by Teegan Loy
“What’s in the box?” Ashley asked.
“Skye’s journals,” Lindy said.
“Wow, he was always scribbling in one. Have you looked at them?”
“No,” I said.
Lindy put the broom away and came up behind me to massage my shoulders. I relaxed and let my head fall back against her. Lindy ordered Ashley to go back to bed, assuring her she would take care of me. I thought I should put up some sort of argument since I was a grown man.
“Let’s go to sleep,” she whispered, but I shook my head and eyed the box.
After a few minutes of staring, I flipped the lid off. I had no idea why Skye thought I should see his journals.
“I’m going into the living room to look at these,” I said.
Lindy followed, watching my every move. I plopped on the couch while she sat in a chair in the corner.
“I’ll be right here,” she whispered.
I bit my lip, took a deep breath, and opened the first journal.
August, Senior Year
There’ve been rumblings about some new kids coming to town. Word on the street pegs this new guy as the savior for the Middleton Lake High football program. We need a new quarterback but can this guy back up the gossip?
Brooke and my mom have been on me again about sorting through the giant pile of college brochures. Brooke actually tagged the ones she liked the best. They have my whole life planned out and it’s starting to piss me off.
I did an internet search and found out some info on the new guy. On paper, Tyler Rask is a stellar quarterback. I might actually be looking forward to meeting him. The family should be in town tomorrow.
August 12
Everyone was hanging around outside the church after the funeral service for Tyler’s grandma. I spotted Gavin Vigen standing with Tyler’s sister, but I still hadn’t found him. And then he came into view. He was tall, not overly muscular, and had a mop of wavy, blond hair. He wore black dress pants, a black suit jacket, and Converse shoes, and when he turned toward me, I had to stifle a gasp. The guy is stunning. I already knew I was flexible when it came to people, but my attraction to him was immediate and overwhelming. I haven’t even talked to him and already he scares the shit out of me.
August 14
Brooke and my mom won’t drop the college shit. I’m surprised they haven’t mentioned a wedding. Why doesn’t anyone ever ask me what I want?
August 16
Football started. Tyler is a great quarterback.
August 31
There’s a huge party at the lake tonight. Gavin is picking up Brooke and me. I think Gavin has staked his claim on Tyler’s sister so it should be an interesting evening. Brooke said something about bringing a bottle of whiskey.
Holy shit. Just stumbled home from the party. Had to tell Brooke to get lost. I need to be alone tonight. I’m drunk as shit, and I may have screwed up everything between Ty and me, but I couldn’t help myself. Stupid to say I didn’t mean for it to happen, but I’ll never forget it. The second my lips brushed against his, my life changed. Be it good or bad, Tyler Rask owns me, and it scares me to the core of my being.
Chapter Sixteen
I slammed Skye’s journal shut, startling Lindy.
“What?” she said as she stood.
“I’m not sure.”
“Maybe you should take a break.” She slid into my lap and I put my arms around her, letting the journal drop to the floor.
“I need this,” I said. “I’ll take everything downstairs and you can crawl into my bed.”
She tucked a curl behind my ear. “Ty, you need sleep too.”
“No, not until I read more.”
“Is it helping?”
“I’ve only read a few passages from the beginning of school. He writes stuff that doesn’t sound like it’s coming from him.”
“I’m not presuming to know what he wrote, but I think the words on the page are the real Skye.” She flipped through a few pages. “I really need to crash.”
I shoved the journals back into the box. “Hey, do you know if there’s any pot left?”
Lindy chuckled. “I hid her stash before everyone came over. I really don’t think it’s the prescription stuff.”
I laughed and tried not to think about where Mama scored. Lindy disappeared and returned with a large baggie of weed. She paused at the top of the stairs and I banged into her with the box.
“What’s wrong?”
“It’s silly. I always dreamed you’d take me down here and make love to me. I wanted you to be my first.” She took a deep breath. “You make me feel like that unsure seventeen-year-old kid again.”
“Being back here makes me feel awful, like I need to hide everything again. Skye didn’t want anyone to know about us.”
“It’s disturbing that you thought you weren’t worth more.”
I set the box down, reached for her, and pulled her against my chest, kissing her temple.
“Don’t say you’re sorry again,” she said as she bounded down the stairs. I picked the box back up and followed. “It’s done and I’ve moved on. Now get me something to wear. I’m tired.”
She gave me a glare and went into the bathroom.
“So are you dating someone?” I asked.
She called me some delightfully creative names before telling me to mind my own fucking business.
“And yet, you’re right up in mine,” I said.
When she finally settled into my bed, snuggling into my side, I opened another journal.
September 4
It’s the first day of my final year at Middleton Lake. Things have been a little tense since that night at the lake. I’m not ready to admit I might want him, and I definitely didn’t want to answer any questions about my sexuality.
Maybe my reaction pushed him to Lindy, but it seemed like he was really into kissing her. Probably wanted to get the taste of me out of his mouth. I’m supposed to pick him up for school today.
Evening
Today turned out okay. I grew a pair and picked Tyler up for school and kinda apologized for the lake thing. I used drinking as an excuse. Not sure he bought it, but he didn’t push it. Too bad my dick didn’t understand why I needed to put space between us.
Lindy was being overly possessive of him, letting all the girls know he was off-limits. It wasn’t just the girls who wanted him. She got under my skin a bit, but I think I did an okay job of hiding my feelings. I turned my attentions to Brooke to get Tyler off my mind.
September 5
Football practice was excruciating, and that dumb fuck Thomas Crow nailed Tyler at the end of practice, slamming him hard into the ground. Ty shook everyone off, but I could tell he wasn’t okay. I weaseled my way into his date with Lindy, telling myself it was to keep an eye on him.
I ended up taking him to see dear old Dad. By the time I got him to the hospital, he could barely move without flinching.
Dad prescribed some pills and told him he needed to take it easy for a few days. I drove him home and should’ve left, but he was in pain and my brain wasn’t firing on all cylinders. I wanted nothing more than to take his pain away.
I made the mistake of following him to his room where something in me snapped. I kissed him, and this time he kissed me back, yielding to me when I begged permission with my tongue. I soon found myself drowning in his taste.
After he fell asleep, I held him, allowing myself a moment to think what it would be like to have him. Letting go that night was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.
I couldn’t believe this shit. Why hadn’t he told me what was going on inside his head? We could’ve dealt with it together. I always felt like I was fumbling around in the dark with him. Obviously, I didn’t know him at all.
The book fell to the floor when I stood. I paced around the room a few times, finally pausing in front of the framed newspaper clippings. The one that caught my eye was after the state championship game. The ball was tucked under Skye’s arm and his lef
t hand was resting on my shoulder pads. He was smiling and I was laughing. To an outsider it looked like we were great friends celebrating our victory. But there was so much more behind that photo.
“Lindy. Lindy, wake up!” I said, shaking her.
“Huh?”
“What was the date of the championship football game?”
“Wha . . . Why?” she asked with a sleep-heavy voice.
“Just help me out here.”
She sat up and rubbed her eyes, frowning at me. “You’re holding the article about the game. It was close to the end of November.”
“Oh, sorry I woke you.”
I rifled through the box of journals, searching for the correct date. When I finally found the right one, I ran my fingers over the dates. Did I dare look? I wasn’t sure I wanted to know how he felt about that time. Maybe he’d just put an asterisk to indicate his evening of conquest.
“Tyler?”
“What?”
“You’re going to give yourself a heart attack.”
I set the journal on the bed and decided I couldn’t do this without a little help. “Where the hell is that bag?”
She tossed it at my head, and I eyed the fat doobie already rolled. It was calling my name. I lit the joint before Lindy could take it away from me.
“That might make it worse,” she said.
“I really doubt that anything could make this day worse.”
She climbed back into bed and propped a pillow up. “Share with me.”
“Aren’t you a member of the health community?”
“Shut up,” she said, giving me a sharp punch to the arm.
I took a long drag and held the smoke in my lungs as long as I could before passing her the joint.
“Are you going to tell me what has you so freaked out?”
“Something I remembered that happened the week of the big game. Actually, the whole week was pretty eye opening and life changing for me. I need to know if he wrote anything about it.”
Her eyes widened, and I swear I saw the light bulbs popping in her head. I buried my face in my hands.
“Oh holy . . . was that . . . did you guys?” Her face flushed. “What was it like?”
Now my face went red hot. “Lindy, I’m not discussing this with you.”
“Why not? I think I deserve to know.”
“You said you’d put all this behind you, so quit using the guilt card on me.”
“Is it working?” She smirked and poked me in the side.
I huffed. “Maybe.”
“Well then I’m pulling out the whole deck of cards and laying them on the table. It might make you feel better to talk about it.”
“I doubt it. It was five years ago, and I’m having all these feelings. I don’t know how to deal with this shit. Maybe not knowing is better because, if I read that it never mattered to him —”
“Ty,” she interrupted me. “It mattered to him.”
Lindy handed me the joint again and I took another long drag. Maybe not knowing what he wrote would preserve my memory of that week. So much happened, and it had been one of the best times in my life.
My memory was still vivid and I remembered how his touches burned into my skin and my soul.
“Tyler,” Lindy said.
“What?”
“I thought you passed out. What the hell were you thinking about?”
“Nothing.”
She cocked an eyebrow, and I knew she didn’t believe me. Instead she plunked a journal on my stomach. “I think this is what you’re looking for. Now let a girl get a little more sleep.”
She rolled over and I cautiously opened the journal.
November 20
Today is our trip to The Cities. No Brooke. Not my mom, only my dad and he was going to be busy.
It’d been a fucked up day since I’d told Ty about the plans. I thought things would be easier after I’d broken up with Brooke, but my mom was driving me insane. She’d been asking questions I didn’t want to answer.
Dear old Mom backed off when I told her I’d look at those college applications piling up on my desk after the game was over.
In my perfect world, I’d go to school with Tyler and move in with him. But that would never happen. I was the good son, and me hooking up with a guy wasn’t on my mother’s list of things she wanted for me. I had no fucking backbone and I despised myself for settling and living a lie.
But for now, when the night came, he was mine.
Enough with the depressing shit.
Packing was interesting. I shoved clothing and bathroom stuff into a bag. The last thing I pulled out was my secret stash. I originally thought about getting two fake IDs, but I figured Tyler would only need to flash his dimples and flutter his lashes and the boys would go batty. I tucked the box of condoms under my socks right as Dad hammered on my door. I managed to slip the lube under my T-shirts and close my bag before he opened the door.
Watching him carry my stuff downstairs was an odd experience. I felt like it was clear plastic and he could see everything inside, but all he talked about was the upcoming game. He often asked me about playing in college, but I didn’t think I was good enough. I had good hands and I was fast, but I wasn’t exactly built for the game of football at the college level. Plus, I really wanted to keep all my body parts for future use.
We picked up Tyler, and I had to quiet my emotions before I grabbed his face and planted one on his lips. Tyler seemed unaffected, burying his nose in a book as we drove. My stomach was full of flying bugs.
During the drive, we exchanged several glances, a wink here, and a small nod there. It was driving me to the edge of insanity. I wanted to jump him and sink into his body, to dip my tongue into his mouth and taste his sweet essence. I wanted everything, and it was both exciting and terrifying.
As we neared the hotel, my dad went over a long list of rules and regulations. Not once did he say anything about sleeping with my teammate. He gave us the itinerary for his conference. And with that, he departed to get changed for a formal affair, leaving us standing in the lobby of a very nice hotel.
Not sure how I made it to the room without attacking him. He tossed his suitcase on the bed, and I took that moment to appreciate him. He wore black jeans that hugged his ass perfectly and a tight shirt that clung to his body, exposing the fine outlines of his muscles. It made my dick press against my zipper.
When he claimed a bed as his own, I decided to take a shower and purposely left the door open a crack. Disappointment filled me when I heard the TV roar to life. My shoulders sagged, and I turned the shower on, waiting for the water to heat before I stepped under the spray.
The hot water hit my back and I ducked my head under the showerhead, letting the water pour over my hair.
Someone cleared their throat and my eyes snapped open to see him standing outside the shower with a towel wrapped around his waist and a very embarrassed look on his face.
When he dropped his towel and exposed his already hard cock to me, I almost died. He smiled shyly and touched my chest, tracing one of my nipples. He stepped closer and let his dick rub against mine. And then he dropped to his knees and assaulted my cock with his mouth. My orgasm came with a violence and quickness that took me by surprise. He spluttered as I filled his mouth. I barely managed to stay on my feet.
When I was finally able to see straight, I plunged my tongue into his mouth and jacked him off. He rested his head on my shoulder, panting hard.
I opened the shampoo and washed his hair.
We shared the same bed that evening. I barely slept because I needed to catalog every moment with him. I was happy, but it wasn’t going to last long, and I wanted to remember what it felt like to be with him.
I desperately wanted this to be my reality, to have him asleep on my shoulder and feel the warmth of his skin against mine. I wanted to wake up with his arm flung over my chest and his hair tickling my cheek.
But I was trapped and facing a lifetime of misery.
I woke whispering Skye’s name. I sat up so fast I almost sent Lindy to the floor. She barely managed to hang onto the side of the bed.
“What the hell?” she said until she noticed the large droplets of sweat dripping down my face, my chest heaving, and me clutching my chest. I also had a fucking hard-on from hell. This was not normal morning wood, and if I didn’t take care of it, I was going to fucking die.
Lindy was wide-eyed, staring at me like I was an escaped lunatic.
“Tyler?”
“I’m okay. It was a weird dream, brought on by reading his journal.”
She grabbed my wrist and checked my pulse. “Ty, you are not fine. Your heart is pounding. I know you don’t want to hear this, but if you can’t talk to me, we need to find someone you can dump all this shit on.”
I shook her hand off. “I am not airing my dirty laundry to someone I don’t fucking know, and besides, it was just a stupid dream. It just seemed so real. I swear I could feel his touch and smell his scent.” I ran my fingers through my hair. I did sound slightly unhinged.
Lindy frowned and shut the journal. “Is reading this shit helping or making it worse?”
I covered my face. “Both.”
She slid her arm around my shoulders and tried to push me back on the bed. I tightened my abs and stopped her. “No offense, darling, but climbing on top of me isn’t a good idea.”
A hurt look washed over her face, but it didn’t last long. She dropped her gaze and saw my predicament.
“Oh, I’m sorry, Ty. I wish I could help you out, big boy.” She burst out laughing, rolling all over the bed while trying to rip the blankets off my lower body.
“You little pervert,” I howled.
She smashed me in the face with a pillow and laughed so hard tears streamed down her cheeks. I tackled her and tickled her until she begged for mercy.
“Stop,” she yelled. “Stop poking me with that thing. You need to go take care of that.” She pointed toward the bathroom.
