by Katie Ginger
‘You better get ready then, sweetie. He’s too good to let go.’
Esme shook her head. ‘I think he has a girlfriend.’
‘This isn’t the behaviour of a man who has a girlfriend.’
‘But I saw her. I saw them in the pub.’
‘Well, maybe they split up? Maybe it wasn’t serious. Do you think he checks on all his clients in the evenings?’ Mark went off and poured Joe a glass of mulled wine.
‘Thanks,’ said Joe, taking it from him. His gaze went around the room and rested on Esme. She dropped her eyes to her old floral apron and pulled her hair behind her ear.
‘Do you want to sit down?’
‘Sure,’ he replied, making himself comfortable on the sofa. Mark moved faster than Esme had ever seen him move before and nestled in beside him. Poor Joe, this was going to be a baptism of fire!
*
Joe felt decidedly uncomfortable. Not because Esme’s gay friend was sitting very, very close to him – Mark seemed like a really nice guy. It was that he was horribly outnumbered by Esme’s friends, people who knew her so much better than he did, and he wanted to impress them. He wanted them to know he was worthy of being friends with her too.
The previous night he’d drunk half a bottle of whisky after trying to call Siobhan and apologise. His hangover this morning had been horrendous but as the day had worn on his head had cleared and any residual anger at Esme had faded. He knew he couldn’t just leave her alone. He wanted to help her build her new life, even if he couldn’t be a part of it. Looking up, he saw everyone staring at him.
‘So how are you, Joe?’ asked Lola.
He nodded. ‘Not too bad, thanks.’ Lola hadn’t aged. She hadn’t grown much either. She’d always been petite but her unlined face was the same. Her hair was as blonde as he remembered and her small features formed a kind and caring expression. ‘Are you enjoying London? You’ve been up there a long time, haven’t you?’
‘Yes, I love it there.’
‘That’s great. So, Helena, you’re a food technologist, like Esme?’
‘Not nearly as good though,’ said Helena, she was perched on the armchair with Lola. She seemed a lot more formidable than Lola, with a sharp brown bob and a general air of authority. Esme went to the kitchen to retrieve something from the oven.
‘That smells amazing,’ said Joe, taking a sip of his wine.
‘They’re mince pies,’ Esme replied. ‘Well, kind of. They’re not technically mince pies as I made them with some nuts and dried cranberries. I guess I need to think of a name for them. They’re just Christmas pies.’ She put them on a rack to cool.
‘So you know Esme from school, do you?’ asked Mark.
‘Yeah, she was the major success story of our year. Her and Lola, of course. Those two were thick as thieves.’
‘I’m surprised you even remember us,’ said Esme, joining them on the sofa, snuggling in at the end next to Mark. She’d opened another bottle of wine and brought it with her.
‘Of course I do. You guys were so close. It was always just the two of you. No one else could even speak to you.’
‘How do you know?’ asked Lola, teasingly. ‘You never tried.’
‘Yes, I did,’ Joe replied and he felt his cheeks growing hot as Esme’s head shot up. ‘So, do you all live in London?’
Helena and Mark nodded in agreement. ‘We’re down here as moral support for Ezzy,’ said Helena. ‘There were some mean comments after her live vlog.’
‘I saw.’ Joe turned to Esme. ‘Some of them are ridiculous. That women moaning about her kid? I’d have thought he – she – it – should’ve been in bed by then.’
‘That’s what I said,’ said Mark excitedly.
‘I wouldn’t pay much attention to them. You’re doing amazing. I thought it was a brilliant show.’ Esme glanced at the floor. She always looked away when she was paid a compliment. Joe caught Mark and Helena glancing at each other and smiling. En masse they were a bit intimidating, but anyone could see how close they all were. Another piece of ice surrounding his heart fell away and he couldn’t deny it anymore. There was something there in the pieces for Esme. If only he had the courage to try and put and it back together.
*
As the evening wore on, Esme felt almost as at ease in Joe’s company as she did her friends. Unlike Leo, they had warmed to Joe immediately and laughed like they’d known each other forever. Leo had never fitted in that well with Esme’s friends. He thought them flighty and silly and she thought his too serious. How she and Leo had lasted as long as they did, she had no idea. They seemed so different from each other now. She remembered her mum asking her if she’d go back to him if he asked and though it took a little longer to answer the question, she was still verging on yes, if she could go back to the way things had been before he’d become distant. She missed being able to see her friends every day of the week. She missed being able to go to the theatre on the off-chance of cheap tickets. She missed the bars and the clubs, the dancing and the noise. And she missed the man she’d fallen in love with originally.
‘I’d better get going,’ said Joe, standing up. Esme checked her watch and was surprised to find it was almost ten o’clock. ‘Shall I get you a taxi?’
‘No, it’s fine. I’ll walk.’
‘But it’s pitch-black out there.’
‘It’s fine, honest,’ said Joe. ‘I know the area well. I won’t get lost. And I’ve got a torch.’
Esme wanted to ask him to stay, just for one more drink, but she couldn’t bring herself to. She wasn’t ready to put herself out there, not even a little bit. Plus the brunette in the pub had clearly got in there already and she wasn’t a cheat. She knew how badly that felt. Mark was wrong, Joe just wanted to be her friend, she was sure of that. She handed him his coat and showed him to the door. ‘Are you sure you don’t want me to call a taxi?’
‘No, it’s fine. I’m happy to walk.’ He glanced up at the clear night sky and pulled out a torch. The wind had died away and the stars shone brightly, illuminating the vast expanse of black. ‘It’s a nice night.’
‘It is, isn’t it?’Esme took a deep breath of the cold night air.
‘I had a great time tonight. Your friends are very funny. Especially Mark. He’s got a wicked sense of humour.’
‘They are pretty special,’ she replied, smiling. ‘I’m very lucky.’
‘You are, but you deserve it.’
Esme’s eyes lifted from the ground to examine his face. His eyes were the colour of rain-soaked grass, but there was still a glint of the school bad boy behind them. What was he doing here spending time with her and her friends? Buying her Christmas trees? Joe was like a jigsaw puzzle she was trying to solve, only she didn’t have the picture to go by. Was he was just being friendly? Yet she couldn’t help but feel he was searching for something. There was clearly more to his break-up with Clara. Had it been particularly nasty? Was Clara still on the scene somehow, causing trouble? Though Joe seemed kind and caring when he was with her, there was an impenetrable sadness about him, a weight he carried, and she wondered if it would ever lift.
Joe pulled his coat collar close. ‘I guess I’ll see you around then.’
‘Maybe I could let you know when this lot are coming down again?’
‘That’d be nice,’ he replied, smiling, and switched on his torch before strolling away into the darkness, turning one last time, he shouted, ‘Goodnight, Esme Kendrick,’ forcing a grin onto her face.
‘Goodnight, Joe Holloway.’
‘Tell your friends goodnight,’ he said, shining his torch at the front window. She followed its beam to see the gang grinning at him, waving like idiots. Esme laughed and as she closed the door slowly behind her, she leaned against it biting her lip to calm the pounding in her chest.
Chapter 22
London
Leo wasn’t going to put up with this anymore. For a month now he’d lived with it but he could feel his limits being tested to breaking point. N
ot only had Veronica moved in all her things and taken over the entire wardrobe, including his half, and all the space in the bathroom cabinets, but she’d even taken over the spare room with all her extra stuff. Then last night, when she’d come in at God knows what time after another Saturday night out with her friends and fallen into bed, she mumbled something about him needing to change. Him? How could he be the one needing to change? He was the most sorted person he knew. According to her, he needed to be more ambitious and stop making plans for his life in five and ten years’ time and actually start achieving things now. She didn’t want him to be left behind when her career hit the next level, which apparently, was just around the corner. Then this morning when she’d woken up and gone off to the gym, she’d grabbed his last protein shake from the fridge. The fridge that contained all the food he’d bought because she was always too busy to take her turn in doing the shopping.
Lying in bed, Leo angrily wrestled with the pillows and sat up. His gut had told him it was all happening too fast. Thinking back now, he may have made the wrong decision. The months of sneaking around had culminated in a monster tantrum with Veronica demanding it was time to move in or move on. Damn it. He shouldn’t have caved. He didn’t normally. He’d never caved with Esme. He’d always felt that he’d been the one in charge of their relationship, but now he was the weaker one. And what was even worse was that, after watching Esme’s live broadcast the other night, home alone as Veronica was out, Esme seemed to be moving on. He wasn’t quite sure how he felt about that. The broadcast hadn’t gone perfectly, but he’d seen the Esme he’d fallen in love with. The flaming red hair, the wild, carefree nature. She’d never have treated him the way Veronica did.
Today’s latest message had been downright patronising. She had texted him saying they were going to have an ‘open and honest discussion’ when she got home from the gym and her brunch with her friends. And they would brainstorm ways for him to become more successful at work, like her. Well, he didn’t need this shit. Leo knew exactly where his life was going and it dawned on him: he didn’t want Veronica in it. He wanted someone like Esme. No, not someone like Esme. He wanted Esme. Esme who listened to him and didn’t ignore him because she was too busy putting her needs above his.
A smile spread across his face as he remembered all the nights he and Esme had gone out together, enjoying London and everything it had to offer. And even better, all their nights in, when they curled up on the sofa and watched TV box sets or movies. She’d prepare popcorn herself rather than buying it at the shops, covering it in that toffee sauce she made. It was so good you never wanted to eat any other snack. But most of all he remembered her smile, her laugh and the way her glorious red curls could never be tamed. So often they would lie in bed, her head on his shoulder and he would wind them around his finger.
Leo picked up his phone to call Esme, then paused. Perhaps he should text. His thumb hovered over the keypad but he couldn’t think what to say. As Leo watched Felicity Fenchurch gaze out at him from under her long, false eyelashes, his mind cleared. He wanted Esme back. And no doubt she’d want to come back. She’d loved his flat and loved being in London. Plus she’d never get a decent job out in the sticks. By taking her back he’d be helping her career get on track again. With the prospect of his old life returning, Leo smiled. He could easily find out where she was. Carol and her friends wouldn’t tell her, but she’d clearly rented a place or Esme would have told him about that cottage before now. A quick search of the internet would sort that out.
He began to write a new text message. This time to Veronica. But he’d have to brace himself for the fallout. He wouldn’t get away with a tactical retreat to the bathroom this time.
Chapter 23
Sandchester
After her friends had left on Sunday afternoon, Esme had felt lifted and joyous for the first time in ages. The week passed quickly and even though it was a boring normal Thursday for most people, Esme buzzed around the kitchen, excited about the day to come. Not only had snow been forecast, but last night she’d had an amazing idea while staring at her Christmas tree.
Though it was now decorated, it was missing a star, and she’d invited Alice and Daniel over to make some decorations with her. Daniel had just finished nursery for the Christmas holidays and Alice had finished work too. One of the things Esme remembered most about Christmas was making salt dough decorations with her grandma. Alice had agreed Esme could film them and put it on her vlog and Esme hoped it would go some way to showing her angry fans that she didn’t always have a mouth like a sewer. The camera was ready to go, and she’d placed the little stool she used for reaching the top shelf behind the counter for Daniel; without it the only thing you’d see would be the top of his cute little head bobbing about.
When there was a knock at the door, Esme knew who it was and could hear Daniel’s excited voice. She’d lit the fire so the place would be warm and toasty for him, and had pulled the coffee table in front of the hearth so Daniel couldn’t get too near. As Esme opened the door her eyes widened in shock. Alice, who when she wasn’t working at the local supermarket spent her days in jeans and baggy jumpers with no make-up on and hair scrunched up into a simple ponytail, was reminiscent of her wedding day. The only thing she was missing was an actual wedding dress. Her make-up was flawless, her skin perfect and glowing and her hair head been curled and fixed up in a messy bun. She looked incredible. Esme thought about her unbrushed tied back hair and her stained apron. She was going to have to tart herself up before she turned on that camera.
‘Aunty Ezzy!’ shouted Daniel, grabbing hold of her legs.
Ezzy scooped him up into a hug and kissed his cheek. ‘Hey, little man. How are you? Have you been a good boy for Mummy?’ He nodded and once she put him down, he darted past her into the house. Esme watched him go and turned back to her sister, giving her a hug. ‘You look nice.’
‘Don’t.’
‘What?’ Esme giggled as they walked into the cottage. ‘You look great.’
‘Don’t,’ she said again, but a hint of a smile was creeping out from under her blushes. ‘Mum insisted.’ With the tips of her fingers, Alice gently touched the bun. ‘She said I can’t go on TV looking like I normally do.’
‘She has a way with words, doesn’t she? Come on, let’s get this show on the road. But I’ve got to re-do my make-up first.’
‘Stop it!’
‘Seriously, you look hot and I look like a mess. Not even a hot mess.’ Esme glanced up at the sky. A sheet of low cloud covered the sun, casting a strange eerie light all around. Esme’s tummy fizzed with excitement at the prospect of snow. It was bitterly cold but the air was strangely still. Hurrying to close the door, Esme said, ‘Give me five minutes to sort out my do and shove some foundation on.’
She quickly applied some more make-up and even tweezed her eyebrows while Alice put the kettle on. Once she was done and they’d swallowed a cup of tea, they moved to the kitchen. ‘You ready, little man? I’ve got you a stool to stand on so you can see everything.’ Daniel nodded, his whole body bobbing up and down in excitement. ‘Here we go then.’ She switched the camera on and started her introduction.
‘Hi everyone, I thought I’d do a special video today with this little guy here, my gorgeous nephew, Daniel.’ She gave him a scratch on the head as he waved at the camera. ‘And this is my lovely sister, Alice.’ Alice gave a shy quick smile towards the camera.
‘I finished nursery yesterday!’ Daniel shouted and Esme laughed.
‘That’s just what I was going to say, little man! Hi-five!’ Daniel hi-fived his aunty. ‘So as this little guy finished nursery yesterday and I’m sure your little ones are finishing soon too, I thought I’d show you a great recipe for salt dough decorations. When Alice and I were little, our mum and grandma used to make this recipe, and every year we’d make new decorations for the tree. Alice’s were always better than mine because she’s much more artistic than me.’ Alice rolled her eyes. ‘But we absolutely lov
ed making them. So here goes. Daniel—’
‘Hi everyone!’ he shouted at the top of his voice into the camera.
‘You don’t need to shout, sweetheart,’ said Alice. ‘There’s a special microphone that picks up what you’re saying.’
‘Oh. Hello everyone,’ he said again, quieter this time.
‘Daniel,’ Esme continued, a wide grin lifting her heart, she was enjoying herself already, ‘could you put that flour into the mixing bowl and this huge amount of salt. Don’t taste it, it’s gross.’ Daniel, of course tasted it, and pulled a face which made Alice laugh. ‘Alice, could you fill this jug with water, please?’ Alice obliged and as she turned back Esme noticed she was keeping her eyes focused on Daniel so she didn’t have to look directly at the camera. Esme marvelled at how much she enjoyed filming now. Even though her last attempt hadn’t gone exactly according to plan. Esme took the jug. ‘Thanks, sis. Now just add the water slowly until you get a thick dough. If you put in too much water, just add more flour.’
Esme added the water slowly while Daniel was mixing with a wooden spoon that looked far too big for his little hands. Settling, Alice said, ‘Do you remember that Christmas Mum and Dad had to work Christmas Eve so we were with Grandma all day?’ Esme paused. She’d forgotten about that memory, lost somewhere in the depths of her mind, kept down by all the grown-up stuff she had to deal with. Their mum and dad had been unable to get the day off so Grandma had looked after them and even though they’d already spent the day making salt dough decorations, Grandma decided they should make a giant star to be tied to the top of the tree. Esme smiled. That must be where her idea had come from, though she hadn’t realised it.
‘Grandma didn’t have any cutters, did she?’ said Esme. ‘So we had to cut it by hand and ended up with that lopsided monster of a star. It was more like a circle with odd strange pointy bits.’
Alice nodded. ‘That’s on our tree now.’
