by S. Moose
My phone rings and it’s missed calls from Nicholas. I can’t talk to him right now. I turn off my phone and bring the blanket over my body. All I need is one day away from the drama. One day when my mind can relax and I can focus on Baby Nugget.
Just one day.
IT’S BEEN HOURS AND THERE’S STILL NO SIGN OF KARLY. The wait and not knowing where she is kills me. I’m doing everything I can to find her, but it’s as though she’s vanished. Fuck, where the hell is she? I checked the credit cards and can’t find any transactions. I’ve been calling all the hotels around the area and there’s no “Karly Erikson” or “Karly Hayes.” I’ve lost her. Holding the phone in my hands, I try calling her again, but it goes straight to voicemail.
For so long, I’ve been looking out for other people and keep thinking Karly’s going to stay by my side. This time, there’s a chance I could lose her forever, along with Baby Nugget. I can’t let that happen. I can’t lose them. Not allowing myself to think about the possibilities, I keep calling her phone. My parents are driving around town looking for her and Larry’s in Myrtle Beach, hoping she’ll be there.
I hear a door close and am quickly out of my seat. Running inside, I yell for Karly, but when I look around, there’s no one inside.
“Karly! Angel!”
“It’s me.” I turn around and find Jamie in front of me. She’s holding a gun, pointing it at me.
“What the fuck? Jamie, put down the fucking gun!”
“It was supposed to be you, me, and Emma. I came back to get my family and build a future with the both of you.”
“Jamie,” I slowly say, keeping my distance from her but knowing where the gun is, “I did everything you wanted me to do. I helped you over and over again. Please don’t do this.”
“I wanted you, Nicky. I love you so fucking much. Don’t you see that?”
“Yes, I do. I know you love me.”
“Then why did you throw me away!?”
“Jamie, I helped you! You begged me to put you in rehab so you could get better. What else did you want from me?”
“Your love! You wanting to bring me back home and take care of me. I didn’t wanna go to rehab. I didn’t want that. I wanted YOU! That’s all I wanted. I made mistakes, and I told you I was sorry. I thought we were going to be okay, but then as soon as Karly fucking comes back, you go running back to her.”
I need to think fast. I need to get the gun from her hands. “Jamie, I’m sorry. I thought I was doing the right thing. You have enough money to live for a little while. I can get you a job anywhere you want. I can get you back into modeling. Let me help you, okay?” I slowly inch towards her, not moving too fast. Her eyes are on mine. Tears glistening, hands shaking.
“Jamie! Calm down!” She stops and looks at me. “Listen, if you do this, then Emma’s going to be heartbroken. We can’t have her go through life alone. If you kill me, then what are you gonna do?”
As soon as I mention Emma’s name, her face turns sad and scared. I know she loves Emma and doesn’t want her to be alone. “Emma will be fine. I’ll raise her on my own and we’ll be okay!”
“How? Jamie, you’re gonna live on the run and hope that the cops don’t get you?”
“Cops? Getting me?” She laughs. “Don’t underestimate me, Nicholas.”
Think, Nicholas. Think. “There’s no way you can get away from this, Jamie. You think they won’t know?”
“Or,” she paces the kitchen, tapping the gun on the side of her head, “a jealous fiancée finds her fiancé in bed with his wife and goes crazy. Killing her beloved fiancé, she runs and hides while the wife fights for her life and then magically is okay. Because she knows how to survive on her own!”
“There’s a flaw, Jamie. You don’t know where Karly is!”
“And there’s your flaw. I think a call to her will open her eyes. I mean, she fucking hates me and the thought of us together, well, she’ll wanna see that for herself, don’t ya think? Now fucking stop distracting me! I need you to go upstairs. NOW!”
It’s now or never. Quickly, I run at her, knocking the gun from her hands and tackling her to the floor. She squirms, but I grab her arm and hold her down.
Suddenly, a stabbing pain radiates through my body. I scream in agonizing pain. Arms hold me back, putting me in a chokehold.
“Jamie?” I cry out. “What the fuck are you doing?”
“If I can’t have you, no one fucking will!” She stabs me again with the knife. Fuck, no! I can’t die. I have to do something, anything.
The gun is near me. Picking it up with the last of my strength, I point it at her and shoot. The bullet hits her head and she falls to the ground.
Everything’s blurry. Shit, no! Karly’s face comes to my mind. She’s holding Emma and they’re laughing.
“Angel? Princess?” Her baby bump is big and they’re happy. “Baby Nugget?” The love in her eyes shines as she kisses Emma’s cheeks. My girls, my beautiful girls are okay.
I hear Karly’s voice. She’s telling me she loves me.
“You’re my forever, Nicholas. There’s no one else that makes me fall but you.”
You’re my life, Angel. Thank you for giving me the best few months ever. I’m sorry I have to leave you like this. I hate that the last memory you have of me is our argument. If I could turn back time, I would.
I see my phone near me and it takes everything I have to get it. I pull up my Angel’s face and press send. I need to hear her voice. I need to tell her I love her. I can’t leave her like this. We’re finally back together. Please don’t take me away from my family. They need me and I need them. I’m sorry for my mistakes, I’m sorry for everything I’ve done. Give me another chance to redeem myself.
I hear her voicemail. NO! Angel, no! The beep comes “Angel.” I cough. “I’m sorry for everything. I’m sorry for leaving you and lying to you. I hope you can forgive me and know that I did it for you. For us. Everything I did, I did to protect you and our kids. You mean the world to me. I’m sorry we couldn’t get married. I’m sorry I’ll never meet Baby Nugget. But know I’ll be watching over you and our kids. I love you, Angel. Be happy and live your life. Live it for our kids and for me. Until we’re reunited. I love you, Angel.”
Then the lights turn dark and I let everything go. I’ve lived a great life and had the chance to fully love. I never knew how amazing love could be until Karly Lynn Erikson walked into my life. Our relationship wasn’t easy, but we were in love and that’s all that matters. She showed me what it’s like to open your heart and appreciate the little things in life.
I remember her smile and her eyes. Each time we’d make love, there was love and devotion. She loved me and I loved her.
I’m dying. I’m going to die here without her. We won’t grow old together. We won’t raise Emma and Baby Nugget. But I know I’ll be here with them, watching over my family. My breathing slows and I start coughing. There’s blood all over the kitchen floor. I’m never going to see Emma or hear her laugh. I’m never going to see her get ready for her first date, see her go to prom, graduate high school, graduate college, or get married. Who will walk her down the aisle? Will Jensen take care of my family?
Jensen.
He’s lost so much, but now that I’ll be gone, he’ll have Emma back. My Emma. No matter what, she’s my daughter and will always be my Princess.
Baby Nugget, Daddy loves you. I’m sorry we never met, but Mommy will love you and tell you about our love. Emma will show you how to swim and never be afraid of anything. Daddy’s always watching you.
My body is at peace and I know my children will be in good hands.
“Always,” I say again before closing my eyes for the last time.
WITH THE DARKNESS OF LOSS SOON COMES THE BRIGHTNESS OF ACCEPTANCE AND TOMORROW. No one is promised a tomorrow, or a happily ever after. We’re given two choices in this world. Two. It’s up to us to figure out the path we want to go on and strive to build our lives with love.
Touchin
g my stomach, I wake up to a dark room. There’s sadness all over tonight. Wiping off the sweat from my forehead, I close my eyes and try to steady my breathing.
Soon, after calming down, I finally find sleep again. It feels like seconds when I wake up suddenly. The most beautiful sound comes through my bedroom. Getting out of my bed, grabbing my robe, I walk down the hall and into the sounds.
“Shhhh, Sebastian. It's okay; Mommy's here.” Holding my little boy in my arms is the best feeling. I rock him back and forth and his deep brown eyes stare back at me. “You have your daddy's eyes, sweetheart.” I kiss his forehead and hear him coo. “You're gonna be three months old tomorrow. Gosh, where does the time go?” Sebastian gets fussier, so I lean back in the rocking chair and tell him about his favorite person.
“Lexi! Oh my God, my water broke! Hospital, now!”
Lexi keeps calm. She’s been through this before, but not me! I have no idea what the hell to do. She helps me inside her car and drives to the hospital.
“Ahhhh!” The pain. Oh shit, the pain. “Can you please drive faster!? Please! I need drugs.”
“You’re having a natural birth!”
“Fuck that! Numb me!”
“Nope, natural. As your best friend, I am choosing natural for you. Plus, this is what you want. You want to feel your baby sliding out of you.”
“No! No I don’t!”
Lexi laughs and continues to drive. She pulls into the hospital and we hurry inside. After getting checked in, I’m in my room, looking at the machines around me. I’m going to meet my son today. He’s going to be in my arms and I’ll get to kiss his cheeks and love….
“Ahhhhhhh! Lexi! Get the doctor! Get the president! I’ll pay anything for the pain to stop!”
“Girl, you need to relax. If I can do it, so can you.”
“I hate you!”
Minutes pass and soon Doctor Lake and nurses are in my room. My legs are propped up and my best friend is by my head. I’m instructed to push and oh, holy hell, do I push. It takes a few times before I hear his cries. My baby.
As much as I love Sebastian, going through another pregnancy and birth is not something I want to do again. I did the natural route and, wow, talk about pain. I will never ever complain about period cramps again.
Sebastian coos, getting my attention. I love these moments with him. It’s just us in the nursery and he’s safe in my arms. Every day, he’s getting bigger, and a small part of me is sad. I hate watching him grow up.
“You’re going to be three months old tomorrow and your sister is going to be six years old in two months.” Leaning back in my rocking chair, I remember all the times with Sebastian and Emma.
“Mommy! I’m home!”
Emma walks through the kitchen and outside to the cabana. She gives me a kiss and crawls next to me, lying down.
“How was school, honey?”
“Good! I couldn’t wait to leave so I could spend time with you and Bastian.”
I laugh at her nickname for her brother. She leans down and kisses his cheek.
“Hi, Bastian! I can’t wait until you get older and we can do more things together. Mommy, he’s so tiny! Do you think we can see Daddy today?”
Thinking about Nicholas and the pain of the past still breaks me. But the telling stories of him, of us, makes me feel better. If Emma were here, she would be snuggled up beside me, soaking in every word. She loves stories about her daddy, about how we fell in love. Instead, she’s sound asleep in her bed, where this little boy should be. Pulling the blanket around him, I begin my story. “When I told daddy I was carrying you, oh Sebastian, he was so excited. He loved you from the very beginning. He'd talk to you and tell you everything he was gonna do with you. He planned out every detail. He was so excited to have another man in the house. Do you remember that?” I laugh to myself. “Probably not. You used to kick and move around when you heard his voice. I bet you loved him from the start, huh?”
Remembering Nicholas and our love brings a tear to my eye. Not only does it bring back the shit that happened, but Jamie too.
Her funeral was small and quiet. We went for the sake of Emma. Explaining to a child that her mom was gone took a toll on all of us. Emma continues to see a therapist and, each day, she’s getting better and stronger. Jamie was cremated and her ashes were spread in the ocean. Jensen was in charge of her funeral. He knew what she wanted, and we went to support him and Emma.
Rocking back and forth with my son in my arms, I breathe a little easier knowing how strong I am today. Sometimes, it's hard remembering everything we went through. I'm not sure how I survived, but with little miracles and patience, anything is possible. I thank every day for Sebastian and Emma. They’re my lifelines and the reason I can get out of bed. “Your daddy and I were so in love. He brightened even the darkest days, just like you and Emma. I can’t imagine my life without ever having the chance to love all of you. You and your sister; you are my world and nothing will ever change that.”
I think a lot about the past five years. Starting over in North Carolina, graduating from UNC, Neil, meeting Nicholas, dealing with Jamie, becoming best friends with Jensen, and now raising two beautiful kids. Without my family and friends, I don’t know where I’d be. All of my strength has helped me get through all the obstacles set before me. Everything that happened to me yesterday prepared me for tomorrow.
Sebastian moves around in my arms, pulling me back in the now. “Wanna hear another story about me and Daddy?” He squirms and I swear I see a smile on his face. “One day, Daddy asked me if I wanted to play a game.” I laugh again, remembering our game with the quarters. We have so many memories together and those will forever live in my heart. My chest aches with the love. Looking back, I think that's when I fell in love with him. “I’ve loved Daddy since that day.” God, thinking about this is killing me. Little sobs build in my chest. I can’t take the thought of what happened. “I’m always gonna love daddy,” I whisper to Sebastian.
“Always.” I whip my head around and see my sexy husband, wearing his pajama pants that hang loosely around his hips. God, looking at him still makes me feel happy all over. “We’re gonna love each other forever and then some.” He kisses the top of my head and then Sebastian.
After the accident, Nicholas was in a coma for ten weeks. At first, they told me he was unresponsive and the machines were the only things keeping him alive. I told everyone I was going to keep him alive, along with our kids, the family that we created. We would keep him alive. I never left his side. I prayed every single day he'd wake up. Emma and I read him stories and made sure he was comfortable.
“Hey.” Nicholas kneels in front of us. “Stop, okay? I'm all right and I'm here. We're married and have the best life. You're my always. You kept me alive, Angel. I'm not leaving you; not today, tomorrow, or one hundred years from now. You are it for me during this life and when we're in Heaven. You'll never know what it's like to be without me. Me and you, okay?” I nod.
We share a kiss, connecting our souls. “I love you so much.”
“I love you too. Always.”
“Always.” I smile.
You’ve reached the end of Nicholas and Karly’s story! Are you feeling happy? Sad? Well I have some pretty awesome news for you! There will be a third book in the Infinity series! Whatttttt?! If you follow me on Facebook, Twitter, my blog and/or Instagram then you already know what I sorta have planned!
Vision of Hope, coming winter 2014, will be Jensen’s story. Now you won’t get the whole story about his past, but you’ll get to see him fall in love, make difficult decisions and find his place.
Please be sure to support my friend, Ryan Patrick, as he will be Jensen Toscano!
https://www.facebook.com/RyanPatrick0615
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Acknowledgements
Thank you for my family and friends for supporting my dream and pushing me to always strive for the best. I’m so lucky to all of you in my life. You’re there cheering me on and pushing away the negativity. I cannot thank you enough for your strength when I’m down and your smiles when I shine. I love you all so much!
Sandi Lynn, there will never be words to express how much you mean to me. You were my first author friend, someone who took me under her wing and helped from day one. You’re still teaching me, supporting me, caring about me and holding my hand through it all. I love you to the moon and back!
Kaylee Ryan, I don’t know how we got so close, but I think we should thank Liam and Aiden! Every time I break down you’re there picking me up and reminding me why I’m writing and why I shouldn’t give up. Our conversations and going back and forth with ideas is incredible. I’m so lucky to have you in my life as my author friend, my critique partner and someone I know I can trust and always go to when I need to yell, vent or smile. You’re truly amazing and so talented! Thank you for everything! Love! Love! Love!
Lexi, you’re not only my PA, but my friend. You keep me grounded and focused. You remind me of things I have to do and have saved me several times. I’m so lucky to have you! Thank you for sticking by me and putting up with me hehe. I love you girl!
B.Z, all I can say is here’s to many more! You’re a lifesaver and I simply adore you!
