest way possible. You have a chance to do something that people wish to do – discover the story of their self. Yes, I did put up a fight, but you indirectly helped me. Kinsey, I was scared shitless when I lost my legs. I wanted to die rather face life disabled.
“I could sit here and tell you the whole story and maybe
I will get a chance. Our stories are very different honey, and you are a fighter, you’ve always been one. Yes, you’re going to die. We all do. It sucks, but you’ve accepted it and kept on, setting out with a mission to close everything up. I commend you Kinsey. This is a hard journey too. You're rocking it.
“Kinsey, you’re going to Heaven. You don't need to be worried about that. You will go to an absolute paradise where He will wipe every tear from your face and you won’t suffer any longer. Take relief in that, my dear. Don’t be afraid to die.” Landon soothed.
“I just feel so gypped Land. I'm not even 30 years old. I imagined growing old with Colby, having babies; having grandbabies.”
“It wasn’t in His plan. I don’t mean to keep on preaching, but after my accident, I was so mad at God. Why did He do this to me, when all I wanted to do was serve my country? However, to make a long story short – my worst days with God have always been better than my best days without Him. I read that online somewhere and it is true. Trust in His plan. You’re in the middle of figuring out what your role was in this life. And that’s a blessing.”
His testimony touched my heart. His parents were both preachers and his faith had always been his foundation. It was reassuring to hear those words. I’ve never been overly religious, but drawing nearer to my death was beginning to put some things in perspective.
Shortly my tears dried up but I continued to sit there holding onto Landon. All those stolen nights we laid next together came rushing back. It wasn’t always about sex – although back in the day our hormones did rule us on many occasions. No, many times we snuck out of our houses, lay in the grass at Lone Park and just held each other. How we were never caught, I have no idea. But those nights, they were the best of my existence.
Landon was my first love, and we all remember those. They've been with us our entire lives. They are our first experience with butterflies in the stomach, kisses that turn our arms and legs into jelly; they are the first person who introduces us to the earth shattering feelings of being completely euphoric.
I pull my head back to look at him. “Thank you very much. I’m sorry –”
“Hush, Don’t even finish. There is nothing, you have nothing to be sorry about. I’m sorry you have to go through this but I know that you’re going somewhere better sweetheart. And that gives me a bit of solace. I love you Kinsey, I always will. That’s what you gave me, a chance to know what love from a woman is. We were kids, yes; but our love… It was very real. There was nothing fake about that passion of ours. That is what I will always associate with you. Love.”
“Thank you. Thank you so much,” I whispered. We were so close, our faces inches apart.
“Mia told me, if anything happened not to tell her. But I shouldn’t deny a dying girl a last kiss,” his whispered voice was strained with emotions.
Oh Lord.
“She said,” he continued, “‘It’s not cheating. It’s saying goodbye to your first love.’”
My heart thundered in my chest. “She really is great, huh? I’m so happy for you for finding her.” He gave a slight nod and I continued, “Colby said basically the same thing. He told me he had no right to tell me how I wanted to say my goodbyes.”
“He sounds like a great significant other as well.”
“He is.”
With that, I leaned in and pressed my lips to his. He tasted like vanilla and his slight stubble tickled. He had matured into a man. Flashbacks tumbled through my mind. Beautiful moments with Landon during the prime of our lives.
He drew back a little and kissed my nose, “Tell Colby I said thank you,” he breathed out.
The sudden release of stress and sadness had my skin tingling. My heart opened and I felt free. I lifted myself off him
and stood.
“I needed that.” I quietly confessed.
“The kiss or the cry?” Landon raised one eyebrow and mischief gleamed in his chocolate colored eyes.
“Both.” I laughed. We continued our way down the path, talking about everything we could. Eventually, we parted ways and agreed on a time for dinner that night.
All of my loves were special, none more than the other. The fact remained that Landon had been my first and Colby was my last. It began and ended with them and I couldn’t have picked out more perfect people for my journey.
Chapter 11
COLBY
When Kinsey returned to the hotel, she was glowing. Her whole being just had this aura of peace about it.
She told me about the dinner invite Landon had offered and I concurred. I was starting to get tired of fast food. It was a little nerve wracking to see an ex-boyfriend of Kinsey’s, but I tried not to think about it.
This trip, these interviews, they were helping Kinsey. Her dream was coming true and that’s all I wanted.
***
KINSEY
They lived in a quaint one-story brick house with a long porch that wrapped around the side. Four white columns rose from the ground to the overhang roof. The shutters were an onyx color with a wreath the same color scheme on the front door. A garden of multi-colored moss roses bordered the porch. They were gorgeous.
“These may come a close second to daisies on my favorite flower list,” I whispered to Colby. His response was a smile.
Landon and Mia answered the door. Landon had on a red polo shirt and khakis and Mia wore a light pink maxi dress. She was lovely and a broad smile plastered my face.
“Hi! Kinsey and Colby, it’s so nice to finally meet you!” She exclaimed. Her eyes were a warm caramel color and she squeezed me in a hug, which took me by surprise. She went on to Colby whose face registered the same shocked feeling.
“It’s nice to meet you too. Thank you so much for inviting us over. We haven’t had a decent home-cooked meal in a while.” I replied
“Oh I know how that is. Come in, come in.” Mia gently placed her hand on my back and ushered me inside.
We entered and the men finally shook hands. I hugged Landon next and laughter erupted from another room.
“That’s Henry, he’s watching his favorite cartoon right now,” Mia explained. “I hope you guys like lasagna.”
“I’m a fan of everything. I don’t have prejudice over any food, that would be wrong,” Colby joked.
Landon laughed, “I feel you on that one, man.”
They took us on a tour of their house. Pictures of Landon at various events for disabled athletes covered one wall in the family room. They were a mesmerizing testament of strength and courage.
Henry was in the family room and shyly greeted us. He was like Landon’s much younger twin, but I kept my tongue and then I wouldn’t offend Mia.
She was such a kind soul. I liked her a lot, actually. She and Landon were perfect together.
Lastly, we went outside on their deck and took a seat at the patio table. Mia offered drinks and I decided to have some wine while Colby took a beer. He and Landon got on the subject of the Special Olympics and Henry wandered out.
“Hey, do you want to come see my sand pit?” He whispered, tugging on the end of my halter dress. I looked up to see Colby and Landon lost in conversation and that Mia was still inside.
“I would love to.” I stood up and took his hand.
We walked a few feet toward the left side of the yard where a custom-built sand pit lay. Toys of every shape and size littered the area. I took a seat on the edge and Henry climbed in. He sat on his knees and started digging.
“My daddy says you’re going to Heaven soon.” He said it very matter-of-factly. It definitely caught me off guard and it was a struggle to find my voice.
“Yes, I am. Do you know what that means?”
“Yeah, my Grammy went there before I was born. It means you are dying. But you don’t look sick.” He lifted his head, squinted eyes sizing me up.
“Well thank you,” I said with a laugh, “I’m glad I don’t look sick. I just have a bad boo-boo right here,” I pointed to the base of my skull, “And it’s not going away.”
“That stinks. Does it hurt a lot?”
Man, this kid’s innocence and openness tugged at my heartstrings.
“I can give you a hug if you want.” He mentioned casually, turning his attention back to his sand.
“That would be great Henry, I would really like that.”
“Will it keep you from dying?”
Oh, my God. “No buddy, but it will make me feel lots better.”
He looked up at me once more, shrugged and stood up. “That’ll work I guess.” He then wrapped his tiny, sand-dusted arms around my neck and my heart melted. Taking a deep breath, I inhaled his little boy scent and wrapped my arms around his thin body.
Several seconds flew by when he let go and got hold of my hand, “Let’s go see if the food is ready. Mama makes really good lasagna.”
I followed suit and found Mia, Landon and Colby staring at us. Mia had her hand placed over her heart.
“Mama, Kinsey is my new friend,” Henry announced proudly.
“I see that. Are you hungry? Why don’t you go wash up?” Mia answered. He let go and ran indoors.
“Girl, he has never acted like that with strangers! Never! That was so precious.’”
It was indeed.
***
Dinner was fabulous. Mia divulged that she had been a culinary student who enlisted after her third year in school because she got tired.
“If it weren’t for my disdain for school life, we never would have met.” Mia said softly. It was a sweet story. She became a chef and met Landon before they shipped him overseas. After he came back, with no legs, they started dating.
“Every story is special.” Landon said with an air of mystery, winking at me. I knew exactly what he meant.
At the entrance, I crouched down to give Henry a hug.
“Am I going to see you again?” He asked in his innocent soft voice and tears immediately came out.
“One day you will, my new friend.”
“In Heaven?”
“Yes, in Heaven. I will be waiting for you, but it’ll be awhile. Be a good boy for your mommy and daddy.” He nodded, a serious expression etched on his tiny freckled face and then he leaned in and planted a kiss right on my lips.
“Oh, thank you so much, Henry! I love you little one.”
“I love you too, Kinsey.”
I stood and wiped my eyes. Mia hugged me next, her tears rolling undisturbed down her cheeks.
“Thank you for meeting me. I’m so devastated we're not able to see each other again. But thank you. For being
Landon’s first love and teaching him how to be a good mate.” Mia kissed my cheek and pulled me close, her arms wrapping around me as she whispered her next words. “You’ve touched his heart in that special way first loves do. Indirectly, you’ve touched mine. You are a special woman Kinsey and you saved my husband’s s life when he was overseas. I love you.” Her voice was soft and feathery, reaching to the very deepest part of my heart. I swallowed the huge lump that had formed in my throat down and kissed her cheek as well.
I was pretty much done after that. My heart was officially overflowing with emotions, especially the greatest one; love. I sniffed a few times before Landon and I said goodbye. His message was brief.
“I’ve already said all I needed to say. I will miss you Kinsey 'till the end of my days. But I am thankful for the chance to say goodbye.” He hugged me close and buried his face in my hair.
"I love you buttercup,” he whispered ever so softly, his breath tickling my ear. I handed him my envelope and kissed his cheek.
I was totally wiped out, exhausted from this emotional goodbye. I would have never guessed in a million years to feel so close to one family, not my own, as I did with the Franklin family.
>
Colby was silent on the way to the hotel while I sobbed softly for a few minutes. A slow dull banging assaulted my temples. I was tired, I needed sleep. I was really missing our home, our bed, not living out of a suitcase, but I was thankful for this trip. It was already halfway over.
“I love you Kinsey. It’s amazing to see how you’ve made a difference in these men's lives. It just makes me appreciate you more,” Colby stated.
“Thank you. I love you too, babe.” I took his hand and smiled. “I hope you had a good time, that it wasn’t too uncomfortable for you.”
“Hell no, Landon is really cool. I had a really nice time. That Henry was a charmer huh?”
Giggling I answered, “Yes, the girls will be beating down his door when he’s older. He was a little sweetheart. I had fun.”
We discussed our next trip, which would be to East Texas to see Cameron. Our flight was going to be tomorrow afternoon as I had told Landon, so we had some down time.
Colorado Springs was beautiful but unfortunately, my headaches were starting to get worse. These interviews and flights were more than I could handle, but I didn’t want to give up. There was no way I could. I definitely couldn’t let Colby know how negatively this was affecting me.
***
That night had been rough. I stirred once with a nosebleed that seemed like it would never end. Unfortunately, Colby woke up as well and was very worried. I didn’t look him in the eyes as he carefully held the hotel rag to my nose. The bright crimson shade the rag was turning made knots in my stomach.
Love, Kinsey Page 5
