The Right Kind Of Wrong

by L. B. Reyes

  The girls gossiped a bit more, but I was lost in my thoughts.

  Thoughts that shouldn't be there.

  I hated myself in that moment, thinking about my brother-in-law and how much I just wanted to spend the night talking to him seemed surreal to me. We had always been close friends, but in that moment, I knew it was borderline inappropriate.

  Going to school would help. I'd be out of the house, would get to know more people, meet more guys. That would kick Nathan out of my mind.

  “You know, when we heard you came back, we expected the same outspoken girl that left.”

  I smiled, turning back to see Evan who was also drinking. He'd always been the one who knew where the parties were, and the one everyone wanted there. When I saw the glimmer in his eyes, I knew he was about to ask me to dance. I shook my head before he even spoke the words, making him chuckle.

  “Come on, Evelyn. It's your birthday. Do me the honor of sharing a dance with you. You were always my best dance partner.”

  “I don't know how to dance,” I said, laughing as he dragged me out to the spacious living room.

  “But you have fun with it,” he said, taking my hands in his as he forced me to sway to the music.

  Soon Karla, Jenna, and Helen joined us. The rhythm of the music blasting throughout the house finally overtook my nerves, the beat pulsating through my veins. My friends were with me, dancing and having fun. I smiled, feeling truly joyful for the first time since I had come back.

  Life here wouldn't be so lonely, as long as I had them around.

  Even Nana and Carter were moving slowly to One Republic's music, surprising me. Nate walked towards us, his stroll slow and confident. A playful smile was on his face until he reached me, his hands going to mine as soon as he was close enough.

  “I take it your birthday hasn't been as sucky as you thought it would be,” he said, keeping a safe distance.

  “Maybe not.” I shrugged.

  “I hope not.” He lifted his hand, twirling me around, our bodies ending up closer together. “I hated seeing you so sad this morning.”

  I bit my lip, his eyes following the movement. He pulled me closer to him and my hands went up to his shoulders as our bodies moved in a playful manner, because I refused to use a different word.

  Nathan's hands rested on my waist. Unsure about whether he was trying to hold me back or pull me close, I stayed where I was. My hips swayed to the music with my hands still on his shoulders like an awkward little girl.

  All that changed when the song changed to a slower one and Nathan pulled me close, the distance between us now minimal. He must have seen the fear in my eyes, the insecurity written all over my face, because he lowered his lips to my ear, murmuring four words that were supposed to ease my concern. “It's only a dance.”

  I swallowed, nodding once but not daring to move my hands away from his shoulders.

  “Thank you,” I said nervously, following his lead.

  Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Carter staring at us, an unhappy look on his face, but Nana was smiling, nudging him with her elbow. Karla and Evan danced together while Jenna and Helen talked quietly.

  I sighed, relaxing in Nathan's embrace.

  “I had to do something,” he said quietly. “You've been sad these days. I know life here is anything but ideal.”

  I agreed, my hands itching to run through his hair. I refrained, thinking of what Jenna had said. “Are you and my sister going to marriage counseling?”

  Nathan didn't look surprised. Instead, he only nodded, not once breaking his gaze from mine. “Who told you?”

  “Word gets around.”

  He sighed, placing a strand of hair behind my ear, something he seemed fond of doing. “Things with Hannah were never going to work,” he murmured. “This marriage was doomed from the start.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes. I suppose she hasn't given up yet, though.”

  “Have you?”

  I saw him clench his jaw and the hint of happiness in his eyes disappeared.

  “I'm sorry, I shouldn't have—”

  “No, don't.” He sighed, cupping my face in his hands before placing a brief kiss on my forehead. “There's never been anything to save.”

  He locked eyes with me for a moment before walking away, leaving me too stunned to say a word.

  ***

  A few drinks later and I was a bit tipsy, dancing and singing my heart out with my equally tipsy friends. I couldn't be bothered to give a damn, not with the lack of events for the past days. Nana had long since gone to bed, while Nate and Carter watched over us like we were a group of careless teenagers.

  I'm twenty. I deserve to have fun.

  Evan spun me around again. He was the only one relatively sober besides Nathan. The house was full of laughter and fun and livelihood until the music was suddenly shut off, making me trip at the unexpected silence.

  “What the…sis! Hey! Did you finally remember it was my birthday?” I asked, struggling to get out of Evan’s hold. He chuckled, his arm around my waist, while Nathan glared first at my sister, then at Evan.

  “What the hell is going on here?” Hannah asked Nathan.

  I stumbled over to my sister, flicking her nose with my finger. “He remembered my birthday, sissy. You didn't. You're a very bad sister.” I sighed, twirling around in front of her without any fucking reason. “Wonderful businesswoman, horrible sister. Woah.”

  I stumbled and Evan caught me once again. “I'm going to take her up to her bedroom.”

  It seemed to me that Nathan was shooting daggers at Evan, but I was sure it was just my drunken imagination. Evan helped me up with Jenna and Helen following behind us. Karla stayed downstairs to watch the drama unfold.

  I stumbled on to my bed, sighing when the softness took me in. My eyes closed and I instantly fell asleep, my body giving in to the exhaustion and drunkenness.

  ***

  When I awoke, even the sunlight hurt me. My head pounded and the brightness of the outside world didn't help. I stood up, trying not to trip, and searched for my sunglasses.

  Jenna and Helen had all slept on my bed and Evan had slept on the floor. It didn't take much guessing for me to know that Karla had slept in the living room. I dragged my ass downstairs, walking into the kitchen for a much-needed cup of coffee.

  “It's about time.” Hannah glared at me, crossing her arms over her chest.

  “Morning to you too,” I greeted, though I felt terrible.

  “You live under my roof, follow my rules. What you did yesterday was unacceptable and—”

  Someone cleared their throat, and I turned around groaning when I saw a fuming Nathan standing behind me. “You forget this is my house too,” Nathan said with a raised eyebrow.

  “Ugh, please don't start fucking yelling,” I pleaded to the both of them.

  Nathan's eyes softened when I looked up at him through the sunglasses.

  “Miserable hangover, huh?”

  I nodded. “I want to sleep.”

  “Do not ignore me, Evelyn.” Hannah interrupted the short conversation, irritation clear in her voice.

  Turning around, I faced her once again. “Look, Han. I get it, this is your house. It was my birthday and you forgot. Your husband was nice enough to remember and do something nice for me, something you haven't done in years. So sorry if I got carried away, but I will not apologize for enjoying myself. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go sleep off this headache.” I turned around, almost bumping into Nathan again. “Thanks,” I said softly.

  He smiled, shoving his hands into his pockets.

  He was restraining himself.

  I never liked people holding back, but this one time I was glad. I wasn't sure I would have the same willpower.

  CHAPTER 7

  Evelyn

  Time slipped through my fingers. Before I knew it, Christmas had gone by and the New Year had arrived. I was lucky enough to be able to spend most of the time with the friends I'd lost conta
ct with a long time ago, catching up on life.

  Christmas was spent with Nana and Carter, a quiet and peaceful night and quite honestly the nicest Christmas I could have asked for. New Year's was spent at my sister's and all of her so-called “friends” which were more like business partners.

  There was nothing better than seeing people who care about nothing but money get together. That was literally all they would talk about. I thought I would die before the New Year arrived, listening to their endless conversations about business and marketing. All of it seemed so monotonous, so boring. Nathan had spent most of the time chatting with me about what we thought their lives were like behind closed doors. We’d even managed a little escape to his studio for a bit.

  As I tried to control my crazy curls and got dressed, I couldn't help but think of the new memories we'd formed that night. My heart beat a little bit faster and I smiled.

  I jumped on the desk, sitting on it before I took a small sip of wine. Nathan looked back at me, drinking some of his wine as well before a small smile crept on his face.

  “What?” I asked, placing a strand of my hair behind my ear.

  “Nothing,” he said with a teasing smile.

  “Tell me,” I insisted.

  Nathan narrowed his eyes at me, walking up to the desk and placing his hands on each side of me. He was inappropriately close.

  “The way you look right now is worth painting,” The way the words were spoken made my heart stutter. “Eyes sparkling, cheeks flushed, that pretty smile…”

  “I think that's the drinks talking,” I said with a raised eyebrow.

  “No. Not at all.”

  Entranced by his eyes, all I could do was look back at him with the same intensity. We'd gotten closer the past few days, sometimes talking at odd hours of the night. We weren't doing anything wrong by just having conversations, but part of me knew there was something else going on.

  We were relying on each other since Hannah was never around, making the possibilities of what may happen endless…and something that should have been avoided at all costs.

  Still, I found myself alone, looking back at a man who was devilishly handsome with just enough of an artistic and possessive streak to drive anyone crazy. Eyes that could hypnotize and lips that could kill.

  “What are you thinking?” he asked, his voice taking a husky tone that made me shift on the desk. It was drawing me in.

  “Nothing,” I breathed.

  Nathan smirked, eyes sparkling with amusement. “I think I know,” he said, taking a curl in his hand.

  “You don't.”

  “I do. I'm thinking the same thing.”

  My eyes widened and if I wasn't blushing before, I sure was then.

  I sighed, jumping off the desk, my actions forcing Nathan to step away. I walked around the studio, looking around in an attempt to distract myself from whatever was happening between us. I couldn't though, not with his eyes glued on me. His mouth didn't say a word, but his eyes, God, his eyes promised things I shouldn't want.

  “I think we should go back,” I said after a moment.

  “Do you want to?” He snorted, shaking his head. “I sure as hell don't.”

  Somehow he ended up in front of me again and cupped my face in his hands without warning.

  “Ask what you need to ask,” he said quietly. “I can sense all these thoughts racing through your head. Just ask.”

  “Have you cheated on Hannah before?”

  Nathan shook his head, a serious expression on his face. “Never.”

  I found the strength to ask the next question even though I was terrified of the answer. “Have you thought about it?”

  “Recently.”

  I swallowed, letting out a shaky breath. Somehow in those few seconds, his face inched closer to mine, his breath fanning my face as the distance grew shorter. My eyes began to close, awaiting his lips on my own and then his phone rang, breaking the moment.

  I tried to remember how to breathe and gulped down what was left of wine while I ignored his conversation. This could not be happening.

  I wasn't like this. I didn't go around stealing boyfriends or husbands. I didn't like hurting people. Yet out of some cruel twist of fate, I found myself so deeply attracted to my sister's husband that I was willing to kiss him, knowing she was only a short distance away.

  He hung up and I gave him a smile, completely avoiding the discussion about what had been so close to happening.

  We headed back to the boring little party in silence yet ironically enough, the tension followed us even there. We'd meet gazes even as we spoke to other people, Nana calling me out on it, saying, “That boy seems to be looking at you more than at his wife.”

  When the clock struck twelve, there was no New Year's kiss between my sister and Nathan, only a cold, bitter embrace. He approached me afterward, wrapping his arms around my waist and placing a kiss on my cheek.

  “If I would have had a New Year’s kiss, it would have been your lips.”

  I walked downstairs with the memory still fresh in my mind. We hadn't discussed the subject anymore, not after that night. I blamed it on the alcohol. That was probably what made us talk that way, almost acting on impulse.

  That's the lie I told myself, anyway.

  “Ready for your new semester?” Carter asked with a smile.

  He was waiting for my sister because the lovely lady couldn't be bothered to drive the car she'd recently bought.

  “Yes. New semester, new school. I'm ready for it, especially if I have my good luck necklace,” I said, holding up the beautiful gold rose that rested on my chest, the one he'd given me for my birthday.

  “I'm glad you like it, Miss Evelyn,” he said proudly.

  I shook my head, hugging him. “You're never going to just call me Evelyn, are you?”

  “I'm just a driver, dear.”

  “You are not,” I said, not breaking the hug. “You are much more than that.”

  He smiled warmly at me before pressing a kiss to my forehead. “I wish I could drive you, but Miss Hannah isn't ready and she has another meeting of hers. Will you be taking a cab?”

  I opened my mouth to speak but was interrupted by the voice that came from behind me. “I'll take her.”

  I turned around about to say “no,” but instead only stared when I saw Nathan with a tucked-in dress shirt and slacks, tying the tie around his neck with such ease it was astounding.

  “Are you ready?” Nathan asked.

  I mustered a quiet “yes” and said “goodbye” to Carter, not missing the part where Nathan told him to let Hannah know he'd left already.

  The drive to PSU was about thirty minutes of tense silence. I leaned my head on the window, closing my eyes for a moment trying to ease my nerves. I had two classes that day with a two hour break between them, giving me the opportunity to tour the campus or maybe work on the pile of homework I was sure I was to receive.

  “You'll be fine,” Nathan said quietly.

  “Oh,” I said, opening my eyes. “Yeah, I'm not nervous.”

  Nathan sighed. “Your eyes are closed but you're tapping away on the window and keep swinging your feet. You're pale even through your makeup and you keep biting your lip. You're nervous.”

  Hating that I was so easy to read, I ignored him the rest of the way.

  It wasn't easy to do, not when we arrived at the large campus and I was suddenly overwhelmed. Sensing my fears, Nathan took my hand, squeezing it gently.

  “What's your first class?”

  “Philosophy.”

  “I'll walk you.”

  I shook my head. “I'm fine. I can do it on my own.”

  He didn't seem to want to let me go, but he agreed. The advantage of him driving me was that he was able to park near campus, avoiding a long walk. Before we parted ways, he leaned down, placing a kiss on my forehead.

  The search for my class began. The campus was large and even then, I spotted a few familiar faces. I would see Jenna in my next class,
but for this one, I'd be alone. The halls were like a maze full of rats finding their little piece of cheese.

  Finally, I found the class already full. The room quieted down as I walked in and it was only when I searched for the professor that I realized he was already starting the lecture.

  “You're late, Miss…”

  “Carson. Evelyn Carson.”

  “Please find a seat,” he said, giving me a pointed look. “And since you've decided to be late, I would like your opinion on the discussion for the day.”

  I looked around, feeling more than overwhelmed until I found a seat in the front row. Thankful I didn't have to go through the hundreds of students, I sat and placed my backpack on the desk.

  “Are you ready?”

  No, you ass.

  “Sure.”

  “Judgement. Who has the right to judge?”

  It was the first day of class, I wasn't ready for a debate yet. “No one,” I replied.

  He nodded. “Are you sure about that?”

  “No one here is free of mistakes, therefore no one can judge another for theirs.”

  “If no one can judge, then how do we judge right from wrong? Who are we to say what is something that shouldn't be done, and something that should? Isn't that judging as well?”

  “It's different,” I replied with a frown.

  “How so?”

  “Well, as humans we have the moral obligation to make decisions, sound decisions. Morality is what guides that.”

  “And where do these morals come from? Are they not from our own judgment? So, how do we decide wrong versus right? Good versus evil?”

  I didn't say anything, sinking into my seat. As much as I wanted to punch the annoying professor, the questions he was asking were eerily related to my current conflict. Professor Lanthorn continued on, letting us know that morality would be a center of discussion for the rest of the semester, culminating in a long essay that I did not look forward to writing.

  At the end of class, I rushed out still feeling exposed after having been put on the spot. Professor Lanthorn gave me a somewhat apologetic smile, which I ignored, making him chuckle. Maybe I was on his good side after the embarrassment.