In the meantime, I’d dive more deeply into my charity work until I forgot about Gage Harmon.
Yes, that was what I’d do.
Chapter 24—Revelations
~~Alisa~~
Weeks passed. I’d established a busy routine, but nothing completely took away the huge hole left by Gage’s absence. He didn’t call or text, and neither did I.
The palace had issued a short statement regarding our engagement, stating merely the engagement had been called off indefinitely while the couple concentrated on their individual careers. I’d wanted the statement to express we were permanently through, rather than this wishy-washy release that hinted we might get back together.
We weren’t getting back together, yet I’d watched every one of Gage’s preseason games. Come to find out, the big TV in the entertainment room had the NFL package on it.
The last weekend in August, I sneaked downstairs to the TV room to watch the Steelheads’ last preseason game. Because of the time difference, the game was played in the middle of the night.
After Gage had left, I’d holed up in my room for two days, but I needed human interaction, and I’d resumed my princessly duties. On a happy note, Claudia was doing well, and one of the nurses was interested in adopting her. The process was in the early days, but I’d promised to use whatever clout I had to hurry the adoption along.
Minutes after I’d turned on the TV, my father entered the room and sank down into one of the plush chairs. He carried a plate of nachos, which he placed on the end table between us. He had two smaller plates and handed one to me. After filling his plate, he sat back and chewed slowly and thoughtfully. His being here wasn’t a coincidence. He had something to say to me, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear it. I didn’t need an I told you so or a lecture on duties or any other lesson he relished doling out.
“American football is my guilty pleasure,” he said by way of explanation.
“I never knew.” He’d never mentioned it, nor had he discussed football with Gage.
“Now you do.” He settled back to watch. Tanner, the starter, played the first half, but I caught a few glimpses of Gage on the sidelines. Every time I saw him in his pads and those tight pants, my entire body reacted with feelings so strong they overwhelmed me. It’d been over a month, yet my emotions toward him hadn’t faded in the least. I feared they never would.
“Alisa, I’m proud of you,” my father said from out of the blue during the halftime break.
“Excuse me?” I blurted, not sure I’d heard him correctly.
“You weren’t raised a princess, but you’ve exceeded my expectations and conducted yourself in a manner becoming a princess. You’re caring, kind, and approachable. Something the monarchy had in short supply. You’re a woman the people can relate to. You sincerely care about others, and it shows.”
“Thank you.” I looked down at my plate of nachos and dabbed my eyes with a napkin.
We didn’t speak much after that but listened to the halftime show. Gage was briefly mentioned as being in a battle for the second-string quarterback job and as receiving high praise from the coaches in a recent press conference. I sent up a silent prayer Gage would make the team.
“Alisa, you’ve been out of sorts as of late.”
“I’m fine.” I forced a bright smile, but my father wasn’t buying it. He frowned and deep worry lines furrowed his brow. If I hadn’t been so miserable, his concern over my well-being would’ve brightened my day.
I had told the royal family everything right after it happened, from introducing Gage as a fake fiancé to Ted’s elopement to Gage’s abrupt departure. Better they hear it from me than the press. The king had been mildly interested. The queen had looked skeptical. My stepmother had smirked with glee. My father had stoically listened and shown zero reaction. My father hadn’t brought up the entire fiasco since that day.
“Alisa, you aren’t fine. You might be able to fool the others but not me.”
I was almost flattered that he cared enough to notice. I wiped my eyes with a tissue and said nothing.
“Can I tell you a secret?” he asked.
“Of course.” I tried to hide my surprise that my father would confide in me, of all people.
“I mean no one can know this.”
“You absolutely can trust me.”
“You love Gage. I saw it in your eyes every time you were with him. My time with your mother was the best time of my life. Don’t let your time with Gage be what you look back on years from now as the best time of your life. You’re young. You should be making countless best times, each one better than the last. If he’s the one you want to make those times with, find a way to do it. Don’t live with regrets for things you didn’t do or risks you didn’t take.”
“You loved my mother?” He’d carried a torch for my mother all these years? I had no idea.
“I still love your mother. She was the love of my life, but I chose duty over my heart.”
I nodded. He and my stepmother were polite to each other, but they were never affectionate. In fact, they appeared to barely tolerate each other’s presence. My father had committed himself to public service and married a woman acceptable to his parents.
“That summer I met your mother, Abigale and I were to be engaged. I’d known her throughout my childhood as she was one of our circle. Our eventual marriage had become an expectation. I was and still am a man of duty. I did my duty. I’ve attempted to pound my sense of duty into you, but I’ve done you an injustice. Sometimes our duty is to ourselves. If we aren’t happy, it’s doubly difficult to do our jobs with enthusiasm and sincerity.”
“But she knew who you were, didn’t she?”
“She never knew I was a prince until a friend let it be known. She left me and never looked back.”
“And you didn’t go after her?”
“The biggest regret of my life. I chose duty.”
I nodded, and a lump formed in my throat as I attempted to digest his surprising message and revelations. He smiled sadly at me, giving me the impression he knew exactly what I was going through. I had no idea he’d loved my mother. None whatsoever. I thought it’d been a hot summer fling.
“But he’s not the person I thought he was,” I said.
“Are you sure? I’ll bet he is in many ways, deep down where it matters. Would you have given him a chance if you’d known his family were penniless farmers, and he had nothing?”
“I hope I would’ve.”
He smiled wryly at me. “But even you aren’t sure. He stayed private. Perhaps he shouldn’t have done it quite like he did, but I can understand his reasoning.”
“I’m so confused.”
“I’ll support what choice you make.”
“Father, do you think I should go to him?”
“I think you should do what your heart tells you to do, but whatever that is, forgive him. We all do the best we can in this life, and sometimes we make bad decisions.”
He rose to his feet, patted me on the back, and gave me one last smile. “Do the right thing, my daughter. Whatever that is for your situation.”
With those words, he left me alone with my thoughts.
~~Gage~~
I went back to Seattle with my tail tucked between my legs and rededicated myself to making the football team. I was going to be fucking somebody, even if it was too late to prove my worth to Alisa.
I couldn’t shake the nagging doubts that she’d dumped me not because of my reluctance to open up but because I wasn’t good enough for her.
I’d never been good enough. Not because of my parents, who loved me just as I was and supported all my dreams, but because deep down I’d never felt worthy. While my brothers were toiling on the farm with my father, I’d been playing football or working out but not really doing anything productive to help the family. They’d never once complained.
Neither my mother or father commented on the news reports that I’d avoided discussing my background in order to win ove
r the princess. They were disappointed in me, though; I heard it in their voices during our phone calls, but I also heard the concern and love. No matter what I did, they would be there for me. I told the entire family if I made the team, I’d be flying them out at my expense to watch my first regular-season football game. Of course, I’d be riding the bench because Tanner was the starter, and I had no delusions about taking over his job anytime soon.
We stepped it up at training camp, and the separation grew between the guys most likely to make it and those who were struggling. I wasn’t sure what category I belonged in. I’d had a couple good preseason games, throwing for two touchdowns and scrambling for another. I was getting my mojo back, playing the game by instincts instead of thinking too hard and losing the rhythm of the play.
I’d heard nothing from Alisa in the weeks since I’d returned to Seattle and didn’t expect to. At first the media had been relentless, but interest in our story had died down as newer ones cropped up. Thank God for fickle media.
I was in the best shape of my life when I walked on that field for the last preseason game. The biggest cuts would come after the game. Those of us on the cusp of making it or being cut had to dig deep and give it everything we had. There was one other quarterback, Johnny Ward, vying for the same spot as me. He was a seasoned veteran who’d proven a worthy backup over the years, but he was slowing down and not as sharp as he’d once been. I had youth and ambition on my side. I was one outstanding performance away from making this team and my lifelong dream a reality.
Yet something was missing. I knew what it was, but I couldn’t do a damn thing about it. Alisa was dead to me. She’d booted me out on my ass with good reason, and I had to face that reality. We were through. I’d never again celebrate a win or mourn a loss with her sweet body as my reward or solace. I’d never sit down at the TV and talk football with her. I’d never see her smile light up her face again.
It was over.
I hung out with the rookies on the team, several of whom lived in my building or were my roommates. We partied a lot, though none of my drunken nights made this dull ache lodged in my breastbone go away. I tried to ease the pain with women, but I couldn’t go through with it. I wasn’t ready, and I gave up trying. My buddies were all looking at me like I’d lost my mind, and I probably had.
I jogged onto the field for that final preseason game with the confidence that’d eluded me during my last year of college. The guys in the huddle fed off my determination and drive. Tanner had played the first half, Johnny played the third quarter, and quite badly. We were down by one touchdown. The wins and losses didn’t matter in preseason, but they did to me. I played this game like I was playing in the Super Bowl.
The offense went three downs and out, not even making seven yards. I paced the sidelines, impatient for another chance to get out there. Our defense held, and we were back on the field in no time.
I was ready. I could do this. This next set of plays could mark the beginning or end of my pro career, and I wasn’t about to let my dreams die tonight.
We moved the ball down the field thanks to our running back but stalled out on their forty-five. Fifteen seconds to go. Fourth down. Too far for a field goal. Time for a Hail Mary.
I called the play in the huddle. We lined up, and the ball was snapped. I backed up a few steps, staying in the pocket and praying my line would hold as long as it took one of my guys to get downfield. I saw my receiver near the end zone and hefted the ball into the air. The ball spiraled downward a few steps in front of him. He ran under and into the end zone.
We’d won the game, and I was feeling good that I’d won a spot on the roster.
Chapter 25—Rookie Class
~~Gage~~
On Monday they announced the roster, and I’d made it, along with roomies and Tyee teammates Logan and Mason. The Desperados were represented in full force.
Ace, Gannon, and Whittaker, who rounded out our bad karaoke singing group, were on the final roster. We were this year’s rookie class, and as of today we’d made the final cut. We were professional football players with all the money and fame that came with it.
On Monday night, the Desperados met down the road at Callahan’s, an Irish pub, which had karaoke on Monday nights. We were well into our celebrating by the time the DJ started. The six of us finished a drunk rendition of our signature song “Desperado” and staggered back to our table.
“Another round,” I yelled, raising my empty glass in the air and waving it like a flag.
A scantily clad female deposited herself on Logan’s lap, and he was already making out with her within sixty seconds of the song ending. They were all over each other and didn’t care who was watching. The guy reminded me of myself in college pre-Alisa.
Ace, as big of a horndog as Logan, was flanked by two females. They cuddled up to him with their hands on his thighs. Ace wore a huge grin.
Whittaker had his head buried in his cell. I had no idea what he was up to. The guy was super-secretive and hard to read. Even when he was throwing back shots, which was often, he didn’t loosen up.
Gannon was the quiet one. He sat back and watched all of us. Not missing a thing.
Easton, despite being a hockey player, not a football player, was a probable NHL rookie, and therefore included in our celebration because I insisted on it. He was once again arguing with Mason over who was tougher—hockey players or football players.
The only thing missing was Alisa. I mentally slapped myself for letting her memory rain on my parade. This was my night. Despite it all, I’d risen from adversity and won the final battle.
My group was drunk, somewhat disorderly, and everyone was having the time of their lives—except me. I was happy, in a way. Who wouldn’t be after being through what I’d been through and still realizing their lifelong dream? I’d be Tanner’s backup, and I’d be learning from two of the best quarterbacks to ever take the field—Tanner, of course, and the quarterback coach, Tyler Harris. Harris was legendary in Seattle, a homegrown boy who’d made it big and had a trio of Super Bowl rings. I might never start for Seattle unless Tanner decided on early retirement, but I knew in a few years, I’d be ready to move on to a team needing a starting quarterback.
If Alisa had been sitting by my side, this would be the perfect moment. Only she wasn’t, and she never would be again.
I had to move on. Start a new chapter in my life. Enjoy the fruits of my labors. All that crap.
A gorgeous blonde slid up next to my chair and bent down so I could see her ample cleavage. I blinked a few times and lifted my head to stare into her intoxicated or stoned or whatever eyes. They were unfocused and dilated.
“You look lonely.” She slurred her words so badly I almost didn’t understand her.
“I’m not.” I removed her hand from my shoulder.
Whittaker glanced up long enough to take in the situation. His gaze flicked to her cleavage and back to her face. “If he’s not lonely, baby, I am.”
She giggled and dropped me like a hot frying pan full of grease. A few seconds later, she was straddling Whit’s lap, and they were making out like a pair of horny teenagers. I didn’t feel a bit of regret for losing my opportunity for some action tonight. There was only one kind of action I wanted with a certain person.
I had to get beyond my obsession with Alisa.
Someday, but not today.
~~Alisa~~
My father’s words haunted me for the next few days. Was I giving up the best thing that’d ever happened to me? Should I fight for him? For us? Did it really matter that he’d been dishonest about who he was because, regardless, I knew the real Gage? I knew the guy I’d once thought was a spoiled rich boy, and now it made perfect sense why he wasn’t the person he pretended to be.
I did some soul-searching, wondering how much of my initial attraction to him had been based on his status as a college quarterback and a guy with wealthy parents who could travel in the same circles I had travelled. I was a snob. I was the
one who’d needed to take a long, hard look at myself.
I done a lot of growing up in the past year. I didn’t think I was that person anymore. If Gage was destitute and looking at a bleak future, I would still love him. My biggest fear was how insincere I’d appear if I went to him now, after he’d made the team. I should’ve made my grand gesture prior to his making the team and told him I’d stick with him no matter what.
Wayne called, and we talked at length. He’d had a torrid love affair with a lumberjack he’d met a few weeks after I’d left Seattle. They’d gone to Alaska to live off the grid, which was shocking knowing Wayne. He’d lasted months without cell service and internet but couldn’t take it any longer. Now he was back in Seattle and a single man once again. We made plans for him to fly to England in a month or so. He listened as I updated him on things, and for once, didn’t have much to offer in way of advice, but his shoulder to cry on was much appreciated.
I visited Claudia that Wednesday. She was doing well and was living with the nurse who was adopting her. She was getting stronger every day, and for that I was grateful.
“Gage made the team,” she beamed at me.
“I saw the final roster. I’m so happy for him.”
“Do you miss him?” Claudia studied me with eyes too old to belong to one so young.
“Yes, I do.”
“Why don’t you make up with him?” The world was so simple in a child’s eyes, or maybe adults were the ones who unnecessarily complicated things.
“I don’t know if that’s possible.”
“Why not? You love each other.” She laid it all out there.
I nodded and smiled at her. “I’m thinking about it.”
Claudia lifted her gaze and met mine, her smile slow, as if she knew something I didn’t.
I was thinking about it. All the time. I even dreamed about Gage and me. I didn’t know if he’d welcome me with open arms or turn his back on me. Possible rejection would be a risk I’d have to take, if I chose to take it.
Tackled in Seattle Page 18
