“What can I do to help?”
“Nothing, I‘m fine.”
“I know you’re fine, Bel. Quite exquisite, actually. I just want to be in here with you.” Max looked so sincere.
Bel sighed, wondering what she was nervous about. “Perhaps you could dress the salad, then?”
Max kissed her cheek and squeezed her bottom gently. “I’d be happy to.”
He worked on the salad as she finished the sauce and cooked the pasta. She smiled to herself, joyously happy that they were working together in a kitchen.
Without too much drama, dinner was on the table and the candles were lighted. As she carried the plates to the table she berated herself. I should have put them to warm earlier. Is the sauce still too salty? Is the chicken too dry? When she walked into the dining room and saw him tossing the salad in the golden flicker of candlelight she paused. Could this be real? A simple moment that brought such happiness—she felt as though her heart might burst from her chest. She knew times like this would be few and far between, but she was grateful to be able to share a new kind of memory. Sitting beside him at the table, she watched the deep red wine bounce into her glass and she offered silent thanks. Not for the food, but for the opportunity to share it with him.
“This is excellent, Bel. Thank you for cooking for me.”
“It was a pleasure. Well—after I settled down and realised I could manage it.” The blush crept to her cheeks and Bel suddenly felt vulnerable.
“Manage it? You’re a professional.”
“That’s just a job, not important compared to this.” Her voice was soft, unsure.
“I am pretty easy to please, love.” Max took her hand and squeezed it.
“You know what I mean. I wanted it to be perfect. It’s another first for us.”
“It is perfect, you are perfect. And sweetly sentimental.” Max kissed her warmly and Bel began to laugh.
“Not even close to perfect, darling, but I have the best of intentions.” She attempted to sound nonchalant. She always wanted to put his needs first. A little self-sacrificing perhaps, but if he was happy, she was happy, too.
“You talk about my stress, what about yours?”
“I have no stress.” Bel dropped her gaze and studied the bright green spinach on her plate.
“Of course not. Busy executive chef, a teenage daughter, an aging mother to care for. What could possibly be stressful?” Bel sensed his sarcasm coming more from frustration than humour. He raised an eyebrow and waited.
“Exactly.” She looked up, hoping her fake smile wasn’t too obvious.
“Bel, why do you clam up on me like that? You always try to make my life easier, more relaxed. Why won’t you let me do the same for you?”
Bel sipped at her wine and considered her reply. His concern was genuine, the candlelight reflecting the warmth in his eyes.
“Max, it wasn’t supposed to be part of our deal.”
“Yes, but we broke that rule long ago.”
“You have enough…” Bel paused to think about what she was saying. She knew she sounded ridiculous. Sure, they had rules, but they loved each other, of course he cared.
“Bel, stop telling me what you think I want to hear and tell me what your life is really like. Not the glossed-over versions you try and make me believe.” She heard the agitation in his voice and shivered. Could it be that he wanted more, too?
She laughed again, though this time it was tinged with bitterness and pain. She wanted to tell him her life was fine. Complete. But as she looked at his sweet face, his eyes full of concern, she wanted to tell him that he was her life. Oh good, Bel, that won’t send him right over the edge! She bit her lip hard, trying to come up with something a bit less dramatic.
“Maybe next time, we will meet at your place?” he prompted cautiously.
“Oh, that would be fun,” she replied sarcastically. “In between my sixty-hour work week, chauffeuring my fourteen-year-old and her giggling friends, and catering to my ornery mother, we could have a blast.”
“Bel, I know your life is complicated, but I want to see how you live. Fill in the missing parts of my fantasies. Meet your mother and Candace.”
“No one should have to deal with my drama. It’s bad enough I unload on you like I do.” Bel knew her insecurity was showing again and she silently cursed herself.
“Hey, that is what we do. We need to share the good times and the bad.”
“Why? We live separate lives, remember?” Bel immediately regretted her terse response.
She noticed the look of hurt in his eyes. He did try to be there for her. They may pretend that it wasn’t a real relationship, but, in the end, it was. They cared for one another, consoled one another and supported one another. They just did it via email, phone and Skype. It had worked out pretty well, until now. It was the holidays, the tired days, the family crisis days when she missed his physical presence the most. Just to feel his hand slip into hers or his arms circle her waist. She often had times where she’d wondered, what she would give to feel his touch for a single moment. “Bel, I know you are struggling, but I don’t know why. Please talk to me.” He took her hand, his voice pleading with her.
“I’m sorry, Max, I was wrong to say that. You give me so much of yourself and I am truly grateful.”
“Ah, I give you a tiny bit in comparison to what you give me. I am a selfish man and, although it doesn’t make it right, I did warn you.”
“I know. You were very clear about the limits of our arrangement. I know that I was all for it, too.” Bel tried to sound strong, sure, but her dissatisfaction was pushing at her.
“Was?”
“Well, still am. It’s just…” She paused at the edge of the cliff, afraid to jump.
“I’m listening. Tell me, Bel,” he said, his voice softening.
“When I look at our crazy lives, I still think it’s best just like it is—but each time we part, I feel a little more of me staying behind with you. I am afraid I will wake up one day and find that you have it all and I will be lost.” Bel choked back a sob as the pain rose inside her.
“My love, you do not need to give up anything for me. You are an independent woman—strong, smart, incredibly sexy. You have your life and I mine. Once in a while our worlds collide and it is magnificent.”
“I don’t feel as though I am losing anything. I want you to have everything. I want to fill you with it. I want you to accept it.” She was desperate to have him understand how much she truly cared.
“You know that I want you. Want you so much,” he added, the soft shudder of breath belying the truth of his words.
“Do you? Is it really me you want? Maybe it’s just the way the convenient situation fits into your neatly compartmentalised world. Maybe I am just one of many and it reduces your risk.” Bel felt the heat rising up her neck as her pulse pounded in her veins. Emotion surged through her and she felt as though her chest might just burst open.
“Bel, we have never really had a fight—do you want one now? Are you pushing me because you’re hurting or because you can’t tell me the truth?”
Bel realised, with the exception of a few misunderstandings, that they had never even had heated words between them. Once or twice their own insecurities and the distance between them had caused hurt feelings, but they had worked through it lovingly. She didn’t want to fight with him, especially after such a lovely day together, but she knew it was important they were in the same room when they had this discussion.
“What truth would that be?” she asked timidly.
“That you can’t handle this anymore. That you want more and, because you promised to never ask, you suffer in prideful silence. Did you ever for once think that maybe I shouldn’t be let off the hook like that?”
“Well, I— No, I just…” His insight and honesty unnerved her.
“Just what, Bel?” he asked his voice growing louder. “Tell me, damn it. You want to talk? Well, talk.”
“Okay!” she shout
ed. “Okay, I want more. I want normal. I want you. Are you happy now?” The tears pricked at her eyes as relief swept through her. The pain had been eating at her for months, threatening to swallow her whole, and she couldn’t pretend any longer.
“No,” he replied softly, “I am not. I knew this day was coming. Since your emotional outburst at Christmas, I’ve been preparing for this.
“I hardly think a few holiday tears constitute an emotional outburst,” she retorted hotly. “Wait—preparing for it? Really? So for the last three months you just let me suffer?”
“No, love, I wanted to be sure. I wanted you to be sure.”
“Sure of what?” His cryptic replies were infuriating but she knew he was processing it all carefully.
“That I could offer you more, that you were willing to accept more.”
“And?” She was too lost in her unleashed anger to realise what he was saying.
“And perhaps we need to renegotiate the terms of our arrangement. But first we need to get some sleep.” Max rose from the leather-covered dining room chair. The conversation was over.
Bel couldn’t breathe. After exhaling, she took a deep calming breath, letting the sweet fragrance of the white lilies on the table calm her erratic emotions.
“Of course you are right, darling,” she said calmly while gathering the empty wine glasses and their cheese plate. Don’t panic and do not say a word, she repeated to herself all the way to the kitchen. Once the dishes had been done, they pulled the sheets from the dryer and went up to make the bed. The crisp snap of cotton sang through the air as Max fluffed out the sheet and let it fall softly to the mattress. Bel grabbed her end and, pulling it tight, tucked it neatly under the corner. Looking up, she saw him watching her and she smiled wistfully. She knew he was thinking about the simple things they missed out on, too.
Undressing hurriedly in the cool air, they raced to crawl into the warm, clean sheets. Snuggling close to Max, she planted her cold feet against his calves.
“Sorry,” she said, yanking them away as he flinched.
Max pulled her legs towards him and placed her feet back on his legs.
“I will warm your feet anytime, baby,” he said and kissed her.
Bel smiled and crawled close again. He wrapped his arms around her and held her quietly. Bel couldn’t seem to manage to get close enough, but she shifted her body once more, looking for a way.
“Bel, we can’t be any closer than we are,” he whispered softly.
“I know. I just have to touch you. I just need…” Bel choked on her words
“I know. It’s okay,” he soothed.
“If there is a way to crawl right under your skin, I am going to find it.”
“Oh, my love,” he said, with a chuckle, “don’t you know you already have?”
Bel lifted her head from the warmth of his neck and searched his eyes. Seeing his love for her so clearly, she held his face in her hands and kissed his mouth tenderly.
“I love you so much, Max.” Bel felt her heart was overflowing with joy.
“I am quite fond of you as well,” he replied, teasing her.
“Glad to hear it—you ass!” She landed a sharp playful smack on his bottom. She heard the sting before the sound of his whimper.
“Oh, you are such a tender baby,” she teased.
“You know I don’t do pain well, and you do know how much I love you, don’t you?”
“Umm, maybe it is time you were trained. To handle pain, that is.” Her bravado rang a bit false, even to her own ears. She knew Max would pick up on it, too. She did believe that he loved her, but the very nature of their relationship made it seem hit and miss at times.
“Be careful, Bel. You know that I will have to punish you if you misbehave,” he said, pushing his thigh between hers.
“Mmm,” she mumbled, sliding her pussy against his leg. “I mean—no! Please don’t spank me.” Bel tried to give him an innocent pout while opening her eyes wider, but the rich sound of his laughter sent a shiver through her core and she forgot all about pretending.
“You know I have ways of punishing you without ever laying a hand on you.” Max slid his thigh from between Bel’s legs and smiled smugly.
“Max! Please don’t—”
“Don’t what, love? Hmm, are you begging?”
“That will be the day,” she replied tersely.
“We will see about that, my Bel, we will see.” Max kissed her soundly on the mouth and, turning from her, he pulled the covers over his shoulder and settled into the bed.
Bel rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling. Two could play at this game and she knew he couldn’t resist her for long. She had been here before and she tried not to fidget as she listened to the steady tick of the clock on the mantle. Turning towards him, she let the torturously hard peaks of her nipples graze across his back. She curled her hips and settled her warm mound against his bottom and squirmed—just enough to remind him she was there. Shifting slightly, he settled into her and Bel smiled contentedly. The sex was wonderful, but it was the intimacy that made their time so spectacular. Being close to him was what she’d missed the most.
“Good night, Bel,” he murmured with a sigh. Max reached back and took her hand. After kissing her knuckles, he placed her hand over his heart, holding it firmly in his grasp. A simple twitch beneath his shoulder blade. then the soft sound of his breathing began to fill the cosy space around them. Bel sighed in exasperation, but, tired from their long, lazy day, she drifted into a peaceful sleep.
Chapter Three
Bel woke to the early light of morning drifting through the blinds and the insistent heat of Max’s erection sliding between her legs. Bel snuggled closer and enjoyed the sensation of his shaft sliding through her wetness. With each stroke, the velvety soft head of his cock brushed across her sensitive bud. Still full of sleep, she relaxed and let the slow tingle build inside her. Her nipples were hard against his palms as he squeezed her breasts tightly. When his fingers pulled back across the pliable flesh and closed in on her aching nipples, she cried out softly. Her hips circled in a figure of eight and she pushed back hard against him, trying to ease the ache. She could feel him thickening between her pussy lips and the scent of her need lay heavy in the air. She wanted him so desperately, so much, so many things all at once, but she knew that she needed to taste him now. Turning in his arms, she pushed him to his back.
“Good morning, my love,” he said, smiling warmly.
“Good morning, darling. My turn,” she said with a wicked smile. Sliding her body down over his, she didn’t bother with the niceties of licking his pert nipples or tickling his tummy with her hair. She wanted one thing and one thing only—his heat, his hardness, the salty taste of him in her mouth. Swallowing him greedily, she sucked his shaft deeper into her throat. His groan encouraged her to go for it without hesitation. Her head moved like a piston over the length of him, her suction growing tighter with each stroke. Bel loved the feel of him against her tongue. She loved the taste of him and she loved the sounds of his pleasure. There was nothing she loved more than giving him pleasure and she pressed her aching clit against the soft sheets looking for relief.
He shuddered as the vibrations from her voice beat against his shaft. Bel felt each bit of his bliss deep within her cunt and she clawed at his hips to bring him fully into her mouth. His thigh pushed at hers, trying to gain entrance between them, but she tried to hold him back. She knew it would be a losing battle, but his need was her need and giving him release, would bring about her own. His balls were full and heavy in her palm and she squeezed gently, looping fingers around the thick base of his cock. She began to stroke upwards, to meet the downward thrust of her mouth. Max’s hands were in her hair now, but when she tightened her grip, he grabbed the strands firmly and tugged.
“Bel, I am going to come in your mouth.”
“Mmm,” was all that she could manage.
The pressure built within her core as his orgasm drew clos
er. Groaning, she drew her body up to her knees to get a better angle. Max slid his leg under her and pushed his knee against her cunt, grinding and twisting into the damp flesh. He reached down and twisted her nipples between his fingers. Bel tried to remember to breathe through her nose as the screams welled up from deep inside her. She felt his smooth skin gliding over her lips, the veins and ridges against her tongue and the wetness running from her slit onto the coarse hairs covering his knee.
“Oh fuck, Bel, I am losing control. I’m going to come, baby.”
Bel slowed her pace. Releasing his balls, Max groaned, an almost guttural sound. She closed her lips tightly around the head of his cock, sucking gently to draw the seed into her mouth. The hot spurts of his salty release hit her palate and she sighed as the delicious scent of him filled her nose. Swallowing, she drank greedily licking at him gently, to get every drop. She loved it when he came like this for her. It wasn’t because she had given him satisfaction, it was more altruistic than that. Pulling her mouth from him, she then dropped her head to his hips and screamed as the shudders racked her body and the intense orgasm blew through her. “I love the way you come just from giving me pleasure. Now you know the pleasure I feel when I make you come.”
“Well, in that case…” Bel wriggled against his leg.
“You are insatiable. One day, you will say to me, ’That’s enough.’”
“Mmm, don’t count on it.”
“Well then, I guess I will have to work harder.”
“I like the sound of that—I think,” she added, knowing he loved to push her to her limits and beyond.
“See what I mean? I will never satisfy you.” Bel heard a touch of insecurity in his voice.
“It is not that you don’t satisfy me. You know that you do. I just can’t seem to get enough of you, baby.”
“Well, you are not getting any more—for now. We’re going to do some sightseeing today. Let me watch that adorable bottom of yours wiggle its way to the shower.”
“Mmm, you go first,” she said crawling under the covers.
“No, I am going to make a few calls. I’ll shower while you put on your face.”
Playing House Page 3
